The sky was already a blur of black and and a burst of small diamonds when Jongin came home. The house was empty than usual. His sister, Jisoo, was just on her way home and his parents were at his Aunt Soo’s house. The woman was his father’s younger sister and was a widow whom the couple often visited.

It was not a secret in the family that Aunt Soo’s husband died three years ago due to heart attack. Many pitied her for it. Being left with three kids to feed and nothing in her husband’s name yet, it left her many scars and things to fill in for in her husband’s stead. It was a very drastic and unfortunate turn in her life, but it was only Jongin’s parents’ who did not pity her and showed her the right way to live. They helped her and accompanied her in her darkest days and in return she willingly invited them in their house and cooked them a feast whenever. She was a woman who was warm and kind and knew how to repay someone else’s kindness. She didn’t become a bother to the family and in fact what trial they went through together only brought the two families closer.

Jongin was supposedly to come with them to his Aunt Soo’s house then, too. But his parents found out that his childhood friends were asking him out to watch a baseball game that same day. It was a tight spot for him. He didn’t really want to see them leave without him. It was because he was always worried for them. But his mother made the situation easier for him and pushed him to go to the baseball game with the gang.

“Com’on. You don’t always get to watch this kind of game in a year. Besides, Mijoo’s going to be there. Why don’t you accompany her? Don’t you want to spend more time with her?” Jongin was flustered by his mother’s words, but it was true he also wanted to do that. He even thought it would have been nicer if it was just him and Mijoo on a date, but he quickly removed the thoughts from his head. He was afraid she’d reject the offer.

“But mom…” he whined, looking at his mom with a cute pout on his lips.

She chuckled, seeing her adorable son look like that. It was obvious that Jongin wanted to come to the game but his worry over them was the only thing stopping him.

“Don’t give me that look, son. I know what you really want to do. And if you really want to go to the baseball game then just do so,” she said, pushing him to get inside the bathroom already and take a nice bath.

“I don’t want to hold you back.” She continued when Jongin still dragged the pout like an adorable, little puppy. “Just go in and dress well. Make sure to look handsome in front of our Mijoo, okay? We can’t let her fall in love with another boy.”

“Mom!”

But his mom only walked away, laughing at his son.

-

In the end, Jongin attended the baseball game with everyone and went home happy. He was so drunk with happiness that he even danced on his way to his room and plopped himself down his bed with a huge smile on his face. He couldn’t stop thinking how cute was Mijoo today and how she always made his heart flutter, to the point of arrest.

She didn’t look that happy that day, but her smile was infectious. It made his heart sing in joy, glad that he chose to join them instead of going to his Aunt’s.

But all those carefree thoughts easily went down the drain when he received the unfortunate news from his sister.

“Jong,” she said in between cries. “mom and dad…they,,,they…got into an accident.”

It was like everything in Jongin’s world crumbled that same moment and as soon as he was told by his sister where their parents could be he bolted out of their house like his life depended on it. He never felt so desperate and so heartbroken at the same time that tears blurred his eyes.

Why did it have to happen to them? Why them? Why wasn’t he with them when it happened? Maybe it wouldn’t have just been them who suffered.

Now, guilt was starting to eat him that he was not with them when they probably most needed their son.

This is all my fault, he thought to himself, hitting his chest harshly in punishment.

He refused to remove the idea that he didn’t do anything wrong. Because to him it could have been his fault that they got into an accident even though it was not really the case. Accidents happen. But he wanted to blame something for it because he didn’t believe it could happen for no reason. It was all his fault, that was his thoughts.

When he arrived at the hospital, Jongin was a complete mess. He was not able to change out of his clothes so it was okay, but the frantic look on his face made him look frenzied that people looked at him weirdly. He didn’t care, though. His eyes could no longer focus on the trivial and unimportant things.

And as soon as he found the operating room he almost came barging in and searching for his parents if not for a medical staff stopping him from doing so.

“You can’t go in, sir. This is an area restricted to non-employees. If your family is in, then please go to the waiting area. We will inform you of any news once the operation finished.”

He was reluctant to leave, but the man in scrubs gave him a stern look that made him back down. It was only then when he saw the tired look on the man’s face that he became a bit more rational in thought and realized he must be causing unnecessary distress and was tiring out an already exhausted man. It was the least he ever wanted. Who knew if that man was someone who was helping his parents stay alive. He didn’t want to repay with any kind of trouble the old man and apologized, thinking that it was not the right thing to do.

“Sorry,” he said, bowing down while holding back his tears.

The man in scrubs looked at him with pity in his eyes. But he didn’t say anything to make Jongin feel better and instead accepted the apology before getting back inside the operating room.

Jongin fell down to the floor after feeling his knees weaken. There was only so much his fifteen year old body could handle that it was a pity he felt very, very weak now. He was in so much pain he thought his heart could burst out. He bawled his eyes out in a corner, wondering if his parents were going to be okay.

What if something bad happened to them? What if they’d end up in a critical condition? If his parents went into coma like those in dramas, how were they going to live without them? How was it going to be like to lose them?

He was so scared, like a small, lost child who didn’t know what to do, that he could only cry. It was only then he realized how much really important his parents were, how much he loved them and how awful it was going to be like if he ever lost them. He won’t ever forgive himself if something worse would happen to them. Because there were still so much things he hadn’t told them and he was begging the heaven for more time spent with them so that he could make up for the unsaid words.

I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you.

Jongin regretted not saying those words to his mother and father more often. How he wished he could right at that moment. How he wished he really could.

But it was too late.

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