“Good morning,” Jongin greeted as I was writing homework in English I forgot to do last night.

I looked up briefly, nodding in acknowledgement.

He smiled, sitting on the chair in front of me. “It’s rare to see you cramming like serious.”

“I know, right.” I sighed, biting my lip in concentration. “But I had to take care of everything in the house last night since Mr. Oh and mom were on an On Call at the hospital,” I told him and then tightened my hold on my pen when I remembered what frustrated me more last night than not being able to do my homework. “Plus, that friend of yours, Oh Sehun. That punk? He made me wait until one in the morning for him that’s why I was not able to do anything productive.”

“Oh,” he said. “He stayed out late again?... But I told him to go home early. Where did he even go after practice?” Jongin wondered out loud.

I looked back at him with surprise. “Sehun told me practice was until that time, though.”

“Hm?” He raised a brow, confused as I was. “I was sure, though, that practice was only until 10 in the evening.”

I felt my lips twitch in annoyance. Sehun lied again to me. It was not the first time he did, but I was still not used to him doing it. For some reason. Sehun just started to make lies again about his whereabouts. He didn’t tell me anymore about what went beyond practice, where he would be after ten in the evening and what not. Once, when I called him to ask where he was, he said that he just came from a house dinner with Joohyun’s family, that I assumed after practices were probably reserved for his alone time with Joohyun now. I was never going to ask him again about it, though. I would not dare do that from now on since I didn’t want Sehun to get the wrong idea.

“Is that so?” I asked Jongin, resuming back to my task while pretending not to care so much.

Who cares about what Sehun even does with his life?

He nodded, asking me what had been our homework for English this time. I told him what it had been like in class yesterday and how grumpy our teacher, Mr. Kim, was that he gave us extra work to write a movie review at home.

“That’s horrible,” he said.

I agreed with a hum. “He’s totally different to Ms. Moon. You have no idea how lucky you are in your class for having her,” I told him without thinking much about it.

He chuckled and ruffled my hair, telling me not to pout whenever I was feeling really unlucky I was in the old man’s class.

Oh, right. Speaking of their class… Have I told you that second semester already started? This time, though, we were not in the same classes anymore. Chanyeol and Joonmyeon were in Class 3A. Jongin and Sehun were both in Class 3F. Meanwhile, Baekhyun, Joohyun and I were stuck in 3C together. And this was probably not the best set up, but it seemed that it just so happened that way; I woke up one day having things rather different from a few months ago.

The changes were not really that abrupt, though. I knew how it came to be. I knew how things escalated as to how they were now.

First, with Jongin and me. Clearly, I had rejected his confession—flat out rejected him. It really did happen that night. And I swear, I really thought I was having grand delusions of him having confessed to me, but then the morning after that he had called only to tell me he was sorry if he must have overwhelmed me and that he was not changing his mind. He did not regret ever confessing, he said. And that he truly desired to continue liking me.

It was definitely awkward for me in the beginning that I told him he shouldn’t do that if it would only result to me hurting him in the end. But he said, it was only natural to feel hurt at times and joked that it was because he was truly in love with me. Feeling annoyed at the joke, I smacked him hard on the head to the point he cried in pain. But I knew he deserved it. There was no joke worse than telling me those words.

Love? I had long forgotten what it even felt like that I no longer trusted it. Jongin knew that, that’s why I didn’t let him to bid such words without meaning them.

He was pretty understanding, though, that it was not hard to get used to him. He always made me feel comfortable, on top of that. Always thought of me first than himself, too. That sometimes even if it annoyed me to rely on him, I would get rather touched that he was doing things for me because he wanted to, not because he was obliged to do it.

Even in the beginning, we clicked together so easily that it was hard not to forget that Jongin did confess to me. He was like a best friend I never had before, after all. It was not easy to not like him as a friend.

Second, was what happened to Sehun and I.

I seriously had no idea how hard had I been to Sehun, but what I knew was that it must have gravely upset him. My words must have struck him deep that he came back to not talking to me. We were like complete strangers again. It was just that, this time I knew that I was no longer going to be able to ignore how much he was trying to avoid me, because I knew I cared if he even tried to. I cared if he won’t look me in the eye. I cared if he was not going to answer to my calls. I cared if he hadn’t eaten his meals yet. I cared if he was going to be late in going home.

