AN: Guys, sorry for the delay, I had written this conversation a while ago but after my research on the matter I had to change their conversation so the narrative could be more relatable for woohyun and not reinforce only the parents' point of view. You'll know that Hoya is mostly indirect about Myungsoo, not only because for him (he is also an adoptee) Woohyun feelings are more important, but because he is not meant to convince him of anything at the moment, his goal is to make Woohyun see that he is not the only one that has this kind of situation going on and that people can react differently.
Talking about that, I'm sorry that Hoya's story became as dramatic as a Mexican soap opera (though it slightly improved from the drug-addicted parents I had originally thought for him) but I needed more people in his birth family so I could show a variety of reactions about reunions.
Also, It's probably clear I focused more on the dialogues so sorry if I'm not being that descriptive.
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"No," Woohyun said then avoided eye contact.

While Sungyeol looked at his cousin with furrowed confused eyebrows, Bumsoo came back with his eyes on his phone and then looked at each one of them. He spoke when he saw no one doing so.

"Are you done with your homework Namu?" Woohyun sighed deeply before he looked at the blank paper in front of him.

"There is some left." 

"Hm." Bumsoo hummed. "Then you wouldn't mind if I were to leave for a bit right?" He asked as he looked from Woohyun to Sonmi while Sungyeol was trying to decipher his cousin’s presence in the apartment with colored pens, a file full of papers, and his laptop.

“Where are you going?” Sonmi asked from the kitchen.

“Our neighbor sent us a message, there is something wrong with our house,” Bumsoo explained while he turned his back to Woohyun so he could mouth something for his wife. ‘Myungsoo.’

“Is everything ok? What happened?” She asked worried while Woohyun eyes moved from one grandparent to the other with squinted eyes.

“Everything is fine.” Bumsoo tried to assure but after his wife gave him a look, he understood he had to come up with a story. “Hum... something with a three and our roof?” He sounded a bit doubtful but then realized it was a plausible small white lie that Woohyun couldn’t care less about, he had already lost interest in their conversation. “I have to check things there, she says it will rain in Incheon tonight.” He ended up adding.

“Are you gonna come back for dinner?” Sonmi asked and Bumsoo scrunched up his face, of course, he hadn’t thought about the implications of his lie nor was sure if meeting Myungsoo would take so long.

“I’m not sure.” He ended up sighing. “If it takes too much time to solve the problem I’ll sleep over there. You can take care of stuff here, right?” Bumsoo asked as he moved back to the door and threw a glance towards the pair of cousins and the only kid in the room.

“Yes, of course, everything will be fine.” She assured as she stretched her lips in a sad smile.

“Ok then, I got to go.” He blew her a kiss and then looked back at Woohyun. “Woohyunnie, I’ll go and come back quickly, obey your grandma ok?” He instructed.

“She is not…”

“Woohyun.” Sungyeol slightly scolded.

The boy sighed. “Ok.” 

With that Bumsoo closed the door and Sonmi approached the other three and looked at Hoya. “What are you doing standing up? You came to talk to your cousin, right? Make yourself at home, I’ll try to help Woohyun with the rest of his homework in his room so you two can talk.” She walked to Woohyun's other side and was about to try to gather his things (much for the boy's frustrated expression) when Hoya gulped hard and tried speaking.

“It’s ok, you don’t need to take him away.” Both Woohyun and Sonmi looked at him and blinked. “I mean, I came to see Sungyeol, yes, but I need a child’s opinion too. I was gonna ask Sunggyu later but since Woohyun is already here...” He finished with a sheepish smile.

Sonmi blinked for a bit and then it sank in that Hoya was there for Woohyun. “Oh. Then, I’ll...”

“I don’t wanna,” Woohyun said tiredly and Sungyeol patted his back. 

“It’s ok Woohyun, you can just say whatever he wants to show us or you can just be quiet while I kick this hyung out,” Sungyeol assured and Woohyun just crossed his arms over his homework and rested his chin in it. Sonmi looked at Sungyeol but the taller just slightly nodded at her. She threw a last worried look at the boy but left and then Sungyeol finally looked at his cousin. “I don’t remember telling you I'd be with Woohyun, how did you know where I was and what you came here for?”

Hoya slightly glared at Sungyeol as he walked further into the apartment. "Are you asking me this?" The taller sighed, he knew Hoya had multiple ways of finding the address, his question had no real reason to be replied so he just his cousin continued. “I received a…”Hoya placed his things in front of the other two and sat in front of them. “...phone call, yeah a phone call.” Woohyun turned his head to better face Hoya and frown at him while he picked up a paper and pushed it toward Sungyeol. “Hyojin invited me to write and illustrate a children’s book together, she sent me a couple of ideas, but I know nothing about this editorial world so I came to ask a few questions."

He looked from Hoya's eyes to the paper and pulled to himself to read, but he didn't find the basic plot of any book but instead a message.

Myungsoo took the initiative to come and ask me for advice this morning, we had a long talk where I tried to explain a lot of things that Woohyun might be feeling and he told me how everything started. And dude!!!!!!! 

He also told me everything that happened from the day Woohyun went missing to what happened yesterday and asked me to come here so I could talk with him. But, aside from that, I already wanted to help so how do I touch the subject with Woohyun? Can you lend a hand?

It didn’t take long for Sungyeol to read that while he furrowed his brows, Woohyun took the opportunity to get up from his place and move to his room. They both followed the boy with their eyes and once the door was closed Hoya opened his mouth.

“What do I do?” Hoya asked nervously. “He looks like he is inside of a typhoon already, I don’t want to make things worse, so how do you think I should talk with him?"

