My knees almost buckled when I heard Jongin say what happened to his parents, but I reminded myself I couldn’t be weak at this time he sought for my help. Jongin was always there at my darkest that I was determined to repay him the same way. This time it was my turn to be his rock.

I sprinted out of the kitchen, not really paying attention to anything surrounding me. I didn’t even care what already happened to Sehun or how Joohyun was probably having a hard time calming him down. I didn’t care whether Sehun was mad at me or that he felt betrayed because I didn’t tell him what Joohyun was planning to do. I forgot them as I went for a run out of the house.

The sky was already dark and there weren’t many lights in our street but I didn’t get scared. I was determined to reach the hospital as fast as I could and be by Jongin’s side. Just imagine how sad and hurt he must be now that his parents’ life were in danger after a terrifying accident. It must have been a trauma to him to learn this. I couldn’t imagine the pain he was feeling right now. It must have been very scary for him to cry like that. Jongin never cried. It was the first time I heard him sob so hard.

“Mijoo!”

I continued to run even though I already heard someone calling for me. It was a distant voice that I thought I was hallucinating. Maybe the daze I was in was causing for me to imagine things.

“Mijoo, stop! Wait up!”

The second time I heard it that was when I stopped. Only then did I realize whose voice it was and turned around.

Baekhyun was riding his bike towards me with an expression filled with worry. I wondered why he was outside at this hour but then realized he must have also gotten the news somewhere.

“You’re not going to go there barefoot, are you?” he said, looking at me in utter worry and incredulity.

“Huh?” At first I didn’t get him, mainly because my mind was still wrapped around the whole deal about Jongin and his parents.

He sighed and shook his head. “Hop on. You’re not wearing any shoes. Jongin would kill me if I let you run to the hospital barefeet.”

It was only then that I realized how my feet were. The uneveness of cold gravel under my soles materialized and that’s when I remembered I haven’t even worn anything for my feet as I ran out of the house. All I thought was being able to reach Jongin no matter what that I didn’t realize how underdressed I was too. It was too cold outside and yet I was wearing nothing but a cotton shirt and jogging pants.

But before I could even ponder about my attire and want to tell Baekhyun to go first so I could change and wear some shoes, he pulled me towards his bike and commanded me to sit behind him.

“Hold on tight,” he said, turning his head to give me a look. “I’ll ask Sehun to bring you something once we’re there.”

“But he’s—“

“Chanyeol’s on his way to your house,” he said, and I saw him pocket something in the jacket he was wearing which I assumed as his phone. “I just texted him to tell Sehun to get his to the hospital and not forget to bring you some slippers.”

“But then—“

“Just hold on tight! I am speeding up so we can get there faster!” he said and true to his words, the bike rolled down the road like it was flying.

I was so scared I might fall off his bike that I instinctively wrapped my arms around him while closing my eyes. “Please let me live,” I uttered out against the sound of the wind passing us harshly.

Baekhyun chuckled, thinking it was a joke. “Com’on, I won’t ever endanger your life like that. A lot of people would kill me if I even let you fall off this bike, like that crybaby at the hospital and your cousin.”

He was obviously trying to ease the tension I was feeling, but I could not help but want to slap his side. He yelped, the slap getting a little too strong than I wanted. But I was not sorry. He deserved it. There was no time to joke at all and yet he kept doing so.

“I wasn’t even trying to be funny.”

“Sorry,” he cocked his head to the side and showed me a grin. “I’d never seen you this worried that I thought my bright personality would somehow ease you up. “

I looked down, gripping tighter on the sides of his shirt. “I’m just too worried about Jongin.”

He chuckled, but it was not that merry. I knew, of course, that this was because Baekhyun must have been trying his best to be strong for me right when I was crumbling deep down. I should be like him. Not like this.

“He’ll be fine. Mr. & Mrs. Kim are strong people. If you know what I mean. An accident won’t take them away.” Baekhyun sounded too positive that I felt more nervous than relieved. How could he be so positive in this situation? It was their lives that we were talking about.

Anything could happen.

“Right now I heard from Jisoo noona that both of them are in the operating room, being treated. We’ve got Sehun’s father taking care of everything that’s why you don’t need to worry so much. He’s the best doctor in this town. No one ever dies in his hands, you know.” he tried to reassure me again when I wasn’t speaking.

This time, though, somehow I felt the constriction in my chest loosen a bit. Hearing that Jongin’s parents were already being attended upon was good to hear and knowing that it was Mr. Oh helping them and making sure they stayed alive was even more relieving. I thought I could die of relief right then and there.

“How do you do that Baekhyun?” I asked, out of the blue, as we had driven somewhere for some time on our way to the hospital.

“What?”

“That. Keeping a positive outlook despite the situation being so bad,” I pointed out, still amazed out how positive and reliable he truly was.

Until now Baekhyun had stuck to his character. Never deviating. He was there whenever we needed him. He gave out advise even without us asking or maybe without him even realizing. It made me want to praise him out loud and say he was so cool, but it would probably take years for me to admit that to him.

“It’s not that easy,” he admitted with a soft voice and I could imagine his bright face falling somehow, his façade breaking. “But you know, I just always think—at times like this—why should I make the situation worse by sulking if it’s already that bad?

That’s why I always try to make it better.”

Somehow along our way to the hospital, in our silence, I came to understand Baekhyun even better and where he was coming from. He must have been in a bad situation himself and this was his way of coping.

It was his way of saying ‘everything will be fine’.

-

As soon as we arrived at the hospital, Baekhyun stopped by the entrance and told me where to go. I hopped down after being instructed to go in first and find Jongin. The boy must have been feeling so alone right now because I heard from Baekhyun how Jisoo unnie was just on her way to the hospital.

