The mood in the living room seemed really good that I felt like I walked into something I shouldn’t have. Mom, Mr. Oh, Sehun and Joohyun were having a really fun conversation that I almost went back to my room and cancelled dinner with them. They could have done it without me and I wouldn’t be such a loss not being there.

The most ridiculous point was that I was surely inside the house I’d been living in for the past nine months and yet I felt like I was a mere stranger passing by them.

What is really going on?

“Oh, here you finally are, Joo.” I heard mom say, halting all thoughts of my attempt to hide inside my room. Right. No turning back. “Come and sit down for a while with us.”

I turned my attention to her and nodded, still trying to get a hold of myself although I was a bit shaken by the obvious fact that I was probably going to share this dinner not just with my family but with Joohyun too. Somehow, I found the thought a bit irksome.

But why?

“Sorry if I took long to prepare,” I said, muttering as I approached them.

Mom smiled, telling me that I was just in time. She pulled me by the hand and let me stand in front of her. She made me turn around and contently sighed when I did what she asked me to do, voicing out her satisfaction for choosing the right dress for me. But what really flustered me was that she and Mr. Oh complimented me for looking good in the dress.

“Mommy is really happy tonight because you wore that dress. You really look beautiful in it,” she said, placing her hands on my cheeks and kissing my forehead tenderly. I couldn’t help but be happy for the little gesture of affection. Suddenly I was regaining some of my confidence despite being in Joohyun’s presence.

Oh, the beautiful girl, Bae Joohyun!

“You look really pretty, Mijoo,” Mr. Oh said, as if reaffirming what mom said. It made me even happier that I offered him a smile of thanks. “You really took after your mother in almost everything. But how come I haven’t seen you bring home a boyfriend, at least? You’re definitely attractive that I don’t know what boys your age are thinking. They must be blind or something…”

I couldn’t help but choke on my own spit upon hearing the overdone compliment from Mr. Oh. He was definitely a good flatterer, but I must say that he was too biased towards me. And it embarrassed me so much that he was so nice and seemed rather too honest.

Mom saw how flustered I became that she chided at Mr. Oh with a nagging, saying how awfully cheesy he was towards me. “Ya, seriously, Taewoo,” she scoffed at him in utter disbelief, giving him the disapproving look which made me bite my lip in amusement. “I don’t like my daughter getting distracted that’s why she never brought home a guy! Plus, isn’t she too young for this? My innocent daughter wouldn’t need that right now. Right, Joo-ah?”

I nodded, smiling a little.

“But how come my son’s already brought home a girlfriend? And she’s totally the catch,” Mr. Oh retaliated, giving a grin past me to the people sitting across from us.

The little argument between the parents escalated to mom giving Mr. Oh a piece of her little belief that it was only natural for young boys to be looking for girlfriends at our age and said that it was fine. Boys were natural charmers and the kind of love they usually found at such an early time was really refreshing and innocent, but it was not the kind of love that girls like her daughter should be looking for. Mom believed that girls my age should focus on finding our own strengths, because it was only what we could rely on in the future. Our own strength. She said that having it will take me to places I’d never been to and it will help me realize my dreams.

To mom, I guess, my dreams were far more important to her now that she let me hear that. I was truly happy about it that I had Mr. Oh tuned out during the whole car ride while he continued to argue with mom about the matter. He was not going to win the argument, anyway. Mom was that good of an arguer that I was confident.

Arriving at the restaurant that they booked a dinner table for, I was surprised to see how grandiose the place was. So far, the town had been old, plain boring in terms of the places I’d been to. But seeing the restaurant made me think there were probably more that the town could offer. Perhaps I just needed to let myself be taken to places. By then, I could have explored and found more reason why I should be here.

“Take your seats,” Mr. Oh said as we reached our table.

He offered the seat next to his to mom. Sehun pulled out a chair for Joohyun—as expected—across from the adults and sat down next to her. That left me alone to decide which open seat next to mom or Sehun I should choose for myself. But there was really nothing to choose from when I realized the arrangement. I was the fifth wheel and the safest option I had was to sit beside my doting mother.

Right, it was the best choice tonight. I should be able to survive dinner with that.

