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Taylor Swift : You’re Not Sorry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BabmBHVfSW0 

Taylor Swift : If This Was A Movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WmuC_sk6bM

*ALL OF THIS WILL BE IN FLASHBACK*

I arrived my country with broken hearts. How could Jungsoo did this to me? After all we gone through? He promised me. I'll waited for him. Hoping that he will come to me. I shouldnt expected that. I am so stupid. This aint a princess and a prince charming fairytale who always have a happy ending. How could I'd be so stupid trusting him? No, how could I be so dumb trusting another korean guy after Ive said that I wont fall in love with any of them. I should not come to Korea again at the first time. I should stay away from anything relates to Korea at the first time. It is my most stupidest mistakes. I wiped my tears as i realized it falls on the letters. The 300 pages letters he gave to me. How could he? No wonder he said it was the biggest mistakes after he woke up that morning after taking the most precious things in me. In every woman.

All of his promises are lies. All his words that he gave to me.. Why did I trusted him?? It hurts me so much. Really pain. There is only him in my heart but yet he still.. She..she is just his ‘wife’ in that show. What makes him like her..fall for her.. I wiped my tears that couldnt stop falling. I cry everytime. I cant and couldn get rid the image on how I saw him kissing another girl in front of eyes. Why? Why it has to be her? Why he did this after all we gone through together. After what I gave him? I gave him all my love.

*

Not a few weeks I broke with him, There are articles everywhere. And its worldwide. Not caring about how I break with him but about how he and she get attached. How could he have no feelings at all? No guilty feelings towards me at all? I read some articles about I got dumped. It's sounds sad but I know how people are laughing at me about me. When I go to work..I can hear how the stylist or other crews are talking back about me and some make jokes and laughing about it. They said I dreamt to high. To get the guy in the most popular group. They even said I chased him after his money and fame. For God sake people..it hurts me a lot. If I chased all those things, dont you guts think I should have aim Choi Siwon. He is much way better right? In my country articles keep coming out not pity on me but most articles are sarcastic and cinical to me. I couldnt take it anymore. Press keep on writing fake news. I decided to back off after one day.

I was preparing myself to go to work when suddenly I feel very uncomfortable? It couldnt be I had fever right? I feel so dizzy and nauseous suddenly. I run to the toilet after I feel like vomitting. I throw up in the sink a few times. After a few days it is getting worst and I start to wonder. I didnt have fever but I keep on vomitting hours to hours. That moment I start to realized about my menstrual cycle. My period is kinda late this months but it must probably because I am too stressed. I just could denied all about other thought. It can be. We just done it once. It seriously cant be anything.  But then I decided to take a test. I buy the pregnancy test kit.

Positive.

No. I must have been dreaming. No. This cant be. I cant.. I cant be pregnant.. What should I do? Abortion? No. This is the symbol of our love. But wait..no. It is not. He didnt love me and even regretted it after we had done it. I hugged my knees and start to think. Im alone. What should I do? With this baby, can I survived? No. Can the baby survived without a father? I cant and I wont tell him. I mean, what for I tell him? I know he wont accept it. He must have been dreaming to build a life with his so called wife. Having babies, a twin with her. Like he always wanted. A boy and a girl.

I cant tell this to other members too. They might tell him secretly. I know. And I decided to stay away from them. I cant make any contact with them anymore. Either Super Junior or BigBang.

But this is just sad. I couldn’t think straight. People in my country or even worldwide, will laugh at me again. They will cursed me. All of his fans that hated me will make a big fuss and rumours again. I know. The best thing is to back off from this hectic fame industries. It is to be known by others if the end all the bad things were on you. I don’t need to make a big press conferences, I just call one of the reporters I knew and told him I wanna back off and all the articles come out the next day. They even create a fake reason which didn’t come out from me. They said I was too frustrated and disappointed and they even said I am too ashamed.

