Randomly, Sehun had fallen ill on Friday evening.

He came to have a very high fever that kept him on bed all day. Of course, he fought against being confined to bed, but mom insisted for him not to do anything stupid unless it was going to the bathroom for his personal needs. He was very weak to do that, though, that I even suggested to just buy adult diapers for him to wear. To his horror about the suggestion, he had a fit of tantrum and started kicking with his legs on bed, persistently throwing pillows at me for even telling such a thing. He said, only old people wore those things and he had to be comforted by mom and told that she was not going to force him to wear that if he didn’t want to. It was only then that Sehun stopped being restless.

I was relieved when he stopped thrashing and went back to sleep after a while. It was still morning and I lost my precious sleep because I stayed up to feed him, give him his medicine, and change the wet towel mom told me to place over his burning forehead every now and then. She said it would help to lower down his fever. But it was the umpteenth time I was changing his towel and yet every time I checked his temperature with the back of my hand he still felt rather too hot under my skin.

“Why aren’t you getting any better?”

I bit my lip while contemplating what to do as I looked down at a sickly Sehun—eyes closed, forehead scrunched up, cold sweat running down his temple, cheeks all flushed, mouth slightly open since he was having difficulty with his breathing. I had to take care of him because I was worried no one would even though there was mom, but I was also bothered about Yixing coming to the concert this afternoon.

It was going to be this afternoon and yet I was undecided whether to come or not. But what if he was going to wait for me? It was pretty cold even though the first snow hadn’t fallen yet. And if he came and I was not there, I was afraid he would just wait for me even after the concert was finished.

Should I just send him a message saying that I couldn’t come? But that was completely wrong. I didn’t want him to think I was like a coward who wouldn’t say directly at his face what I truly thought. He came all the way to my house to tell me his feelings out loud and I thought I should just return the favor the same way.

I would tell him how I feel right when he is in front of me.

Right. Maybe I should just come and tell him this. Maybe I should just give this one day to him and express to him what my real feelings were. Perhaps he would understand me if I told him loud and clear.

I picked up my phone to send Yixing a text that I was coming, but a hand shot up—warm around mine—halting me from what I was about to do.

“Don’t leave me,” he said weakly.

Sehun was looking at me with tired, half-lidded eyes. He was paler than he used to be and his lips were turning a shade of purple as they moved. That all present thoughts had been abolished and forgotten. Immediately, I set my phone at the bedside table and swept his hair away from his eyes. His gaze slowly followed my face, as if he couldn’t let himself lose sight of me and the thought of it was the moment I felt my chest tighten.

He was making it hard for me to leave.

“I won’t be going anywhere so go back to sleep,” I assured him. He blinked slowly as if even that simple task was hard for his sickly self. It could have been really the case, though. He was very, very weak that I couldn’t help but worry.

I knew we were not that okay and perhaps it was just the effect of medicine on him why he was rather being soft and extra clingy, but I couldn’t help but melt when he closed his eyes and let his lips curve up into a weak smile.

“Just stay where you are. Don’t leave me,” he repeated himself, his hand raised to pull mine with him to his chest. His heart was beating really fast, but was just probably due to his condition.

I nodded, saying, “okay.” The sight of him falling ill like this and begging for me to stay was breaking something inside me.

A sad thought oddly crossed my mind momentarily and I wondered if he had someone other than his busy father before whenever he was sick. Did he not have anyone to take care of him? He lost his mom for a little longer than I did to my dad. That I wondered whether someone fed him medicine or if someone stayed with him if he cried to sleep or if someone cooked him porridge like mom or if someone even placed a wet towel on his forehead and changed it every now and then or if someone at least worried for him if he was very sick. The thought of him being left alone at home in that condition even at least once or twice in his life made my heart terribly clench. It pinched at my feelings and I almost cried.

I couldn’t even imagine Sehun feeling so alone like I did. But why did it only came rushing into my mind now? Why hadn’t I been more perceptible before? Perhaps he was just as lonely as I was. And maybe more than I needed him, he truly needed me. Because I understood him. And he knew that I did.

I might have been the only one who he actually thought did. That was why he was very possessive and bent on keeping me by his side.

What could he have felt then when I decided to not depend on him? I was very sure he wasn’t that lonely because Joohyun was now there for him. But what could it really have been for him without me? Did he get lonely too?

His hand tightened around mine in his unconscious state. Even in his sleep he was desperate to hold my hand that I was even more torn about what I should do. Would he not notice if I tried to escape for a while and meet Yixing? I was hoping he wouldn’t stir awake if I pull my hand away from his, but every time I attempted to escape his room he would open his eyes slightly and look at me, as if checking whether I was there.

And then his mouth would utter weakly, “don’t leave.”

I would immediately fall for his words like an idiot.

I stayed by his side for hours, doing just what was necessary to help him with his recovery. It was pretty tiresome and the exhaustion was already getting to me.

Time was ticking away on the clock on the wall, though, that I couldn’t help but be bothered by the thoughts of Yixing probably going to wait for me. I already gave up on the idea of coming to the concert, however, because of Sehun and decided I should at least send an apology through text so that he wouldn’t any longer have to wait, but Sehun’s condition didn’t get any better and I even had to accompany him to the bathroom when he started to vomit that I forgot what I decided on doing.

It was a total mess.

What was worse was that he stained his sheets that I couldn’t immediately bring him back to bed. I even needed to shout to mom to help me with changing the sheets and bringing me some wet towel to wipe Sehun clean. He smelt like vomit and it was totally irritating my nose. I couldn’t hold in my expression at how unpleasant he already smelt even though we were at a situation that I wasn’t supposed to do that. It was just all too much and I was at the verge of crying and complaining how tired I was.

But that was the least I should do.

This was the best I could do to return all the help he gave me, all the warmth he shared to me. I couldn’t just turn my back on him just because I couldn’t hold my feelings in any longer. I told myself that I was stronger than that.

And I knew I was.

I eventually got over the nauseating smell of vomit and helped him out of his clothes after wiping him clean with a wet towel. It was pretty embarrassing to change a boy’s clothes, but at his state I didn’t think of anything than wanting to make him comfortable as possible. And finally, after all the ruckus, Sehun was tucked back to bed with a more pleasant expression on his face.

He looked better with himself cleaned and his fresh clothes on him. It made me smile; having done all this work for him and finding him peacefully sleeping. Without him having difficulty with his breathing. With him having more color on his face. And without him looking all so restless.

I sat on the side of his bed and looked at his sleeping face adoringly. My hand automatically lifted to touch his hair. My motherly instincts were surely kicking in and I didn’t know why I was just so contented with seeing him looking better that I couldn’t help but smile. Sehun must have surely grown on me.

Because if not, I wouldn’t be this concerned for his welfare.

My eyes averted from him to the window. It was still pretty sunny outside that I felt relieved. It was still probably too early to worry about anything else, I thought. A yawn escaped my lips and fatigue really took over my body that I just lay where there was space next to Sehun and promised myself that I was just going to take a nap.

A nap it is.

I had a very good feeling when I drifted off to sleep and even had a good dream that when I stirred awake later I was still all smiles before I realized the time. The scenery behind the glass window