I was not able to see Yixing before he left. I was rotting in bed at that time since I caught a flu after that night with Sehun. We both became very sick that I wasn’t even able to take care of him anymore. Instead, he was the one coming to my room at times to take care of me.

He was very sickly too but he checked on me from time to time. It made me wonder a whole lot how he was able to do that in his condition, but I didn’t want him to think I was questioning his good intentions that I just kept my mouth shut.

Mom was very mad at us for falling sick because of our own faults but it lasted only as soon as it came. She was more concerned at us than angry that she couldn’t turn a blind eye.

Even Mr. Oh couldn’t ignore us. He gave us regular visits in our rooms to check up on us, on several occasions bringing us with medication to ensure our way to recovery.

This thoughtfulness from the old man didn’t go unnoticed. I had it engraved in my memory. Sometimes there were also moments when I couldn’t help but compare it to past memories with my own father. There was just this urge to rub more salt to my wounds that would perhaps never heal. I wanted to do it to feel more hatred towards my father. To make sure I never forget what kind of man he was.

But there were times when I miserably fail at this and later find myself in a puddle of cries because I just missed having a father even more. I missed having this man who would protect me with all his might and carry me in his arms securely if life was being cruel to me. I missed having that kind of person in my life that it was much of a paradox how my feelings were.

Later, the feeling dissipated and would be replaced with wonder about many other things. Some of which got answered as soon as I got back to school.

“Mijoo you’re back!” Chanyeol was just as hyper as when I last saw him.

I was still in a lot of haze because I attended classes right after I knew it was just a little cold I was experiencing that I was not able to dodge the hug that Chanyeol initiated. Surprisingly, I was not much repulsed about the idea that a boy was hugging me. He was Chanyeol after all. The goof had his way of making anyone feel better with anything he did.

“Ah uh,” a voice came interrupting. “Stop hogging her, Yoda.” It was Sehun, who fought with all his might to separate me from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol whined, trying his best to reach for me, but Jongin also got in between the two—bypassing them—and smiled at me. “Looks like everything’s back to normal,” he mused.

I couldn’t agree any better. I was feeling okay again and Sehun was back to being his usual self around me. We haven’t talked much about our issues with each other because it looked like he didn’t want to go over them yet, but it was like nothing even happened between us in the past. Not like I avoided him like a plague and not like he bent to my wishes as if just to get back at me.

“I’m going to really tell her what you did if you won’t let go!” Chanyeol shouted, interrupting my train of thoughts. It brought so much interest to me that I carefully listened to the exchange.

Sehun was still trying to push him away when he said, “it’s not like it’s a secret anyway! Go and tell her! I am not afraid!”

“Oh yeah?” Chanyeol had a playful grin on his lips. It was so amusing to see them fight like this that I anticipated even more.

“You guys,” Joohyun came just in time to witness what was happening. “What are you doing so early in the morning?” She was just about to sit down behind my desk when the goof’s mouth fired away the open secret they were talking about.

“Did you know what Sehun did to your friend Yixing that night before he went to you?”

A smile was still playing on my lips, but as soon as he mentioned that night it fell off my face. I certainly didn’t know what happened before Sehun found me and this could surely fill in the gaps I had in mind.

Basically, I knew that there had to be something that prompted Sehun to find me that night. He wouldn’t just admit how he found out I was there.

“Uhm, Chanyeol, why don’t we go back to our classrooms now? You seem to be very energetic and look how it’s taking a toll on Mijoo’s health already—“ Jongin tried convincing Chanyeol, as if he was also into the favor of concealing the truth.

But Chanyeol’s persistence was one that no one could beat. He eventually told practically everyone in the room of what had happened. “Why don’t you just tell her that we were in their house that day, too? Didn’t we come to visit Sehun? It just so happen that Yixing guy cluelessly dropped by asking for Mijoo—“

“Yeol,” This time it was Joohyun who scolded him.

“I’m not done yet!” Chanyeol shouted. “This brat is challenging me!” He pointed an accusing finger at Sehun’s face that the latter almost backed away. He was fiercely looking at Sehun with a hint of playful vengeance that I believed no one could stop him.

“And didn’t you grab his collar in rage, Sehun? Didn’t you punch his face because you thought he stood her up and Mijoo was waiting for him for so many hours like an idiot?”

Eventually, I learned that the reason why Yixing didn’t come that day was because he had something came up at home, that was what Jongin added to the story. He called me many times that same night, but my phone had died and Yixing thought I was back at home trying to avoid his calls. He thought I got mad and stopped from there until he decided to personally see me to apologize. But of course, that part never happened.

Sehun was, of course, visibly embarrassed at how he acted so mad that day that he couldn’t join in the conversation anymore. He was quiet the whole time Chanyeol was telling and reenacting the entire thing.

