Did you sometimes ever have this feeling that you just had all your luck out of your body and you just want the day to end, sleep it over, so that you can restart your life the next day?

It was the same thing I felt the moment I laid eyes on the person I secretly expected and not to see on this day. My dad. I mean, he had every right to be at Kyunghee. Heck, he taught Literature here. He was a professor. I just didn’t think that out of so many chances of meeting him, in this huge place, he’d choose to appear during my school trip and in front of everybody.

It all happened as soon as Jongin and I came back from the nearby café on campus. Jongin was quietly mulling to himself after his declaration and I let him off as soon as we located our friends. He occupied himself by joking around with Joonmyeon and Jongdae as if he didn’t just cry and had his heart broken. Pity consumed me as I stared at him, but I could only watch silently, not wanting to add to the wounds I’d already inflicted.

Seol unnie was busy taking pictures when I found her. She was with Yeri who was also busy admiring a bronze statue nearby. I had been watching them carefully at the side, trying my best to stay happy.

But the happy feeling all came down the drain as soon as I noticed the familiar figure—that really looked like my father—thoughtfully speaking with my homeroom teacher. I’d squinted at their general direction, hoping that I’d only mistaken him for someone else or that he might have just been a distant fragment of my imagination.

But then my homeroom teacher tore her gaze away from my father and scanned the area. I gulped, praying that she wouldn’t spot me and tried to stealthily escape the scene. But as if she had her GPS tracker on me, her eyes glowed the moment she spotted me, waving her hand as she called my name—loud enough to turn heads.

“Mijoo-ssi!” I flinched at the sound of her voice.

This was followed by the slow-motion of my dad turning his gaze at the general direction I was in. I stiffened as soon as we connected eyes and a smile blossomed on his lips. A smile he showed as if nothing happened in the past.

Why was he here? Why was he smiling at me like that?

My fists clenched on my sides, anger threatening to build at the core of my heart. I couldn’t stop the emotions from overlapping as he sauntered towards me, the smile still plastered on his face. I could hear someone calling for me in the background but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the person I most definitely loathed with all my heart.

I was glaring at him as he approached, hoping he’d get the message, but dad just had to be a horrible person and not care. It was as if he couldn’t see the hate in my eyes. It was as if to him it was just fine for me for him to appear like this without preparation.

What happened to not seeing each other? Didn’t he stop supporting me after my last visit to Seoul? Didn’t he stop being my father after that?

“Mijoo,” he breathed out my name, but I hated it.

I hated that he could just casually come out of my life and enter whenever he wanted to only for him to walk out of it again. He had no right, but he was claiming rights to me, nonetheless, for coming here. I was not his daughter anymore. He should have known not to appear in front of me.

“What are you doing here?” I hissed, showing displeasure at his appearance.

The smile didn’t drop from his lips, but it was threatening to fall. I was sure he expected me to jump into his arms as if I’d truly missed him but that was not happening. I was not that gullible little girl anymore. “Aren’t you happy to see your dad, princess?” he asked.

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. Hearing that term of endearment he used to call me like I was the most precious thing to him, I couldn’t help but inwardly cringe. It no longer held any special meaning. His words were nothing but empty. “Not the least bit. Because the last time I remember you stopped being a real father to me.”

His lips pressed to a thin line, hands balled to fists on his sides. “I didn’t,” he defended. “You and your mother just won’t give me the chance.”

“And why should we give you a chance? You blew it the first time. How can a second time be any different?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows at him.

Hurt passed his features but it was gone as soon as it came. I knew I was being harsh, but staying in one place as him proved to be hard for me. He looked at me with tenderness in his eyes, trying to search something in mine that would give away I still wanted him. And yes, I do. But my anger weighed over the sliver of love and yearning that was still there for a father. A father that I longed for.

Tightening my walls around me, I squared my shoulders and glared at him, willing him to back off and be gone. “We have nothing to talk about. You can’t just disappear and appear back to my life whenever you want. This is my life we’re talking about, you know? Not yours to control. So just back off and go back to your new wife and family.” I said with spite, turning around to leave.

I had just taken two steps away from him when he said, “it’s because of me that you’re here, you know?” I was surprised to hear it but didn’t stop in my tracks. I no longer wanted to know his story. “I may not be the father that you’re looking for, but I do keep tabs on you. I do. And let me tell you. I do care about you, princess. I always ask your mom about you.”

I finally stopped in my tracks when I heard what he said. How could mom do that? Why was she talking to this moron about me? I felt really betrayed and disappointed with mom. How her mind worked was still a mistery to me. Sometimes I wondered if she was even ever mad at him after all the bad things he did to us. I guess, she wan’t. Was it perhaps because she still loved him somehow?

I didn’t turn around. I was rooted to my spot and could feel him coming close. When his hand came into contact with my shoulder, I flinched but stopped the urge to make another snarky comeback. The least I wanted to happen was for other people to enjoy our family’s drama unfold in front of them while they ate popcorn.

