“Tiffany, what should I do?” Pinilit kong abutin yung kamay mo pero agad mo itong inalis, I can see how disgusted you are right now.

“How did this happen?” Pero sinagot mo ako ng isa pang tanong, I have no choice, now that you already know.

“Me and Kris.... that happened.” Nakayuko lang ako, other than that I can also feel you are looking down on me, wala akong magawa dahil nanghihina ako sa lahat ng nangyayari.

“Oh my god, gaano ka katanga Jessica?” I cried in front of her, it was too much for me to handle. I kneeled, yet, you are just staring at me.

“Please don’t let Yuri know, please hayaan niyo kong mag explain sa kanya.” Hindi rin nagtagal naramdaman kong hinawakan mo ko, at tinayo mo ako sa pagkakaluhod ko.

“Tumayo ka dyan, maupo ka, masama na sayo ang mastress masyado.” Nahimasmasan ka na. Hindi ka nagalit, hindi mo ako sinigawan, wala kang kahit anong ginawa.

“I’m so sorry....” Yon lang ang nasabi ko, alam ko hindi naman ako dapat sayo magsorry pero I just felt the need. Hindi ka sumagot, instead you crossed your arms and looked at me sharply.

“Call the father, let him know.” Nabigla ako sa mga sinabi mo, I can’t just go and see him after everything I said before. Hindi ko lulunukin yung pride ko para sa kanya.

“No, hindi na niya kailangan malaman.” I replied, naningkit yung mata mo at lalo akong nanliit sa pwesto ko.

“Kung may itatanga ka pa, please pakitago muna, Jess anong gusto mo? Lumaki yan na hindi niya kilala yung tatay nya? The father deserve’s to know.”

“I can raise this child alone, I don’t need him, or his presence just to say my child has a complete family.”

“Ang tanga lang talaga. Hindi ka na pwedeng magdecide para sa sarili mo lang. Priority mo na ngayon yung bata. Ano ka ba? Napakaselfish ng gusto mo.”

Kung bibilangin ko kung ilang beses ko narinig sa mga kaibigan ko ang salitang ‘tanga’ siguro nagbibilang pa rin ako ngayon. Gets ko naman, ang akin lang I can raise this with someone else, I can have a family with someone I truly love, and that’s Yuri.

“So anong gusto mong gawin ko kay Yuri? Tell her to break up with me so I could raise a family with someone I don’t love? Mas selfish yon sa bata dahil binigay ko lang yung gusto ng iba para sa kanya.”

“Are you seriously thinking na isasabit mo si Yuri sa buhay mo habang may buhay ka nang iba? Tangina Jess isipin mo gaano kahirap kay Yuri yon. Ginagawa mo ring tanga yung tao.”

“I can’t let go, this child and Yuri. Kaya nga I’m saying hindi na kailangan pang malaman ni Yifan ang totoo, kase the more he clings to me the more complicated it will be.”

“Alam mo hindi mo ko gets eh, I told you that’s his responsibility and right as a father, you can’t take that away from him, at kung si Yuri man ang nakakarinig sayo, she would tell you the same thing.”

Ayoko lang talagang dumagdag pa si Kris sa buhay ko, ayoko lang na guluhin pa niya ang nananahimik kong buhay, and if it means to deprive him from his right, then I will do what it takes to do that. I can’t lose Yuri just because he suddenly entered the picture. Napabuntong hininga ka at bigla mong inagaw yung phone ko. I know you searched for his number but I got rid of them already, I blocked him and deleted everything.

“Listen to me okay, makinig ka. Tell him, you have to, and you need to. Panindigan nyo pareho yan.” You said, pero nagmatigas ako dahil ayoko talaga, ayokong malaman pa niya.

“No Tiff. Ayoko nga. I don’t need him.” Hindi ko ibaba ang pride ko para sa kanya, kakayanin ko to mag isa, hinding hindi ko siya kakailanganin.

Nanahimik ka na, alam mong hindi mo ako mapipilit sa gusto mong gawin, at hindi mo rin ako mapipilit na umamin, I had enough of everything, kaya ko naman to ayusin mag isa. I just need to tell Yuri everything.... Hindi ka na nakatiis at nagpaalam kang umalis ng bahay, hindi na rin ako sumagot dahil ayokong pag usapan pa natin yung nangyare.

And after you left, I laid on my bed, I wanted to sleep pero my mind keeps thinking of unnecessary things. Sa totoo lang gusto ko nang tawagan si Yul, I miss her so much and avoiding her isn’t a good idea at all. May hiya pa naman akong natitira sa loob ko kaya hindi ko siya magawang harapin, ang hirap ng ginagawa ko, pero sino ba ako para magreklamo? Ako naman lahat may gawa ng kinahihirap ko.

Ang tanga tanga mo Jessica, ang tanga mo magdesisyon sa buhay.

I was still on my phone when I heard a light knock on my door, bumangon ako para pagbuksan ng pinto kung sino man ang dumalaw sa oras ng pag iisip ko. The moment I opened the door, hindi na ko nag isip na isara ulit ito, ‘Why the are you here?’ Pero masyado kang malakas para buksan ulit ang pinto, even if I try to shut it, you could still open it.

“Sooyeon...” Please stop calling me from that name, naririnig ko pa lang sayo yan, naiinis na ako.

“Why are you here?” I asked plainly, you are still infront of my door looking at me worriedly.

“Tiffany just told me you were—” Hindi ko na pinatapos ang sasabihin mo. Tangina naman talaga, bakit ba lahat ng tao sa paligid ko ang laging nadedesisyon para sa sarili ko.

“You don’t deserve to know in the first place, please leave. I don’t need you here.” Pinilit kitang itulak palayo, pero bigla mong inalis ang kamay ko, mahigpit ang hawak mo kaya alam kong nagalit ka sa sinabi ko.

 “What do you mean I don’t deserve to know? Jess I am the father, bakit mo itatago sa’kin yan. Bakit ba paulit ulit mo kong nilalayo sa anak ko?” Kasi kasalanan mo kung bakit pareho tayong naghihirap ngayon.

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you. Okay na ba? Naiintidihan mo na ba?” Wala akong pakialam kung masaktan siya, kasi mas masakit sa akin to.

“Hayaan mo kong makita man lang lumaki yung anak ko, I won’t bother you or Yuri, ang hihingin ko lang sayo hayaan mong matanggap ako ng anak natin.”

Hindi na lang inis ang nararamdaman ko ngayon, naawa ako sayo, I know how much you want to be with your child, I know how much you are fighting for your right, and seeing you beg in front of me, melts me, and as much as I keep these walls high enough for you to reach, kung usapang pamilya, maybe I have to lower them down. Binitawan ko na ang pinto at hinayaan na kitang pumasok. Wala naman na akong choice dahil hindi ka na t