Sungyeol sighed. Surely Myungsoo would expect a message, Sunggyu liked to make his life hard, didn’t he? And the kid was his, no? Well, not his but he was the one taking care and, as the adult in charge, he knew he needed to be the one to apologize. At least that was what Sungjong said their mother did (and Myungsoo confirmed he also did) whenever it was needed. 

He sighed. Raising a kid was so difficult and there was no way of knowing if you were doing things right or wrong. A part of him still wondered why he had to raise Sunggyu or talk sense into Sungjong sometimes, and, despite his logical side screaming the obvious answer, he wondered if his mother had ever thought it would also help him to grow as a person. There was no way she could predict things, but, after reading some of her thoughts on the letters, he couldn’t completely discard that thought. If that was the case, even though it was troublesome and he barely had time, he could actually thank her.

But, putting whatever his mother thought to the side, everything about this situation made him feel like he owed his ex-lover some apologies on Sunggyu’s behalf. The thing was, even if he wanted to apologize, he didn't know how to do that for the 100th time.

Myungsoo: I’m wondering if you’ll press enter any time soon. 

Sungyeol flushed red, so Myungsoo saw he took an eternity typing and erasing until he decided on that lame message? 

Sungyeol: Sorry. I know Sunggyu tried to in again so I kept thinking of a new way to apologize… Everything felt so lame.

Sungyeol: Still, I’m very sorry that you had to put up with him.

Sungyeol: I didn’t tell him to say anything.

Myungsoo: I know.

Sungyeol looked at his phone screen for a whole minute.

Sungyeol: You’re not mad?

Myungsoo: *sighs* He likes to in too much, no?

Sungyeol: Unfortunately, yes.

Myungsoo: Well, it’s a bit annoying because whatever happens between us, it is supposed to belong to only us, but I’m not mad at him. 

The elder briefly panicked.

Sungyeol: Are you mad at me then?

Sungyeol: I swear I already told him to not in like a million times.

Myungsoo: I know, I’m not mad at anyone.

Even if Myungsoo said that, Sungyeol still looked at his phone screen suspiciously. If he said he wasn’t mad, the taller man didn't know if he was supposed to continue the conversation or how. Either way, a complaint seemed fitting so he could do it and try to read the situation better when a reply came.

Sungyeol: That child still doesn’t listen to me completely. T.T (An emoji was needed for softening purposes)

Myungsoo: As a more experienced parent can say, and as you noticed in our first encounter, it can happen.

Myungsoo: Besides, do you see Woohyun listening to me lately? T.T

Sungyeol didn’t read anything amusing but he felt slightly happy that Myungsoo provided a topic that was good for the continuation of the conversation. Besides, an emoji back was interpreted as a good thing, (Sungjong said it could be if not used 100% of the time).

Sungyeol: *sighs* I’m really sorry about that.

Myungsoo: Nah, as sad as I can be about it, I knew this would happen.

Sungyeol: Is it ok for me to ask how last night went or is it too soon?

It took some time for Myungsoo to read and answer. Just like himself, he typed and erased his message a couple of times, he probably debated with himself if he should send it.

Myungsoo: Probably too soon, but I could really use some talking.

Myungsoo: Is it ok for you?

Sungyeol thought twice but didn’t think for long, his work was properly done and he couldn’t wait to at least be able to stop hiding and properly discuss things. When they met it was awkward because he misunderstood the younger intentions, but being able to look at Myungsoo in the eyes and talk had been good. Now there wouldn’t be an eye connection but sometimes talking without it could be good just as much.

Sungyeol: I guess it should be, I’m done with helping you and technically I don’t have any connection to the university anymore.

Sungyeol: Was it that hard?

Myungsoo: The night was awkward as I expected it to be but the morning was so terrible.

Sungyeol: I understand that you want to be careful about how you approach him and I know he has been all over the place, but you two should start communicating more.

Myungsoo: *sighs*

Sungyeol: Sunggyu said Woohyun snapped at some point. Why? And how did you feel about that?

Myungsoo: I set them up for homework at the table and then I just stayed on the couch in case they needed me but… you know, just doing my own stuff.

Myungsoo: I thought if I didn`t interact it would be ok, but I think he needs even more space…

Sungyeol: As I told you before, this situation is not sustainable and I wasn’t talking about me and Sunggyu only, but also you, him, and your parents.

Myungsoo: I know T.T, I know

Myungsoo: I saw this coming and I’m set on keep trying but it hurts you know? Rejection hurts.

Sungyeol: Sorry for my lack of sense, I don’t think I have any advice.

Sungyeol: It feels surreal that you and Woohyun are going through this when your relationship has been serving as a parameter for me and Sunggyu, and everything has been actually working for us.

Myungsoo: Right?

Sungyeol: But don’t give up on him.

Myungsoo: I will never, this is why I swallowed all my pain and tried to be patient last night. We ended up reaching some sort of common ground and that’s how we survived the night.

The older man tapped his chin for a bit. The information he got from Sunggyu aligned with Myungsoo’s and it didn’t feel like the young dad wanted to keep talking about the night or had anything more to say about it. Besides, Sunggyu told him Woohyun hurt Myungsoo in the morning and, surely, the young dad would be upset about that. In the end, decided to change the topic so he could make the younger take things out of his chest effectively.

Sungyeol: Then what went wrong in the morning?

Myungsoo: .gif

The elder frowned at the gift sent, of a random idol sighing and looking like their life was over. He got worried and wondered if he should press Myungsoo into spilling the beans, but a message came first.

