As I lay my head to sleep, images of you keep flashing, and your voice resonating as if loving you one-sidedly was not enough. As my thoughts travel back to the very first day we met, I can't even stop the smile from creeping in. It was sweet and yet all I can taste now is the bitterness of being broken.

You look so innocent and so pretty with your oh so white complexion and doe-eyes, not to mention your blinding smile that never failed to take my breath away. I thought it was just a simple crush. I was just 18 and you were 3 years older than me, yet you act like a kid but I guess that was one of your charm.

It was just an ordinary practice day. I was exhausted from all the dancing that I did all day long. You walk in and it's as if time stopped. The noise from the practice room was muted and all I can hear was the loud pounding of my heart. You introduced yourself and that was the first time that I heard your sweet voice. You were so shy back then. You only talk when asked and you always smile so timidly. Everyone was in awe with your beauty.

Days passed but you still weren't able to make friends with the other trainee. I knew cause I was always watching you from afar. I was always admiring every action you make, the way you dance, the way you sing, the way you act an even the way you shyly smile at every compliment that the trainer gave you. I was trying to admire you from afar cause I know that being too close is way too dangerous.

But after a month I noticed that you're still a loner, I decided to gather up my courage and I befriended you. I can still remember the shock one your face when I first talked to you. My heart was beating so wildly when you took my hand to shake. We talked about the most random stuff, I was able to know more about you. How you came from Daegu, how you love purple, and how you loved to spend your time at home. It was the happiest day of my life. I get to listen to your sweet voice, your melodious laugh and even your cute slip up satoori. I dont know if you noticed how I openly stare at you as if you're one of the 7 wonders of the world.

We were practically inseparable from then on. I introduced you to some of my friends in which they gladly accepted you. You were still awkward with them but I saw you get better each day. I noticed that you love skinship way too much. I can still remember the very first time you held my hand and I literally froze but I was able to recover and that's the time I realized how your hand fits perfectly with mine. You became way too comfortable with me that the skinship became way too natural but I still loved it. The way you put your head on my shoulder, the way you cling on my arm, the way you held my hand, the way you hug me, it was all too natural.

You were living at the dorm that the company prepared because your home was too far. You always tell me that you missed your parents and your sister, you missed your home, and you missed home-cooked foods. That was when I started to invite you to have lunch or have dinner at my home. My parents and my brother loved you. They were way too accomodating when you first visited our home. And even when you were so exhausted that you weren't able to visit our house, my mom would always prepare foods and packed it for you to eat at your dorm. There were times that I would sleep over at your dorm with my reason that I wanted to try living in a dorm when the true reason is I want to see your  face before I sleep and when I wake up. And I think that was the best move I ever made. I was so happy everytime you cling into me and hug me when we sleep. It was the best sleeps I ever had.


Pushing those memories aside, I wiped away the lone tear that escaped from my eyes. I know it was my fault. You were always a good friend, a good leader and a good unnie. I was a fool for believing that we can be more than that. As I close my eyes to sleep, I was wishing that when I wake up, all these feelings that I have for you would vanish. 

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Author's note:

This is actually my first time writing a story. I dont know how this will turn out but feedbacks and comments are highly appreciated. I am new to the fandom also 😊