I didn’t know what really happened that day, why Yixing just sent me a text apologizing for what happened before he left town, that now it all just made sense. Perhaps it was not really his intention to make me wait. But it was not like I was upset about it. I was just glad that he really didn’t come and that I didn’t have to deliver him the bad news. What I was truly sorry now was that he took a punch from Sehun. That it was done out of impulse because of me.

I made sure to apologize for it as well, but what Yixing responded made me think so hard again for the rest of the day.

From: Yixing

You don’t have to be sorry. I took the punch because I knew I deserved it. I realized this after I left for Seoul. It was just that saying that something came up at home was a lame excuse. I lied about it, you know?

10:10 AM

Sent via SMS

From: Yixing

I didn’t really come on purpose. I became a real coward.

10:11 AM

Sent via SMS

From: Yixing

It’s just that I had a really strong feeling what your answer was going to be that I became a coward. Now, I am regretting it. I should have just showed up and waited and faced the consequences like a man. I am sorry.

I really liked you before, though. But I know for a fact that it’s not me you have feelings for.

10:14 AM

Sent via SMS

From: Yixing

By the way, is Sehun still very mad at me? If he is, he has every right to. I said things that might have angered him, but I am not regretting it… because that’s how it made me realize how stupid it was to even fight him.

He has all the advantage, anyway. If we fought for real I would still probably lose no matter what I do.

10:25 AM

Sent via SMS

From: Yixing

Till then, let’s keep in touch. I just had my heart broken by you but you don’t have to take responsibility for it.

Let’s meet one day all healed and friends.

10:27 AM

Sent via SMS

We kept in touch like he said and we talked over the phone like nothing ever went wrong when he was here. I was relieved that we didn’t become strangers to each other, though. And despite me wanting to ask so many things from him like the things he told me in those texts, I wasn’t brave enough to ask.

What did he tell Sehun for him to get that mad at him? And those lines…

But I know for a fact that it’s not me you have feelings for.

The fact he said it and the way he said it; it was just like those little times when he bid those words in the past as if he knew something I didn’t—that I should have known. Needless to say, it looked like he was right. I was not just the one that observed him. He had looked at me long enough to know me more than I thought. I had underestimated him or the others. And it was killing me to know he knew something I couldn’t figure out by myself. Why did I even need other people to make me realize things? It made me feel quite dumb, quite anxious.

For some time those thoughts plagued me that even late at night I couldn’t sleep just by thinking about them. They haunted me until it was me who first gave up on decoding what Yixing even meant. I buried the thoughts all under a big rock and slept through it, hoping that they would just vanish.

-

The first snow fell on the last week of November. It was really cold back then but I remembered how we all enjoyed the scenery. There were tiny flakes everywhere falling from heaven, starting to cover the ground to a clean slate of white.

The boys were running and spinning around like they’d never seen snow their whole lives as we traipsed the way to school. Baekhyun even stuck out his tongue to catch a falling snow. Chanyeol was just as naïve as he pushed Jongin down to a pile that had settled on the side and later joined the latter as they rolled on the ground over and over. Joonmyeon was smiling as he quietly watched the bumpkins turn into a bunch of idiots. He was just casually walking down the road until Sehun attacked from behind and put him in a headlock. They both fought to break free and keep the other a prisoner.

Joohyun was giggling next to me while telling Sehun to be careful. She sounded so sweet Sehun looked like her pet dog as he grinned at her and nodded in the distance. It was so sweet I didn’t know whether to fake gagging or be happy for them. My feelings were a paradox. I was caught in a mix of feelings whenever I saw them together. That it was already quite gladdening I felt less repulsed about the idea of them being together when my relationship with Sehun started becoming okay again.

As long as he was happy, I was.

“Did you know,” Jongin was suddenly on my side, appearing out of nowhere I almost jumped. He noticed the change in my behavior that he laughed, teasing at how jumpy I was.

But as soon as he saw the look of disapproval on my face, he tried to calm himself down and apologized for being too elated. His shoulders couldn’t stop from shaking, though. I inwardly forgave him for it.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” he mused, looking at me with a mix of amusement and tenderness. “that the first snow fall meant good luck to lovers? They say that when lovers get to see it during the year that they will have a long-lasting and blissful relationship.”

For how I saw Jongin as a not-so-cheesy and the not-so-superstitious type before, they were all gone as soon as he told me that. “That means Sehun and Joohyun will have a long-lasting and blissful relationship too?” I deadpanned.

He widened his eyes, suddenly shaking his head. “I mean—well,” He his lips. “That can happen, too,” he uncertainly concluded and looked back at me while scratching the back of his head, “but I was referring to... us.” A blush soon crept up his cheeks. He looked so flustered it was so cute and so hard to bite back a smile at. “I mean,” he averted his eyes as soon as he noticed my smile peek from its corners. “We’re not lovers, but I was hoping in the future… if you’re going to give me a chance, that we will…”

He was so genuine about what he was saying that I couldn’t feel anxious or uncomfortable at the indirect confession. It just made me realize what kind of person Jongin was. He was kind. He was sweet. He was thoughtful. But most of all, his love was innocent and whole-hearted. I have not ever seen such an untainted kind of love that it warmed me how day by day it was like Jongin was confessing over and over to me.

