[HYOMIN’S POV]

“What about this solution?”

“x=?”

The brunette infront was so serious. Her eyes were fixed on the paper full of solutions – which we both reviewed and at the same time, Jiyeon was trying so hard to remember the formulas onto it. I like it when she’s furrowing her eye brows as she’s tapping the pen on her cheek. I couldn’t stop staring at her because I just like her the most. She’s way too cute with her hairstyle now, I wonder if she ever heard me saying I liked girls with this kind of hair.

“Will I be able to get into that University?”

I paused for a moment and smiled at her when she laid her eyes on me. I know she’s not feeling confident but I want her to. I want her to try her best during the entrance exam like the way she did for all those days that we had been reviewing together. Jiyeon is giving all her best, and I think it’s more enough.

“Cheer up!” I giggled, “you can do it. You’ve been good all this time,”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Jiyeon sigh, “I just hope I could make it so we both can go to that University.”

Her lips were pouting, head bow down. Still gripping her pen while she sighs a countless times. I don’t want her to think that way – she was doing all her best yet she’s still thinking with the negative side.

And so, I held her hand. Though I would love to give her a warm feeling but sadly I have these cold-freezing hands. Well, I felt the real warm when I touch her, wanting it for eternity – like the warmth I felt when she spread her arms and hugged me tightly.

“We’ll make it,” I stated, “and that’s a promise.”              

She lifted her head, and let our hands intertwine. The Jiyeon in front of me, was, smiling sheepishly. I would always notice this hesitant of hers to smile brightly when I would try to reach her hand. Our eyes met again, felt like we’re in our own world – without any unnecessary noise; without any single word, just our hearts beating for each. I’ve never felt this before, even before I know this thing could make people crazy but I couldn’t deny how beautiful it is, to be felt with someone.

“Let’s continue so we could have a break,” I said,

But this girl in front won’t even take away her eyes on me.

“What?”

Jiyeon shook her head lightly.

“Come on say it,”

Jiyeon was so cute. She has this shy expression but at the same time giving me her slightest smirk. I don’t know if I should get her or that I should just ignore everything and laughed at her.

She made my heart race when her facial turns to a serious one.

A really serious one.

That I couldn’t even reacted when she quickly landed her lips on mine for a second.

That I couldn’t say anything while widening my eyes.

That I could only fixed my sight on hers while she’s smiling brightly – her cheeks were blushing.

And so do mine.

“Thank you,” she said, still her forearms were leaning on the desk as she’s staring at me. Our nose could even touch each other’s since we’re a millimeter away.

“No,” I whispered, “I love you.” Then I conveyed.

I didn’t want her to say anything, and so I quickly leaned on her as I pressed my lips against hers. To think this is for the third time, even we would do it a million times; it still does make me feel insane – her soft lips, her touch, her breath or even just her. Jiyeon made me crazy like this, and I couldn’t escape from this feeling, like as if I wanted to.

Well, we ended our reviews this night. I told her I am going to visit my mom after the entrance exam, so I could at least share something good towards her. I packed all my stuff and am ready to go home, Jiyeon is still staring at me like she wouldn’t want me to, and I could sense that because she’s been lazily buried her body on her bed as if she didn’t see me getting ready to off.

“Come on, I don’t want to go out late.” I said, pulling her slowly.

“Just give me five minutes..”

I stand right in front of her as I counted numbers from 1 to 300. I counted it exactly as 5 minutes and she stood up even before I ended.

“Alright,” she sigh, “aren’t you hungry? We’ve been using our brains for hours now..”

I know she would come up with that idea. Because I know she doesn’t want me to leave, as well as I don’t want to leave her.

Jiyeon left me with no choice. So I decided to stay for awhile and have dinner together with her family. It feels so refreshing to see them smiling while preparing our meal. I couldn’t help but feel happy too, since I have been wishing for this to happen together with my mom.

Speaking about her, I wonder what she’s been doing now. I do want to call her and say that I miss her, but again I felt bad when I remember the things I did towards her. For that, I need to apologize. I need to say sorry for leaving her when she needed me the most. I was indeed a bad daughter she could ever have.

We only have a week to go and classes will resume soon. I’ve been sitting right next beside to Jiyeon quietly at the backseat while his father drove us to the apartment he had mentioned before. It was a Saturday morning, still could feel the cold breeze December brings.

Her father stopped the car and told us to wait at the entrance. Jiyeon and I waited for him for like a few minutes before we go in and check the interior of the apartment. It would only take us 15 minutes to travel from this place to the University, and I think Jiyeon’s dad ever searched hard for this place.

Finally, we reached to the destination. The interior design made me mesmerize – although not that classic, but the color of this apartment is such soothing in the eye. There are a few furniture that have been covered by white cloths. One cozy sofa was opposite to the flat screen TV’s direction. Glass walls were visible when he opened the white curtain and the view of the city could be seen. I think it would be prettier at night; it is more likely beautiful to imagine the view of the city of Seoul at night.

We made our way to kitchen and there were utensils too that had been prepared. I bet his father did his best to prepare these all so his daughter could live with anything she needs.

“So…this will be your room,” her dad stated, “I’ve liked this place much and I hope you both will as well.”

“Wow!” Jiyeon exclaimed in amusement, “I never thought you could have a very good taste of designs, Dad.” then chuckled as she buried her body on the bed.

“Of course! Dad would choose the ones as beautiful as my daughter.”

These two laugh together. Right after a ring could be heard indicating that there’s an incoming call. Her father excuses his self to take the call and without any doubt we nodded in unison and so her father left.

“Do you like it?” the brunette asked,

“Why would I not?”

