Then it happened one day. While I was strolling with Bogum, I saw her. I saw her talking to someone. I saw her smiling and laughing with someone. It was the first time I felt threatened. I saw her held that girl's hand. I saw her looking at the girl lovingly. I was angry, I was mad but above all else, I was confused. I don't know why or what I'm feeling. I wanted to pry her hands away from her, from my bestfriend. Right, maybe I'm just jealous because I'm her bestfriend. I am so used to be at the receiving end of Seulgi's love and affection that I started to feel greedy.

I started to feel awkward around her that I decided to talk a step back. To have a breather. To have a break. I started to distance myself and act cold but instead of chasing after me, she didn't even notice.

Then one time, I went home to a quiet apartment only to find them watching some TV show. But what caught my attention was the person singing in the TV, it was her, it was Seulgi. I was mesmerized by her voice. The way she released every single note with so much emotion. As if her song was based from her experience. Then it clicked on me. Was it for me? Was she singing the song thinking about me? When I noticed that everyone was looking at me, I put on a cold facade ignoring the questioning look on their face, even her face which is rather close to Wendy's face.

When I first heard about their accident, I was beyond worried. I wanted to hug her and ask her if she's okay but Wendy have beaten me yet again. She was clinging like a Koala and it pissed me off but I tried to be calm. When she looked at me looking so innocent,  it all melted. My cold facade and anger, everything melted.

I wanted to return all the favors she did for me thus the only idea that popped in my mind was to feed her. It was an instinct. The fear of losing her was too strong that I wanted to be by her side all the time. When I first laid down beside her in her bed, it was a different kind of comfort. She was always certain when it comes to her action. The way she held me, the way she looked at me, it was as if she's holding a jewel, she was always gentle. She made me feel safe and secure.

I started to be clingy again after that night. I wanted to be by her side. I wanted to feel her presence. I started to forget about Bogum. I started to neglect him. He was not my priority anymore, come to think of it, he was never my priority. I guess I was just caught up with the thought of being loved by someone as kind and as handsome as Bogum. I wanted to be loved and appreciated that when Bogum presented himself, I accepted him without even thinking. I guess I never loved him, I was too inlove with the fact that someone solely appreciated me as me for the first time.

I decided to end my relationship with Bogum. He was always a nice guy and I don't want to hurt him by trapping him in this kind of a relationship.

"You liked someone else right?" He asked me that day. I denied it. I told him that I was not sure of my feelings for him. That I need to sort out my feelings first but the next thing that came out from his mouth left me in so much confusion.

"It's Seulgi, right? Your bandmate. I knew it. I am not that blind noona, I'm just a fool for thinking that maybe, just maybe you would love me the way I love you. But I guess I was wrong. I was expecting this though. Thank you for making me happy for the past few months. Though it was short-lived, I would still cherish it, cherish us", he said then walked away.

I was dumbfounded. I never looked at Seulgi that way. She was always my bestfriend, my sister, my family.

When I broke the news to the members about my break-up with Bogum, they were all shocked. Who wouldn't? Bogum was perfect. He was nice, he was always positive. Almost everyone was rooting for us. We were a perfect couple they said, even the netizens would agree to that. But what can I do? My heart is in a chaos, and I don't want to string him with this uncertain feelings.
 

I asked Seulgi if I could sleep with her that night. I just wanted to be as close to her as possible. My mind is in a haze and I wanted to stop thinking and just enjoy the warmth of her embrace. When I felt her steady breaths, I opened my eyes and looked at her. Somehow, just looking at her make me at ease. Then I don't know what happened, I guess it was just out of impulse, out of curiosity, my lips landed on her neck. I was planting a soft kiss on her neck, an errogenous zone, her neck. My heart is beating erratically as if it was about to burst. I pushed the thought aside and closed my eyes to sleep while feeling the warmth of her body.

It was not a one time thing though. After stealing a kiss from her, I started to be bold,  from a simple goodnight kiss to a several stolen kisses. I was so used to her presence that I can't even sleep properly if she's not beside me.

However, life isn't always full of rainbows. What happens is Wendy happened. She would always try to piss me off. She would cling on Seulgi while giving me a dirty look. She would always have this smug look on her face that I want to wipe off. She would act as if she knows me well. She would interrogate me as if she knows something I dont know. She would provoke me to no end.

But what pisses me off even more is her confession. Her love confession for Seulgi. Why did she have to tell me all that. I could care less about her feelings. And why is she inciting that I have feelings for Seulgi. What does she know. It really confuses me. She confuses me. And I really hate it because somehow all her words are affecting me in a strange way.

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Author's note:

This is the second part. Am I confusing you all? These are all thoughts of Irene. Hope I was able to write and express Irene's feelings in this chapter. Enjoy 😉