I could not move the moment I saw my brother’s text, totoo ba ‘to? Baka kinukulit na naman ako ng kapatid ko. Hindi magandang biro sa totoo lang. I know at the back of my head, the thought is convincing me to believe what I have read but on the contrary, I still don’t want to accept it. I dialed his number and waited for him to answer, his voice was hoarse as if he went crying for hours. Enough for me to believe half of my raging thoughts.

“Pinaglololoko mo ba ko? Diba I told you to stop pranking me or anyone from our family?” Inis kong sabi sa kanya pero tahimik pa rin sa kabilang linya.

“Do I look like I’m joking? Tinatawagan kita kanina pa and here you are telling me I’m pulling a prank? Ate I have no energy to joke about these things.” For the record, this is the first time you ever sounded so serious, you sounded flustered at the same time trying to hold up your voice.

“Hindi ako naniniwala, tell me this isn’t true...” Nararamdaman ko na yung pamumuo ng luha sa mata ko, the thought is killing me so much, it’s crawling inside and hurting me in every part.

“Just please come here as soon as possible.” Binaba ko na lang agad, dahil ayoko na makarinig pa ng kahit anong balita. Sakto namang dumating si Sooyoung, she was smiling at me not until she saw me crying.

I didn’t let her speak and drag her along with me, I want to go at the hospital right now before I could fully digest everything that’s happening. Bumitaw bigla si Sooyoung sa pagkakahawak ko kaya napatingin ako ng bahagya sa mukha nito. She was confused, not knowing why we are running outside the mall.

I have no time to explain anything and I just want us to keep going. Pero hindi pa rin siya gumagalaw, I am so frustrated that she is consuming so much time when we could have gone sooner by now.

“Soo? Ano ba? Tara na!” I almost yelled at her until she respond back, the way na parang mas apektado pa siya kaysa sa’kin.

“Saan? Saan ba tayo pupunta? You just dragged me out of the mall, without giving me a heads up? Ano ba nangyayari?” I could not tell her right now dahil panigurado she would continue asking for more questions.

“I just need to go to the hospital, may emergency lang, please bilisan natin, I don’t want to be late this time.” Kumilos ka na habang hinahanap natin kung saan ako huling nagpark.

And when we got inside, you let me rest at the backseat, you know how careless I can get when I drive with thoughts overflowing inside my head. I have thought we might get into an accident kapag hinayaan mo pa ko this time, for once, I am so thankful that you are with me right now.

I tried to calm myself by listening to songs, but none of them are helping, I even tried to sleep just so I could escape from my own anxiety. Habang tumatagal, lalong nagsisink in sakin yung nangyari, at habang tumatagal mas lalo ko gusto pabalikin ang oras na meron ako noon.

I am feeling every bit of guilt and regret I had for my home. I know once I get there, this family will never be the same again. ‘Wala na si papa’ It’s been echoing and I hope it stops once I shut myself down.
 

Ayoko na silang marinig, ayoko na siyang maisip nang pa ulit-ulit.

THIRD PERSON’s

Luckily, both of them arrived safely, and the moment Yuri left the car, she began running as fast as she could. Sooyoung could hardly see her right now so she rushed her way to catch up with her friend. Wala pa ring naiintidihan si Sooyoung sa mga nangyayari kaya sumusunod na lang ito kay Yuri, however, she is still worried that something might happened badly.

Napahinto sila sa pagtakbo at magkasama silang nakatayo ngayon sa harap ng pinto, Sooyoung’s eyes widened when she saw a white cloth covering the patient’s body. On the other hand, Yuri was standing still, her feet could not make a single step as her eyes are only locked at the sight. The young woman couldn’t feel herself, watching her father lying peacefully is just hard to accept.

Sooyoung stepped back, kahit siya na hindi naman parte ng pamilya nila ay hindi rin makapaniwala sa nakita niya. The cries inside the room are deafening, gusto niyang yakapin ang kaibigan sa dami at bigat ng dinadala niya.

Yuri walked towards the body, slowly and carefully. Halos manginig ang kamay niya nang hawakan nito ang puting tela, sa huling pagkakataon umaasa pa rin siya na kapag binaba nya ang takip bubungad ang ngiti ng kanyang ama. She grabbed the tip of the cloth and pulled it down revealing his father’s emotionless face.

Sinalubong lang siya ng malamig at naninigas na mukha ng ama. Hinawakan ni Yuri ang mga balikat nito, at sinubukang gisingin sa pagkakatulog, she doesn’t want to accept it, she couldn’t bear to accept it. Umiiyak na naman siya sa hirap na nararamdaman niya, kailan ba sila titigil, kailan ba siya makakaramdam sa isang araw na walang sakit at pait?

“Pa, pa...” She called her father out, but only silence is the only response she got. Lumapit ang kapatid nito mugto ang mga mata at halos hirap na rin sa paghinga.

“Ate, wala na nga si papa...” Umiling si Yuri habang unti-unti tumutulo ang luha niya. Hindi niya pinansin ang kapatid at patuloy lang ginigising ang namayapang magulang.

Hindi tumigil si Yuri sa kanyang ginagawa, hanggang sa mismong kapatid na niya ang lumayo sa kinatatayuan nila, she’s unstoppable, the amount of pain in her heart is undescribable. From everything she’s been through Yuri finally lost hope that everything will get better. Her cries became louder as her emotions started betraying her.

Halos gawin na ni Yuri ang lahat para lang bumalik ang ama, hindi siya tumigil kahahatak sa mga braso nito, umaasang gigising siya ulit at pagagalitan sa panggugulo ng kaniyang tulog. Umiyak siya ng malakas na baka sakali magising ito sa ingay at patahanin mula sa sakit na nararamdaman niya. Ginawa niya pa rin lahat, kahit alam niyang wala na talaga.

She clung her arms into her father’s neck, Yuri couldn’t stop from crying as the thought slowly sinks inside her head. Masyado pa bang maaga para mawala agad ang ama niya? Baka hindi na. Baka oras na lang talaga at kailangan na lang tanggapin ang lahat.

Hindi umalis sa pagkakayakap si Yuri at hinaayan ang sarili na makasama siya ulit hanggang sa huli, Ito na ang huling pagkakataon para sa kanya, ito na rin ang huling pamamaalam na ibibigay niya. In fact, she wanted to join her father, maybe that way, all the pain inside her will come to an end.

“Anak...” Her mother cried in despair, wanting to heal her child’s broken heart. Yet, kahit ano pang gawin niya, kahit sino pa siya sa buhay niya, the pain of losing someone permanently, can never be healed by time.

“Ma, gigising pa si papa diba?