Sungyeol was in conflict, he was happy he said things more directly but he was sad that wasn't exactly well received by his ex-lover. He didn't think Myungsoo would say 'ok, lets back together as soon this ends' - no, that never crossed his mind - but he couldn't exactly say he didn't expect Myungsoo to somehow show some anger when he tried to clear things up because that would confuse him and, as he knew from experience, there was hurt that came from confusion too.

The only thing he didn't expect was for Myungsoo to do was to forget all the notes he made about the next changes in the project. He decided to send the schedule through email so Myungsoo would know his goals to be able to manage time, but he didn't send his notes because he was the one that told the younger to not correct anything and just finish chapter two so he figured he would also not bother the kids with this and hand in the next time they saw each other.

On the other hand, Myungsoo came home wanting to wreck everything, but since the furniture on the apartment didn't exactly belonged to him he had to be satisfied with pulling all his bed sheets and pillows to the ground. Not satisfied with that, he ended up pacing back and forth his apartment as he thought. Sungyeol couldn't possibly mean that, right?

There was this part of Myungsoo that told him that it was a lie and that Sungyeol didn’t love him because he was easily dumped. Sure this was what he believed, or tried to, now but one question remained: why Sungyeol said it now? The darkest places of his mind told him that perhaps things were starting to weight on the elder’s plate and Sungyeol chose to control the easiest thing - him - by telling what he wanted to hear so he would stay wrapped around the elder fingers and things happened smoother.

Another part of him argued, begged, to have faith in Sungyeol because the elder always helped him even when he was just as busy. Liking or not he helped to keep an eye on Woohyun and taught his son new things, and then he had to agree that Sungyeol changed a lot. He stopped to think, maybe Sungyeol didn’t exactly change, more like opened up and showed his true and more caring self once they fell in love and started to trust each other.

Myungsoo felt like he was suddenly inside a cartoon where a little angel and little devil appeared seated on his shoulders and debated things between themselves. ‘Noooo, how can that be when he dumped like you were nothing, without a choice, without a once of regret?’ ‘ He gave options but it was you that rejected them, besides, with or without love, you can’t force people to keep a relationship when they don’t want to, it is wrong! And Sungyeol did that to help you.”He stopped pacing to rub his hands on his face then walked to his messed bed and let his body fall there. What was the use to even debate things with himself when, although still hurt, he already accepted the end?

He tried to think about something else to calm himself enough to go do something else but his thoughts once more drifted back to the elder and what they were talking about before the confession. Today Sungyeol confirmed Myungsoo’s faith was not unfounded and that he would keep protecting the secret from Woohyun, not only that he also brought the pictures/letters and asked what he wanted to do with them. He knew he didn’t exactly give the elder an answer but he was given options this time right?

Although that made him relax a tiny bit it also left the young dad unsettled. He thought that now that they broke up they didn’t owe anything to each other and he should face his difficulties alone because their relationship now was part of Sungyeol job but if the elder would really keep his secret…. He felt deeply indebted.

He closed his eyes tightly, as he placed a hand on his pocket and grabbed his phone to make a call although he knew he would become the laughing stock of his family now. They probably would laugh with his struggles and say that Sungyeol wasn’t worth and that he should love himself a bit more or even call him whipped, stupid, idiot, etc, that would surely be a sure thing. Still, this kind of feeling was too much, he hated to be indebted to someone, and while his whole family could wait for him to make it up to them, he didn’t want to owe Sungyeol anything in the long run, so after a long sight he made the call.

“Myungsoo dear, how are you?” The woman voice asked happily as soon as she picked up the phone.

“Hey, mom...” He greeted back but since he didn’t use the same enthusiasm. “…can you talk right now?”

“Yes, I was just packing my bags to go back to Seoul while I wait for your father to finish our check out.” She said still noticing her son state. “You can talk, I’m all ears.”

She waited but not a word came. Instead, Myungsoo pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to will himself not to let his emotions take over him and that was enough to make Sonmi understand something wasn’t right.

“Myungsoo, what happened?” She asked half in concern and half alarmed.

Myungsoo couldn’t reply right away but when he did talk he couldn’t avoid his emotions anymore, suddenly he just wants to be young and return to the time where he lived with his grandma and didn’t know about how hard was being an adult. “Mom…” He mumbled and became quiet right after.

“Soo, I know you’re used to counting on your dad because he was the one that was there most of the times but I love you just as much...” She said trying to be as coaching as she could. “If you don’t want to say anything is fine but I just want you to know that you can open up to me too… you always could, you know that even when I don’t agree with your choices you still make me so proud.” She said in almost hurt tone.

Myungsoo felt something inside squeeze his heart. He just thought he constantly disappointed her like being gay and not being able to continue the bloodline of his family through his own children, or surprising her with the news of Jihyun pregnancy, or wanting to marry, or choosing to study arts instead of law or medicine. He always thought he basically did everything that she never wanted him to do and always needed things that weren’t exactly fair, Woohyun was his responsibility. As her statement warmed his heart he decided to bring to start the conversation even though he didn’t know how this would turn out.

“Mom…” He finally confessed on the phone. “I’m so confused….”

Sonmi tried to not make too obvious but she sighed, she knew Myungsoo confusion probably had name and address.

“What happened now?” She asked softly. “Last time you texted us you said that your project was progressing and that there was a chance of you to become professional.’

“It was progressing, but a few things happened and I had to go see him… and.. and..” Myungsoo stuttered as he didn’t know how to ask his mother to meet Sungyeol.

“Did he do something to upset you?” She asked.

“No.” He immediately denied but that wasn’t really true. “Not at first, he said I was doing well.”

“Oh, I’m happy to hear that at least.” She seemed happier for a second before returning to seriousness.

“Son, it is the first time you allowed yourself to have this kind of feelings for anyone so you’re feeling things intensely and… I know it hurts just to see him but didn’t we agreed that you would try to think of him as another person until your graduation?” She asked softly.