Myungsoo: He never gave me much trouble doing anything but I was expecting him to give me some to get up, go to the bathroom or eat. But, the max he did was to pat my hands out of his body when I tried to wake him up.

Sungyeol: This is kind of good, no?

Myungsoo: Considering everything I was thinking, this was better than I imagined. I tried to make small talk so we could share some words during breakfast.

Sungyeol: Ok, until then it was as good as it could be.

Myungsoo: Yes, everything was okay-ish until actual words were exchanged.

Myungsoo: I’m glad Sunggyu was there, I think his presence helped us avoid a bigger conflict so thank you for letting him come over.

Sungyeol: You don’t need to thank me, Sunggyu went to your apartment with ideas of his own so…

Sungyeol: Anyway, he said you discovered Woohyun will not sing, is that right?

Myungsoo: Yes and I’m super mad about that. And from here on, Myungsoo messages arrived faster and faster.

Myungsoo: Why didn’t I know that? 

Myungsoo: I’m his father, I should know all about him... 

Myungsoo: Surely, I wasn’t expecting that he would tell me directly because we are barely talking,

Myungsoo: but I still need to know about it, I should have been informed.

Sungyeol: You do know that when Woohyun grows up he will probably want a bit more privacy and won’t share 100% of what happens to him, right? The elder tried to interrupt the flow of messages but it was like his message fired Myungsoo a bit more.

Myungsoo: I know hyung, but he is not a teen, he is seven!!!!

Myungsoo: And I left him under my parents' care because I trust they will not only take care of him, but they will tell me every little detail of what happens to him.

Sungyeol: That's understandable.

Myungsoo: Yes, but because I didn’t know about that, I tried to make small talk about the worst topic ever.

Myungsoo: When he told me I was so lost.

Myungsoo: Woohyun never made me so at loss as today.

Myungsoo: Did you know about it?

Sungyeol let out a long-suffering sigh and tried to prepare himself for the worst once he replied.

Sungyeol: Yes, I knew.

Sungyeol: He told us not long ago that he wouldn’t sing, and Sunggyu became so upset that I had to spend a couple of days comforting him about it. 

Myungsoo: Couldn’t you have hinted at that when we met?

Sungyeol: I could If I knew you didn’t know.

Sungyeol: Your parents seemed to be reporting every single minute I spent with Woohyun so I thought this was included.

Sungyeol: Are you blaming me for this lack of information?

The elder felt almost helpless when he typed that but when Myungsoo answered, his eyes grew big in surprise. 

Myungsoo: I’m not blaming you...

Myungsoo: At first I blamed my parents and I called them to talk about it but they didn’t know as well...

Myungsoo: I just… I’m angry about it because knowing everything about him was something that I had pride in. 

Myungsoo: And also because I couldn’t even process my surprise.

Myungsoo: But the anger will fade eventually.

Sungyeol: Are you sure? 

Myungsoo: Yes, what happened after hurt more than my pride anyway so let's focus on that today.

Sungyeol: Ok, but I still don't see how this could escalate so much.

Sungyeol: Can you tell me in your own words?

Myungsoo: Sunggyu explained Woohyun would be in a play and I became so confused… I mean, you know they weren’t supposed to have the spotlight, but they somehow managed to get some extra time to sing, and Woohyun was so excited about it…

Sungyeol: I know, this is why Sunggyu was so upset. But Hoya hyung says what happened was a lot for your son, so he is not in the mood for many things.

Sungyeol: A lot of talking was needed so he could even do homework and try to study a bit.

Myungsoo: This breaks my heart because I know this is my fault somehow.

Sungyeol: I don’t think it is entirely your fault, there is more to it.

Sungyeol: I mean, what he discovered was unsettling, to say the least, but, that aside, the last time he was in the spotlight he ended up in a fight because someone said something about his mother.

Sungyeol: And he lost a tooth then (that now is trying to appear after many months of nothing).

Myungsoo: Oh, I didn’t notice that, thank you for telling me.

Sungyeol: It’s ok but my point is… Hoya hyung talked to him about his experiences and he knows what happened to Sunggyu last year too. Maybe he chose not to sing just to avoid being in an unpleasant situation, which is not something you can blame him for.

Myungsoo: I confess I hadn’t thought about that perspective.

Sungyeol: I also didn’t, Hoya hyung had to help me to figure this one out so I could explain it to Sunggyu later.

Myungsoo: This explains a lot of why he didn’t want to go to school.

Sungyeol: Exactly!

Myungsoo: Do you see why I should have been informed? My brain still can’t quite process it.

Sungyeol: Yeah, I see your point.

Myungsoo: Back to the story, It’s ok if he doesn’t want to sing, I don’t want him to feel that he has to do things because I want to, I want things to be different for him.

Myungsoo: But this news surprised me and confused me so much that I kept blabbering, trying to make sense and be sure of what he wanted, and that made him misunderstand me.

Sungyeol: How?

Myungsoo: As if I would only like it if he were to sing.

Myungsoo: The truth is, I would still cheer him the same if he is in the play.

Sungyeol: Of course =D, it’s you we’re talking about.

Myungsoo: But next thing I know, he told me not to come because the festival 'is only for families’.

Sungyeol squinted his eyes as he winced from imagining Myungsoo hurt expression.

Sungyeol: I’m sorry you heard such a thing. I’m sure I can’t imagine what you must be feeling… but when I think about it, I feel my heart squeezing so bad because I know It must be hurting you so badly.

The young dad stretched his lips on the apartment across. If he wasn't in such a bad mood that could have brought a real smile to his face.

Myungsoo: It felt like a big stab straight through my heart. It felt like he was saying that all this time I’ve been by his side means nothing at all to him.

