Isang oras ang nakalipas bago dumating si Krystal ng kwarto, she was holding a folder. Perhaps it might be Sica’s test results, lumapit siya sa aming nakangiti kaya I assumed they were all good. And as soon as she got closer to her sister, she pulled out a peice of paper.

Nakisilip din ako nang abutin ni Sica yung papel kay Krystal, it’s a relief to see her results looking good, other than that, bumaba na rin yung lagnat niya kaya sana magtuloy tuloy na. The moment Krys took the paper from us, Sica laid back on her bed.

“Pahinga ka na ulit ate, para bukas we can go home na. Uuwi ako ha, walang tao sa bahay namin, at Jongin’s not home yet, Si ate Yul na lang will stay.” Hindi na ko umangal dahil gusto ko rin naman siyang bantayan for the rest of the night.

“Oh okay, I’ll be fine naman na, go get some rest. Ingat on your way home ha.” Nagpaalam na rin sakin si Krys bago siya lumabas ulit ng kwarto mo.

It’s just the two of us again, umuwi na sila Soo kanina bago pa dumilim. You remained on your bed as I go back to where I was seated. Gusto kitang ilabas, gusto kita dalin dun sa garden na pinuntahan ko kanina since you always loved walking at night.

“Matutulog ka na ba? Maaga pa naman though, gusto mo muna ba magpahangin?” I asked, it’s been a while sine the last time we did this, so kahit dito sa ospital gusto ko sanang maulit uli.

“But am I allowed to go out? Baka pabalikin tayo once the nurses see us.” Inabot ko yung kamay ko sayo para alalayan kang tumayo, hindi ka naman nagdalawang isip at tinanggap mo rin ‘to.

“Pwede yan, the patients here went there kanina. Tara na tumayo ka na diyan.” And she excitedly held my hand as we walked out of her room. Sinuot ko na lang sa kanya yung dala kong coat para hindi siya masyadong lamigin, we greeted the doctors who passed by hanggang sa makarating na kami sa labas.

The night felt warmer everytime I am with you... sana nga lang palagi tayong ganito.

Hawak ko pa rin ang kamay mo, I admit kahit nagalit ako kahit tinaboy kita palayo, your hand still feels like I am bound to always hold them. You never felt unfamiliar to me na kahit ikaw yung dahilan ng sakit, ikaw pa rin yung nakakapawi nito.

And we stayed at a bench where the lightpost is standing, the light is perfectly dimmed, enough for us to see the flowers around. Buti na lang pwedeng mamitas, kaya kumuha ako at inilagay ko sa likod ng tenga mo. You looked very beautiful. Kahit pa hospital gown ang suot mo, kahit namumutla sa mababa mong dugo, you still looked very beautiful.

“Good thing pala we went outside, nakalanghap rin tayo ng fresh na hangin, nakahinga sa mga iniisip natin.” I knew what you meant when you said that, pero hindi ko na lang pinansin.

“Alam mo, para kang buwan.” I looked up while mentioning that.

“Hmm? Bakit?” While you stared back at me.

“Mamahalin kahit hindi tanaw, mamahalin kahit hindi buo. In short, I’d still choose to look at your light even if you’re not with me, I’ll love you for your flaws and not with your perfection.” I said calmly, nakatingin pa rin ako sa langit habang ikaw nakatingin pa rin sakin.

“Why do you keep saying that as if you will leave me? How can I believe na ayaw mo na kung ayan ka sinasabi sakin kung gaano mo ko kamahal?” Hindi ko rin alam I still have my second thoughts of leaving you or staying with you.

“Hindi naman natin masasabi kung hanggang saan lang tayo eh, I’m just saying this incase na isang araw wala na tayo, atleast alam mong mahal na mahal kita.” I can’t help not to think of the odds especially our situation wouldn’t be so easy.

“Yul, malayo na narating natin, I’m hanging as much as you are. How can you say na isang araw bibitawan na lang kita?” You want to stay optimistic pero hindi ko maiwasan yung realidad na ginagalawan natin.

“Hindi sapat na mahal lang natin yung isa’t isa, hindi na lang tayo yung involved dito, hindi lang dapat sa atin iikot yung mundo. And If that one day means for you to be with Yifan, wala akong laban don.” Kaya rin siguro ayoko na lalo maattach sayo, it would be harder for me to let go.

“I gave him a boundary, I gave him his right as a father only, siguro naman enough na yon para makasama kita ng mas mahaba pang panahon?” Kung hanggang doon ang kayang ibigay ng oras para sa atin, sige kukunin ko na rin.

Nag isip ako mabuti, this decision will affect me forever. Sigurado na ba ko? Hahawakan ko ba to ng matagal na panahon? And will I ever be ready once our time is over? Kung oo rin lang sagot ko, then I will stay with her, ibubuhos ko na lahat ng pwede kong ibigay, susulitin ko ang bawat oras na nandyan siya, if this is our last chance, I will love her harder this time.

“Yup, enough na. Sigurado na ko Sica, hahawakan ko ang kamay mo ng matagal. Without any worries, hindi na ako bibitaw.” Final na to, sure na talaga ko. Lalaban pa ulit tayo.

As I’ve said, love can conquer all, and if you choose to believe in its power, it will always side with you. Kung ito na yon, then I will trust the process, kung ito na yon, hahayaan ko nang dalhin ako nito sa destinasyon ko.

This time tumingin na ko sayo, nangangausap na naman ang mga mata mo, para bang sinasabi nilang umaasa ka na huling pasakit na natin ‘to, umaasa kang magiging maayos na ang lahat pagkatulog mo, pero sana ako rin. Sana nakikita ko rin ang mga nakikita mo.

This will always leave a mark inside, trauma, that’s how I will describe this feeling, sa bawat araw na lumilipas hindi ko maiwasang matakot, magalit, masaktan paulit ulit kasi nakadiin na sila, kahit isipin kong pahinga kita, na mahal kita, hindi na sila sapat para maging masaya pa ko, hindi na nadaan ng mga ngiti yung nararamdaman ko.

Nagulat ako sa haplos ng kamay mo sa mukha ko, malamig ka na naman kaya natauhan ako sa mga iniisip ko. I blinked multiple times before I could go back to our reality, and so the moment I looked back at you nakatayo ka na pala hihintay akong sumunod sayo.

“Tara na, mahamog na. Baka ikaw yung susunod na magkasakit niyan.” Sabi mo, kaya napabalikwas ako ng tayo sa kinauupuan ko.

“Hindi mo pa pala tinatanggal yan, by the way wag na, you looked good having that in your ear.” Napangiti ako nang kiligin ka, nakakamiss yung mga ganitong simpleng bagay na nakakapagpasaya sa atin.

“Talaga? I look pretty? Awwee, I should put one in you too!” Kumalas ka sa pagkakahawak ko, and you started running around like a kid. Pumitas ka ng bulak