“I can’t do that.” Myungsoo said as if that hurt him alone. “I can’t… we can’t, we always slip, always… always…” He tried to explain

“What happened?” She coaxed and Myungsoo took some time to gather courage.

“Everything started with Moonsoo.” Myungsoo said to Sonmi’s surprise. “He fought with Sungjong this week because he saw some baby pictures of him in Sungjong hands.”

“You were such cute children, I had to send pictures to boast about it.” Sonmi giggled an excuse then frowned although her son couldn’t see her. “He was mad over that? Ohh, perhaps Sungjong had a picture of his fatty years.” She tried to guess but Myungsoo decided to proceed.

“It could be, he didn’t give me many details.” Now that kinda surprised Sonmi, Myungsoo and Moonsoo were very united, with the exception of Woohyun origins, they told almost everything to each other. “But he called me freaking out saying the Lee’s found your letters and thinking they could discover my secret.”

“I thought Sungyeol knew about it.” She seemed confused.

“He knows, but Moonsoo thought that now that we aren’t dating Sungyeol hyung could tell everything to Woohyun.”

Well, Sonmi thought that Woohyun discovering things without any preparations was a valid concern but she didn’t think they should worry. “He is not gonna tell him.” She said convinced after a snort.

“Yes, of course, and I told him that… wait, what? How are you sure?”

“Sungyeol might have his issues and the problems between you but he wouldn’t hurt a child, especially when he was a child that was hurt by others and knows perfectly well how can a kid can be easily messed up.” She explained and hope that Myungsoo wouldn’t think she was defending him.

“I thought that too and that’s why I told Moonsoo that I trusted Sungyeol hyung to keep a secret and told him to make up with Sungjong.” He sniffled and his mom almost breathed in relief.

“Sungyeol talked about that in college?” She tried to guess, with some surprise because that was a really big personal problem to talk about as an advisor and a student.

“He read everything, mom, and he saw Jihyun in the pictures.” He explained and she hummed, not thinking there was too much problem with that, she remembered speculating a few things but it was things Sungyeol probably already knew because Myungsoo told him or showed pictures himself, she didn’t have any but she knew he was in the possession of everything. “So he brought them to me as a gift to show me he would keep the secret from Woohyun.”

“See, I told you.” She happily pointed then asked. “You have them? Can I read my own nonsense again?”

“I don’t have them, I couldn’t accept a gift from my adviser, people would think he is courting me.”

“I think he kinda was…” She mumbled then continued louder. “It makes super sense, yeah. Will he throw them away then?” She asked already sad.

“He said he would do whatever I say.” Myungsoo said as he chose to ignore the comment he made.

“Humm… interesting.” She admitted with a hint of amusement, not only because Myungsoo once said Sungyeol made him feel like he didn’t have a say within the relationship or feel like he wasn’t able to come up with a solution and here was Sungyeol asking Myungsoo what to do. If Sungyeol was able to figure things out then he indeed made a smart move with this, she only needed to subtly guide her son to be able to see.

“Mom~ why interesting?” He whined/asked.

“Because he gave you the entire control of the situation and asked what he should do with them, no?” Myungsoo stayed quiet as he analyzed that and, noticing her son silence, Sonmi tried her best to keep talking so Myungsoo insecure side didn’t have time to come up with an excuse. “What did you told him?”

“Nothing, I just said I couldn’t keep them with me because it would be easier for Woohyun to find.”

She let out a small giggle. “You’re right, our Namu is so curious. But, in the end, will you want them?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “Is it ok? Is ok for me if I want to read them? What do you think? Will you mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind, you didn’t even need to ask me about that.” She said softly. “And while I think it would be a good experience for you, I don’t think it would be wise of you to read right now when you have other things to worry about. Besides, if I remember things correctly, there is nothing there that you don’t know already so there is no reason for you to rush.” She advised then asked a question. “Will you go to his apartment to get the letters then?”

Myungsoo stretched his lips a bit though one couldn’t say he tried to smile then rubbed his forehead. “I guess we could do that, but I’d have to find space for them in the only door of my closet that I keep locked for Woohyun. But is filled with my photo books… Not to mention that we had another disagreement and I’m in no mood to see him outside college...”

“Yeah, if you don’t want to tell Woohyun yet it is better if he doesn’t see the ones that there are Jihyun pictures, I know you have all of them with you.” She finished with a subtle scolding and Myungsoo sighed and when he took too long to reply she continued with a question. “Do you need help with that?”

He sighed again. “Can you meet him and get the letters for us then keep them in your basement?” He asked and it was evident in his voice that he was afraid of hearing her answer.

“Are you ok if I were to meet him?” She asked with surprise. “Because I am trying not to in and stay on your side.”

“I don’t know, you and dad already talked to him behind my back.” He ended up saying with a hint of betrayal.

“We had to get permission to take Sunggyu with us so we could please Woohyun, remember?” She defended herself.

“It doesn’t matter, although he seems to want to ask you some questions so as long as you don’t talk about me or our break up…”

“Which questions?” Sonmi asked with some confusion.

“He mentioned some lawsuits… but maybe it is about his mom? I’m not sure.” He said with impatience.

“Oh.” She said as if that explained a lot of things but Myungsoo thought she wasn’t willing to do this.

“Ok, I shouldn’t have asked you that, maybe I should just tell him to throw everything away and that I will owe him… You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to.” Myungsoo seemed apologetic and regretting asking her this when his mother interrupted him.

“No, it’s ok, I’ll talk to him, he needs some explanations and maybe only your father and I can give them.” She sighed. “Your father wasn’t the lawyer for these lawsuits but he was the one that found her a lawyer back when things were happening.”

Myungsoo jaw hung low as he heard that but he wasn’t Sungyeol boyfriend anymore so this shouldn’t get his attention so quickly tried to regain his presence of mind.