“With your mouth?” Sunyeol said then pushed the paper in Hoya’s direction while the said man rolled his eyes, that part was obvious. “You can start by not lying. Myungsoo lied to him and that didn’t go well for him. If you lie now you won’t be able to help Woohyun because he won’t trust you.” Sungyeol advised only while Hoya sighed defeatedly. 

“Sorry, I just, I don’t know how to start, he might not want to talk about it and this is quite hard for me too.”

Sungyeol shifted his weight and leaned forward on the coffee table in a business-like manner. 

“Tell him you know and ask him how he is feeling then offer him your wisdom. You opened up to me about it, you can do this with him, you don’t need to be too specific about the details of your life, we just want you to show him some directions.”

“Ok, I’ll go.” Hoya got up to go but threw some begging eyes for him. “Can you be there with me?”

“I’m sorry, cousin, if I stay there it won’t be your hand I’ll be holding this time.” Sungyeol said apologetically as he got up himself and then moved towards Woohyun room. “Come on, you can do it.” He coaxed.

Hoya sighed but moved his feet to follow his cousin and Sungyeol briefly knocked on the door before pushing it open.

“Woohyun-ah.” He called and saw that Woohyun had hugged his pillow but was struggling to find a comfortable position to lay down with it. “Hoya hyung wants to talk to you.”
“I’m sorry hyung, I don’t want to help on anything right now.” Woohyun apologized as he moved his sad eyes to Hoya.

Sungyeol gave his cousin an urging look and discreetly pulled him so Hoya gulped hard and walked inside the room. “To be honest the children’s book was just an excuse.” He admitted awkwardly, well, there were times Hoya wasn’t smooth at all.

Woohyun snorted and looked with some distrust at him. “Then why are you here?”

“Hum.” Hoya's eyes moved as he searched for the words to say. “I came here to ask if I can help you.”

Woohyun sighed and avoided his eyes as he tried another position on his bed. “You can’t help me, nobody can, hyung already tried but I don’t feel any better.”

“I see.” Hoya looked at his cousin and Sungyeol slumped his shoulders so the elder approached the bed and sat on the edge. “ I think our Sungyeol here can help you feel lighter and so other people too, but maybe you’re still not open enough for their help because all that’s happening is still so fresh.” Woohyun adjusted himself a bit and looked down as he thought so Hoya continued. “Or~ because you’re expecting someone to come here to take your pain completely away and make everything great again. If you’re thinking like that, I can tell you in advance you’re just wasting your time, change can happen but it takes time and that has to come from you.”

“How? What do I do?” Woohyun asked in a strange mix of frustration and interest, and seeing that Hoya somehow managed to engage the child, Sungyeol retreated and closed the door quietly, so he could pray for this conversation to go well.

“There is no formula for it. Sometimes people don’t feel like you’re feeling, sometimes they take years to deal with everything, every person is different.” Hoya said and sighed. “As open and cool about my adoption I am, I still struggle now and then too.”

“Why?” Woohyun made a confused expression, he never thought Hoya had problems until Sungyeol mentioned and now he was curious about it.

“Because a lot of things happened to me, do you want to hear my story?” Woohyun remained in silence and Hoya took that as if the boy agreed to listen.

“When I was born I had a mom and a dad and I lived with them, sort of, until I was three. I don’t remember many things about that time, especially because they didn’t spend much time at home and I used to spend my time with a neighbor.”

“I spend time with my neighbors too.” Woohyun interrupted.

“Yeah, but it was not like the way you spend your time with Sunggyu and Sungyeol. I didn’t play there, I didn’t stay overnight once or twice then came back home as you do. My neighbor was old, the type of old that cannot run after you if you run -she felt like a grandma - and my parents fought each other so much that sometimes the grandma didn’t let them take me home.” 

“Why not?”

“Because she was afraid I could get hurt by my dad, he was not a good father and he used to get extremely violent when he was drunk,” Hoya replied honestly, and Woohyun gasped.

“Did he beat you?”

“I’m not sure, my memories of that time are hazy because I was too young.” Woohyunt tilted his head to the side in confusion. “I know this because at some point my birth mom told me but I’ll explain how that happened later.” The boy slightly nodded so he took a deep breath and continued. “When I was about three this grandma was becoming sick so she moved in with her daughter while I stayed with my mom, I followed her around a lot. I liked my mom, her smile was so magical in my memories.” He chuckled before making a sad expression.

“One day, mom woke me up and said she was going to take me to have some fun. We ate a good meal first, she told me good things and made me laugh. She hugged me and told me how much she loved me. Once we left the restaurant, she held my hand and told me we were going to an amusement park. We walked for a while and my feet started to hurt, I asked her a couple of times if we would arrive soon and she would reply, `Yes, dear’ and my hazy memories tell me that at some point she was wiping a tear and avoiding looking at me.” Hoya’s eyes started to water as he continued. “We finally reached a subway station, it was crowded there, many people coming and going in a rush. She told me we would have to ride the subway and made me run for a bit, but when the subway arrived, and many people came out of it, she let go of my hand and disappeared between people.”

Woohyun eyes produced tears as well, he thought that his eyes were probably tired of crying for the last past days but he couldn’t help but feel sad when hearing that. “What did you do?”

Hoya briefly wiped the tears threatening to fall and stretched his lips awkwardly. “What could I have done? I tried calling for her, I tried to chase her on my own but there were so many people and I was so small and I couldn’t keep up so I cried and screamed. I remember my heart beating fast in fear, I was so scared and desperate and nobody bothered to stop to help me. After some time a couple of noonas found me, one of them offered me water and tried to calm me down while the other tried to find a police officer. When the officer arrived, he asked me about my parents and I told him my mom’s name and that we were supposed to go to an amusement park but I lost myself.”

