Right after you turn your back against me, pinanood kitang maglakad palayo, hindi ka man lang lumingon, hindi ka man lang sumaglit ng tingin pabalik, dire-diretso ka lang naglakad paalis. Gusto ko gumalaw sa kinatatayuan ko, pero kahit sarili kong mga paa ayaw nang sumunod sayo, siguro pagod na ring silang habulin ka, pagod na silang tumayo sa likod mo para kunin ka ulit, pasensya na kung lagi kitang pinipigilan umalis, akala ko kasi gusto mo pa rin ako kasamang maglakad sa mahabang panahon.

Hinintay ko hanggang sa hindi na kita matanaw, tinignan lang kita hanggang sa wala nang laman yung kalsadang nasa harap ko. But even if you’re not here anymore I can’t seem to move along, paano kaya ‘yon? Ang dali sayong umalis kasi ikaw ang nang-iwan, pero paano akong naiwan? Paano ako aalis dito nang hindi ka na hihintay bumalik, paano ako tatalikod sa landas mo nang hindi ko hihintay marinig ang mga yapak mo?

Tinanggap ko na bago mo pa sabihin, pero masakit pa rin kapag sayo na mismo galing. Akala ko hindi na tayo mahihirapan kapag dumating yung araw na 'to, pero mali ako; siguro ikaw makakaya mo, gusto mo nang lumaya eh, matagal mo nang gusto magsimula mag-isa. Pero ako hindi, hindi ko alam paano ako makakapagsimula ulit, sana ganon din kadali sakin kalimutan lahat Miyoung, sana katulad din kita.

I finally had the urge to walk after standing for too long, hindi ko na halos nararamdaman yung sakit sa binti ko kase mas masakit pa yung mga salitang binitawan mo kanina sakin, and every step away from the street, your voice kept echoing in my head. I went inside the studio pero ikaw pa rin yung naalala ko, I can still remember how happy you were that I finally reached one of my dreams, Ikaw pa nga yung mas excited na nagdecorate nito noon.

But I can still remember the time where this studio felt so empty, hindi ka na masaya pag nandito ka, hindi mo na gustong makita yung mga gawa ko para sa'ting dalawa, gaya natin ngayon, pakiramdam ko pati ‘tong studio nasira na. Ikaw yung unang naniwala sa mga pangarap ko, pero ikaw rin pala yung unang sisira nito.

“Taeyeon this is so good! I am sooo happy for youuu!!! I want you to keep drawing me ha! Tapos we will hang it up here sa taas ng table mo para the moment you come inside you will be inspired!”

“OH MY GOSH! I can already feel you’ll be a million seller after this work will be placed at a museum! Taeyeon, I’m trusting you big time!! Ang galing galing talaga ng mahal kooo.”

“Should I also have my own photo studio next to yours? Para magkalapit na tayo at hindi na ‘ko mahihirapan maghanap ng oras para sa’tin. So, whenever both of us are busy dalaw dalaw na lang sa sarili nating studio diba?”

It was so nice to hear our promises before, sa ganitong paraan ko na lang naman sila mababalikan, mapili tayo sa mga bagay na gusto natin alalahanin, kaya sa ganitong paraan na lang kita gustong isipin. Atleast I could still remember that you were once proud of me, naghalungkat ako ngayon sa mga canvas na nakatabi sa sahig, there is actually a good portrait of you here...

Alam mo bang dapat regalo ko ‘to sayo sa anniversary natin, but everytime I remember you throwing my brushes away, hindi ko na tinuloy. I bought something else, yung alam kong maapreciate mo, kase as time passes by napapansin kong ayaw mo nang nakikita akong pinipinta ka, you even told me I should do something better. That everything isn’t about pursuing my passion.

“Don’t you want to do something other than art? I mean yung mas makikilala ka as a person? I’m not discouraging you to do what you love, pero atleast try to level up things? You know, something worthy, not everyone likes hanging up portraits at home though, tip lang.”

“Have you tried giving gifts na hindi portrait? You should just try buying material things, it’s less work pa. Ang tiring kase to look at you paint for hours tapos di naman naten masasabi if the person can appreciate all your efforts.”

“Taeyeon, do you want to be a freelance model? Our staff asked me if I know someone who can come along wth me in this career, so... what do you say? It pays well I can assure you that, less work din, ang kalaban mo lang talaga yung schedule. But that’s okay kasi kasama mo naman ako when we are shooting!”

Kinuha ko na lahat ng brush sa drawer ko, pati mga bote ng pintura kinuha ko na rin, I just want to throw them all. Eto yung gusto mo noon eh, so gagawin ko na ngayon, lahat ng gamit ko tinapon ko, yung mga canvas dito sinunog ko na, wala akong tinira kahit isa. All of these are reminding me of the bittersweet memories I had with you, at gusto ko na lang sila kalimutan lahat.

Yung mga portrait na alam kong pinagawa mo pinunit ko na rin, you literally ordered alot para itambak lang sa inyo. I noticed you’ve been doing this since the day you hated seeing me painting, I just have to pretend I didn’t know anything, ayokong maguilty ka dahil at some point gusto mo talaga akong makabenta, but farewell to this kind of mindset, I’m throwing everything away.

Nakakawalang gana ituloy yung passion ko, wala na kasi akong inspiration, wala na yung dahilan bakit gusto ko ituloy yung mga ginagawa ko, wala na ‘kong dahilan para buuin pa yung mga pangarap ko. You aren’t proud of me anymore, and you discouraged me a lot. I’m already thinking of closing this studio for good, or I would just sell this place to someone who can managed it well.

I wasn’t able to take good care of it, kaya siguro sila kusang umaalis.

I took a small box under my table, and I grabbed all of our pictures displayed in my work area, sabi mo noon nakakainspire kapag nakikita natin yung mga masasayang araw, but you’re wrong hindi na sila masayang tignan, hindi na sila nakakainspire makita, all I could think of is that we had always been fake, our love is just as fake as an art. It’s delusional, it’s making you believe things that aren’t true.

Our love is an illusion of perfection, na mismong tayong dalawa naloko sa sarili nating mga pangarap, maybe that’s where it went wrong; we were so perfect that we chose to ignore the growing dullness inside, para din tayong plato sa bingit ng aparador, na kapag binuksan mo mababasag na lang sila kusa. Kaya natin pinatagal diba? Kasi walang tumatapos, oo nga pala sinabi mo na kanina, naghihintay ka na lang talaga.

Kung siguro hindi natin pinag usapan, baka nagpapanggap pa rin tayo—no, ikaw lang pala kasi ako, alam kong mahal pa rin kita, tapos ikaw hindi na at pinipilit mo na lang.

“Siguro nga tama ka, hindi na lang talaga kita mahal... Let’s just break up...”

“Siguro nga tama ka, hindi na lang talaga kita mahal... Let’s just break up...”

“Siguro nga tama ka, hindi na lang talaga kita mahal... Let’s just break up...”
 

Tangina, ang