THIRD PERSON’s

“Ahh, I thought the father slept here since Jess looks like she doesn’t want him to leave yesterday.”

“Oh, I thought hindi siya pinaalis ni Jessica, ang fake news talaga ng dalawang ‘yon.”

Distracted, bothered, and confused. If Yuri will describe her feelings right now, these three words perfectly fit her, and no matter how much she tried erasing their echoing voices, they are pounding hard inside her head. No matter how much she tried to convince herself or make herself better, the thought of doubting Jessica always come first. The aftermath of being cheated on, leaves a mark both in her head and in her chest.

Sa kahit anong anggulo niya isipin, she couldn’t give Jessica her full trust, ni hindi nga rin siya napapanatag kahit magkasama sila. And it doesn’t make her angry anymore, it doesn’t make her hate Jessica nor Yifan anymore, it only saddens her to vividly see it, na sana pwede niyang piliin mag bulag-bulagan, piliin niyang hindi tignan kung paano lumalamig si Jessica, piliin niyang hindi pakinggan ang pinagkaiba sa tono ng boses niya, she wished not to see anything at all, that way, it would hurt less.

Yuri can’t seem to fry the chicken properly, sabi nga ng mga kasama niya, magpipiprito na nga lang tatanga-tanga pa. Yet, her mind is clouded enough for her not to hear what they said, sabi pa naman niya, hindi niya hahayaan masira ang araw na ‘to dahil sa sinabi ng kaibigan ni Jessica, but news flash, it ruined everything, by means of everything, it ruined every little bit of her. Hanggang sa matapos ang ilang parte ng manok, walang nagbabago sa mga iniisip nito, at tanging tunog na lang ng kumukulong mantika ang nakakapagbalik sa kanya sa realidad na ginagalawan nilang lahat.

And for how long will she continue doing this? Acting like nothing’s wrong between them, or between herself? Kalaban na nga niya ang panahon, kalaban pa rin niya ang sarili, may kinakapitan pa nga ba siya? Is stil still worth fighting for? Would Jessica be affected about it? Kung umalis man siya ngayon na, hahanapin man lang ba siya? O kung pagpahingahin man siya nito, makakabalik pa ba siya?

She is like walking in between broken lines, being careful not to fall into regrets, looking forward at the end hoping there is something that can complete her along the way. But one thing’s for sure, she is unsure, unsure of what’s coming ahead, that regrets are at the end of it, and falling apart might be the salvation she’s been waiting for. Yuri is stuck between her decision, making her question; worth it pa bang mahalin si Jessica, tama pa bang unahin ang nararamdaman niya.

Polluted thoughts grow when you don’t clean them up, but it wasn’t the same with Yuri, her polluted thoughts always come back, kahit ilang linis pa ang gawin niya, bumabalik at bumabalik pa rin sila, she wants to stop doubting her, she wants to stop herself from doubting her own feelings towards her, kasi alam niya ring mali, lalo na’t hindi nila pinag-uusapan at hinahayaan lang lumaki ang problema.

For about an hour she was only thinking about her life decision, at kasama na rito ang ilan niyang nasunog na manok dahil sa pag-iisip. Wala rin lang silang nakikita at pinapakinggan, hindi na lang siya pinansin ng mga kasama niya, bakas din naman sa mukha nito ang bigat na nararamdaman niya, ang lungkot sa mga mata niya at ang pait sa pagtulala niya. In conclusion, she looked devastated just like the first time she heard about Jessica’s cheating with her ex-boyfriend.

“Girl, may sakit ka ba today? Pag sinerve mo ‘yan for sure bukas sarado na ‘tong shop ko.” Yoona came, carrying a coffee in her hand leaning at the sink away from the stove, where Yuri is cooking. The owner that she is, minsan naiinggit ang ibang tao niya, dahil close sila ng pinaka kinaiinisan nilang tagaluto.

“Wala wala, don’t worry I’ll take this home na lang, maayos naman yung ibang naprito diyan.” Yuri mentioned in defense, tinaasan lang siya ng kilay ni Yoona at tinignan ang mga sunog na manok sa gilid, for no definite reason, Yoona didn’t get mad, or even looked pissed about it.

“Iuuwi mo ‘to? Tas papakain mo sa mag-ina? Gusto mo ba mawalan ng bahay ha? Charot, pero hindi mo mapapakain si Jess niyan gaga.” Napahinto na lang bigla si Yuri sa pagluluto at tinignan maigi si Yoona na kanina pa ginigisa yung ginagawa niya.

“Grabe, hindi naman ganon kasunog! Edi sa’kin na lang, ako lang din naman kumakain nito sa’min, napapadalas ka ata rito? Hindi ka na ba pumapasok?” Balik tanong naman ni Yuri, she noticed how the latter had been here for the whole day, the last time she checked, hindi pa naman nagreresign si Yoona sa company nila.

“Ayon nga, nag-iisip na ‘ko magresign, kasi may business na ‘ko. Bukod ‘don it’s growing alangan naman ipaubaya ko lang sa inyo ‘to diba?” Napatango na lang si Yuri habang bumalik na ulit sa pagluluto, sabagay, mahirap balansehin ang dalawang responsibilidad, parang siya, hirap balansehin ang pagmamahal at pagiging tanga.

“Ahh, better nga na magresign ka na lang. Kumikita ka rin naman dito sa business mo. Need lang ng pasensya talaga.” Matipid na sagot ni Yuri, hinihintay na lang niyang umalis si Yoona sa tabi niya para mas makapagluto na siya ng maayos, other than her thoughts, Yoona’s presence is also distracting her.

“Anyway pala, you can go home early today. Mukha ka kasing namomroblema dyan sa lovelife mo, I prefer you should tell her whatever you are thinking, kasi naapektuhan din yung manok na niluluto mo.” About that, Yuri had thought of not going home tonight, she wanted to sort herself out before facing Jessica, that way maiiwasan niyang makipag-away ulit sa kanya.

“Nah, I don’t think I’d be able to go home tonight. Ayoko munang harapin si Jessica, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell her my concerns lalo na’t pagod ‘yon araw-araw.” Jessica being tired all the day is the only excuse she could say, alam naman ng lahat, na kung gusto talagang pag-usapan magagawan ng paraan.

“Isn’t gonna make your relationship with her alot more worse? Kasi hindi mo sinasabi? Kasi hindi mo nireresolve? The more it grows inside you the more it will be harder to tell her.” Yoona got her in the last part of the sentence, it had grown so much to the point she can’t let it out anymore, nasanay na siya sa sakit, sa duda, sa mga alaala na dapat matagal na niyang kinalimutan. Yuri can’t easily tell her, after Jessica didn’t listen to her.

“I can manage, just for tonight lang naman, then bukas uuwi rin ako. I just need time to unwind...ng mag-isa.” After listening to her friend, hindi na siya kinwestyon ni Yoona, hindi rin naman niya dapat pinapakialaman ang problema nila. She silently nodded and left the kitchen area.

“Alright, if that’s gonna make you feel better then okay. Pero advice ko lang sayo, once you’re good, tell her, she also deserves to know your concerns, I mean? You’re fighting this together, so the two of you must carry each other.” Tama nga naman siya, kaya nga sila dalawa to make burdens lighter, to make problems bearable, pero ang hindi nga lang alam ni Yoona, nagiging pabigat na lang si