“What happened then?” Woohyun asked interested.

“He said he would help me find my mom and brought me to a police station and then disappeared. I stayed in a corner waiting while I was trying to draw my mom to help - but, at that point, I hadn’t the skills I have today so it was probably useless - until I fell asleep. A woman woke me up later and she said that the police didn’t find my mom yet and I had to go with her to a shelter.”

“What’s a shelter?” The boy interrupted to ask.

“It’s a place that provides food and a bed for a few days.” He explained. “I was scared that night so I couldn’t sleep. I stayed most of the next day near the door, waiting for my mom to appear, but she didn’t come, no one came. The next day another person came and took me to the hospital for a check-up and then they finally brought me to an orphanage.”

“So they didn’t find your mom?” Woohyun made a sad face.

“They did,” Hoya said in a constricted way. “But she told them that despite loving me to bits she didn’t have money to raise me so I was sent to you know where.”

“But what happened to her, she was working right so why did she hadn’t money? What about your dad?”

Hoya scratched his hair as he chose his words. “First of all, my dad wasn’t found at the time I don’t think I’d be happy with him if he was found. As for my mom, things are not that simple when we live in Korea, our society isn’t that fair to women. Women that have babies but are not married, like my mom or your mom, will suffer a lot. If they are young they can be spelled out from school and that reduces their chances of a good future already and if they are grown-ups, they can lose their jobs just by getting pregnant.” Woohyun gasped horrified. “Parents will turn their backs on them because most people here think that if the child is not successful then the parents aren’t good so when the entire family is ashamed by society there is a huge chance that the children’s grandparents will turn their back on the mothers.”

“Single mothers will be talked badly, frowned upon, called names, and judged hard, sometimes they can’t get a good enough job to provide good food, roof, education and have no one to stay with their children so they can work. With so few opportunities and so many things to fear but knowing the government has to ensure health, food, a roof, and education until the children come of age, it practically forces a single mother to sacrifice their love and abandon their child. Those who manage to keep their children will suffer a lot.“

“That’s what happened with my mom, she tried to raise me and endure things for a while, she even endured my father beating her in my place, but once she realized things were too difficult, she kicked my father out and left me in a place where I could be easily found. She explained all of that to the cop who found her, but the cops don’t want to know about that when they have a security camera that proves she abandoned me, so she ended up sent to prison while I was sent to the orphanage.”

“Oh no,” Woohyun said and scooted closer so he could pat Hoya's hand and the said man sighed.

“The first piece of advice I can give you is: don’t be too quick to judge the girls of your family, being them related by blood or not.”

“But my grandma…” Woohyun was about to whine when Hoya interrupted.

“I heard about your encounter with her wasn’t good. I’m not trying to say your situation is like mine and you should forgive her, no. My intention here is to give you more information you can use to reflect because there are a lot of ways your feelings can evolve and burden you and there are a lot of things you might need, or want, to do or understand because of them. But, at some point in your life, you’ll have to find a way to better deal with this so nothing is holding you back from living your life fully.”

Woohyun made a constricted expression, like he knew he wasn’t able to do at that moment so Hoya offered him a gentle smile. “You don’t have to think too much about this right now, everyone has their own pace to make some peace with everything, and, to be honest, there are things that even today I don’t have figured out.” 

“Like what?” The boy asked as he raised an eyebrow.

“If you can hear the rest of the story you will know,” Hoya assured.

“How is it like at the orphanage then?”

“It isn’t a super bad place as Sunggyu thinks it is, it is not a prison for children,” Hoya said as he thought about it. “It wasn’t that big so I bumped into other people a lot. I had a bed of my own but I needed to share a room with 7 other children and there were other rooms where kids of other ages slept in. The food… I don’t remember if it was good, I just remember that I was made to eat a lot because I was underweight for my age. There were a few toys, donated, and clothes, also donated, that we had to share. At first, I didn’t understand well how the orphanage worked but soon enough I discovered it had a lot of chores and taking care of the younger ones, we were too many children for just a few working adults - the elder ones helped to take care of the youngsters too -and they didn’t look at us with love at all, they probably didn’t have time for it as well.”

“Then it is a bad place.” Woohyun concluded with a mix of fear and pity in his tone.

“It is when you compare how you’ve been living until now. Some kids never met their parents, or they met their parents but for one reason or another, they don’t live together. Those kids won’t say it’s totally good, but there are aspects that it isn’t completely bad.” Woohyun avoided Hoya's eyes when he said that. 

“Were you lonely there?” Woohyun asked, his voice small, almost afraid.

“At first I didn’t feel completely lonely, I was mainly scared of not seeing my mom anymore. But I still had hope so I used to stay near the door waiting for my mom to come to pick me up and at night I cried because she didn’t come. Kids and adults tried to tell me she wouldn’t come but nobody ever explained the situation to me like I explained to you earlier and maybe I was too young to completely understand well. I kept waiting and as my hope faded and my mother's face got blurrier, loneliness took over. I stopped waiting by the door and did what people told me to do but I became too sad, sometimes too angry, and I couldn’t play with others when they invited me, sometimes I cried out of nowhere.”

“I feel like that.” Woohyun said.

“And it is ok to feel like that, you’re probably grieving,” Hoya explained as he tried scooting closer to Woohyun and running a hand to his hair. 

“What’s that?”

“That’s a word to explain mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret and so on. Sometimes we need time to grieve and then cope.”