I was about to pull the chair next to mom when Mr. Oh suddenly caught my attention. “Eh? Mijoo why should you sit with the adults? Don’t be shy. Just sit with them if you want to. Your mom would surely understand—“

“But I—“

“Go ahead, honey,” mom encouraged with a hand flourish, not letting me finish what I was saying. “I’m sure you’ll be bored hanging out with us, so why not strike a conversation with them while the food isn’t here yet?”

Death. I thought mom was asking for my death when she, herself, offered me to the evil that Sehun was.

Without a choice, I lifelessly traipsed towards the seat that was next to him and pulled the chair for myself. There was no use in fighting anyway that I sat without any complaints on the chair they offered, since it would probably turn obvious that something wrong was going on between Sehun and me if I tried to plead for the seat next to mom. No. That would just be too conspicuous.

The waiting game for the food began in a little while. But the moment it started, I was already dropped from the game once each of them found a partner in conversation. Mom had Mr. Oh to talk to. Sehun had his back to me while putting up a hearty conversation with Joohyun.

I had no one but myself that I felt rather alone. I was back to being lonely. But I told myself that I should just probably learn how to get over it like before. I was good at it before, so why would it be hard for me not to learn it again?

Right.

You can do this, Han Mijoo.

I sniffed, trying my best to stay strong. Nobody was actually noticing that I was not really talking to anybody that I just pulled out my mobile phone from my purse and connected my earphones to listen to some music. The ones I at least had in my playlist were really soothing that I was not able to realize the time.

The next time I opened my eyes, food had arrived and mom was telling me to eat up. I nodded, not removing the ear plugs to avoid unnecessary conversations and an opportunity for awkwardness to creep inside me. The table was filled with a scrumptious amount of food and I was willing that night to die with a full stomach that I ate to my heart’s content. Mom was even surprised I was eating, at all. Because the last time she remembered me eating like a beggar was about a year ago—when dad was still there to buy me a lot of food and to keep me full.

Dad said that eating was the best medicine when you were depressed, and I was always frustrated at school that he must have fed me till I was smiling again.  But now, I saw no reason to become depressed and yet I was eating. That I guessed, perhaps my appetite was really that big tonight.

“Aigoo,” Mr. Oh was laughing while pointing at me in amusement. I stilled, stopping midway my meal and gazed at him in wonder, but he just kept on smiling. “Your daughter will surely catch a really good man.”

I was not able to help but cough out in embarrassment, but it seemed I was not the only one embarrassed since Sehun also had the same coughing fit.

“Dad,” Sehun chided.

Mom slapped Mr. Oh in chiding, too. “Ah, what are you even saying now, Taewoo? My daughter’s too young for such flattery. You might not want to say what you’re going to say when her mother’s just right here,” she said, but it was totally a harmless threat.

Mr. Oh gave us all a look of disbelief, snorting. “Why are you all reacting this way? I’m saying the truth. Mijoo’s just too adorable. She does whatever she wants, eats when she wants to, cries and laughs when she feels like it. There’s nothing wrong I could see with her personality, I guess. It makes a guy rather curious and have this urge to protect her.”

I kept my head down, trying to drown Mr. Oh’s voice with the music filling my ears. I kept chewing down food as he went on and on listing the different charms that I had and what would make a guy fall for me. I was totally flabbergasted, not knowing what to say since the man looked like he was genuinely complimenting me and not just sugar coating things for the sake of catching mom’s heart.

“I say, we women of our family don’t need the protection from you men,” mom argued. I could tell that she was saying this due to our past experience with dad and it totally worried me, but when I looked at her she was just smiling that I calmed down somehow. “We’re capable enough to protect ourselves, so why should we let a guy do that for us? Doesn’t that just make us look inferior against you?”

The argument made Mr. Oh totally flustered that he stammered when he said, “that was not I was saying. It’s just that the first instinct of men towards women is to protect them. You don’t know that because you’re a female.”

Mom nodded, seemingly not wanting to hear any of what Mr. Oh said. “Sure. You guys think that way because you’re definitely looking down on us. You think we’re weak even though we aren’t.” She sliced a