“I’ll just find somewhere to park this thing,” he told me, referring to the bike we just used.

I nodded at him and quickly went in, not forgetting the odd look the security guard gave me as I passed by him and noticed him looking down on my feet. The bareness of my feet and the rawness of the cold sensation the tiled floor was giving me made me even more conscious of myself, my attire especially. I sensed people staring at my direction whenever I passed by them and even the receptionist was surprised to see me it took her some time to tell me where the operating room was.

Despite the cold seeping through the thin material of my clothes, I quickly followed the directions I was given and searched for Jongin everywhere with frantic eyes. My heart was beating so loud in my chest that I wondered whether someone could hear how awfully loud it was. It made me conscious of myself again but as soon as I found Jongin sitting on the side of the floor before the operating room’s double doors, waiting for any news about his parents, with his knees to his chest and his face buried in his folded arms like a poor, lost boy, all conscious thoughts went down the drain.

I slowed on my steps and made sure not to surprise him. He looked so tiny and fragile that I wanted to pull him into gentle embrace. I didn’t want him to break any further. Right at this moment all I thought was trying to make him feel better. If he could rely on me and find solace in my presence I was more than willing to stay by his side. Just like the many times he stuck to mine.

I stopped right in front of him. He was yet to realize he was not alone any more.

“Jongin,” I said quietly.

At first, I didn’t think he would hear. My voice was too soft anyway that even someone with the best hearing would not recognize. But before I could even call him a second time, his head slowly raised, his eyes casted towards my direction, and as soon as he realized who I was he sprinted up on his feet and wrapped his arms around me. I was a little surprised by his reaction, but did not reject. He looked so tiny in my arms that I wanted to hold him and carry the weight of his burden that was weighing him down, keeping him off balance.

My hands automatically raised to push him closer to me, cupping the back of his head gently to guide him to my shoulder. As soon as I did that another bout of sobs erupted from Jongin. His chest rumbled violently and his shoulders shook repeatedly. His cries were filled with pain and his words were full of blame for himself.

“If I-I hadn’t come to the game I won’t be the only one safe. I should have accompanied them to aunt’s house. I should have—“

I tightened my hold around him and hushed him down. “If you came with them you would have been hurt too. I’m sure your parents wouldn’t like that,” I told him softly, trying to sooth his already scarred heart.

“But why does it have to be them, Mijoo? Why does it have to be my parents that had the accident? They are really good people. If anything, they deserve something better than this.”

My heart clenched at his question. He was right after all. If I put myself in his shoes, I would have been in so much pain too. Mr. & Mrs. Kim were really nice people and loving parents. They shouldn’t be facing any kind of hardships nor did heaven had the right to punish their children—who had been nothing but good people—to this extent.

I closed my eyes, suppressing myself from wanting to curse heaven for the kind of trial he had given Jongin. He was only fifteen like I was. He did not deserve to see any of his loved ones getting hurt nor dying right in front of his eyes.

”Sometimes,” I said, trying to bite back tears. “we don’t know why these kind of things happen, but God has plans for everything. Maybe this is something that we need to go through to become stronger.”

I slowly pulled him away from me and held him at arms length. His eyes were so glassy I could see my own reflection in them. His nose was a red color and his entire face was totally drained out of the happy vibe he normally had. Suddenly it seemed to me that it was as if he was partly no longer the Jongin that I knew. This Jongin looked a bit older. This Jongin was stripped off his innocence. He was no longer without scars. He was just like me. That I felt like I was sharing the same kind of pain.

I wanted to say that I understood how he felt. I wanted to say I knew how it was like to lose a parent. But it might not be the same case for him. His’ was still breathing, just barely. They were good parents. I could never call them irresponsible parents. That was why we were probably not really similar. Mine was considered gone a long time ago anyway.

“Be strong,” I said, not really knowing how I was going to coax this Jongin in front of me.

He stared at me desperately, tears welling in his puffy eyes. I did not know how my words touched him but instead of stopping the cries, his’ got even louder. He cried even more that I wondered as he wrapped his arms around me again—as if I was his only lifeline—whether I said the wrong thing.

Was it stupid to ask him to be strong?

But in the end, I let him be. I let him cry on my shoulder for as long as he wanted. Jongin was not a cry baby but the only time I saw him cry as much was this time that I felt like I didn’t have the right to tell him to stop.

Everyone probably had this moment when they’d bawl their eyes out until they’d already ran out of tears. I guess, this was his moment. And perhaps, this was his way of being strong. In order to feel better and recover from all the trauma caused by the pain of knowing your family was in the brink of death you must release tears from your heart. You must free yourself from the pain. That was why even if other people didn’t see it that way and would look at us strangely because of how loud Jongin cried, I did not care.

At least he was courageous enough to express his tears. Were they even capable of having genuine tears for someone they love? I doubted that most people would easily show it. We were better liars, anyway. All of us. It was easier for us to lie than show the truth. That’s how foolish people were.

When Jongin seemed calmer we sat down on the waiting area. The red neon sign atop the double doors of the operating room was still lit, signifying that the operation was still on going. We were not sure what was happening inside, but Jongin and I’s hands were clasped together tightly in a prayer. We were quietly sitting side by side, but I knew that he was just as fervently wishing as I was for his parents to get out from a critical state.

He couldn’t sit still that I kept on squeezing his hand whenever he would start on tapping his foot nervously on the floor. “They will be fine,” I’d assure him. But sometimes I got scared too. At a point I wondered at the possibility of them leaving behind their son.

“That’s not going to happen, right?” Jongin’s anxious voice pulled me back to reality. Suddenly I was confused as to what he was asking.

But asking a second time, then I realized what he was asking, as if reading my mind. “It’s impossible that someone could be gone for a second when they were just there before alive and healthy, righ