Woohyun knew Hoya was right because the elder just named some of his feelings but he didn't want to admit it. "Myungsoo-shi said that a person copes after someone dies, but no one died here." He tried to say sharply as he slightly glared at Hoya.

Hoya just stretched his lips and tried to hide some amusement at the boy trying to put a front when he wasn’t being able to.

“Sometimes people are still alive and we still grieve and cope, whatever is happening just has to be difficult and painful.” Woohyun looked down to think and Hoya tried another pat. “In your case from one minute to another you lost something you thought was yours, the picture you have in your head of how your family - blood-related or not - was supposed to be was taken away from you so you’re probably grieving that. What you have to understand and that’s my second piece of advice for you is that it can happen and it’s ok to grieve even if no one is dead. You also need to know that you might have a lot of conflicting feelings throughout your life, but what you feel for Myungsoo and what you lived with him until now doesn’t exclude what you might feel for your recently discovered family members and how you decided to behave towards them. You don’t have to ever feel guilty about your feelings and decisions, your birth family by blood can be part of your life if you want to.”

“I’m not guilty and I don’t want them to be part of my life,” Woohyun said with some anger. “Grandma is a dragon, grandpa is a bad guy, and dad is… dad is… a devil!”

Hoya chose not to comment on what Woohyun thought of his family members but raised a brow at him. “Do you know that guilt is another word for feeling regretful right? By just what you just said, I know you regret asking to meet them when they weren’t what you were expecting.” Hoya asked and now Woohyun looked like he was caught, the elder was not Sungyeol but Woohyun couldn’t help but think this hyung might have some brains as well. In reality, Hoya could just see through him because at some point he felt like this too.

“What was I supposed to do? Myungsoo-shi is not my father and I wanted to see what they were like.” The boy argued.

Hoya shook his head at him. “That is perfectly ok, Woohyun. If you need answers you have to go for it, but weren’t you listening when I said that whatever Myungsoo is to you doesn’t exclude what you might want when it comes to your birth family? That means that if you want your birth dad to be in your life Myungsoo wouldn’t stop being your dad as well, you can love them both at the same time.” Woohyun made an angry face so Hoya lifted his hands in a sign of surrender. “I know, I know, but what I meant to say is that Myungsoo won’t stop being your father just because you found out you’re not related to him.” 

“But he lied… and I have never been to an orphanage so I could get adopted, shouldn’t I go there first?” Woohyun tried to reason and then changed his tone to show curiosity.

“I get that he hid this from you and you’re angry about it, but you don’t want to go there and you also don’t need to. Both our lives took different paths but the result is the same, you see, if a single mother like your mom marries a guy that is not your father then this guy -  in this case, Myungsoo - is essentially raising a child that is not his. This is what every adoptive parent does, it’s just the name used that’s different.”

“What’s he is to me then? No one ever told me.” Woohyuna asked and Hoya was almost shocked to hear that. He recomposed the next second, maybe Woohyun wasn’t that open for explanative conversations.

“He is your stepdad, he is the same thing Sunggyu's dad was to Sungyeol.” 

“But Sunggyu hyung said that when his mother married his dad Sungyeol hyung's father was already...” Woohyun awkwardly reasoned.

“Yes and that was an accident in which Sungyeol got as sad as you’re now so let’s not remember him that now ok?” Hoya advised and Woohyun nodded. “Death is not a requirement on these kinds of things. A step-parent and a birth parent can exist at the same time in your life - I know because it happened to me - and if your adoptive parents somehow divorce and marry other people, you can have like three days or three moms too. And they all can be a part of your life or not, there is no requirement. ” Woohyun gasped. “There are a lot of different families out there Woohyun.”

“How? How can that happen? How did it happen to you?” Woohyun asked in puzzlement.

“Do you want to know?” Hoya sighed his voice was constricted and heavy from emotions that were not wholly worked on and were embedded in his bones. “I spent about two years on the orphanage and as time passed, I was also losing hope that I would get adopted as well because kids younger than me were gone faster.” Hoya's voice became heavy with emotions as he continued. “It was a weird feeling to see a child pack and leave with a family, I mean, they were surely happy, but for those left behind it was weird. You see, if that kid was close to you, you’d get happy for them, but at the same time, you’re sad because you lost a friendship and you’ll miss them - sometimes kids say they’ll come back to visit, but in my short time there I didn’t see that happen. Then you could also feel a little jealous, sometimes you think you were not enough to get adopted. In the end, everyone had moods down and nobody talked much about it.” 

“That’s sad.” Woohyun commented.

“It is, right?” Hoya agreed then forced a smile. “But then I got myself adopted so I don’t think I can complain much.”

“How did that happen?” Woohyun asked. “Did your parents come and chose you?”

“It doesn’t happen like that, there is a long process. Parents have to meet some criteria and they are matched with a kid, and they have to ask permission for a judge. At some point, they could meet me, though at the time I didn’t know I was going to be adopted. At that point, I thought no one wanted me, and then boom, people told me that I was adopted and I had to leave with them.”

Woohyun seemed to be slightly happier about that. “Were you happy?” 

“Yes, though I knew something was missing inside me and I will comment on that later. Anyway, I took a long time to adjust enough and that period of my life was so stressful, I didn’t know how to act and I was afraid that if I didn’t obey them or didn’t study hard I would go back. They also told me I had cousins and that I should get along with them but Jongie was still this cute baby and Sungyeol would barely look at me...”

“Was he mean when he was a kid as well?” Woohyun seemed surprised, he thought that maybe Sungyeol was only mean during that time.