Sungyeol: Come on Myungsoo, we both know this isn’t true, Woohyun loves you to the moon and back.

Myungsoo: No hyung, right now he hates me. I tried picking him up from school and he despises me so much that he couldn’t even face me.

Myungsoo: T.T

Sungyeol: Sunggyu has a different theory about this, but I’m not sure we can trust his perception because, again, he is just a child.

Myungsoo: ???????

Sungyeol: Do you know anything about what happened in school today?

Myungsoo:.... something happened? What?

Myungsoo: He didn't say anything… Literally.

Sungyeol: Sunggyu said he felt sick.

Myungsoo: And the school didn’t call me? What the hell?

Sungyeol: As far as I know, Woohyun asked not to call you and just rested in the nurse’s office until he felt better.

Myungsoo: But he didn’t look sick, and I touched him at some point, he wasn’t even feverish. What exactly happened then?

Sungyeol: Dongwoo hyung didn’t want to tell me, he said he would try to talk to you about it tomorrow. =(

Myungsoo: Yeah, we left quickly.

Myungsoo: But what Sunggyu told you?

Sungyeol: He said he heard the nurse say Woohyun wasn’t sick at all.

Myungsoo: Woohyun isn’t one to lie so… ??????

Sungyeol: Here is what I know: Sunggyu asked, in case you still wanted to attend the festival if Woohyun still wouldn't want you there at all.

The young dad felt his lips dry and the air became trapped in his lungs. He was sure that for Sungyeol the time passed normally, but he was sure the time stretched so it could prolong his suffering as much as it could.

Myungsoo: What did he say? 

Sungyeol: He didn’t answer, he said he felt sick immediately after. Sunggyu said he heard the nurse telling Dongwoo hyung that Woohyun complaints were not about his body, do you know what this could mean?

Myungsoo: That he is going to enter another phase in which his feelings are completely foreign to him, and he is totally confused and does not want to see me anymore?

Myungsoo: At least it explains why he didn’t want to look me in the eyes today.

Sungyeol: We talked to him later, he was out of himself and said he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Sungyeol: He was exactly like he was when he was finally able to stop crying. The difference is that he doesn’t look angry, he just looked sad. 

Myungsoo: But it means I’ll be benched again, doesn't it?

Sungyeol: Not necessarily, Sunggyu thinks (again, don’t believe this 100% because Sunggyu is a child) that Woohyun realized something, or at least he knows what he told you this morning hurts you more than he intended, so he is guilty about it.

Myungsoo: What do you feed Sunggyu with so I could eat the same and get his optimism?

Sungyeol: It isn’t in the vegetables, this I’m sure.

Sungyeol: But being serious now, good or bad, maybe he has to mature his thoughts a bit more.

Myungsoo: What do you suggest I do then?

Sungyeol: I don’t know Myungsoo, I’m not the best in these situations.

Myungsoo: But what if it was you in my place?

Sungyeol: Give one step back so you could give two steps forward? I don’t know. 

Sungyeol: The only thing I know is that Woohyun thinks the festival is for family members only. So, if you go there, and he is smart enough to notice, it’s like you’d be telling him that, for you, he is family and his words, as hurtful as they can be, won’t change that.

Sungyeol pressed enter with a bit of frustration. He made bad decisions these days - in Myungsoo's point of view of course, but still bad - so they were the way they were: apart. He felt like he gave the most generic advice ever and, even so, there was no way Sungyeol thought his advice would be good or remotely so he was expecting some complaining or at least some sarcasm. The thing was, nothing came, for a while.

Sungyeol: Are you still there?

Sungyeol: Don’t mind my words, I have no real knowledge of your situation, so any words from me are actually useless.

Myungsoo: Nah, I asked for your input this time, and your words at least will inspire some thinking.

The elder let out a big breath he didn’t know he was holding. Being afraid of ing up and then becoming relieved was happening too much in this conversation, it was starting to stress him.

Myungsoo: I’m probably too tired to think about it right away so it will need to wait until morning comes.

Sungyeol: Fair enough.

Myungsoo: Thank you for listening to me today, I still feel like but I feel a lot better. 

Sungyeol: Try to sleep properly, you’re trying to think about many complicated things, your brain needs a break. =D

To tell the truth, the elder was expecting to finish this conversation in a couple of messages but, unexpectedly Myungsoo didn’t seem ready to put his phone away and try to sleep.

Myungsoo: You’re certainly right about that, I need a break.

Myungsoo: Entertain me a little bit more with some good news then.

Myungsoo: Any good news.

Sungyeol: I wasn’t expecting that but ok.

Myungsoo: :)

Sungyeol: let me see…

Sungyeol: Today was Dongwoo Hyung's birthday.

Myungsoo: For real? He didn’t tell me, nor Hoya hyung did.

Sungyeol: Hoya hyung is all busy with his brother, they dragged me today to Namsan Tower, and then we went out shopping for gifts.

Myungsoo: So when you said you’d be busy this week you meant you’d be following them around?

Sungyeol: yeah, for translating purposes, both aren’t that good with each other’s language and that provides some funny moments. Besides, Hoya hyung wants me to get close to his brother and the guy is not bad.

Sungyeol: What did you think I’d be doing?

Myungsoo: Work? Idk. ’^-^

Sungyeol: Don’t talk about work, Sungjong will take my place at some point tomorrow and I’ll need to work. =(

Myungsoo: Don’t you have anything else to say?

Sungyeol frowned confusedly with that question but replied anyway.

Sungyeol: Well, I don’t know what you were expecting. When I’m not with you I’m a boring person and, aside from Woohyun drama, this was my day in a nutshell.

The young dad sent a sticker, with some tv mc shocked out of his mind, with his mouth entirely open and eyes opened as wide as they could. This annoyed him somehow, it felt like Myungsoo was picking on him, or he was missing something and the younger was shocked because of it.

Sungyeol: ???????

Myungsoo: I can’t believe it!!!

Sungyeol: What?

Myungsoo: I can’t believe you don’t know yet.

Sungyeol: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Myungsoo: .pic

The taller man, aside from being curious, was getting impatient, but when Myungsoo attached that picture his eyes grew big in surprise. It was a print screen of their college webpage, from his department, announcing the one who got the job, the one he totally forgot about it. Besides, he was aware of his potential, but he hadn’t the experience the other candidates had therefore he wasn’t expecting to see all his information there.

Sungyeol pressed his lips together so he didn't look like a fool, smiling from ear to ear. Yes, he just got his dream job, and that meant he would break free from Woollim to do what he wanted, get more free time and earn a higher salary. But, as good as this was per se, he couldn’t say he was happy because of it. What really made him happy was that Myungsoo told him about it, and that meant the younger, despite everything, was keeping tabs on him.

Myungsoo: You probably already saw this coming but… congratulations on your new job, hyung. 

_____________________________________________________

“Good more-!” Dongwoo was about to finish his sentence with his never-ending smile when Sungyeol interrupted.

“I can't talk now, take care of him.” The taller blabbered fast then gently pushed Sunggyu in the teacher's direction. “I'll pick you all up for dinner later, bye.” With that, he turned around to go before Dongwoo could say anything more. The teacher felt intrigued, Sungyeol had dark circles and eye bags that could have signaled a bad night of sleep, but, at the same time, his expression seemed happy and his voice filled with energy. There was something definitely amiss.

“Hyung!” Sunggyu snapped his teacher out of his thoughts.

“Hi, Sunggyu.” Dongwoo ruffled the boy’s hair. “Do you know what's going on?”

“Sungyeol hyung got a new job, he wants to celebrate with all of us later.”

“Really?” Dongwoo gasped and the boy pulled away to nod, but before Dongwoo could ask about the eye bags and dark circles, the boy continued.

“Has Woohyunnie already arrived? I need to invite him too.”

“Well…” Dongwoo looked at the said kid, the only one sitting at his own desk and not running or giggling away, as Sunggyu followed his gaze. “He seems a little off, can you talk to him?”

“Yes!” The boy answered with enthusiasm and immediately ran off to put his bag away before talking to his friend.

Woohyun had arrived not long ago, but didn't join the little chaos his classmates were ensuing. The boy had been sitting on his desk with a lost gaze and furrowed brows as if he was in a very serious debate with himself.

“Woohyunnie, have you wished Dongwoo hyung a happy birthday?” Sunggyu tried to start the conversation with a light topic but the younger was so entranced by his own thoughts that he jumped in place when he heard his friend.

“Hyung!” Woohyun complained while bringing his hand to his heart. “What a fright!” He then slightly pushed his friend's shoulder.

Sunggyu giggled a bit but looked apologetic later. “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”

Woohyun still glared a bit but ultimately decided it wasn't worth being angry because of it. “Yes, I did, and we bought him another cake.” He pointed to Dongwoo’s desk and, truth to be told, there was a small cake sitting there.

“Are you ok?” The older boy asked carefully.

Woohyun pursed his lips and considered opening up to his friend, but, aside from time constraints till class started, he didn’t know what he could say. He just sighed as he leaned his head over his elbow. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Can you talk about something else then?” Sunggyu asked as he kept his tone cautious.

“If it’s with you…” The younger boy conceded and Sunggyu smiled to himself, pleased that, from all friends Woohyun had, he was the only one the boy was comfortable with right now.

“I have something to tell you.” Sunggyu finally said with excitement that was not mirrored.

“What?” The younger mumbled.

“Sungyeol hyung got the job.” He announced and that finally caused a bigger reaction.

“For real?” Woohyun gasped as he raised his head even though a smile didn't exactly appear on his features.

“Yes!” The elder boy clapped his hands happily. “He said that, from next year on, he is only gonna work while I'm in school, isn't that awesome?”

While Sunggyu blabbered about how Sungyeol woke up super happy and energetic, Woohyun tuned him out to think about what he just heard. Yes, he had been cheering every time Sungyeol said he was about to do some test, interview, or whatever, so he was happy that the elder finally got the job. And yes, he was happy for his friend because now he would spend more time with his brother and they would grow even more close. But the thing was, he couldn’t smile when that whole thing brought his thoughts to Myungsoo, after all, it was Myungsoo that used to spend all the time with him, and now…

He sighed deeply and that made Sunggyu aware he wasn’t exactly paying attention.

“Woohyunnie? Hello?” He snapped his fingers in front of the younger and that made him blink and remember where he was.

“Eh?”

“I asked if you’d want to have dinner with us to celebrate,” Sunggyu repeated.

“I don’t know.” Woohyun hesitated.

“Woohyunnie, you must come with us, Sungyeol hyung said he would talk to your grandparents so it’s only up to you.” Sunggyu tried to beg.

“It’s not up to me, hyung, and they don’t have a say either.” He hissed then lowered his tone. “It’s him that has a say.”

Sunggyu gave a step back and let his body fall on his seat. “So? I don’t think he is gonna say no.”

“What do you even know?” The younger snorted. 

“Woohyunnie, Sungyeol hyung said that after you ran away…” Woohyun clicked his tongue but Sunggyu proceeded to talk even though he knew his friend was annoyed. “Myungsoo hyung would be right if he never let you see us again, but he let Sungyeol hyung and I see you every day, and then let you sleep over, and then he invited me over too.” Sunggyu counted on his fingers.

“I still bet he will say no.” Woohyun made a face.

“Why do you think like that, hm?” Sunggyu asked gently.

“Because of what I said yesterday?” The younger said hesitantly but when Sunggyu nodded to convey he understood. 

“Well, I think he got hurt.”

The younger made a helpless expression. “I’m sure he is gonna say no to punish me.”

“Did he say anything yesterday?”

“No, we didn’t talk, he just took me home, I mean, where I’m staying, which is not my home, I don’t know where that is anymore.” The younger huffed.

“Your home is in the apartment across,” Sunggyu said with confidence then got up to get closer to his friend once he saw his friend sighing. “Maybe you hurt him but Myungsoo hyung loves you, he just wants to make up with you.” Woohyun looked at Sunggyu as if he doubted it but the older boy chose to ignore that to continue talking. “Come on, he is not gonna say no so you have to come. And then, we all can talk to each other again.”

“I’m not...” Woohyun was about to correct his friend when he noticed that the sentence his friend used was about more people than him and Myungsoo. “Wait a minute.” Sunggyu blinked and he continued with almost fear in his voice. “Is he gonna be there?”

Sunggyu shrugged. “Sungyeol hyung said he is gonna invite everyone, and since he is not Myungsoo hyung's teacher anymore and they are talking again, ... I guess he could be there.”

Woohyun almost gasped but the air didn’t enter his lungs correctly, so he coughed a bit before asking in disbelief. “They… They are talking? Like really talking?”

“Well, not like before, but they talked.” Sunggyu conceded and Woohyun gasped in surprise before throwing an accusatory look at his friend. “I didn’t tell you before because I only discovered yesterday, but it was only once so it’s not like they are close again.” He finished his speech with a pout, this obviously displeased him. 

“Sungyeol hyung is gonna get hurt, hyung.” Woohyun pointed and then looked at Dongwoo, who was moving to start the lesson. 

“Sungyeol hyung loves Myungsoo hyung, being apart is what hurts him right now.” Sunggyu shot back then climbed on his chair again. “But who knows, if they forgive each other maybe love can bloom in another way, no? Like in your dramas.”

Woohyun opened his mouth but the sound of Dongwoo’s voice interrupted him to explain what they would be doing in the next few minutes. Both boys listened to him as attentively as they could, but once Dongwoo took a breath and looked away, Sunggyu whispered to him again.

“Woohyunnie, Sungyeol hyung said ice cream and hamburgers, think about it.”

Ice cream and hamburgers were delicious things that both kids couldn’t eat often so that was a rather tempting offer. Still, there was a possibility of Myungsoo being there and that made Woohyun nervous. Of course, he could just accept Myungsoo's presence and just stay quiet, ignoring his presence, but the last times they met proved that would be quite impossible.

He wasn’t furious anymore but Myungsoo's mere presence annoyed him the other day and, even if he tried to get a grip and endure it, he ended up snapping by morning. After that, he felt weird all over his body but it was his heart hurting more. He tried to convince himself he was getting sick, but as the hours passed and thoughts invaded his mind, he discovered he was feeling something unusual towards Myungsoo: guilt.

Liking or not, lying or not, being his father or not, the fact was that Myungsoo was the one around. Myungsoo was the one that fretted if he fell sick or got hurt, the one that gave him advice, that gave him food, spends all his free time with him rather than other adults his age (until Sungyeol appeared next door), and laughed at his silly jokes, fell for his aegyo, got up to play even if he was dead tired and the one that gave the punch he wanted to give his biological dad if he were an adult. Myungsoo was the one his mother chose to take care of him, the one she said he should stay with, but now… 

He didn’t think he was completely wrong because now he knew the truth, but once he saw the disappointment in Myungsoo’s eyes he felt so bad. He thought that, as the victim of Myungsoo's lies, he was right to feel hurt but he just discovered that hurting someone else could also hurt a lot. At first, Woohyun couldn’t understand why, but he could almost hear his mother's voice telling him that it was because he loved Myungsoo.

He tried to shake those thoughts away as much as he could in the nurse’s office and later in class, but when Myungsoo appeared to pick him up, he already wanted to apologize. The problem was he didn’t know how to approach the subject, or the correct words to use without making the elder misunderstand his feelings, and then guilt consumed him so much that he couldn’t look in the elder eyes. As if things could not get worse, Myungsoo didn’t even try to say anything too.

By the time he arrived at the apartment he was so ashamed of himself that he just wanted to hide from Myungsoo and his meddling parents and, as more time passed, he also declined to talk to Sungyeol and Sunggyu about it. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to share what happened to his friends, but Sunggyu was there and Sungyeol probably knew what had happened as well. If he told them, he would only hear confirmation and he didn’t want to confirm things and feel double worse.

But then, there was this celebratory dinner today and Sunggyu was right, it could be an excuse for them to meet, to talk. But Myungsoo was angry at Sungyeol just as Woohyun was angry with him and if they all met, even if everyone was not as angry anymore, wouldn’t he need to fight his elder friend to talk to Myungsoo? And if that happened, wouldn’t he bring the mood down.

“I don’t think…” Woohyun pulled his friend to the side after the exam (which he was sure he didn’t perform great) to give his answer but Sunggyu insisted.

“Woohyunnie, if Sungyeol hyung invites the same people from his birthday, I’ll be the only kid there. You need to come, please.” The older boy pleaded. “Do this for me, if not, do it for free ice cream and hamburgers.”

