Joohyun would pass by the hallways with her friends with that perfect smile on her. She would always have it whenever she was around other people. But while watching her I would ask myself, did it hurt for her to smile too much?

She would hang out with the boys and I, and would have that face void of worries and troubles that I couldn’t look away. Because I was wondering whether she was not really troubled at times when she was with us. Was she really happy during those moments?

She was different from the girl I was with that one afternoon by the bleachers. You would think I was just dreaming when I saw that poignant smile on this girl’s face before and would say I was crazy to think this girl, after all, was just as flawed as I was. No, I thought, even if I was able to see through her façade that she was still perfect. It was just that her life probably wasn’t.

And I guess, I was right with thinking that way. Life was just as hard to her as it was to us. It was made fair for everyone. We didn’t always get all the good things. I learned this when I was able to get a short glimpse of Bae Joohyun’s perfect life.

It was the month of June and everyone was usually preparing for the coming summer and the occasional raining spells in the months to come. But in this town, preparing for Bae Joohyun’s birthday was rather necessary. I found this out after being handed out one of her invitations in class.

“Please do come to my fifteenth birthday!” She was at the front, seemingly looking excited for her own party while I was at the back of the room scrutinizing her expression.

She was a pretty good liar that she fooled everyone by saying how she wanted them all to come. I was not buying it though. I had been her keen little observer since then. I had watched her like a hawk and at least knew when the twitch on her face betrayed her.

It was after she went down the podium in front and got out of the classroom to give out more invitations to other classes that the students began buzzing about it.

“Joohyun’s never failed to celebrate her birthday with big parties every year. We should probably dress up even better this year, though. I’m sure it’d be grander!”

“Yeah! Lucky she was born with a silver spoon in .”

“Or even better to say. Lucky Bae Joohyun was born the daughter of the town mayor!”

It was the only time in three months when I learned how Bae Joohyun was the daughter of the town’s mayor. And like they said she was born with a silver spoon in . It made her life seem even more perfect than I already knew. But surprisingly, I couldn’t be jealous of her because of how convenient and easy everything seemed to her.

I knew it was not.

Relatively, though, everyone was excited for what was to happen. Even mom was excited when she found out. She even offered to buy me a dress, but I refused because I knew I was not going. I didn’t fit in the kind of grandeur I was not used to. We had a comfortable life with dad back in Seoul, but I’ve never been into parties. Mom would not ever let me before. She kept saying I wasn’t old enough. That it was odd how come she was pushing me to attend the Mayor’s daughter’s party. She never approved. But now she did. So I did not understand.

“Oh com’on darling, it’s about time you come out of your shell and mingle,” she told me as I was pushing my dirty clothes inside the laundry machine.

I sighed, too tired of her incessant blabber. “Mom you know how I hate crowds,” I told her, pushing the last of my clothes and then going for the detergent at the top cabinet above the machine.

“But Joo-ah, this is the time to change that,” she insisted.

I shook my head in disbelief. “I’m not going. Period. I don’t need to change as you please, mom. It doesn’t happen overnight.”

“I-I know that.” Her voice suddenly became softer, poignant. “Mommy’s sorry she took away from you the time before to make good friends. I now realize you need them. Mijoo, just listen to me once and go out.”

But I’ve always listened to you. Look where it brought me.

“Mom can you do me a favor and listen to me for once, too?”

She had the startled expression on her face when I told her that. I had often been in opposition with what my mom wanted for me, but because I knew I could never not listen, I always followed what she wanted. Now that I was speaking up, which I was also surprised of, she must have found it surprising too. I was not the kind to want to win in an argument and purposely upset somebody, but I was sure to hit a sensitive cord in her for saying that.

I left the laundry room without hearing out what she said next. I had fallen deaf over many things she said anyway. They were ridiculous and I was sure I didn’t need to hear them. She shouldn’t tell me to finally mingle out there after training me for so many years like a dog of picking the right people and hanging out for the right reasons. She didn’t even permitted me to slack off. But why suddenly she was allowing me to do these things now?

Heading for the stairs, I noticed Sehun sitting alone at the last step. He had his eyes on me. He must have heard of the argument mom and I had and was probably going to give his two cents on the matter. I was not planning to listen to anyone, though. That I ignored him when I noticed he was about to speak up. But then, being the stubborn kid that he was, he followed me up to my room and locked the door behind us.

“What was that back there?” he asked. I ignored him and pretended to be looking for something inside my drawers.

“Are you not really going to Joohyun’s birthday?”

I kept up with rummaging through my things uselessly. There was nothing to find anyway.

“Hey,” I heard his footsteps behind me. “Answer me,” he said, pulling on my elbow. He made me face him.

I looked away, not really planning to answer.

“Everyone’s going.”

I felt like I was going to explode any moment, but Sehun was not at fault that I tried to suppress my feelings. I took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I don’t want to go. I’d rather sleep on my bed than waste my time mingling with everyone. Besides, I don’t know most of them.”

Sehun had that expression that was a mix of annoyance and restlessness. I knew I was being difficult, but he already knew how bad I was with large crowds.

“But it’s Joohyun’s birthday,” he sounded like the birthday girl would feel unhappy if I was not there, which annoyed me.

“Then just tell her I wished her a happy birthday,” I uttered, slipping under the covers and lying on my side, facing the window instead of him. “I’m sure she would not notice I was not there anyway. She has too many friends to have the mind to remember looking for someone who isn’t even close to her.”

There was a minute pause before I felt the pressure there was on the mattress when he sat down.

“She was actually expecting you to come. Even told me to remind you of her party.”

I did not actually expect hearing that, that I took another jab at him. “You’re just saying that to convince me.”

“I’m not lying.”

I snorted. “You sound really serious but I’m not falling for it. Why don’t you just admit it. You’re trying this hard because you’re afraid to go alone to that party of the love of your life. You’re nervous to face that girl. But you know what? I’m not going to go to pat your back and push you to her in your tux and tie. Just grow some and tell her you like her already. Why drag me around with you when it’s not really your intention to care—“

His stern voice interrupted even the stubborn voice in my head saying to continue pissing off Oh Sehun.

“You know what? Go lock yourself up in here. Rot alone. Do whatever you want. But don’t make fun of my feelings! Didn’t think you’re this stupid!”

His footsteps were so loud when he walked out on me that it sparked a thin thread of fervent anger.

“Yeah right! But who’s stupider?! Sooner or later you’d be crying because you didn’t take my word for it!” You’re such a sissy!”

He slammed the door on me, almost displacing the picture frames on one wall of my room.

I was livid. He was just as mad. I knew that he was not really good at handling his own feelings and wa