“Mean is not the word, Sungyeol has always been a great brother to Sungjong he was only mean around the time you met him and the year before, but he used to play with Sungjong all the time he could and he does the same for Sunggyu now that they got close.” He explained and Woohyun tilted his head in confusion. “ Sungyeol was a different child, he didn’t get interested in other people so easily, and because I didn’t know I got stressed and cried a few times about that. But he had no intention to hurt me, he just didn’t know how to befriend me but it wasn’t completely his fault, I thought if I wasn’t able to get along with him I would go back.”

“But you didn’t come back and you’re friends now...” The boy pointed out and Hoya thought it was better to wrap that part soon because there were some bumps in the road between them and some aspects of Sungyeol life that there was no way he would tell a child.

“Yeah a lot of things happened to him and me and we even lived together for a while. But in the end, we got so close that I can say that, more than cousins, we feel like each other brothers. You can ask him, but if he says no I’ll probably beat him up.” He tried to be playful despite how heavy he felt but Woohyun managed to slightly smile, which Hoya felt accomplished about it. “Yes, these things I told you burdened me so I was always stressed somehow. It took me many years and a lot of conversations with my parents so I could understand that I shouldn’t feel like that, their love didn’t have that kind of price and they didn’t expect any kind of compensation.”

“So here’s another piece of advice: just be yourself. If one day you feel grateful to Myungsoo that has to come for free, you don’t have to feel indebted to him and burden yourself with that, that’ll do you no good. I won’t discuss Myungsoo's love for you or how you’re his priority, this is part of his duty, but you, you don’t owe him anything, so you don’t have to, let's say, always be in the first place in school, to compensate him or repay him for his love, attention or money, ok? If at any point you decide you still like him and decide to show your love, you shouldn’t do it because you think it is what he expects, you should do it because you just feel like it. After I learned that, a huge burden came out of my back and I was able to feel lighter about my adoption.”

Woohyun scratched his head, he wasn’t sure if he understood Hoya completely and he didn’t think he would be able to understand this now. it was also not what he was interested in at that exact moment so he decided just to agree and change the subject.

“Ok, but hyung, how can a birth parent and an adoptive parent be in your life at the same time?”

“That’s what I want to tell you because I felt a lot of different things that you might be feeling now or will be feeling in the future.“ Hoya paused to take a deep breath then continued. “I love my adoptive parents, I do, but I always felt like there was a part of me missing, especially because I still believed my birth mom loved me at some point but I couldn’t understand why she left me behind. I thought a lot about that but for some time I couldn’t bring myself to ask my parents to find my mom, it felt like I was betraying them. But that whole inner struggle to decide what I wanted and what was the best for me hurt me a lot. At some point Sungyeol had fought with his mother- and don’t tell him this - but once he dared to talk to her again, I felt like I could get the courage to have a talk with my parents about my birth parents as well.”

“Were they sad?” Woohyun asked as he briefly thought about Myungsoo.

“Probably a bit.” Hoya conceded. “But sometimes we have to do things for our own sake and I needed to know more about this part of my story just like you probably did when you asked to meet your grandma or your dad. I told them that wanting to meet my mom didn’t mean I didn’t love them.”

“Then?” Woohyun interrupted, probably too eager to know.

“I know that some parents aside from being sad can feel angry about that, or say it is fine but don’t bother to help, but my parents asked me if I wanted them to be by my side every step of the way. Thinking back, they were super nice to ask me what would be better for my needs, because some parents give their blessing but leave the kid on its own when it comes to searching, meeting, and everything. But of course, some adoptees ask their foster parents to not get involved.”

“So, did you find her? How?”

“I didn’t find her, Korea looks small on the map but it is a big country with lots of people in it, it was hard to find her even if I knew her name,” Hoya stated, and Woohyun made a confused expression. “I mean, it wasn’t me that found her, I received a phone call from a person that had been searching long before me so I learned about her whereabouts and that I had not only one but two brothers.”

Woohyun gasped, he was shocked.

“Yes, I was like that too.” Hoya made sure to say to get Woohyun more involved. “So, this person on the phone introduced himself as the eldest, - he is older than me by 6 years - and explained that he was adopted by a wealthy family in Canada and that he had been searching for us for a while. He said he was about to come to Korea and asked me if I would be willing to meet him.”

“And what did you do?”

“I said yes, I never thought I had a real brother and at first I was super happy that we would reunite. Then I was afraid that he wouldn’t like me or if I would be too awkward around him because it would be the first time we met and everything, I was very anxious. Did you feel like when you met your grandma and your birth dad?”

Woohyun snorted. “I wasn’t scared, I knew grandma was bad.”

“What about your birth father?”

“Can we not talk about him?” Woohyun mildly snapped and that told Hoya everything, the boy probably had too many hopes and dreams that were destroyed that day and he could somehow relate.

“Ok then. It turns out I clicked well with my older brother and once he arrived in Korea my foster parents brought us to Busan so we could meet our mom.

“Were your foster parents jealous?”

“What? No, they liked my elder brother and later my mom. They came with us to meet her and we even took a few pics together, let me see if I find it.” Hoya pulled out his phone and searched for a bit before showing a picture to the boy. “Here are my parents with my mom.” He waited a bit and swiped his finger on the screen to show another picture. “This one with a cap in Hojae hyung and the black hoodie is Hojun, he was around twelve when we first met, and he lives with her, the guy with a blue shirt is her husband.”