“Are you sure it’s ok?” He asked skeptically.

“Yeah, it’s ok.” She confirmed. “But don’t worry, I think I still have his number so I will sort this directly with him and you can concentrate on your project and, rest assured, I will not talk about you.”

He sighed defeatedly as he heard that. “Everything was going so smoothly but after today I have no mood for anything…”

“You mentioned that he did something to upset you right? What is it?” She asked softly.

“He asked me to convince you to meet him.” He said and she made a confused noise so he decided to explain. “I just asked you this because I feel like I owe him since he said he would keep my secret but when he asked me to do this…. He said ‘in honor of our past good times’ and, I don’t know, I got so angry with the way he said that.”

“Which way?” She tried to make her son keep talking.

“As if there was no regret, there is no feeling left, I don’t know…” He said confusedly. “It made me angry because I felt like he was confirming we were really over but then the next minute he said he wanted good times in our future together… mom, how can he say that? If he says he wants to help me why he wants to confuse me when I was finally paying attention to something else and progressing with my project?” He asked in frustration.

“Considering all the things I know about him, and the little I saw and know that goes between you, I have a guess on why he said this but you might think that I’m defending him.” She hesitantly said.

“Then I don’t want to know.” Myungsoo quickly said but who he wanted to fool? Well, not his mother. “How can he be so cunning? Whatever it’s happening with him I’m sure I’m not adding on his plate, I was behaving just fine, he definitely didn’t need to manipulate me now.”He argued only for his mom to sigh.

“Myungsoo, this is clearly bothering you.” She pointed impatiently and Myungsoo stayed quiet so she continued. “You clearly didn’t say everything you wanted to tell him and maybe he has to explain himself and make things clear between you two. If he doesn’t like you anymore he shouldn’t bring the conversations to personal level anymore and if he still likes you he has to know what really hurt you then rethink and fix all his behavior before thinking on a way to get you to forgive him. You certainly need a definitive talk, so why don’t you go and talk to him so you can really listen to each other and, now, jointly decide what to do?” She suggested but was still afraid of his reaction.

Myungsoo covered his eyes and tried to contain his emotions. “I’m scared.” He confessed. “I’m scared to have confirmation and reopen the wounds that were starting to heal and...”

She sighed again. “Son, you’re a grown up now, your grandmother and Jihyun aren’t here to solve things for you or give you a push anymore, you have to do this on your own so, hurting you or not, today or in forty days, you need this conversation.” She spoke with a determined tone but he stayed silent so she proceeded to talk this time with frustration. “Remember that courage is not the absence of fear, courage is the ability to withstand, push through and act on your beliefs despite fear, danger, pain, disapproval, etc. You are your bravest self when it comes to Woohyun, why can’t you have the courage and do this for yourself?”

“Mom, I’m a late bloomer when it comes to love things, this is my first time in this kind of situation and I’m so confused, I don’t know how…” Myungsoo tried to argue and dissuade his mother.

“So what if it is your first time handling this? No one was born knowing all, not even Sungyeol, he might be a genius but he isn’t better than you in any way, even more when comes to his emotional side. Just give yourself a chance to clarify the situation and from there if you think about what you want to do. At the end it’s your choice if you want to get back together or move on, but know that we have your back, we always had, always will, and we believe in you, why can’t you?”

Myungsoo rubbed his forehead and asked defeated. “Is this only way?”

“To make things clear at least for you? Yeah, it is, you’ll have to talk at some point.” She said confidently.

“But he is my advisor, we can’t, we shouldn’t…” He argued.

“I know.” She said. “But you said yourself that you both broke the rule… and none of you reported the other… and… and… you two are neighbors, so you have everything in your favor to solve this and still keep a secret.” She tried to convince him. “Besides, I don’t think he would say no to a conversation because you didn’t say no when he asked you for one.”

His mother was right. He couldn’t say Sungyeol was approaching him heavily to talk about personal things but he indeed said to come back once he was ready to have this kind of conversation, right?

“It’s not a good moment.” Myungsoo said, not only because he knew Sungyeol wasn’t home but because he thought he needed to cool down a little more but his mother interpreted as if he didn’t want to talk to Sungyeol before the project was over. As she thought it wouldn’t be good to keep pushing her son, she decided to try to change the subjects. “That’s ok, I’ll talk to him first so Woohyun doesn’t have many opportunities to get his hands on the letters. I have to go to Seoul tomorrow anyway so I’ll ask to meet him and when it is over I’ll go watch your match and keep an eye on Woohyun for you ok?”

“Ok. Text me when you’re coming.” Myungsoo said while she hummed. “And thank you, mom, really, thank you for everything.”

“It’s nothing, son.” She spoke softly. “Call me whenever you need, your mother is never too busy to talk to you.”

They said their goodbyes and ended the call then he placed his phone on the bedside table and then rolled out of his bed to take a look at his messy bedroom that reflected his state of mind. He sighed with a certain determination, it was time to clean his room and his thoughts, if he didn’t want to work or do progress with his project there was a pile of house chores to do and a match to worry about tomorrow.

___________________________________________________

Sungyeol arrived home in a somber mood. He seemed a bit sad but at the same time, it seemed like he was about to explode and fight someone, although it was different than how he behaved last year. Whatever that was, Sunggyu thought the bomb might explode on his lap so after dinner he quickly did his homework and asked his brother if he could play with Woohyunnie on Myungsoo apartment that day. It wasn’t like Sungyeol would say no, he was about to ask Sunggyu to play over there anyway, he had things to discuss with Hoya anyway.

After Sunggyu disappeared to play with Woohyun, Hoya asked what was going on and they had a conversation where Sungyeol told him how mentoring Myungsoo today was. He told the elder that he was able to be clearer today but that also backfired because the young dad interpreted him wrongly.

