Pitong oras na simula nung umalis ka, at hindi ako pinatulog ng sarili kong pag-iyak, hindi ako dinadalaw ng antok, hindi ako pinahihinga ng sarili kong poot. Pitong oras pa lang simula nung umalis ka, pero pakiramdam ko kalahati na ng buhay ko ang nawala, sumama sa mga yapak na minsan kong minahal, minsan kong hinintay, at ngayon, minamahal at hinihintay pa rin.

Pero alam ko, hindi ka na babalik, hindi ko na makikita o maririnig ang ingay ng sapatos mo habang papalapit sila sa pintuan ko, hindi ko na makikita yung ngiti sa labi mo na gusto ko pa sanang maranasan sa huling pagkakataon. Bakit ko pa nga naman hihilingin ‘yon? It was right there, all infront of me, pero hindi ko pa rin pinansin, hindi ko inalagaan, hindi ko nagawang mahalin ng matagal. Pitong oras na simula nung umalis ka, pero hindi pa rin ako gumagalaw sa pagkakahiga, hindi ko pa rin inaalis ang mga salitang ‘mahal kita.’ O ‘hindi kita iiwan,’ ‘hindi ako mapapagod kasi ikaw yung pahinga.’

And Yuri, I am left here thinking, kung sana hindi tayo napagod, hindi tayo nagsawa, hindi sana ako mag-isa.

“Mukha kang bangkay dyan ate.” I didn’t know it will take me seven hours before I could have my first blink, I got up from the sofa, and saw my sister there drinking her cup of tea. Si Krystal lang pala makakapag pabangon sakin after hours and hours of thinking.

“B-bakit ka nandito? A-anong oras ka dumating?” Wala pa naman akong sinasabihan ng mg nangyare, so what brings her here? To visit my son? Eh alam niyang nakay Kris ‘yon ngayon.

“Well, si mama kasi may tinatanong tungkol sa inyo ni ate Yuri, I can’t contact you last night so nagpunta—what the ???” I felt my tears form at the thought of our mom asking about us, paano na lang pag nalaman na nilang wala na siyang dapat kamustahin?

I wiped my tears as fast as I could, ayoko munang sumagot ng kahit anong tanong. And that includes me crying infront of my sister. Nakatingin pa rin siya sakin, and all I could do was smile at her. I didn’t know mentioning her name will hurt that much, grabe pala yung epekto, para akong sinasaksak ng paulit-ulit tuwing maririnig ko yung pangalan mo.

Her, taking every step closer to me, made my heart beat weaker and weaker, ayoko kasing sabihin sa kanya yung nangyari, ayoko kasing mag-alala siya sakin, I just don’t want to mess things up dahil once she knew about this, pipilitin niya si Yuri na kausapin ako at ayusin lahat nang ‘to. She had done so much, tama na siguro yung ilang buwan niyang pagtitiis para lang bumalik kami sa dati.

“Bakit ate? What’s wrong? Where’s ate Yul?” No words came out of my mouth, instead, my tears spoke for me on behalf. I just couldn’t say it or even accept those words from her, masyado silang masakit dalhin at mas masakit siguro kung sasabihin ko pa rin.

“Hindi ba siya umuwi? Do you want me to call her?” Before she could even touch her phone, my small hands abruptly grabbed for her arm. My force was enough to stop them from moving making her look at me in pure confusion.

“Wag mo tawagan...”

“Bakit? What’s the problema ba kasi? Nag-away ba kayo?”

“Hindi...w-wala na k-kami...”

“A-ano?”

“We broke up, she ended everything last night...”

Dilated eyes, tensed movements, it seems like she failed to understand what I just said, ako rin naman, hindi ko alam kaya ko na palang sabihin sa sarili kong hiwalay na kami, wala na siya, at mag-isa na lang ako simula ngayon.

She couldn’t say anything as her mind kept processing what I had mentioned, masyado bang nakakagulat? Akala ko hindi na bago sa inyo ang ganitong balita, you already told me how Yuri will still leave at one of my finest days, at oo, siguro eto na pala ‘yon, dumating na yung araw na ‘yon.

“Are you serious?” Do I really need to repeat myself here? Do I really need to hurt myself countless times hanggang sa kayanin na ng utak mo yung sinabi ko. Masakit na yung iniisip ko na nga, tapos gusto pang ipaulit.

Pero kahit gusto kong sabihin ulit, my tears kept betraying me, muffling my words, until I couldn’t speak anymore. Gusto ko lang umiyak, gusto ko lang umiyak ng matagal, hanggang sa kusa na lang akong walang mailuha.

“Ano na namang ginawa mo this time?” Hindi na siguro ako magtataka kung sisisihin na naman ako ng lahat, dahil kasalanan ko naman talaga. Hindi na 'ko magugulat kung ang magiging tanong ng kapatid ko o kahit ng mga kaibigan ko ay, anong ginawa ko, at bakit hinayaan ko.

“Wala, wala na ‘kong ginawa, hindi ko na siya pingilan, hindi ko na siya hinabol. Hindi ko na lang talaga inayos kasi alam kong ayaw niya na rin.” At ayoko na na siyang pigilan sa mga gusto niyang mangyari, this is what’s left for me to do for her, and I just want to give her the happiness she deserves.

“What? Why didn’t you do anything? Bakit hindi mo inayos??” Oh, lucky for you Jongin’s a good guy, but I’m sorry little sister, not everyone’s like you, not everyone can have their own sweet happy endings.

“Kahit ilang beses ko ayusin ‘to, kung hindi na siya masaya bakit ipipilit ko? Yuri was hurt enough to leave me, and making her stay is like forbidding her to be free. Krys mas hindi ko kaya yung makitang paulit-ulit siyang mahihirapan dahil ako pa rin yung pinili niya.” I can’t always force things to go on my way, ayoko na maging selfish sa’min ayoko nang lumaban pa siya ulit hindi dahil gusto niya, dahil ginusto ko pa.

“But shouldn’t this strengthen the love you have for her? Kung umalis siya dahil nakakapagod ka, shouldn’t you try working yourself out para maging better? Alam ko naman mahal niyo yung isa’t isa but why does it have to end like this? Kaya mo naman magbago...” And reality strucks me na kahit magbago ako, kahit gawin ko lahat para mabalik yung dating kami, may pamilya na ‘kong binubuhay ngayon.

“Hindi na ganyan kadali lahat Krys, hindi na ganyan kadali magdesisyon, this isn’t just an ordinary break up, this involves my family, and my child.” At the end of the day, I would still be with family with or without Yuri.

“So does this mean babalikan mo si kuya? You’ll finally live with him for good?” I stopped for a moment, ano na nga bang gagawin ko? My life revolved around Yuri and my son, can I really live my everydays with Kris?

“Hindi ko alam... hindi ko pa alam...” Ayoko magsalita ng tapos, ayokong magdesisyon ng padalos-dalos. I lost my dreams, my woman, and now I can’t lose what’s left for me, ito na lang yung naiwan, ayokong pati ‘yon mawala na lang basta-basta.

“And if you are planning to be with kuya, I hope you can also love him the way you loved ate Yuri. Nasayang na yung panahon na meron kayo noon, sana hindi na masayang kung susubukan niyo ulit ngayon.” Can I really give him a chance? Can I really love him like how I loved Yuri?

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter