Truth be told, Taeyeon either wants to know if she still do or maybe she just need to know she was once loved. Sa ganong paraan man lang, alam niyang hindi siya nagkulang, alam niyang hindi siya nagkamali, and everything she did for her didn’t go to waste. Taeyeon knows deep down in Miyoung’s heart minahal siya nito ng buo. No one can easily say she fell out of love when infact napagod lang sila pareho.

However, Tiffany couldn’t tell anymore, maybe that’s why she wanted to end it. Mahal pa ba niya o hindi na? Alin ba ang masakit? Yung wala siya o yung makitang nakasakit siya ng iba? She was just simply unsure of Taeyeon, hindi niya ito nakikita sa hinaharap, hindi rin niya ito nakikitang kasama sa lahat ng magiging plano niya sa buhay, Taeyeon became a phase in her life that she never knew she wouldn’t need in the future.

But then, Taeyeon saw a bright future for them, but little did she know, Tiffany didn’t. Kahit pa sabihin niyang mahal niya pa, hindi sapat ang ‘mahal’ niya lang para dalhin siya sa lahat daan. Perhaps this is where it ends, for both Taeyeon and Tiffany’s unsaid goodbyes.

“Mahal pa, mahal pa talaga, pero Taeyeon, hanggang ‘don na lang yon eh. I tried to make myself see you in all of my futures, but I just can’t.” Tiffany stated, parang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ang dalaga sa kanyang narinig, her hopes were too high, she thought it would bring her back to where she was before.

“Kahit pa sabihin kong ginawa ko lahat para dalhin ka sa mga plano ko, I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sure of it, akala ko pag mahal mo, okay na eh. And yet, it didn’t work, hindi ko alam, I can’t choose you the way you kept choosing me. Hindi ako nagiging masaya sa mga desisyon kong magstay sayo.” It hit straight to Taeyeon’s weak spot, parang hindi na niya ata kakayanin marinig pa ang lahat ng sasabihin niya. Taeyeon started doubting love, she thought, what it is to be inlove, to be loved, or to even feel you’ve chosen the right one.

Sa lahat ng taong dumaan sa kanilang dalawa, hindi na niya alam kung kailan nga siya minahal nito, it hurted more just by thinking in those years, Tiffany had always been unsure of her, Tiffany was always confused of her own feelings, Tiffany just pushed through her limits. Was it still worth hearing? Taeyeon just wanted to take her ears off and pretended none of it were ever heard.

Hindi makapagsalita ang dalaga, ninanamnam ang sakit, dinadama ang bawat hapdi, she doens’t even know if she can respond right away. Nakayuko lang ito, alam niyang handa nang tumulo ang mga luhang kanina pa nasa bingit ng kanyang mata. Nonetheless, Tiffany didn’t do anything, touching Taeyeon right now is just the same as holding a broken glass after falling from a high table.

“Gusto ko lang sana malaman, kahit papaano ba naging masaya ka? Naging sigurado ka? Pwede mo bang sabihin sakin, napagod ka lang talaga? In those years of being together, pinili mo ba ‘ko kasi mahal mo ‘ko?” Despite her vulnerability, Taeyeon went through it, kung masasaktan man siya ulit sa isasagot nito, mabuti nang ubusin na niya lahat ng pwede pang makasakit sa kanya.

“Yes. Naging masaaya ako sa desisyon na piliin ka dahil mahal kita, and I’m sorry, that at the end of this journey, hindi na kita kayang piliin ulit gaya ng dati. A lot had changed Taeyeon, and I admit I am part of it... I am really really sorry...” Tiffany’s voice suddenly cracked, making the latter looked at her worriedly, she didn’t want Taeyeon to see her crying, yet, her emotions are too strong to be controlled.

“It’s okay, hindi mo kasalanan hindi mo na ‘ko kayang piliin, hindi mo kasalanan hindi ka na masaya sakin. Okay lang, naiintindihan kita... You’re finally free Miyoung, maging masaya ka sa mga bagay na alam mong sigurado ka na.” Before Taeyeon left, she planted a kiss on Miyoung’s forehead. And for the last time, she gave her, her warmest most genuine smile ever. If this is goodbye, she wanted them to part ways happily.

Taeyeon made sure Tiffany will never cry over these things, tinaggap na niya, kahit sobrang sakit, kahit dumidiin parin, she made sure Tiffany will not worry about her anymore. Her thumb caressed her cheeks until these tears dry on her soft skin, at bago siya umalis sa kinauupuan niya, Taeyeon wrapped her arms around Tiffany, hugged her tightly until she stop sobbing.

Ramdam ang bawat luhang pumapatak sa balikat kasabay ang bulong ng mga hikbi sa kanyang tenga, hindi kumalas si Taeyeon sa pagkakayakap at hinayaan niyang kumalma ang dalaga, bagkus sa kabila nito ay walang nakarinig sa tahimik niyang pagtangis, walang nakaramdam sa mga luhang dumadaloy sa kanyang mukha, walang kahit sinong nakakitang mas nasasaktan siya sa pagsalo ng pait na nararamdaman ng mahal niya. Nakatago, nakakubli, hanggang sa kusa na lang niyang makalimutan ang lahat ng binaon na alaala.

“Tahan na.”

“Salamat.”

Taeyeon could not move, after Tiffany stood up from the bench they are sharing. Watching her leave for the second time around, she didn’t know it would hurt more than it used to, isang buwan ang nakalipas, walang nagbago, isang buwan ang nakalipas, sobrang sakit pa rin ng mga iniwan nito, ngunit sa isang buwan na ‘yon may isasakit pa pala ang mga sugat na hindi pa rin naghilom.

She cried enough to express her pain, she cried until her eyes tires itself from crying, she cried until the last drop of her tears, until she wouldn’t feel anything. Taeyeon looked at Tiffany’s direction, this is the exact thing that happened a month ago, and who would have thought she will still watch Tiffany walk away from her, for the second time, hindi na siya ulit pinili, hindi na siya ulit binalikan, for the second time, hindi na siya kailan pa pipiliin at babalikan.

Kahit pala sabihing mahal mo ang isang tao, kapag hindi ka na sigurado, ganito na lang kabilis mawawala ang lahat ng pinagsamahan niyo. No one should take the blame, Tiffany fought for Taeyeon, as well as Taeyeon chose her for all the days god made for her. May hangganan lang talaga ang lahat, and maybe, just maybe this is the end for them, love cannot conquer all, love cannot answer all of their questions. Love is not enough for someone to stay if they can never be ready for you.

The hallway remained empty as Taeyeon’s mind went blank. She’s waiting for Yuri to return, but an hour had passed, there was still no signs of her betfriend. She tried to stand up, it’s time to leave the lobby, it’s time to leave the remnants of their conversation to where Tiffany closed her concerns.

She gathered all her strength and moved towards the opposite direction, just like how Tiffany went through the exit gate, Taeyeon left looking for the right place for her, left to look for a direction, left to look for new doors. Upon walking at the end of the hallway, she found Yuri, her friend that kept turning back to a place where she no longer had stayed.

A place where she thought was still her home. A place where she thought she was still needed.

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