Hoya wanted to help and was about to try to figure out some advice when his cousin told him that he asked Myungsoo help to talk to his parents and although the younger left madly, he received a call from Sonmi and they agreed to meet. That apparently broke Hoya’s brain because he didn't understand why Myungsoo would help if he was angry, but Sungyeol didn't want to think too much about that and decided to read a bit more of his mother letters that night.
The next day, Sungyeol left Sunggyu with Hoya and Dongwoo then drove to the meeting place. As he entered, he waved at a waiter he knew and smiled awkwardly before he sat and waited nervously for Myungsoo’s parents to arrive. They had chosen to meet him at Amanti because it was a place that was related to the main topic of today, but It hadn't been even 15 minutes that he arrived and he was already uncomfortable because he had to keep waving at people he didn’t exactly know just because they knew his mother and approached him to talk about her.

Sonmi and Bumsoo arrived together on time (it was Sungyeol that arrived early) and he couldn't be more grateful, not only because they had accepted to meet him but because people would keep their distance.

“Hello Sungyeol, I hope you didn't wait too long.” Bumsoo greeted as they approached the said man.

“Not at all.” Sungyeol replied as quickly he got up to bow at them. “Thank you for agreeing to meet me despite the circumstances.”

Sonmi forced a smile but gasped when she saw Sungyeol appearance. “Sungyeol, what’s happening with you? You're looking worse than what you did back at the airport.”

The said man sighed as he sat down. “I'm just not able to properly rest lately.”

“A lot of trouble lately?” Bumsoo asked politely, and Sungyeol was thankful to Myungsoo's parents that they didn't come with an aggressive tone, although he didn't know how the conversation would go.

“Let's just say there is a lot happening that leaves me emotionally tired, but I hope you can help me to clarify a few things so I can at least be able to rest and give your son the aid he needs.” Sungyeol tried to forced a smile and Bumsoo and Sonmi shared a look that he couldn't exactly understand.

“Ok, let's do this.” Bumsoo agreed then raised his hand so a waiter came to order some drinks for them.

“Myungsoo said you wanted to ask questions about your mom? And lawsuits? Is that correct?” Sonmi asked as her husband ordered some iced tea for him and pink lemonade for her.

Sungyeol nodded then turned to the waiter. “Just a bottle of water please.” They all waited for the guy leave before Sungyeol placed the paper bag with Sonmi's letters on the table. “I have been reading the letters you exchanged…” He gulped before continuing. “I didn't finish everything yet but a few things were not exactly clear for me, besides I found copies of two lawsuits…” He then grabbed the files and pushed towards Bumsoo.

Bumsoo pulled the files towards him and started taking a look. “Let me get acquainted with this for a bit.”

Sungyeol seemed taken aback a bit but Sonmi encouraged him as she pulled the bag with letters into her lap. “You can ask freely.”

“I…” Sungyeol gulped again before continuing. “My parents loved each other at some point, right? This is why they married, but by the time Sungjong was born they were already trying to save their marriage… and then… I got the impression that they had a problem that came from outside their relationship.. but you keep referring about it as ‘that problem’... and mom kept saying ‘I don’t want him to know’ until she said he confronted her but ‘they would put effort’ though she didn’t specify anything and only kept saying things were hard lately.”

“Ah, that.” Sonmi looked a bit sadly at him. “At the beginning that was mostly money problems but later I used that to refer to problems between them although it is also about money somehow. She didn't like talking about that in our letters so we only talked about that when we met in person.”

Half of it Sungyeol already could guess but... money problems? “Can you elaborate a bit more?”

“Ok, I'm gonna tell her story based on what I know.” Sonmi rested her weight in her elbow as she thought the best way of explaining. “Korea was really different 30 years ago and your mother and I didn't choose professions that were extremely valorized back then, we had to work our asses off and for a period of time, we were just broke, even more when we were in college. When I told you that I knew your mom I mentioned that she babysat me, right?”

Sungyeol slowly nodded as she continued. “I was around thirteen when that happened but, thinking back, I really couldn't be trusted alone, but thanks to that she was able to raise some money to rent a place in Seoul when she was off to college.” She giggled briefly.

“You see, your grandparents owned that house I showed you but that was pretty much all that they managed to own, they didn’t make enough to pay for all of your mom living expenses and tuition when she was in college so she had to work early, but then her parents got sick when she was halfway through it. So taking care of two sick parents and college tuition… your mother had like huge loans and debts that made her sell her parents house, although it wasn’t enough, to pay everything.”

She stopped talking when the waiter arrived bringing their order and after he placed everything on the table and left, she kept talking.

“When your father came into the picture, she really liked him and they were happy with each other. But she lied to him about the number of her debts so when your father discovered about her lie things started to get hard for them. Your mother sometimes worked in two restaurants to make money and was slowly being able to pay her debts, but, since your father didn’t know how huge that was, he started to find strange that she worked crazy hours and didn’t seem to have any money, besides, he already wanted to have a child and she kept trying to postpone it. After he confronted her, things started to get sour.”

“How sour?” Sungyeol tilted his head to the side.

“Of course your father got angry when he discovered everything, he wanted a child and children can’t eat or wear love right? Your mother also wanted a child but she knew that to take care of one she would have to slow down payments and her debts would grow.” Sonmi said with a pained face. “ They got into a big fight and that was the first crack in their relationship but after a lot of talking, explanation, and persuasion your father took another job and they came up with a plan to pay her debts quicker.”

“At some point, your parents managed to find some better jobs and sped up the payment so when you were born they had just finished paying things.” She frowned as she thought about her own life. “And that’s some teamwork for you, god only knows I took a lot of time to pay my students loans only, and Myungsoo happened too so we had to leave him with oppa mother so I could finish college.”

“Anyway, your mom was really happy and excited with your birth and because she finished paying her debts but, once she was fine enough to go back to work she didn’t slow down.” She giggled. “She kept thinking now ‘I’m not earning money to pay debts but I’m earning money for myself, for my son, for my family’ and that’s a very fulfilling sensation. I understand your mother a lot because when I finished paying my loans and we finally were able to marry, I wanted to give Myungsoo the world.”

“At first your father just didn’t like and asked her to slow down, he didn’t think there was a necessity for her to work so hard anymore but she didn’t exactly listen. As time passed, they took turns to take care of you but he saw things were not gonna change; before she worked crazy hours because she needed, now she worked crazy hours because she liked. You started to talk coherently very early and ask questions and it wasn’t uncommon that she wasn’t much around so you started to bond more with your father and although he loved that part, he was also angry at your mom again. It wasn’t like she didn’t try to bond whenever she was with you but you spend little time together so, giving you have interaction troubles that by the time were unknown, it was a bit difficult.”

Sungyeol nodded as he thought the things she was telling him made sense when it compared to the letters he read and also because he was aware of his shortcomings. Sonmi stopped talking and took a huge sip from her pink lemonade while Bumsoo frowned or made surprised expressions at some things he was reading in the files of the two lawsuits.

“He wanted her to quit her job and stay home taking care of you, but your mom was not that kind of girl. He insisted for that, which left her angry and frustrated because whenever she had time to relax and just enjoy his and your company she had to waste time discussing something that she didn’t want. You'll probably don't remember but there was a time your father was unemployed when you were around two...”

Sungyeol was surprised with that revelation, from the letters he knew around that time his mother always said something like, ‘thank god he is focusing on Sungyeol right now and blah blah blah’, but he didn't remember a moment where his dad had lost his job.

“...now imagine the blow on the ego and self-esteem when you complain so much about your partner job, but is that job that you hate that keeps food on your mouth and a roof over your head? I know you remember your father as a caring man - and he was very caring, she always told me he was a good father - but I think when he lost his job it was like he changed. He didn’t spend that much time unemployed, I think it was 6 months top, and he got a good desk job in the bank, but that didn’t exactly manage to solve their problems.”

She took another sip from her pink lemonade and continued. “After some time working for the bank, they had other big fight where your father was said that now he earned more and that he could support you and your mother and that a woman’s place was at home and these kinds of things that left your mom revolted. After I married, I met your mom once and she asked me if Bumsoo could take care of her divorce because she was tired of things between them.” She sighed.

“Why I never heard them fight?” Sungyeol asked feeling lost and really sad as he came to understand the life of his mother a bit better. Yes, he thought his mother should have given him more attention but not at the complete expense of her job, when he was younger he didn’t mind her working and also he didn’t think a woman role in the modern society should be the same as a thousand years back.

“When you were younger, they fought whenever you were sleeping because you were a heavy sleeper before.” Sonmi offered after a shrug. “But at the time she ended up not pushing through with divorce because she discovered she was pregnant and they decided to take that as a chance to save their marriage. She still loved him by them.”

“But they didn’t solve their issues? Did they?” Sungyeol asked dispiritedly

“For some time they did, they put effort and things worked out, I know because she didn’t complain about him for two years.” Sonmi said and that surprised Sungyeol because his mother spoke about things between her and his dad very loosely.

“What happened then?” Sungyeol asked curiously though he knew very well the end of the story.

“Your father started to tolerate your mom job and got extremely comfortable in his, he stopped having ambitions but your mom only grew in her profession, she was already a sous-chef at Amanti and that made her have more responsibilities and a bit more money in her pockets too.” Sonmi said proudly of her friend. “And then they discovered you were gifted with a high IQ and fights started to happen all over again. Your mom believed that regular education would be boring for you and insisted that you enrolled in a good school for gifted children but your father didn’t want to spend money on that, he didn’t think to have a high IQ was something you also needed to invest on although later on, he agreed that school was good for you because you seemed very excited while attending it in the beginning.”

“So it was partially my fault too?” Sungyeol asked as his eyes produced some tears.

“I don’t think so, your father just didn’t support your mom individual goals and dreams, and tried to make her be just a housewife when she clearly was an independent woman that had the talent to rule good restaurants like this one and ended up earning more than him.” Sonmi said as she spun one of her hands around. “I suspect he couldn’t bear that your mom was so successful and provided more than him, even more when your mother decided she would pay for your special education. He probably took that as if she was rubbing off in his face she started to earn more than him when instead she was only thinking about the best for you. So, when he saw there is was no way he could convince your mom to depend solely on him, he started to provoke her, pick fights hurt her, but she wasn’t a woman that would go down without a fight so his last resort was to use you and your brother to guilt trip her and hurt her until she locked herself in her room so you and Sungjong didn’t see her crying.”

It was not like Sungyeol idolized his father, but to think his father was like that? Back then he thought she simply didn’t want to stay around him and was often annoyed but then something that he thought was nothing perhaps was a huge thing for his mother.

“Jongie, Yeollie, come eat, I’ve made Sungyeol’s favorite.” She called her children for lunch but she didn’t call her husband and once they came running she ruffled both of her son’s hair in a caring manner before asking. “What were you doing?”

“I was teaching Sungjong to read.” Sungyeol replied happily as he climbed over his chair.

It’s so “difficult.” Sungjong complained as he did the same although he didn’t seem annoyed towards his brother.

“You don’t need to teach him that yet Sungyeol, Sungjong is only four.” She said as she started serving a plate for that.

Where is “dad?” Sungjong asked as he waited for his turn, whenever Sungyeol was home he was the last one served but his mother just shrugged and pretended not to hear him.

“But I already taught him the colors, animals, and professions …” Sungyeol was ranting when he looked at the plate. “Mom, that’s not my favorite food.” He just stated facts though he knew this dish would be tasty as any other time she cooked for him.

“It seems that your mother doesn’t care about us as she did before guys.” Both Sungyeol and Sungjong frowned as they watched his father appear in the kitchen and sit down at the table before throwing a weird look at her. “Look at this you don’t even know your son favorite dish.” He said only to rub on her wounds and she stiffened while biting her lips to contain herself and not ruin the mood because it wasn’t often her son was home.

Sungyeol shrugged and pulled the plate she was holding in his direction. “It’s ok mom, I like Yaki Mandu as well.”

In his memory, this wasn’t anything worth taking note of but now with this informations, maybe his father was making his mother live really hard, perhaps that small remarks that for him were irrelevant to hurt her beyond belief. Why he only noticed that now?

Sungyeol eyes started to water as guilt washed over him and, noticing that, Sonmi was quickly to try to reach his hand as Bumsoo stopped paying attention to the files in his hands in order to pay attention to his wife and the other male.

“Sungyeol…” Sonmi said but Sungyeol pulled his hand back and hid his face on his hands while Bumsoo sighed and finally dropped the files in order to put the water Sungyeol ordered and push towards him.

“Here, drink this.” He said but the younger ignored him.

“It is my fault, it is my fault, I should have noticed that some things had other meanings that hurt her.” Sungyeol said weakly.

“It wasn’t, you didn’t chose to have some limitations to understand other people.” Bumsoo tried to coax.

“Besides you were a kid. Kids sometimes perceive the mood but they don’t fully comprehend things until later in life.”

“He is right.” Sonmi added. “Yes, she was often frustrated and beyond put off by the amount of things you asked and the knowledge you gained despite your age, but your father didn’t exactly provide you with an environment that would allow you to notice it, since he did his best to entertain you and Sungjong with other things and purposely not spend time with her when she had the time.”

“No, I’m not talking about that. I never thought I was the one responsible for breaking their marriage even though Sungjong told me they often fought about me, but I was angry about that because I couldn’t understand what led them to divorce. Yes, they had reasons that now that you told me I totally can understand, but for me back then it was out of nowhere. It was shocking.”

“You were a difficult child for her to understand Sungyeol, she didn’t want to upset you and lose the little bit of love you had for her so she tried not to involve you in the fights she had with your father. She thought that since you were closer to your dad you would side with him, specially when he kept telling you that he still loved her after the divorce.” She tried to explain. “He might have regretted things, or he was lying to better control you and still keep hurting your mom, I will never know, but she didn’t want you to be disappointed on one of the most important people in your life.”

“So she made me disappointed with her?” Sungyeol asked weekly as he looked down at the table. “I was closer to dad because he was always there but she was the one I admired the most, she was focused, ambitious, independent, hard-working, successful, I always aspired to be like her, but she betrayed me in a way that her divorce seems like nothing.”

“Sungyeol…” Sonmi tried to get his attention but when Sungyeol raised his head he seemed like he was totally defeated but still was able to ask the question that bothered the most.

“Why she turned a blind eye for my cries for help? I was a child…. A child.” At this point, he couldn't help but cry.

“I don't know if my answer will satisfy you.” Sonmi said hesitantly and almost apologetic.

“Please tell me, I need to know.” Sungyeol pleaded and she looked to her husband for some kind of help but the elder man nodded, he thought Sungyeol should know.

“When I got to know what was happening to you I think things had been happening for a while already. She told me way later that you didn’t know what was happening was bullying.” Sonmi said after a deep breath.

Sungyeol rubbed his nose and nodded. “She was right about that. When I arrived at school things were so new and I was so eager to learn i didn’t notice… better yet, I didn't care about hostility but things were getting so weird and I told them... I told them...”

“Did you?” Sonmi asked and Sungyeol head snapped up as he looked at her confusedly. “At first you told your father right?”

“Yes.” Sungyeol nodded slowly.

“So do you think between all those personal problems and the way your father was behaving he would really tell your mother or he would let things happen so he would have more ammunition to hurt her?” She asked.

“No, that would be sacrificing me in order to… no, that can’t be!” Sungyeol was in denial.

“I don’t want to accuse your father of anything he didn’t do so is there any possibility that you were not clear or that he didn’t believe in you?” She asked.

Sungyeol thought about two seconds before replying. “Maybe at the beginning but I told them, I called one day and asked them to transfer me, I told them I was being bullied.” Sungyeol insisted and Sonmi leaned on the chair and crossed her arms.

“She told me about that call. She said it was her first time hearing that you were being bullied although she knew you were becoming even more introspective. She said your father took upon himself to solve that and she believed he solved everything, because you didn’t talk to her directly about it anymore, until you had an accident in school.”

“It wasn’t an accident, the son’s principal broke all my fingers so I wouldn’t take the test to skip a grade...” Sungyeol said with anger as he remembered the pain from ten fingers broken.

“Yeah, she thought things were getting stranger from there but then when you had your school break they sent you to your cousin place so she could solve the divorce and after that, you refused to see her. She even pleaded your father to convince you to come to see her, or Sungjong, but she wasn’t sure they got the message across.” Sonmi

“He told me to go see her once but he didn’t put that much of effort into convincing me and I was so angry...” Sungyeol said. “Especially when she told me I would have to come back to that school, maybe that’s why Jongie didn’t talk to me about it.”

“And you kept complaining to your father right?” Sonmi guessed.

“And he came to my school often to help me.” Sungyeol added. “He told me he asked mom to transfer me a lot of times too.”

“Maybe he did try to help but he couldn’t or the school didn’t make enough effort to fix the situation.” Bumsoo offered and Sungyeol nodded, that made some sense.

“Well, she didn’t know about him going to school often to handle your problems.” She said. “And that part wasn’t clear for me but after your father bugged her so much to take you out of that school since you enrolled, maybe she thought he was bugging her for the same old reasons. Besides, no school could quite offer what that fancy school offered so she didn’t know what to do because she knew a person like you needed special attention so you could achieve your potential.”

“Didn’t she even tried to investigate?” Sungyeol asked helplessly.

Sonmi sighed. “I advised her to do that, and she told me she visited your school on her own a couple of times but how your parents could accuse that big school without proof? It wasn’t like your bullies were dumb Sungyeol, you studied in a school for gifted children, they didn’t leave physical marks after that ‘accident’ where they broke your fingers.” She made sure to use some air quotes. “It was your words against a bunch of other people that were united against you.“ Sonmi said with some frustration and certain anger towards what happened then added her thoughts.

“I read the lawsuits and your case was complicated to prove. The school tried to say your psychological change was not did not result from the school environment, you never showed bruises, they said the episodes of your fingers were an accident and that the episode with your scalp was self inflicted. The ual part was specially really hard to prove because you weren’t examined right away and that could mean two things: you were abused but your body already healed so any proof was lost or you had never been touched.

Victims of ual abuse are often blamed and doubted, so it would be already hard to prove anything.” Bumsoo tried to explain the best he could although that seemed to bother and enrage him a bit.

That made Sungyeol close his eyes tightly and let tears of pain fall from his eyes, so back then even if his parents knew and came to his aid there was nothing they could do against the school? While his brain tried to made sense of what the couple had told him and deal with the frustration only a victim have Sonmi and Bumsoo looked at each other, not knowing how to comfort him, was there even something people like them could say that could erase that kind of pain? No, there wasn’t.

Sungyeol knew that this conversation would haunt him for some time, not only for making him remember the worst years in his life, but because now he knew nothing seemed to be the way he thought because his caring father had a whole hidden side and his mother did try, but even when their best sides were used in his favor, both of them hadn’t been able to do much. Also, he knew his mother had a strong desire to give him the best education, that deeply excited at the beginning, which left her in a very difficult dilemma.

Sungyeol he had some limitations to comprehend certain behaviors and feelings and that made him be perceived as too brute, too indifferent, not taken seriously when he was able to express his feelings, but with the way that he started to sob, even the couple thought this couldn’t be more unusual. Not knowing what else to do, Sonmi pushed the bag with letters to Bumsoo then got up to circle the table, sit beside him, and while that surprised Bumsoo (given their choice to support their own son), Sungyeol appreciated the gesture and leaned on her when a new round of tears came.

“Sorry.” Sungyeol said after he cried about ten minutes take away pain enough for him to control a bit of himself. He tried to clean his face.

“It’s ok.” Sonmi offered a kind smile to him although she didn’t move. “You are a survivor, Sungyeol.”

“And you were able to get back at them.” Bumsoo said as he raised the files in Sungyeol view.

The said man kept silent for about two minutes before he gathered enough courage to ask about them. “I hadn’t the courage to read those lawsuits, and even so I think it would require me a bit of research to understand things so I don’t know what is written there, can you explain them and how they happened without me knowing?” He tried to steady his voice to ask.

“Well, they weren’t the complete lawsuits, only copies of whatever your mom did within the lawsuit. There isn’t much mystery about this one.” He said as he motioned one of the files. “Your father apparently had life insurance and because there were some doubts if the fire in which he died was really accidental, she had to start a lawsuit in order for you to receive the money. There was nothing you could do and you were minors at the time, besides she only needed to attach some documents, it was plausible that she hadn’t said anything about a lawsuit, but you knew you had some money, right?”

“Yes, I knew because I used part of it to pay for my apartment.” Sungyeol said still put down. “What about the other?”

“From the things she copied, your mom struck a lawsuit once you attempted…” Bumsoo was about to say when he was interrupted.

“It was an accident, I didn’t want to kill myself.” Sungyeol said sadly.

“Sungyeol a whole bottle of sleeping pills would overdose anyone…” Bumsoo was about to argue when Sonmi glared hard and that was enough for the older to halt his words so Sungyeol continued.

“You don’t understand… what I went through was really traumatic for me… When I was at school I couldn’t sleep because every now and then people entered my room and I had to defend myself so I wouldn’t get….” He gulped hard. “The few days that no one came and I could sleep, I would have vivid nightmares… I still have them every now and then.” He confessed. “I just wanted to sleep deep enough to not have these nightmares and be able to rest, but I was crazily desperate so that happened…”

“There is no point in discussing this.” Sonmi said as she glared at her husband again.

Bumsoo sighed and gave a last look at the files before looking at Sungyeol again. “Here says that some exams were done when you were taken to the hospital and was still unconscious, maybe that’s why you don’t remember. Here also says that your mom asked a doctor to take a look at your scalp and he was able to attest that, by the way, they were done, they couldn’t be done by you, and that the person who did was left handed and you are right-handed.”

“That explain some things.” Sungyeol said as he referred to whatever exam was done on him that he wasn’t aware of.

“When your uncle told your mom what happened… She was destroyed, she felt like the worst mother in the world, thankfully Jongwan was by her side at that point already and helped her to hold on.” Sonmi said but Sungyeol didn’t add anything so she continued. “She immediately took you out of the school and started preparing a lawsuit.”

When he heard that when his mother was certain she immediately acted didn’t erase all his pain and anger for the past years but comforted him, before she died they were already trying to get close again so if she was alive he would probably go to his mother apartment straight away to talk. He thought he would probably forgive her after some time.

“How could this lawsuit have started without my knowledge? Didn’t I had to testify?” Sungyeol asked after a brief moment quietly thinking.

“You were a minor so your mom could sue in your behalf. And usually yes, but due to those sleeping pills episodes they thought you weren’t in the best state of mind and if you had to talk in court you’d try again so your mother asked here to accept other types of evidence.” Bumsoo explained as he gave the files another look.

“Other evidence?” Sungyeol asked as that caught his interest.

“Medical reports and witness testimony, you remember you talked to some people like police officers and doctors?” Sungyeol nodded as he remembered talking with a bunch of them and that seemed like torture back then. “But people who worked at that school were also investigated, all of them were asked to testify. Also Well the judge asked a psychologist to make you some questions and your voice was recorded while answering them... this was a really big case.”

