I was not really used to having a lot of company in the past. It was giving me all sort of worries and anxiety whenever I am alone and surrounded by so many people. Their presence made me feel smaller. More average. I didn’t know why I had that mindset, but perhaps it was because—as mom said—I was an only child, who grew up alone and with only the presence of my parents. I didn’t have siblings. And even though I had cousins whom I could play with, mom didn’t always want to see me bruised after being pushed down or after falling down in a physical play, so she pulled me away from the playing stage as well and convinced me to learn the piano instead (after that she also made me learn the guitar, and then enrolled me to a couple of art classes and writing classes, even made me learn French and Spanish). Maybe that was also the reason why I tend to be such a klutz in the best of times. I embarrass myself in front of a lot of people. But mom said that was fine. It was better than getting hurt or meeting the wrong company.

She had been too overprotective that perhaps I had been contented with the fact that I only had mom and dad and Min Yoonji, my best friend, in my life. I was contented to have only three people I could trust that it was such a burden when one of them left and I left the other one behind. Now, I only had mom again.

I didn’t mind only having her, but sometimes I thought of what would it be like if I had company more than them? Would it have not been such a risk and would it have hurt less when I lost dad? Would I miss Yoonji less when we left? Would it have been much easier for me to adjust in this place if I grew up being allowed to do what I wanted, meet the people I wanted to be with or if I was permitted to do the things that would hurt me?

If I was that carefree would it be easy for me in the beginning when Sehun let me into his world?

There were so many what ifs I wish I was able to answer after I asked them to myself during those times. But I guess, when one was raised the way I was, you wouldn’t really know a lot of things. After all, experience would always be the best teacher. And I lacked experience. I lacked exposure to what was outside my small world.

Perhaps listening to mom and believing that the only things she approved of were the things I could only touch bounded me to the poor knowledge I have in terms of life and what was real.

And, boy, how I was regretting the foolishness I had been gifted with at that time. I was such an idiot. I didn’t know what I was doing at fourteen.

I was already contented with Sehun not being so upset about us staying in his house that I had no idea why he introduced me to his gang. I didn’t think that he would allow me to share his friends with him or allow me to talk to him outside his home. That it was so weird for me when he told everyone I was his cousin.

It was overwhelming, but not exciting, though. I didn’t enjoy meeting new people nor the too much attention they gave me after knowing that I was—allegedly—Oh Sehun’s beloved cousin. In fact, it drained the energy left in me while they throw questions about Sehun that I couldn’t answer without stuttering. It was hard to lie. And I had been lying on their faces with the answers I were spewing like an idiot every time they would enthusiastically add me to the circle of gossips every break period.

Whenever that would happen, of course, Sehun and his gang would be around. They would create their own circle at lunch at the other side of the room and would eat to themselves without me. I would be long forgotten by them by then and would only remember to save me from the messy situation I was in ten minutes before the next class.

Sehun would do the saving, of course, but I could tell whenever he would fetch me, after being interrogated by those girls, that he meant for that to happen because of the mischievous smile on his lips that he always secretly had. He meant to leave me alone with his fans as some sort of distraction while he had his alone time with his friends.

So basically, Oh Sehun gave me the lead role in my own show. Just that he forgot to write the script. And now I was making my own script for the sake of this stupid show. Just so that I would not have to embarrass myself and so that I could save Sehun’s ing from being asked later on whether we were really related.

I was fine with being used like that before. I was fine someone was taking advantage of me because they knew I wouldn’t do anything to get back at them. But not like this. I was not used to people being around. I was not used to noisy places. All I always asked was peace and calm. I hated discord. I hated being put on the spotlight. But Sehun put me in a place where I didn’t want to be in. He made me do things I didn’t know how I was supposed to do or handle. He removed the quiet around me. He took away from me the privacy I had. I had been stripped off my capability to be invisible.