Woohyun eyes moved from person to person and tried to swap pictures back and forth on Hoya's phone so he could compare everyone. There were some differences between them but Woohyun could tell there were similarities that made everyone (aside from Hoya’s foster parents) seem related. Suddenly he felt like a fool, how couldn’t he see that he wasn’t related to anyone from his ‘family’? Well, to his defense Myungsoo said he looked like his mother, but that had been a lie, he looked nothing like her too. Well, maybe the hair and his chubby fingers.

“So she has a husband now?” Woohyun asked trying to sound unimpressed but there was a slightly angry tone, it seemed like he thought badly about that. “Were you angry because she kept your younger brother and they were a family?”

“Angry?” Hoya reflected on his feelings back then and tried to match the word but it didn’t quite connect. “Not exactly, I have no say in her marriage, she was just trying to pursue her happiness. I just wondered why she hadn't kept me as well and that made me more sad than angry, I wondered if the problem was me.”

Woohyun mood became too somber and he stayed quiet for some time, after some time he looked down his hands moved directly into his eyes, Hoya hit too close for comfort with this one. Feeling bad about it, especially because he knew how that was, Hoya placed a hand on his back and rubbed some circles in it. “We have good sides and bad sides now but there is no fault in us Woohyun, and I hope that one day you can believe this.” 

The boy took a bit to control his feelings but once he did he asked for the elder to continue with the story. Hoya wasn’t sure if he should finish this conversation today because things were about to get worse in a way but Woohyun insisted.

“Ok, I’ll continue. The part where I meet my family is important because it will show you how different reactions and feelings can happen, even in the same family.” He agreed and took a deep breath to gather some guts to continue. “When we arrived at her place, she started crying once she saw us and then hugged us for like an hour, she kept saying sorry and saying that despite everything she had always loved us. I couldn’t help but cry as well, partly because I was happy to see her, partly because I was relieved that she didn’t mistreat us, partly because her behavior seemed sincere and that her love was not something out of my imagination.”

Tears quickly appeared on Woohyun face again and he tried to wipe them just as quickly. He didn’t want to cry about that guy anymore but he couldn’t help it. “My dad wasn’t like that.” He said with jealousy evident in his tone.

“Yeah, unfortunately, that can happen because people have different feelings or don’t want you there.” Hoya grabbed the boy's hand and squeezed softly. “I know how you’re feeling, luckily my mother was ok when she met my brother and me but when it comes to her husband and the maknae, they were not that welcoming…”

“Really? Aren’t you telling me this just so I can feel better, right?” Woohyun looked at him with a bit of distrust but at the same time begged with his eyes for this story to be true.

“No, I’m not telling you this just so you feel better,” Hoya said after a sigh. “Her husband seemed welcoming at first but when we started to talk he looked like he was uncomfortable and wanted us gone, he was just there because it was important for our mother. The feeling I had with him was… imagine you meet Sungyeol, Sunggyu, and me in a crowded restaurant, we all smile and greet you warmly but we don’t invite you to sit with us, that’s how I felt back then.” 

“That’s awful.” The boy agreed.

“Yeah, that hurt and still hurts, but at the same time now I can acknowledge that knowing my mother’s past, he stayed by her side and took care of her so in a way I’m grateful he loves her. And after a lot of time thinking about my relationship with him, I’ve accepted that things will keep being like that and we just need to respect each other for my mom's sake and that’s it. As for Hojun, he was a complete brat. I mean, once we showed up he didn’t even put an effort to get to know us. He made sure to say he didn’t want any kind of relationship with Hojae hyung and me, and every word that came out of his lips was meant to hurt. I wanted to be close to him, especially because he is the one that lives in Korea, so the way he treated me not only hurt my heart, it made me feel discarded, and like I didn’t even look like a human being. That’s something I still can’t push completely away.” Hoya used a resigned tone but his slumped shoulders and unfocused eyes told the boy that that was something that still bothered him.

Woohyun felt the need to comfort him because he could deeply relate. But, being in the same situation and having no idea how this kind of feeling go away he didn’t exactly know what to do other than scoot closer and leaned his small body on Hoya's arm.

“My dad was mean like that.” He ended up saying. “He said that he wouldn’t ever be my dad, that he didn’t care about me at all, and told Myungsoo-shi to throw me in the orphanage if he was tired of me.”

Hoya turned his head to the boy as fast as his shock allowed. “He told you that?”He knew the meeting was bad but to say this directly to a child... It was no wonder this sensible boy was so hurt.

“Yes.” Woohyun replied, his voice barely audible and sad.

Hoya sighed and properly hugged him. “When I grew up, I learned that we can’t force people to feel the way we want them to feel but he shouldn’t have said that to you. I don’t think he had to lie or sugarcoat things too much but his words were too harsh for you. You don’t deserve that, no one does.” He finished with a reflexive tone.

“It was the worst.” The boy agreed. 

“It is.” Hoya corrected. “Those kinds of words can impact you through your life Woohyun, I can tell you because I have gone through this. Sometimes I still act in certain ways because I feel people will reject me or abandon me and that's not good but it isn’t something I can control all the time.”

“That .” 

“Yeah, it .” Both of them spent some time in silence until Hoya felt the need to continue with the conversation. “So this is why your meeting wasn’t good.” 

Woohyun nodded and hesitated a bit before telling Hoya something that he didn’t tell Sungyeol or Sunggyu, though he had the impression that his tallest friend knew somehow. “But Myungsoo-shi defended me with a punch.” 

From this morning's conversation, Hoya knew what had happened but Myungsoo hadn’t been sure Woohyun really saw that part so he got eager to discover how the boy felt about it.

“He did that?” Hoya made sure to look surprised and Woohyun nodded cutely despite the circumstances. “And how do you feel about it?” Woohyun scratched his head as he thought about it and ended up shrugging. “Were you scared of him?” The elder insisted.