“Your mother got really busy with that lawsuit so she stopped writing me for a while. I still sent letters to tell her what was happening with Myungsoo but she would only read those some time later and then at some point she asked to meet so we could talk and take things off our chest.” Sonmi interrupted her husband to offer another kind of information. “When we met, your mother told me she was desperate for justice. She even tried to find another student that might have gone through the same thing and talked with a lot of parents which ended up making people start taking their kids out of that school through the semester. Through these parents she managed to find some people that had worked at the school previously and those were helpful to her.”

“Here said that a past math teacher, Mr. Yoo, and two past janitors, Mr. Ong and Mr. Kwak, testified in your favor and that was decisive for the case win.” Bumsoo supplied right after. Sungyeol remembered the teacher because he was the only one that tried to help him in school but was fired without explanation shortly after. He didn’t remember the janitors’ names because he was very aloof most of the time back then but they would’ve know something was up because someone cleaned the place where the older kids took him to cut his scalp, right?

Sungyeol was taken out of his thoughts when Bumsoo said his next words. “Do you have any other question regarding the lawsuits?” Sungyeol shook his head as he maintained a defeated spirit. “Are you sure? Here you only have some copies of things from your mother side but this lawyer is my friend, if you want to I can arrange a meeting with him so he can tell you things in details.” The older man offered.

“No, thank you.” Sungyeol said as he shook his head. “Knowing these two lawsuits existed made me faint already so I don’t want to know things in details and make things worse.”

“What about your mother? Do you have any other question?” Sonmi asked as she tried to decipher Sungyeol face expression to see if she should be worrying more than she was already worried.

“I don’t think I have any other question, even if I had, no other question would be so important as the ones I asked and you already explained.”

“But will you be ok?” Sonmi asked as she placed a hand on Sungyeol shoulder.

Sungyeol wanted to tell her the truth, that no, he would probably still be up all night or have a restless sleep for some time, but he thought that maybe they would become guilty if he said that. Myungsoo would probably get angry too if his parents became guilty when he managed to get them to try to help him so the said man just sighed heavily.

“You don’t need to worry about me.” He gently brushed her hand away from his body only to look down at the table. “You already did a lot for a person that hurt your son, I know I don’t deserve your kindness.”

Bumsoo cleared took a big sip of his beverage then cleared his throat. “You were a victim so whatever we can do to help you somehow we’ll do, but he is completely different matter. We know your shortcomings and we know his, so we are hoping things between you were a misunderstanding even if are on his side, though we will only know things for sure when his project is completed. ”

“Talking about that…” Sungyeol opened his jacket and took out a few folded notes. “Can you hand him this along with my thanks? These are the notes I wrote about his project but we had another argument so he forgot it but I want him to stay on track.”

Sonmi and Bumsoo shared a look which ended with the old man shrugging so the woman turned to talk to Sungyeol while she pushed his hand back. “Although we are going to see him, it wouldn’t be wise to accept to do that.” Sungyeol made a sad expression as he put the notes back in his jacket pocket but the woman was quick to try to explain herself. “Myungsoo asked us to come to clarify things and expressly told us to not talk about him, if we accepted to make this delivery he might take as we did the exact opposite of what he asked us to do.”

“I understand.” Sungyeol said sadly. “It makes sense.”

Bumsoo looked at his wife as if he was holding himself but before Sonmi could send him any kind of sign he decided to ask what it was on her mind. “Sungyeol, have you ever thought about what I said when we spoke on the phone?” Sungyeol slowly nodded so the elder furthered his questions. “Is it true?”

“It is not true, I love your son more than what I thought I was capable of.” The younger replied with no second of hesitation although that seemed these questions seemed to hurt him.

“Then why you didn’t tell him?” Sonmi ended up asking in frustration. “If you had been clear…”

“I made sure to tell him I love him when we were together.” Sungyeol said with a sudden fire in his eyes that surprised his ex-lover parents, then he looked down at the table again. “Still it is my fault. I didn’t notice he is insecure, otherwise I would have told him more times so he would believe me.”

“He is not believing much at this point.” Bumsoo pointed out. “He seems to think you’re enjoying to toy with him.”

“His life is indeed almost a chess match that I had to crack my head in order to come up with a strategy to help him, but not one I would enjoy.” He sighed and tried to be as sincere as he could. “We started with the wrong foot but I’m trying not to be that person anymore. And I confess I can be cunning, but only when I’m trying to help, I don’t enjoy being the cause of his suffering.”

“Then why don’t you explain that to him?” Bumsoo asked.

Sungyeol snorted because he talked as if that would be easy. “It doesn’t matter if it is in college, the kids school or home, your son doesn’t want to listen to what I have to say and I can’t force him. If I do that he can report me for harassment and stalking and that would us both.”

“Myungsoo wouldn’t do that.” Bumsoo said.

“He is too pissed so I don’t want to take my chances approaching him, that would everything good I’m trying to do to help him.” Sungyeol said with conviction.

“But you would like to talk and explain things right?” Sonmi ended up asking and Sungyeol nodded. She thought a bit, she already did some work with Myungsoo in order to convince him that they need a talk so she decided to push Sungyeol in the same direction if both were willing they only thing left was to wait for one of them approach the other first. “Myungsoo still trusts you Sungyeol, give him some trust too.”

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AN:  I always try to reduce the typos but I think today I made more kkkkk, and AFF is being a because the chapter is long. Sorry for taking too long to update but this conversation here was  the most difficult thing to write in this fic. *puts hands together and prays to be easier to write Myungyeol talk.* Talking about that, they will talk soon but I hope to squeeze some woogyu and their song challenge in the next chapter as well.

I'm still kinda dead here with dongwoo promos but I'll survive.