Jiyeon rise from the bed and sit beside me. Here we go again with these lovable gazes of hers that I couldn’t help but to stare at it, too. The truth is, I was very excited when her parents offered me to go and live with this girl. Who would have the guts to decline the offer? To think you will be living with the person you love and do all the things together with her.

She pulls her right hand which she buried under her pocket. The girl beside me took my hand and handed me something soft. I raised my brows at her sudden action; I would guess this is a surprise, maybe?

“Please take care of me,” she asks, “and please say yes.”

I laughed at her very smoothly. This girl is so mushy that I could pinch her cheeks if I wanted to.

“You shouldn’t asked that kind of stuff.” I replied, with a little smirk form on my facial, “you don’t have to worry about that.”

I bowed down and saw a pink rose petal – which she handed me awhile ago. I look at her again and she smiled at her own cheesiness.

“When did you start liking pink roses?”

“Hmm..” she paused for awhile. I guess she needed a moment to remember as to when it started.

“I liked them because my mother does,” Jiyeon conveyed, “she told me flowers are so beautiful. She’s too obsess with flowers especially pink roses that she even made Dad loved it too.”

I smiled at a thought; because we both love pink roses.

“She even plant them at our backyard. You’ve seen it too, right?”

I nodded as I slowly grab her hand. Suddenly feeling blue when we talk about this thing, since it gives me such happy memories.

“Do you like them too?”

“U-huh,” I said, “my papa actually made me too.”

“Ooh..”

The innocent girl furrowed her lips as she set her sight on the ground. I remember I did told her I hated my father a lot, and I guess she doesn’t want to continue this kind of conversation since she’s been sensing that I wouldn’t respond further if she ask me questions regarding him.

But I am just way comfortable for telling her everything.

“He actually told me its meaning, that’s why I know.”

My father used to give mom pink roses before. I even remembered the first time he drove me to a flower shop and ordered flowers for my mom. I was amazed by how he was so romantic and caring – like the way he caresses Mama’s hair while looking at her eyes; the way he surprises her with a pink rose, holding her hand tightly like never wanting to let it go.

I was amazed on how he would say he wouldn’t get tired of loving me and mom. That he could lose his life for it or that living alone has no means for him.

Those were the times I felt really happy. About me having a lovable and caring family but suddenly now not. It was the time when I started liking flowers, and unexpectedly, pink roses are my favorite. That time too, he vanished just like a wind – my mom would always call his phone, keep on seeking for him and even went to his office.

But we couldn’t find him.

Starting that day, I could only see a gloomy expression on my mom. She wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t either. How would a child react to something she doesn’t know? I did asked her about why my papa didn’t come home for days and her reply was because he is busy with work. I don’t understand why she would always cry every night silently while she tries to help me fell asleep. I didn’t understand anything that time, which I even questioned my own about why things happened so sudden. They didn’t provide me with explanation so I could understand. But I was still young, at the age of 5, how would I understand?

I remembered all the things he said to me that night before going to bed.

“Soon you’ll understand. You will hate me and I won’t blame you for that.”

That it was difficult for me to understand.

                                                                            “Feelings are all the same.”         

That I couldn’t figure out what he meant about what he says that time.

When he came back and started the violence against mom, I was too scared to even call him papa. He changed a lot. He doesn’t seem to be the romantic and caring papa I knew. He don’t even caress mom’s hair softly the way he did before but instead, he would always push her away and raise his hand on her. I still couldn’t understand. About why those things were happening and whenever I asked mom about it, she would always give me her bright smile and say everything was fine, even though her bruises were visible to an innocent child like me that time.

Starting that day, I hated myself for not understanding everything on my own. So I decided to keep quiet and even shut my mom away.

Because now that I understand, it gave me bad memories and a wounded heart. Yes, he was right. Soon I will understand, and I will hate him for it.

And I will never forgive him.

“I’m sorry I brought this up,” Jiyeon apologizes, “I know you’re feeling uncomfortable sharing it..”

I pinched her cheeks and giggled a little. The brunette beside me furrowed her brows; I guess I left her bewildered.

“Don’t feel sorry.” I said, meekly, and then, Jiyeon hugged me tightly.

Jiyeon is giving me a warm and a gentle love that I couldn’t even ask for more. She was too loving and caring, like the way she would treat me since then. This girl tried really hard to make me happy – no, she would always make me happy just by sitting next beside me. Her warm touch was enough, interlocking both our hands while we go out and have some fun during breaks from reviewing. We even made this ‘review’ thingy to have a date outside, so her parents would allow her to, she said.

It was still a secret. Our relationship isn’t open for everyone. We decided to sneak around and do stuff we loved to, and not making this gentle relationship into public. It was never a problem; there were never had any problems as time goes by, and I feel like our feelings for each other went too deep, that we couldn’t even miss calling each other through phones just to hear each other’s voices every day and night.

It was a kind love I ever felt. That Jiyeon made me realize that loving someone like her would mean so much to me. I also feel like I started to become as cheerful as I was before, and I stop ignoring mom.

I now live with my Mama and I am even happier when I heard her saying she wouldn’t wish for the things and begs for it to happen again. I was way too thankful; I could now feel the real happiness I felt before.

Much joyful as before.

However, I did not expected things to happen when everything was fine – until that incident came, I was too scared and my whole body was shaking while I look at the most important person in my life lying on the ground.

Quarrels from both men could be heard but I did not even give a damn care about it. Although I got scratches and was a little bit injured, I crawled towards the girl I loved the most.

“Ji..Jiyeon c-can you hear me?” that my voice couldn’t even came out that loud,

The girl wouldn’t respond. She was unconscious; she was staring back at me but felt like I wasn’t there; she couldn’t even hear what I was saying.  

She was bleeding, and the fear of losing her started to dominate me.