Try to sit in my position. Try to pregnant without a husband. The man that made me pregnant left me for some other girl. How do you feel?! I am all alone. I have no family. If I knew this would happened, I wont agree to collaborated with them at first. All of this is ! I smashed the laptop after reading all those articles. I feel my tummy. There is a living things inside it. I have to feed it. I have to take care of it alone. ALONE. I have a few savings which I think it is enough until it will born. But, why do I care to keep it anyway? It is not too late to abort it, right? But I will be a murderer. I couldn’t. If I abort it I will kill a person-to-be. But keeping it makes me remind of him. How I love him and how he used to love me.

My phone ringing suddenly. I look at the screen. Unknown number. The number is too long. Wait, this is not unknown number. It is his number. Suddenly my tears are flowing again. Why you wanna call now? Did you called me just to laugh at how lonely I am to be pregnant your child ALONE? I hate seeing this number suddenly. No, I hate him. I clenched my fist. I hold on to the ringing phone tight. I raised my hands and throw the phone to the wall. It smashed into pieces. Who cares? As long as it stops ringing. I cry and cry again. Not caring to wipe my tears away.

Park Jungsoo, you don’t have to call if you’re not sorry. I hate you.

*

I’ve been pregnant for 5 months now. It is hard. Really hard. My pregnancy allergies are killing me too. I keep on vomiting every night. It is hard for me to go out. Everywhere I go people still recognize me. And for some people that don’t know me keep asking me where is my husband. Why let me go out alone and such. I cant take it anymore. People are asking and talking back about me. Bad things. This is too much. I cant take it anymore. I should run away from this country. But where should I go? I cant go to place I unfamiliar with. So, is Korea is the best place? Maybe.. I am quite fluent in Korean and I know certain places. It has been almost half a year since my issue. Maybe they have settled down at Korea. I bet no one remember me now. I am not even a legend. I checked my account. I bet I can still survive at Korea with this amount. Then I decided to take everything I had to Korea. Trying to build a new life with my soon to born child. I haven’t go further check up with any doctors since I cant even go out. I don’t know how my baby is going inside there.

I fly to Korea a few weeks after that and when I arrived Seoul I straightly go to the apartment which I already booked online. Thankfully the ahjumma is nice and the rent was affordable to me as for now. I managed to suit myself well here at the moment. You already bought some baby stuff. Luckily in Korea the online service are the best. You just order it online and everything was great. Until one day when I was on the way to a food stall to buy some dinner I had a pain. My tummy hurt so bad. I fall down to the ground and cried in pain. Luckily there is a youg lady passed by and help me. She quickly bring me to the hospital without hesitation at all.

“Miss..?” The doctor said after checking me.

“Lee (your Korean’s name)” I answered.

“Miss (your Korean’s name) when is your last checked up with the doctor?” She asked.

“I..” I paused. “I haven’t do any check up.”

The young lady beside you look at you full of shocked.

“Okay. So  where is your husband now?” The doctor asked again.

“I don’t have one..” I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Ahh, okay, I see.” The doctor take a deep breath. “Since you haven’t checked up, I bet you still have no idea that you are pregnant to a twin right now, right?”

My jaw drop. A twin? How can that be? A twin like he always wanted. A twin like he always told me. Why when you decided to forget him, it always had to be something that reminds you of him? You don’t know to fell happy or sad.

“Both twin are healthy right now. Just your pain earlier is quite normal but please make sure that you need to becareful next time if something like this happened. I will give you some medicine that a mother requires and please take the medicine according to the instruction given. And three weeks from now, please do another check ups.” She gives her smiles and write something on a paper.

I walk out the door after that. The young lady still following me.

“Excuse me, Miss (your Korean’s name). May I ask who do you live with?” She ask as both of us sit on the chair waiting for my name to be called.

“I live alone at JS apartment.” I simply said. “By the way.. thankyou for helping me Miss..”

“Jeon Miyoung! Just call me Miyoung.” She smiles. “But it’s kinda dangerous for you to live alone. I am sorry because I might sounds like a nuisances but I don’t think you are Korean right? And do you have any other family here?”

“I am not Korean. I am a (your nationality). I migrated here a few weeks ago. I used to live in here before. And I don’t have any family here or in my origin country.” I said slowly.

“I am sorry..” She said slowly. “But I live alone in Seoul too. Can we be friends? How old are you?” She smiles at me.