“No.” Woohyun frowned as he looked up at Hoya’s eyes. “The devil deserved.”

The elder was happily surprised, Woohyun didn’t seem scared of Myungsoo, so there were some trust hidden layers and layers below the boy’s pain and that was something his friend could work with.

“When someone step’s up to defend us it is a sign that we are important to them, don’t you think?”

Woohyun snorted. “So what? I don’t belong with him.”

In all the papers Woohyun was Myungsoo's son so realistically he did belong with his (now) stepdad, but Hoya knew the boy meant to say he didn’t think he fit into the family the way he thought he fitted before. Now he knew facts, had different feelings, and probably different perspectives about everything. While Hoya knew that this was something that could happen, he decided to try to help.

“Look, in his heart, Myungsoo will always feel like he is your father. I also know that everything that happened this week made you feel differently, and you don’t see him as such.” Woohyun pulled away a bit to look better at him. “So why don’t you try to explain to him how you feel? Maybe there is no place for him in your heart as your father but maybe you two could create another place for him?”

Woohyun blinked hard then furrowed his brows deeply, as if he couldn’t believe what he just heard and that got Hoya afraid to have overstepped some boundaries and screwed up a conversation that was mostly going well so far.

“Sorry, I just...” He was about to apologize to the boy when Woohyun scooted away, making sure to show that Hoya's suggestion wasn’t welcomed. 

“Can you just tell me the end of your story?” Hoya was at a loss when the boy put distance between them, but because it seemed like Woohyun wasn’t exactly mad about his suggestion and was still interested in his story, he just nodded. 

“Let’s see what there is left to say?” Hoya asked himself. “When you take my brother and my mom’s husband out of the picture, our meeting went better than we expected. There was a moment she hugged my parents and thanked them for raising me when she couldn’t and she told Hojae hyung she was very thankful to his parents despite not meeting them and that’s when we all discovered Hojae hyung's parents didn’t support him fully on his search for us.”

“Really?” The boy seemed intrigued. 

“Yeah You know, every parent involved doesn’t exactly need to like each other or befriend,s but It is always good for the children to have support. So if people support your needs, even if they don’t agree with you, you should appreciate it,” Hoya said. 

He purposely didn’t mention Myungsoo because he thought he already screwed up too much but he hoped that the boy was able to get a hint to make the boy think about Myungsoo favorably. Woohyun got very quiet but didn’t display a negative expression so Hoya continued.

“As I said to you, my younger brother was mean so we had some troubles right off the bat, but at some point, my hyung and I were able to sit down and talk to our mother. We wanted to know what happened and why she did what she did.”

“What did she say?”

“She then told us that she first became pregnant at 17 and, at the time, her mom moved out of the city to have the baby and to avoid shame. Because of that, she lost touch with hyung father so she didn’t know if the guy would have wanted the baby or helped her. She said that she had a difficult time because of her parents and once she had my brother, her parents colluded with the government to take her son away from her and send him to an orphanage.”

“Oh my god.” Woohyun was horrified and angry at that.

“Yeah, we had the same reaction, that was the worst,” Hoya said depressingly. “In the end, she told us that hyung’s father was a good kid back in the day so we are trying to find him because hyung wants to meet him.” Woohyun nodded though he couldn’t shake the anger inside his little heart that fast.

“What did she say about you?”

“She said that after Hojae hyung was taken away from her, she couldn’t live with her parents anymore so she moved to Seoul. Here she had a difficult time finding work and supporting herself for a few years until she met my dad. She said that at first he was charming, made things feel bearable, and that once they moved in together, things were okay for a while until…”

“Until what?” The boy asked curiously.

“Until he started to drink too much. He lost his job and became violent, she said that at some point she was working three jobs and had to leave me in the old neighbor's care because she knew that if she left me with him I would get hurt. She said he beat her a lot and she was strong enough to kick him out a couple of times but he would always come back and force himself inside her house and that’s why sometimes the old grandma next door didn’t let her take me home whenever he was around. This is why I told you that I wouldn’t have been happy with him if the police had found him.”

Woohyun nodded in acknowledgment though he felt like crying because of this hyung story. Meanwhile, Hoya wasn’t good himself. that part made him angry, made him feel sad, and, above all, made him feel helpless. He had to try to control himself to not break down in front of the boy, he wanted to inspire Woohyun not make the boy burdened by empathy when he was going through so much.

“She said she tried hard to stand up for herself and work hard so she could keep me, but things weren’t working. There wasn’t anyone she could count anymore, her jobs didn’t pay that well, and she knew she could barely provide me food and a roof. She was struggling with the decision to give me away for some time, but when she learned that my father became a gangster she got scared so she left me in the subway station and tried to leave the city.”

“That’s really... that’s really…” Woohyun couldn’t find enough words to express himself.

“She was caught a couple of hours later and then sent to prison. Once she was out of prison she moved to Busan and tried to start anew. She found a guy who loved her and accepted her past enough and found an ok job, so when my youngest brother was born she was able to keep him.”

“Has she ever tried to find you?”

“She said that she tried to find hyung when she lived in Seoul and things weren’t that bad yet. She tried to search for both of us once she left prison and she was doing ok, but at that point, people in the government didn’t give her information. I didn’t even know but back then there was a law that prohibited anyone to have access to this information and she is still kinda poor so she couldn’t hire a private detective or something. That law only changed when I was a teenager, but I didn’t even know about it and a year later, when I decided I was ready to search, my hyung, that has more money, found me.”