That for the next few days I took the initiative to turn myself invisible again. I didn’t talk to Sehun, ignored him whenever he would barge into my room to lay on my bed, didn’t wake up his lazy in the morning when I was supposed to, didn’t honor his call when from the distance I heard him say my name, didn’t come to school with him when that was usually the setup since stepping into his house.

At school, I learned to hide from everyone especially in the morning (I stayed in the yard until it was quarter to eight) and at lunch (I hid in the bathroom and ate the meal I prepared for myself). And usually after school since I knew Sehun would allow me to walk with him home, I would stay in the library until it was five just so I won’t have to come home with him.

I did all that just to move away from the life that Sehun was forcing on me. A life I was not used to and might not ever get used to.

Thinking back, that was how I saw things as. Sehun’s popularity and the attention by association it brought to me was something I found bothersome and scary.

But now, I think that it must be my personality which affected my decision to curl back into my shell. I was not used to being noticed that I hid myself, not knowing that I could have done something else. If only I was a bolder person, that was.

But the point was, I was not a bold person. I was foolish. I didn’t know what to do most of the time. And not being given the choice drove me into a corner and made me go back to the old ways I was so used to doing.

However, that changed one fine afternoon—two weeks later, when I was about to escape the library. It was exactly five in the afternoon.

I always followed to the time that I was to go home because then mom didn’t like me arriving too late. I had my things with me then and I was about to shut the door to the library close ever so cautiously like a smooth criminal begging not to be noticed by the people around when I heard the familiar voice behind me. I hadn’t heard it in two weeks, but I knew he owned it.

“Where do you think you are going?”

I remember his pitch becoming deeper then because he had just hit puberty and was not anymore the awkward middle schooler that most of us still were.

The abrupt question made me jump. I turned to him and had that frightened look in my eyes when I saw the irritation on his face. And as an initial reaction, I opted to run away. But his hand went to grab my wrist and I flailed around stubbornly begging to be released.

“Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!” I told him repeatedly, the emotions already rising in my chest. I didn’t know but more than irritation, I knew I was starting to feel angry at him for what he made me go through.

Heck. Did he think it was funny? Or that it was still a joke to me?

“Sehun!” Someone else spoke in the silent hallway. It was a female voice I knew so well. We stopped midway the wrestle.

Sehun was still strongly holding me captive when he turned around, automatically answering to the female’s call. Of course, why wouldn’t he?

“Joohyun, why are you still here? I told you that you can go ahead. I needed to see my cousin.” Usually his voice would be gentler when talking to Joohyun, that I was surprised when he sounded so unemotional when talking to her like that.

“Ah, well,” From afar I could notice the hesitation in Joohyun’s voice as she shuffled her feet. “I just thought maybe you still wanted to go home together after finding her,” she finally said, looking down. Joohyun was timid behind her popular status.

Sehun sighed. I didn’t think he would find this situation burdensome but the way he reacted told me otherwise. I tried to pull away from his grip then, but Sehun wasn’t completely distracted he even managed to glare back at me. I cowered back, still afraid whenever he had that sternness on his features.

“Sorry Joohyun-ah,” he said, still threatening me with a glare. “But my cousin and I needs to go somewhere first before going home.” I shivered when I heard the emphasis he had on his words.

Needs to go somewhere? The hell! He was an idiot to think I was going to allow him to bring me to that ‘somewhere’. What if he was actually a murderer and was about to take my life to an end because I avoided him? What if he locks me up inside an enclosed space and left me to rot? What if he forces me to eat worms or scorpions or flies to teach me a lesson? Or even push me off a cliff to die? No! No! No!

“Is that so?” Joohyun pouted.

Don’t! Don’t leave me alone with this devil!

Sehun nodded sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

Don’t sacrifice me to the devil! Don’t leeeeaaave me!!!

Joohyun sighed. “Okay.”

That was the end to me.

Bae Joohyun left with a meek wave. Still, she smiled at me and Sehun as she walked away—disappearing in the distance until she was not even a dot—though her offer to w