Woohyun shoulders dropped immediately. He loved Sunggyu, he was his best friend and the one that was focused on his problems only without asking anything in return or being jealous of his brother. Under normal circumstances, he would be happy to do anything his friend asked, and he would gladly try to help his friend now if he had any problem, so it made him feel bad that Sunggyu was pleading like that. He was important, way more important than tasty food.

“Ok, but not because of ice cream and hamburgers, but because you’re my best friend, ok?” Woohyun conceded despite feeling his hands sweaty. Besides, if all those adults came, people would fight for Sungyeol’s attention and Sunggyu got along with most of them and that meant he and Myungsoo could make time for each other so he could try to apologize. That could be good, right?

“Thank you Woohyunnie, thank you, thank you, thank you.” Sunggyu hugged him happily, using the strength and height he had for being one year old to twirl him around. Woohyun laughed for the first time in a while, but he was nervous as well.

___________________________________________

Sungyeol arrived to pick everyone up and was happy to discover that Woohyun was willing to attend his dinner celebration (if he was allowed to) but a lot of kids were still at school so Dongwoo couldn’t leave with them. But a couple of messages later, he managed to confirm Myungsoo’s parents’ presence and secure a ride for Dongwoo before leaving for the chosen restaurant.

Woohyun arrived there to discover Sunggyu wasn’t lying and that Sungyeol indeed invited people to dinner to celebrate his new job. Hoya was trying to read the menu with his brother, who was probably enjoying Korean cuisine too much already to pass on free food. Sungjong and Moonsoo came too, but they would leave quickly because they would have an exam the next day. There were also a couple of Sungyeol's friends from college too, which consisted of a tall man and an older girl who greeted Dongwoo the minute she saw him. Finally, there was Sunggyu, who sat near his brothers and seemed to be whining about something.

“No, Sunggyu, no!” Sungyeol said with his voice stern. “It doesn’t matter how much you whine, my answer will remain no.”

“But hyung~~~~” Sunggyu turned to his middle brother, not only to complain but to make him fall for his aegyo and side with him. “Hyung~~~~”

“Don’t look at me, I’m siding with Sungyeol hyung in this one,” Sungjong said only for the elder brother to breathe in relief.

“But... but… just this once~~”

“Sunggyu, your father’s money is for your college, he is right!” Sungjong tried to explain before he noticed Woohyun and his grandparents trying to find a place. “Look, Woohyun is here, I’ll let you sit together so I’ll move over there.” With that, he gathered his things and made the room so Woohyun could sit beside his friend.

“Hi, hyungs.” Woohyun greeted, making sure to look everywhere to be sure Myungsoo wasn’t there and then he sat beside his friend with slumped shoulders once the adults greeted him more or less at the same time.

“Congratulations Sungyeol.” Myungsoo's father greeted and Sungyeol got up to shake his hand. “What’s going on with Sunggyu?”

“You don’t need to congratulate me.” Sungyeol also greeted Myungsoo's mother before continuing. “He wants to pay for our dinner with the money his father left him, can you believe it?” Bumsoo and Sonmi blinked and Sungyeol shot a glare at the maknae. “But it’s not gonna happen.” He then offered them a seat as he continued. “Please sit down.”

After that, they quickly ordered food and started talking among themselves. Firstly Sungyeol had been at the center of attention, with people asking what he was expecting from the new job, how he would handle a new routine, and even how much he was gonna earn. When he finished answering questions, Dongwoo was the one in the spotlight as Myungsoo's parents started asking about Woohyun's progress in school and how the exams were going.

“They did some exams that were not on me today so I don't know what to say, for the rest of their exams, I will only discover their situation when I finish grading them.” Dongwoo politely tried to inform them without giving them information, he wasn’t allowed to discuss the kids’ progress with anyone else but the parents but that also had day and time to be talked about.

Noticing that info wouldn’t come out of Dongwoo, they asked the kids. “How did it go?”

“Meh,” Sunggyu said and people chuckled around him. “What? I don’t like PE.”

“How about you Woohyun?”

“I did really bad.” Woohyun replied idly, he was more interested in Sungyeol checking his phone every five minutes.

“How can you say that again?” Sonmi gasped and then turned to Dongwoo. “Is he going to repeat the year?”

Dongwoo forced an awkward smile. “You don’t need to be that worried, he is a first grader and we are talking about PE so…” As he continued to talk in Woohyun's defense, he sighed deeply which made Sunggyu nudge him.

“What’s going on?”

“He is not gonna come, will he?” The young boy asked, disappointed.

“Sungyeol hyung told me he invited him.” Sunggyu shrugged then took a big slurp on his milkshake (which was better than having ice cream). “Why? Do you want Myungsoo hyung to come?” Woohyun just got quiet and looked at Sungyeol checking his phone one more time. Sunggyu followed his gaze and understood as if Woohyun was making that question for Sungyeol sake.

“Maybe he is just very very late, hyung, but everyone is here so he knows.” The boy tried to comfort his brother but, when he opened his mouth, everyone had shut theirs so everyone ended up listening. As people chuckled and Myungsoo’s parents shared a look, Sungyeol put his phone in his pocket and flushed completely red.

“I don’t know what you’re saying Sunggyu.”

“Oh please, everyone here knows what you’re waiting for.” Sungjong further teased.

“And Sunggyu is not wrong, he knows we are here.” Moonsoo backed him up.

“Yeah, he said we should accompany Woohyun and that he didn’t mind if we wanted to come,” Bumsoo said next.