“I’m not here to get you, princess, nor am I here to try and hurt you again,” he said and somehow he almost fooled me with the tenderness in his voice. He sounded so sincere. “I asked a friend of mine in your school to arrange things for me so that you’ll have to visit here too for your school trip. I did that because I want to talk to you and fix things between us.”

“There’s no fixing you have to do. Everything has long been ruined. And you know? The damage had been done. How are you going to erase those times of pain we experienced because you were not a good husband and father? We’re done dad. I have nothing to talk about with you.” I tried to shake his hand off my shoulder but he only grasped my wrist, not letting me go.

“Release me.” Tears were already prickling my eyes.

“I just need some of your time.”

“You already wasted enough of my time. Besides, we need to go back to the hotel now.”

“You don’t have to go back with the others. I can bring you back without getting in trouble. I have your homeroom teacher’s consent on this.”

I spun around, glaring at him. “How could you? Why do you always try to decide for me? I’m not coming with you.” I shook my head vehemently.

Suddenly his face transformed to that of sadness and pain. Suddenly I was severely aware of the dejected look on him. His eyes that were full with hope had dimmed into one that had lost its brightness. He might have known before finding me that this was coming. He should have known. Yet, did he risk finding me, coming to me so that he could really fix things between us? Was he being really sincere this time?

“Please, Mijoo,” He pleaded. A part of me got whisked away by it. Dad wasn’t one to beg. He was always too proud to do it, but then here was my overbearing father saying it. “All I am asking is for you to hear me out. I won’t take too much of your time. I just want to spend some time with you and if you do really think I don’t deserve your forgiveness then I’ll get out of your life for good.”

So many things ran through my mind as I listened to him. Wasn’t this what I wanted for him to do for such a long time? For him to try and beg for my forgiveness? For him to be the one in pain and the one to face rejection? Be witness to his hurt? I wanted it all to come true and be the one who had the last say, but somehow a percentage of me wanted to know how much he’d changed. Did he really?

That was how I found myself begrudgingly agreeing to his request a few minutes later while the others fell in line to go back to the hotel. I wasn’t sure whether seeing my father in flesh was big gossip enough that I could feel eyes following us as we walked away, but I just hoped they won’t talk about it for long. Hopefully, this just looked like a dad normally wanting to visit his child even though I wouldn’t agree it was normal for a father to pull me away from the group that easily. The old man must have pulled some strings to get me excused.

I made sure to put a huge distance between us as we trudged back in awkward silence to the café Jongin and I just spent a very emotional afternoon in. The sky was already dim when we got in and dad ordered a hot cup of macchiato for me, wanting for me to think he still remembered what I liked—which he did. He was trying to win my favor back, that I was sure; but he wasn’t getting it from me that easily despite this.

Nursing the cup in front of me, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. It was awful enough he took the liberty to crash at my school trip, but this was just the cherry on top. My emotions were running wild and I didn’t know how it’d be if I looked into his eyes. I might just explode by then.

Hearing him clear his throat against the indie music playing around us and our silence, I made sure I was all ears despite pretending to be nonchalant. This was his last chance at explanation and I’d give him that. But that was it.

“I know you won’t easily forgive me for not being a father to you, but I hope you can give me a chance,” he said, beginning his monologue. “I will prove to you that I have changed. I am no longer that idiot of a father that thought sending you money alone was enough to sooth you. I didn’t know before that it was not what you need.”

Silence.

I crossed my arms and dug my nails over the skin on my forearms as I waited with baited breath for his next words.

“If not for your mother shouting at me back then in the hospital, I wouldn’t have realized how much I’ve neglected you and your feelings. “ It was pretty much big news to me what my mother did that I widened my eyes in surprise. Mom never said anything about giving a piece of her mind to him that day. I thought she was still so in love with dad she wouldn’t have the courage to shout at his face. “You’re such a beautiful child, Mijoo. You’re my one and only precious princess and I let you down big time. That probably . Especially when you came all the way here to come to my wedding—even though that’s probably something you could have hated doing—and I didn’t even show up at the train station. I will not make up any excuses for that because I truly forgot about you. I was so caught up with my new life with Yuri that…” he trailed off.

This time, I turned my gaze to him and saw him gulping down a lump that was probably stuck in his throat. Dad wasn’t one for dramatics but here he was with eyes glossed over with emotions. It was the first time I actually saw him look this vulnerable. All this time, he was the stern man I knew. The only time he’d let his walls down was when pampering me, his daughter.

“That you didn’t remember you had a daughter waiting for you in the cold, all alone?” I finished for him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, regretting everything, taking in the harsh reality of my words. He deserved it. I won’t regret hurting him like this because he had pulled the trigger and shot my heart with a gun over and over that I became numb to the pain he brought upon me.

“I have long forgotten about it, dad. Something as bad as that for a memory is something not worth remembering. But what I would keep holding on to is how that made me feel about you. You’re the worst father I know. You deserve to wallow in guilt for as long as you live if that’s what you’re feeling right now,” I hissed, my voice soft but sharp on the edges. Dad was gripping his mug tightly, watching me carefully as I laid my feelings thick in front of him.

“And let’s say you’ve changed for the better. Let’s say you finally care about me now. But tho