“I am 22. How bout you?”

She clapped her hands once. “We are at the same age _____-ssi!”

“Jinjja-yo?” I smiled at her.

“Look, lets exchanged numbers. You can call me at anytime if you need help. Don’t be shy. And don’t worry. I will sure help you at anytime. Trust me.” She brightly smiles at me.

*

“Argghhhhh. Ahhhh..” I groaned and moaned in pained. “Miyoung-ah, it hurts so much!” I gripped her blouse.

“_____-ah.  Breathe. We almost there.” Miyoung hold my hands tightly. “Ahjussi! Hurry up!” She almost shouted at the taxi driver.

We arrived the hospital a few minutes later. The hospital attendant quickly put me on to the stretcher and pull me into the delivery rooms. Miyoung stays on my side all the moment. Holding tight on my hands and calm me down at most of the time. I don’t really remember what is next after that because from what I know I just feel so much pained.

*

“Miyoung-ah.. Thankyou so much for being here with me. If it wasn’t because of you, I don’t know what to do. I probably..”

“Yah.. we are friends right?” She hold my hands. “Beside, I am the twin’s aunty now. you cant deny it. Let me play with them whenever I like.  You have such a beautiful babies. Seriously. I already told the nurse to bring your babies here.” She smiles at me.

I lay down on the bed looking at the empty ceiling. I turn around to see the patient next to me. She just delivered to a healthy boy too. She is holding her baby while her husband sit next to her and non stop saying “Thankyou” and “I Love You”. He keeps hugging her and kissed her. Her mother and mother in law are with her too. Keep praising her and her baby. Well, that is supposed to be normal but me? I only had Miyoung which I thanked her so much but deep in my heart, no one knows. How wished to..

“Ahhh.. your babies is here..” Miyoung snapped me back to reality.

I saw the nurse bring two beautiful angel who is still sleeping. Miyoung is right. They such a beautiful babies. The nurse passed me my baby boy. A tears immeadiately dropped on my face. I kissed my baby boy’s forehead. I don’t know my but my tears keep on flowing.

“Yaaa.. why are you crying.. Look at this. Your baby girl.” Miyoung said as she hold my baby girl. I kissed her forehead.

They..look so much like him..

I am so sorry my children. I cant give you the perfect family you should have. But I promised to love you two as much as I can because you are the only things I have.

 Taylor Swift-You're Not Sorry

all this time i was waSting
hoping you would come around
i've been giving out cHances every time
and all you do is let me down
and its takEn me this long
baby but i figured you out
and you're thinking well be fine again
but not this time around

CHORUS
you don't have to Call -- anymore
i won't pick up the phone
this is the last -- straw
don't wannA to hurt anymore
and you caN tell me that you're sorry
but i don't believe you baby
like i did -- before
you're not sorry. 
oh-h-h no. no. no. 

you're looking so innocent
i might believe you if i didn't know 
could've loved you all my life
if you Hadn't left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
and i'm tired of being last to know
and now you're asking me to listen
cause its worked each time before 

CHORUS
but you don't have to call -- anymore
i won't pick up the phone
this is the last -- straw
don't want to hurt anymore
and you can tell me that you're sorry
but i don't believe you baby
like i did -- before
you're not sorry. no, no. oh-h-hh-hh. 
you're not sorry. no, no. oh-h-hh-hh. 

you had me crawling for you honey
and it neVer would've gonE away, no
you used to shine so bright 
but i watched all of it fade

CHORUS
so You don't have to call -- anymOre
i won't pick Up the phone
this is the last -- straw
there's nothing left to beg for
and you can tell me that you're sorry
but i don't believe you baby
like i did -- before
you're not sorry. no, no. oh-h-hh-hh. 
you're not sorry. no, no. oh-h-hh-hh.

comment replies : 

CTjinhyun : we will see SOON! hehe

blue1193 : drunk and something GOOD HAPPEN? heheeeeee. we'll see who got drunk first. hehe

marisa566 : yeah! i agree with you! hehe

HYOloveRONA : updated! hope you enjoyed! :)

breeziechang : You are forever #TeamKyuhyun, right? hehe