So?” Regine asked out of nowhere

“So what?” I asked

“Have you chosen yet?”

The other members stopped eating and looked at me.

I sighed “I wished.”

“It’s confirmed that you had and possibly still have feelings for Donghae but Kibum, could it be possible that you just feel sorry for him?” Lyn said

Another sigh escaped my lips as I looked at the necklace Kibum gave me.

==
For my next schedule, I was going to be on Family Outing. Would it be too much of a coincidence if I said Donghae was the other guest? When he first stepped down the car, my smile was stripped off from my face but I whipped on another one before the camera could see. Obviously, we didn’t talk much with each other and rarely had eye contact but then the time for cooking dinner came, we were tasked to get some vegetables together.

On our way, we didn’t talk. To the staff, it seemed like we were just awkward but they didn’t know we were actually feeling pain inside. I glanced at him but he was looking straight ahead. When we had arrived at the vegetable plantation (?), we looked around. We really didn’t have any idea what to pick.

I cleared my throat “Oppa, what are we supposed to pick?”

Donghae looked at me, surprised that I spoke to him, but he quickly looked away and directed his stare at the staff “What were we supposed to pick?”

“Guess it yourself.” The PD replied

Donghae and I stared at the PD dumbfounded before bursting into smiles but once we looked at each other we turned serious again. We started to walk around the field. After 10 minutes, Donghae broke the silence.

“Oh peppers.” He pointed to the far right

We hurriedly went and started to pick the peppers. For a second, his hand accidentally brushed mine and I got a shock from the unexpected touch. I looked at him but he was focused on picking the peppers. I moved away. We finished picking the vegetables and came back.

“Finally, you two have arrived.” Hyori unnie said “Are you sure you guys were just picking vegetables? What took you so long?”

“Maybe they went on a date.” Jaesuk said, hoping to make it funny but instead we just stared at him.

“What are you talking about? Ah..seriously.” Hyori shook her head as she started to prepare the vegetables

It took some time to prepare dinner and to finish eating. We had a game after.

“Now our game for tonight is the ‘I love you’ game. That’s right it has returned.” Jaesuk announced “For the guests, I will explain the rules. This game is where a person says ‘I love you’ to the person beside him and he/she could accept or reject it. If he/she accepts, he/she will say ‘I love you’ to the person on his other side and if he rejects, he would say the words ‘What the hell..”

“Ah oppa, they’re idols, they can’t say those kind of things.” Hyori interrupted

“Right. Jaesuk-ah, what were you thinking?” Jongshin lectured as the rest laughed

“Ok. I understand. Then if the person chooses to reject, he could just say whatever he wants. The point here is that you shouldn’t laugh or get embarrassed. The punishment for today is that you get a kiss on the cheek from the two persons beside you. Ok, let’s start.”

“Should I accept or reject it? I love you game.”

Coincidentally, the person on my right was Donghae and on my left was Daesung. The others teased us and said that there were going to be scandals going on. Finally it was Donghae’s turn. He turned to meet my eyes and I felt myself melting from his intense gaze. It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at those dark brown eyes.

“you -sshi…” Donghae said in almost a whisper

I wanted to look away and avoid his gaze but it was against the rules if he did so. It felt as if hours had passed before Donghae spoke.

“Saranghae.”

I took a deep breath, not knowing what to do. Anyone who knows about our secret knew this was a big deal for us. I blinked my eyes rapidly, not quite believing that this was happening. I couldn’t reply and just stared at him. My voice seemed to disappear and since I wasn’t saying anything, the game was restarted.

Donghae didn’t prolong his gaze and quickly looked away. Then the rankings came. As expected, Donghae won first place. The 1st place in the girls was going to get a hug from Donghae and I got it. I was disappointed. It was short and cold.

It was time to sleep. For those who don’t know the 1st placers sleep next to each other though separated by space. Everyone fell asleep quickly except for me. I turned to my side and looked at Donghae, remembering the last time I slept next to him and I smiled. I wanted to touch his face but I couldn’t and not only because there were cameras but I was afraid to do so. I turned my back on him and finally fell asleep.

The next day was the same. Donghae and I didn’t talk and avoided each other. Luckily, no one seemed to notice. Time passed quicker then I thought. When we arrived at the airport at Korea, I said goodbye to everyone and gave just a small nod at Donghae I came home full of regrets. I learned something from the experience though and it was that I still had feelings for Donghae. I should be happy now that I have a decision but why didn’t I? Just the thought of Kibum’s pained face hurt me and then another thing: Taeyeon.

==
I walked into the dorm, ready to collapse on my bed and get sleep but I stopped when I saw Taeyeon sitting on the couch. She gave me a faint smile and I bowed. I exchanged glances with the other members. We were all surprised that Taeyeon was here but we also knew why she was here. “

********

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