“That’s great!!” Hoya raised his beer in the air.

“See.” Sunggyu looked from his brother to his friend.

“I… I…” Sungyeol tried to blabber, but once every pair of eyes was on him he didn’t see the point of pretending. “I invited him through a message, but he didn’t say anything… it’s not even read.”

“Oh dear, he didn’t even reply to me.” Sonmi forced a smile. “We waited till the last minute to get an answer from him and I only got one because I called him directly.” Sungyeol blinked and was about to start thinking he made an amateur mistake when she continued talking. “He said he was busy reading but I don’t know what could be that interesting to read now that his graduation is over. I mean, he reads with Woohyun, but he doesn’t devour books as Moonsoo does to the few he reads.”

“Hey!” Moonsoo playfully complained.

Sungyeol gasped, loudly, because despite being clueless, Sonmi actually gave him enough information for him to know that Myungsoo was reading the letters. He hadn’t thought Myungsoo would actually read them - and he didn’t believe it when Sunggyu told him - but now that he knew the younger was reading them - apparently for days on a row - he didn’t know if that helped him after all his mother wrote some letters with evident frustration. Besides, there were details there, details he wasn’t sure Myungsoo would want to know or know how to handle and that couldn’t be good, could it?

“Let me try to call him to ask if he is still gonna pop up.” Bumsoo offered, which left both Woohyun and Sungyeol tense.

In the end, Myungsoo didn’t pick up his phone. That made both Sungyeol and Woohyun a bit sad, but, since everyone was paying attention to the elder, no one noticed the kid but Sunggyu. Even so, Sunggyu didn’t say anything about it directly, he only tried to distract his friend and decided he would talk to Sungyeol later. 

People tried to bring the topic elsewhere and the food arrived sometime later but then Sungyeol phone rang and he almost freaked out when he saw the caller. Everyone had some kind of hope when he finally picked the call up.

“Hello?!”

“Hello?” Right after that, Sungyeol heard a bump, then a grunt. “… urgh…” 

“Are you ok?” Sungyeol asked between worry and an urge to laugh, Myungsoo probably bumped somewhere and he was imagining the scene.

“I just bumped my little toe… urgh… well, it’s not broken, I’ll live.”

“Great.” Both fell into an awkward silence for a couple of seconds and Sungyeol thought about breaking it but Myungsoo beat him to it.

“I’m calling to apologize.” He said softly and Sungyeol looked away from the expectant eyes and got up to finish the conversation elsewhere, this was not what he wanted to hear but he didn’t want to feel the pitying eyes. 

He left to the street and sighed before answering. “It’s fine, now I know already you won’t come, I just didn’t think you would ignore me after yesterday.” He said with a hurt.

“It’s not like that…” Myungsoo replied softly.

“Is it not?” The elder asked, sounding doubtful.

“It’s not, I just… I thought Woohyun might want to attend to support you and I wanted him to be at ease. Woohyun and I are in an awkward state so, if I went, we would probably bring the mood down. I just didn’t want to bring the attention out of you, today should be a joyous day.”

He chuckled. “I think I would welcome that, I’m not sure you can recall but you’re the star and I’m the nerd.” Then he sighed, more resigned. “But when you put it like that, I understand.”

“And you just joined college staff for real now, it could have been dangerous for us.” The younger continued.

Sungyeol chuckled at the irony but he wouldn’t take this particular excuse. “And I hate these rules and myself for installing this fear on you. Though I have to tell you, there is only Chanyeol and Dara noona here, they are on our side.”

“Yeah, they were helpful.” He conceded. “I know they were great and that with time I can become their friend too, but, even if you take these things out, this still isn’t a good time for me.”

Sungyeol heart dropped a bit. “Why? I thought it could be a good opportunity to show the boys we are willing to put our problems to the side and, I don’t know, maybe Woohyun would see that he can also do that.”

“And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for these thoughts, but I just don’t want to see you again without an answer.” That shut Sungyeol up and made him gulp hard. “We… we needed to wait for the situation to pass and you let me have time to focus on Woohyun, but our situation isn’t sustainable either, I can’t string you along forever,” Myungsoo explained as gently as he could and Sungyeol's brain got the message but his heart interpreted it in the wrong way.

“This sounds bad… like you’re telling me to brace myself for the worst because we won’t have a happy ending.”

“We probably won’t have one, considering that happy endings don’t exist in real life and, when things were good between us, we still put an effort.” Sungyeol was silent on the line so he continued. “At the moment I’m just trying to figure out if our plot has potential for a season two. I feel like I need to figure that out faster, I owe it to you.”

“Are you trying to find this answer on the letters?” The elder asked, trying not to show he was worried. “Which point are you reading about now?”

Myungsoo went silent for about two seconds before he answered playfully. “And here I was thinking Sunggyu decided to be mysterious and left that part out.”

“You’re talking about Sunggyu so of course not.” Sungyeol conceded with a chuckle but it didn’t take long for him to become serious again. “It’s just that I wasn’t paying attention until your mother made sure I knew it.”

Myungsoo sighed deeply. “I had this impression before when my mother purposely didn’t pick her letters up, but now I’m sure she isn’t on my side.”

“That’s not it, you know it isn’t.” He changed the phone to another ear and cleaned a sweaty hand on his pants. “The letters were enlightening for me but, no matter how I look at it, I can’t see how they can help you with that decision.”

Myungsoo felt a bit disconcerted. “I’m just trying to get to know you from another perspective. Oh, you’re about eleven in the one I’m holding.” 

“A frustrated one.” The elder pointed. “So I don’t see how you’d favorably look at me.”