But it seemed that the gap between us now was no longer fixable by late night snacks in the kitchen at midnight. It was too late for that. He no longer entertained the idea of actually sharing some of his time at an unholy hour with me, that it was ironic how horrible I was feeling even if I knew it was my fault he was doing this. I knew he was trying his best not to cling to me, not to care for me. I was the one who ordered him to stop doing that.

And yet, at the back of my mind, there was this part of me that was secretly, helplessly hoping for Oh Sehun to actually care. Did I still even matter to him? The thought that I had stopped finally mattering to him made me actually cry in my sleep sometimes. But it was inevitable. I was not yet used to it now, but I had to. I wouldn’t be able to take back my words, that’s why I had to.

It was best to actually separate myself from him, from being too much attached to him, because I knew it was the right thing to do. If I didn’t want him to hurt me later, I had to make the distance between us wider.

I knew I was doing a good job at fulfilling that.

Yet, why did it not make me happy?

Third, with mom and I. I guess, it only came naturally that we would eventually fix the rift between us. Because we were mother and daughter. And being the only ones in our family now probably made us even more conscious of how much the other really mattered.

Maybe mom really loved me even from the start the way I thought a mother should. I was just the one who was blind not to see how much she did. I mistook her intentions and wants for me to orders that I had no choice about. I let myself get fooled by her white lies. But I knew, I was the reason for every decision that she made that I was able to forgive her. We were both on the wrong and the right. We just thought what we knew what was best for each other, though it was already unreasonable.

Maybe that was just how the real kind of love went. You did things even if they couldn’t make any sense to the rest of the world. You just did it because you felt like it. Not for any other reasons that could make sense.

Not too long ago, too, mom returned the bracelet to me, saying that it should be a sign of a new start. This time, though, there was no sugar coating as to whom it came from. She just gave it to me and smiled, saying how I should keep it and get reminded of her through it whenever she couldn’t be with me, physically.

I was deeply touched.

If there was this kind of love I consider true, it was hers.

Fourth, about mom and Mr. Oh. I suppose there was not an easy way for my mom to fall for someone again after what dad did. But I was thankful to Mr. Oh for being such a patient friend, He always went out of his way to help us no matter what and I must say that he was more than good enough. He was a man full of virtues and a responsible father. He was not like my father. That I was beginning to think that perhaps it wouldn’t be bad if mom would realize her true feelings for the old man.

I was not saying that he was the perfect man to replace my father and that I trust him entirely, but it was just that after much pondering, I guess, I thought he was decent. I hadn’t approved of him before trying to get close to mom and I, but I suppose first impressions didn’t really last. Getting to know him further really helped me understand why mom followed her best friend back to their hometown. It was because mom trusted him. It was because he was right that we could have a better start here. Maybe it was not really necessary to move out of Seoul, but I think that things happened for a reason—for mom and I to meet him and to get to know these people we learned to value now.

Maybe this was also fate’s way of telling us that it was not a fault at all if we wished to have a new family—a new set of friends, a new love, a new meaning to life, a new home. No, it was not bad at all to be greedy about having a real family.

In any case, I thought further about it and maybe if our families would get tied together later in life then perhaps I could allow myself to get closer to Sehun without feeling guilty about it. At least, by then we would be a real family. I wouldn’t have to feel rather anxious about wanting for his help or his care or his protection. Because he will become my brother. That was what should sisters expect from their big brothers, right?

My mind reeled back to my homework when I realized I was not making any real progress. I had slapped Jongin’s arm out of context, blaming him for distracting me. He had just laughed it off; telling me it was my fault for being in a trance. I went back into writing, ignoring him when he just propped up his elbow on my desk and rested his chin on his palm as he watched me in amusement. I would glare at him from time to time, but he would only smile, teasing me for being cute whenever I was angry.

I would rather find his comments outrageous that I would not be able to hold back myself and accuse him that he could only say that because he was biased towards me. Jongin was not embarrassed to admit that I was right, though. He said that because of how he felt.

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