When you learn the truth why did it have to hurt so much to the point someone forgets to breathe?

If your air supply got cut off why couldn’t it be the cause of immediate and painless death? I had pondered about it as I slowly opened my eyes and began to see blurred shades of white and something bright above me. The glare was too much I had to shield my eyes with my arm.

Why couldn’t the empty feeling really kill you when it had already stabbed your soul? You are dead inside, but still alive. Wasn’t it a horrible torture?

“S-she’s awake! She’s awake! Call someone!”

I heard voices, but I could barely recognize. My head was spinning. I was in a terrible daze. I looked around, trying to recognize were I was, but my sight was a poor blur. Maybe thick lenses would help, but I didn’t have them with me. I had no glasses. My eyes should be perfectly fine, but they felt too heavy as if I just finished crying.

Oh, right. Wasn’t I crying?

“Han Mijoo-ssi?” I heard someone call me. I tilted my head to my left, finding a figure in white standing next to me. Was he an angel? “Can you hear me?”

I closed my eyes tightly, feeling my head ache so suddenly.

“You’ll feel your head throb from time to time, of course,” he told me as if his words were absolute. How could he know? Was he a doctor?

“Who…?” I tried to ask, mind still hazy.

In my blurry vision I thought I saw him smile. “Your doctor.”

“Doctor?” My eyes widened.

“Right.” He confirmed, smiling again. “You passed out according to what I heard. You had an asthma attack and gave your parents a shock, did you know that?”

“P-parents?” Hearing the word made me wonder if I was dreaming. Did he just say…? Were my parents really…? Was this for real? Or was it such a too good dream?

“You were already turning a shade of blue when you were brought to the emergency room. Had it been a little later you were brought to the hospital, we could have lost you.” The doctor continued, ignoring me. “Glad your father drove here fast,” he said.

I closed my eyes. “Should I give my father a reward for keeping me alive?”

“Eh?”

I smiled bitterly, shaking my head.

He chuckled, trying to keep the tension from growing. I knew I was trying to brew trouble by annoying the doctor, but he was not letting me. He was a smooth talker.

“Tell me, how are you feeling now? You seem to have regained color. You must feel dizzy right now, but later on I’m sure you’d get back into shape—“

“I’m not fine,” I told him bluntly.

“Mwoya,” he uttered, chuckling again, probably thinking I was trying on a joke. “You’re not serious, are you? Your doctor’s an incredible hero. You should give him due credit for saving you at least.”

I snorted. “Should I tell you thank you then even if I didn’t want to?” I burst out, glaring at the innocent doctor. “Wae?!”

“Why should I be grateful that you saved me?!” I bolted up, angry at the fact that I didn’t know the reason I was getting mad at the poor doctor. “Why should you force me to say things I didn’t want? Why do I need to answer your questions? Why did you even save me? Because that’s your job?! Is that your job?! Then you should pick the people you save! You should only save those who want to live not those who had no hope like me!”

“Doctor, I’m still alive, but I feel so empty inside.” I slapped a hand repeatedly on my chest. “Why did you have to save me?”

I started to cry. The door rattled behind me as I began to thrash on my bed. The doctor tried to restrain me down, but I pushed him away successfully. The world spun as I fell hard on the floor. It made a huge commotion as they heard the loud thud my fall created. The line on the back of my hand even got disconnected that blood started spilling out on the floor.

I turned the entire ward into a huge mess as I cried louder like a helpless idiot. Someone restrained me from behind and I found myself unable to move as something sharp penetrated the skin on my arm. Soon enough I felt drowsiness visit me. And the last I heard was the doctor asking to put me back to bed before I fell back to sleep. A really deep one.

The next time I woke up it was already two days later. They said depressants didn’t usually last that long in the system but my doctor said I was probably too fatigued that I woke up only after two days. He said I cried even in my sleep that it exhausted me. Maybe it was also my will to remain in my sleep, he said.

“Dr. Geum can you give me another dose of that drug?” I asked him thoughtlessly, wondering if he would actually allow me to fall asleep with another shot. “That was a really good drug.”

He feigned a hiss and ruffled my hair. I scrunched up my nose in annoyance and slapped his hand away without holding back. He was truly annoying and he deserved it.

“Wah, look at this punk,” he pretended to scoff though I could see the smile on his face. “You disrespectful brat!” He raised his hand in the air about to strike me. Seeing it made me panic that I shielded myself with my arms on instinct.

Dad also used to do it.

But when I felt not an ounce of pain, I slowly removed my arms away and peered at the doctor. He had a smug look as he crossed his arms over his chest. “So you’re scared of that, at least, huh?” he asked cockily.

I sighed, trying not to lash out at the doctor again. What had happened before was already too much for him and I hadn’t even apologized. I was not ever planning to. He was awful at asking questions anyway and he pissed me off like this.

“Don’t ask again for something that’s not necessary for your recovery. We can only give you what you need.”

“Then, should I create another scene so you’d give me that shot?”

“Mwoya?!” he sounded incredulous. “Do you plan on overdosing you brat? And you’re even trying to get me in trouble for it! The nerve of this kid!” He pretended to scoff again, saying something between the lines of me actually trying to get him to lose his job as a doctor.

I couldn’t help but laugh. It suddenly bubbled inside me, seeing Dr. Geum all worked up. He was a complete source of entertainment to me because he didn’t get mad whatever I said. And the fact that he was too nosy for his own good lead to me teasing him a lot whenever he did his rounds in the ward. I had been given the permission to go out of the room on my third day that I used my privilege as much as I could whenever the adults were not around, especially when dad or Kwon Yuri was not around.

I was not planning on talking to them or even going back to that house. It was not my house after all. It was a house dad bought for his new family. And that family didn’t include me. Why didn’t I even think about that before coming here? Was I too blinded by my love for my father and this false hope that he wanted my by his side that I still chose to come and get hurt by the truth?

But it was me who chose this fate. So why was I complaining like this? I was the one wanting to fin