“Hyung, you were a genius child but still a child. You’re twenty-four now, you changed a lot in one year, I’m sure twenty would show me exactly how much you progressed to be where you are now.”

“This is not my concern Myungsoo.” He said firmly and Myungsoo got quiet on the other side of the line, already knowing what Sungyeol was referring to. “I don’t like this part of my life, but I didn’t want to be dishonest so I told you enough in that conversation we had. Why do you need to read details about it now?”

Myungsoo thought about that question deeply. The answer could be ‘I don’t’. He knew Sungyeol went through terrible things already, some that, without details, were too much for him to process at the time. Besides, if they hadn’t moved to a lighter topic on the day this particular conversation happened, he probably wouldn’t have been able to sleep. 

But the answer could also be ‘I do’ because after they broke up he got the impression he was dating a stranger. Of course, there were things he didn’t ask, and there were also things Sungyeol didn’t mention, but after they managed to talk he realized both were at fault for that. 

The thing was, every time they tried talking (even if they supposedly shouldn’t), things got clearer and they managed to overcome a few things, which proved that communication was something that worked and they should keep doing it. It was not like it wouldn’t be difficult to hear Sungyeol talking about this, but being able to hear about it would make him know his ex-lover better, therefore feel like he would be able to be there for the elder too. He made up his mind and took a deep breath before replying.

“I’m not doing this to put you down or to make you feel bad, but sometimes details can be good, hyung.” He said gently.

“In this case, how?” Sungyeol asked with frustration. “I don’t want to give you an extra load to deal with and I don’t want your pity or you looking at me as damaged goods.”

“I have never pitied you,” Myungsoo said firmly. “I blame you for some things and I’m trying to deal with that, but you have never been damaged goods for me in this sense and you’ll never be. You can’t be blamed for something that was done to you.”

“Still, I don’t want to scare you.”

“Look, I know that this is something heavy that it will probably squeeze my heart, but what happened to you will not be considered while I make my decision."

"Are you sure?"

"I swear. I want to know because - if something is gonna happen between us again - I want to feel like I know you, and that you are letting me in.” The younger explained.

“But you know me entirely.” Sungyeol replied at loss.

“After our break up, I wondered if I ever truly knew you,” Myungsoo revealed, then explained a little further. “I don’t want to have this kind of doubt about you ever again, so, please, let me read… if you don’t want to talk about it later it’s not like I’m gonna pressure you to relive these things to tell me.”

“I…” With that only word, Myungsoo knew the elder was hesitating so he decided to interrupt. 

“If you still don’t want me to read by the end of this phone call, I will respect your wish, but I also made some promises to you, so let me have the knowledge I need to keep my word.” The younger pleaded.

Sungyeol let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Both their pasts were not considered once they decided to try to be ‘something’ so, if Myungsoo changed his mind and started minding it now he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance. But, if Myungsoo wanted details to keep in his mind..., then he would put an effort into opening up. It wouldn’t please him to revisit those memories fully but if Myungsoo needed... Besides, a part of him was happy that Myungsoo was saying exactly what he needed. 

“Go ahead then.” Sungyeol sighed deeply, though tension didn’t leave his body. “I just need to let you know, that what you’ll read is not everything.”

“Is it not?” Myungsoo's question came delayed and after he had a second or two to gather his thoughts after something squeezed his stomach.

“Unfortunately no.” The elder confessed. “If you want details, I can open up and tell you everything directly but that has to involve some alcohol.” He ended up offering nervously.

“Hyung,” Myungsoo said gently. “I’ll be glad to listen to you but that kind of conversation can only happen when the kids are out, besides, we need another conversation first.”

“Yes, surely.” Sungyeol agreed and both of them fell into silence for a couple of seconds.

“I’ll go now and let you enjoy your celebrations, ok?”

Sungyeol sighed deeply. “Ok, although it is not the same thing without you.”

“I miss you too hyung.” Myungsoo let out without thinking too much, which made him more honest than he intended to be at this moment, but then he changed subjects. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk again.”

After some goodbyes, Sungyeol ended the call and looked up to the sky to keep his emotions at bay. Despite liking to hear that Myungsoo missed him, it felt like he was also getting mixed signals and Sungyeol didn’t feel comfortable like that. After a sigh, he decided to not think too much about mixed emotions (he could talk about that later with Sungjong or Hoya, maybe even Moonsoo), for now, it was just better to just accept Myungsoo wouldn’t come and just return to the table.

People looked at him with expectations once he returned. He could spot Hoya’s parents, who arrived late and probably while he was on the phone (so he didn’t notice), but even they seemed to be aware of what was going on and had the same expectations as the others. Sungyeol wouldn’t tell his friends every word exchanged but he knew he had to say something so they could kill their expectations and just move on to the next topic, but he wondered if it was wise to do that in front of Woohyun. The boy had his eyes big and his face had an expression that was a mix of fear and anticipation so Sungyeol decided to be as vague as he could about it.

“He called to congratulate me but he said he wouldn’t come so yeah, let’s eat.”

Some people seemed worried, Hoya and Sungjong tried to cheer him up and Hoya’s brother wasn’t following but eventually, all of them returned their attention to their plates and started thinking about something else. Once they were entertained enough, Sungyeol lost his concentration and a sad expression took over his features for a few seconds until he realized and tried to put on a poker face. It was too late then because while doing that, he noticed Woohyun was intently looking at him and mirroring his own expression.

“Woohyun…” He tried to address the boy - and Sunggyu turned to look from one to another, curiously - but the boy just turned to his grandparents.

“Can we go home now?”