That I felt like maybe someday when the right time came, when all my walls had broken down, I would be able to give someone the chance to love me too. I thought of this and look at Jongin with a foreboding question in mind: will it be him?

I smiled when he raised a questioning brow at the way I looked at him. He was utterly clueless at what I was thinking. It would shock him if he knew, that I said it was nothing.

Arms engulf both our shoulders, a grinning Baekhyun was giving us playful looks that it was no wonder what he was thinking. We hadn’t openly told anyone of what was happening between Jongin and I but I was sure this was like another open secret to the group that I was no longer surprised if they joked about us.

“So tell me more about this romantic superstition about the first snow, Jongin? Did it actually say something about giving luck to a certain rejected someone if he watched the snow fall with the girl he likes?” Baekhyun nudged Jongin’s side repeatedly.

He received a glare from Jongin, a string of threats coming off his lips as he raised his hand to feign a strike at Baekhyun who soon jumped away in escape. “Make fun of me again Byun and I guarantee you and your grand, grand, grand children that you will all be married to a gold fish!” he shouted in irritation.

Baekhyun only guffawed in amusement, sticking his tongue out as he hid behind a clueless Chanyeol who just turned around as he realized the commotion.

“At least at this rate I will still be able to marry a very orange gold fish!” Baekhyun mused, still taunting Jongin. “She would look very pretty beside me, Jongin! I promise you that you’re going to be my best man if ever you grow old becoming a rejected bachelor for life!”

Jongin growled beside me, not being able to let what Baekhyun said pass, and suddenly took off into a sprint to chase Baekhyun. They circled a still clueless Chanyeol who ended up in a daze, not being able to follow through what was happening.

“Here goes nothing,” Joohyun sing-songed, entertained at our friends.

I couldn’t agree any better that I took the time to smile at her. It was rare we share small moments like this that I took the effort to respond this time. But as soon as I looked at her direction the corner of my lips slowly fell as I noticed Sehun walking next to her while holding her to his side, his arm secure around her shoulders.

It was only natural for them to show that kind of affection but I couldn’t stop myself from being jealous. There was a part of me that wanted to separate them, but I knew it would look very childish that I did my best to stay put.

“Just look away and forget what you saw—“

“You two are really sickeningly sweet I wanted to tear you away from each other right now ~” Jongin suddenly appeared in between them, practically singing his statement and completely separating the couple from each other as he slung his arms around their necks.

I was so surprised he just appeared out of nowhere that I blinked in confusion. I looked back at Baekhyun and he was already having a very thoughtful conversation with Chanyeol in front of us. It was like not a chase even happened. How did things happen so fast? Was I just probably actually staring for too long?

“Get yourself a girlfriend if you’re jealous then,” Sehun groaned, trying to grab Joohyun. But Jongin persisted in ing them. He leaned closer to Sehun and made kissy sounds to .

“Ani,” Jongin chirped, “I cannot replace you, after all, Sehun, my love.” He said it so handsomely gross that I threw a fit of laughter.

Sehun saw me that he couldn’t help but grimace. I was obviously siding Jongin on this in his perspective that he shouted for me to stop. I didn’t listen. Jongin was too hilarious and was acting like a drunk for the first time that I didn’t know how else to hold back.

“Jongin go to hell and give me back my girlfriend,” Sehun was totally flustered his vocabulary was suddenly limited to a string of curses and threats.

Jongin nodded enthusiastically, pushing a giggling Joohyun gently towards him. Sehun caught her in his arms and made sure to pull her far where Jongin couldn’t reach her. She was like precious china to him that he wouldn’t let others touch her.

“I’m going back now to the side of the person I truly like,” Jongin bid, waving playfully at Sehun. “I’m dumping you now, Sehun. Mijoo must be missing me.” It was probably meant to sound like a joke but I couldn’t help but stare at the way Sehun looked intently at me when Jongin skipped back towards my direction and held my hand.

Surely, there was something that his eyes held when he looked at us, but I wasn’t too sure what it was since Jongin dragged me with him too soon.

“Sorry I have to leave your side for a while,” Jongin thoughtfully apologized. “Baekhyun’s being obnoxious and I just couldn’t help but enjoy ing that couple. Sehun’s acting too lovesick that it makes me want to cringe in shame. I don’t know if he is even the childhood friend I knew,”

Jongin was talking so animatedly about Sehun I couldn’t help but laugh. “You enjoy teasing him, don’t you?” I asked, smiling.

He grinned, scratching his head. “He’s fun to tease.”

“He is,” I seconded. “You and I must be twins in our past life for thinking the same thing. And I think you did a good job today. Should I give you a reward then?