“Are you happy about meeting them? Do you regret anything?” The boy asked in a really small voice.

“Meeting them wasn’t easy. We had a good reunion and hyung and mom wanted to stay in touch, though of course, the maknae doesn’t want it. It's been five years since then but things were not full-time happiness after that. We needed time to get to know each other and sometimes we are still awkward, especially because hyung grew up in a different country so there are a lot of things that he doesn’t understand and there are a lot of things we don’t understand about him. Hyung and I get along well now and he came to Korea a few times since we first met, we have had a good time together and he is very open-minded so I introduced him to Dongwoo hyung last year. He talks to mom but they don't know how to communicate that well yet. As for mom, I talk to her often, sometimes I visit Busan to see her, or she comes here to spend the weekend with me. She also managed to become good friends with my parents and sometimes they gossip about me. She knows I'm dating Dongwoo hyung but I'm not ready for them to meet yet.” The adult took a big breath before concluding. “That sums up everything that happened to me and it explains some feelings and some situations that can happen to you or not.”

“Thank you for telling me your story hyung.” The boy's voice continued small while he pulled the pillow into a hug to try to find some comfort though that hadn’t been working for the past few days.

“Is there any question you would like me to answer?” Hoya asked as he patted the younger’s feet. “I can try to help you organize your thoughts and feelings better.” 

Woohyun promptly shook his head at the offer. It was not that he didn’t want to ask Hoya's opinion, but at this moment he had received too much information and he couldn’t translate his thoughts and feelings into words. Hoya seemed at a loss of what to do, maybe thinking he had been too pushy but the boy made sure to show that was everything ok. 

“ Can we… can we talk again another day?” The boy pleaded.

Hoya opened a relieved but tired smile. “Sure.” He gave a last pat on the boy's feet and then got up.  “I’m going to go now. If you need to talk you can ask anyone to call me and I’ll find time to come talk to you again ok?”

Once Hoya received a last nod, he left the room only to find Sungyeol and Sonmi pacing back and forth in the kitchen area while whispering to themselves. Once they heard the door open and closed, they turned to face him.

“Finally! How did it go?” Sonmi asked first, clearly showing how impatient she was.

“Good.” Hoya merely said but once he looked at Sungyeol his eyes glistened with tears.

“Hyung.” Sungyeol coaxed and immediately marched towards his cousin with open arms and a promise of a hug and instead of rejecting and brushing that offer off, Hoya accepted the hug instantly. “I know it is hard for you but thank you for doing this,” Sungyeol whispered in his ear as Hoya hugged him tightly.

“It is ok.” He said once he pulled back and sniffled. “I knew that remembering all of my struggles would be somewhat painful but it feels good to be able to help him.”

“Thank you, really,” Sonmi said and offered a hug that Hoya also accepted.

“And how is he feeling?” Sungyeol asked once the other two parted ways.

“He didn’t want to discuss his feelings that much and I tried to respect that, he majorly focused on listening and asking questions about me,” Hoya explained to his cousin before looking at Sonmi. “But he made a point to tell me his birth father was cruel and that he saw Myungsoo punch him.”

Sonmi gasped once she realized she wasn’t fast enough and got immediately worried. “Oh my god.” She said then placed her hand on Sungyeol forearm to get his attention. “What if he gets scared of Myungsoo like he was with Bumsoo?”

Sungyeol looked distressed. He thought it was a huge possibility and that would make anything between the boy and his father incredibly harder and he hadn’t any words to sugarcoat this pessimistic thought. Seeing that Sungyeol was pretty much speechless, his cousin made sure to reassure them.

“He said he wasn’t scared and that his bio father deserved it.”

“Really?” Sonmi asked and he nodded and then she shared a hopeful look with Sungyeol. 

“Does that mean he was angry at oppa because he was being protective of Myungsoo?” She further inquired.

“If that’s so, Myungsoo still has some grounds he can work on.” Sungyeol said.

“Don’t be too optimistic yet,” Hoya advised. “A lot has changed for him and he feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere so you guys have to have a lot of patience. Especially Myungsoo, that’ll have to find a new perspective Woohyun can look at him so they can make up. I don’t think he has full comprehension of what he is feeling at the moment, but processing takes an undetermined amount of time.”

“You’re right, but considering how things are at the moment, this news is huge,” Sonmi said, refusing to let go of her hope.

Hoya nodded to agree with her then patted Sungyeol arm. “Hey, I’ll grab my things and go now, I feel like I have to call my moms and find one of their laps to curl on.”

Sungyeol smiled slightly bitterly. “You’re lucky you have two.” He commented and Hoya shrugged sadly then moved to gather his things then headed for the door with Sonmi trailing behind him. “If he wants to talk again you can call me, ok?” He said.

“OK, thank you for helping him out again,” Sonmi said and after exchanging pleasantries with Hoya, she closed the door and walked towards Sungyeol. “Do you think we should check on him?”

“Yeah, but let’s not push him if he doesn’t want to open up, ok?” Sungyeol agreed and they moved to the boy’s room.

When they opened the door, Woohyun was trying to curl up to his big pillow, and seemed like he was quietly sobbing. Both adults looked at each other in worry then tried to address the boy with coaxing tones.

“Namu, are you ok?” Sonmi asked in worry and while Woohyun turned to face them, Sungyeol asked his question.

“Did Hoya hyung tell you something that upset you? If so you can tell me and I’ll scold him.”

Woohyun shook his head heavily but they could see the streams of tears on his face. The boy looked at both of them before he spoke. “Hyung, auntie, why everything is so complicated?” It was then that he let his feelings translate into tears freely and both adults rushed to his side.