[HYOMIN’S POV]

I got a call. And I always knew it was from her. The classroom was so noisy so I got out without even saying a word, I didn’t want anyone to hear my words I’ll utter whenever I speak to her through phone. I don’t really want to answer this but I couldn’t do anything but to, since I always ignore her for days already. I know she was worried but haven’t I left a note for her to read?

I went out and was at the lobby for a moment before I press that answer button. A shaky, an afraid and a worried voice came through my ear that I closed my eyes as if I was there, looking at her crying as she was saying her sorry. I can imagine her desperate and her dull look, the look on her eyes and those cold and weak hands touch on mine. She would always encourage me to not give up, even though she needed it the most.

I wanted her to end all the things that make her so fool and weak for everything. I want my mom back like the old days – the day when she would smile authentically without any lies. That day when she hug me with her warm touch, and that day when we’re complete and lovely, and we live beautifully and peacefully.

That I could feel the warm and safe love from the both of them, that we are a perfect family.

“Hyomin!”

I turned my head to that familiar voice came from, with this expression I couldn’t describe the feeling on it. I just feel numb.

“I am worried.” now the brunette converse,

“Why?” I asked.

“Because my friend won’t say a thing that bothers her, and it bothers me a lot.”

I don’t want Jiyeon to get into my business.  Interfering my business is not my pleasure.

“You shouldn’t be, don’t worry about me.”

“Is that why I called you friend?”

Can’t do anything about her being persistent.

“You know you seem so cheerful and optimistic when you smile. I love it when you smile, like you did earlier.”

“Hmm?”

“But I think you’re the saddest and very broken person when you give me that blank expression.”  the girl continued “and I don’t want that.”

“So you want me to smile?”

I side-eyed but then bow down because I can’t face her with this kind of conversation.

“No. I want you to be happy.”

Happy – that’s the only word I wanted to feel in. But those violence, physically, mentally and emotionally, I couldn’t bear those anymore. Those things were a negative; and it slowly eats those positive in me. I want to be happy; I want to be a cheerful high school student who only plays around and do my duties as one. I wanted to become like others, the way they enjoy their everyday living as they copied their friends’ assignments because they were procrastinating cause of those every nights’ crazy and lovable conversations with their friends. I wanted to tell how I did in my lessons to my parents, my failures, those intense exams and all. I wanted to tell them how I feel whenever we had reports in front of the class with teachers’ questions that we have to defend in. I wanted all those to happen, but how?

We went home together with this empty feeling of mine, I felt sorry for Jiyeon ignoring her all the time. Her family as usual would take dinner together, and I am here sitting in front of them, joining in, feeling envious. Somehow, I felt there warmth from each other’s, and I guess I knew since I had that before. A small form of smile was visible on me, chatting about things I can relate to with Jiyeon and with her parents.

It was past 8 in the evening. Reading books, novels, poems and such is my way to kill some time. Wearing my pajamas right now, as I cover the half of my body with this comfy blanket my friend offered. Couldn’t imagine I would feel warm and comfortable in this place, I sometimes ask myself do I really need a friend like Jiyeon?

Because I think the answer would be yes.

“Still reading?”

The other girl’s voice echoed in the room. Her only half face could be seen since the other got blocked from the door. As if she was sneaking in, but why?

“Kind of.” I responded shortly.

I went back and continue reading poems from the book I am holding in, for days. This catches my attention from the bookstore, with my favorite author printed on the cover, and it’s on sale so I decided to have one. I turn to next page and read these poems written in the book again,

“You see,” she said, “your first love isn’t the first person you give your heart to -”

The door’s creaking sound interrupted me, so I lifted up my head only to be surprise since Jiyeon went in with her happy expression as she was holding that small cake with 2 candles?

“Surprise!”

A blank and question mark form on me as I furrowed my brows asking questions unstoppably.

“What’s with the cake?”

“You forgot about this day?” Jiyeon tilt her head, coming towards me.

This day? Are there any special events about this day?

“I know I may be sound weird, ” the brunette started, “but since you’re the very first person who became my friend, I wanted to celebrate our one month friendship.” then she show me her sheepish smile.

I raised my eyebrows; it is rare to hear such thing, indeed. I can only laugh at small things Jiyeon does, and this makes me happy.

“Do you even celebrate that?” I asked, teasing her.

“I just wanted to…” her awkward expression started again, she literally scratches her head for that.

I placed the book on the bed, and smiled again as I look on her gaping at the cake. I blew the candles to intrude her thoughts; I don’t want her to feel awkward being with me anymore. Or me being awkward with her, I want us both to get comfortable like others.

“Yah! We should blow it together.” Jiyeon complained, pouting her lips.

“Then lit it again.” then I giggled.

The night became enjoyable, chatting comfortably and talked about school and lessons. Celebration like this seems small, but for the both of us it is something memorable and special. I haven’t done this with my friends in the past; I never thought this would mean a lot to me.

The next morning came, and I got a text message which made me feel relief. I got the same mail too, since I always check my email every day. I am ready for today’s school and I’m just here waiting for Jiyeon to come out from the bath room. Her parents want us to take breakfast together, her father even waited for us though he’s job were too early. Such a lovable father giving little but precious time to his family.

I put my school shoes on as Jiyeon comb her hair after drying it. We went downstairs and saw her parents preparing breakfast again together. Smiles could be seen from them, as they greeted us with their lovable ‘good mornings’, took the meal together telling their concerns about Jiyeon, and I am included too. Those sweet kisses Jiyeon received from her parents, and those goodbyes and words telling her to come home safe, but I never expected them to include me with those lovable greetings and concerns. I feel loved from the parents I am not allowed to. I don’t want this. I don’t want to remember how my father treated his wife and her only daughter.

“Wait, let’s pass by at the flower shop.” Jiyeon paused, and then dragged me to the place she’s talking.

“Why won’t you just go and pick some at your backyard?”

“Mom will scold me. She will probably ask questions like whom I’m going to give the pink rose to.” Jiyeon frowned and then smiled after.

I can clearly see that Jiyeon’s in love with that Soyeon while looking at that pink rose. I don’t know how long will she be doing this secretly, but this sounds cute when an admirer giving you roses every weekdays for expressing their love towards the receiver.

However, seeing her smiling like that made me terrified. Because I knew something Jiyeon shouldn’t. And I don’t think things like this will be hidden for long.

“I’ll go ahead. I need to put this up without getting caught up.”

“Okay. Be careful.” I nodded, waving at Jiyeon rushing her way to locker room.

“I’ll see you at classroom!”

I put my earphones on and play the playlist I always listen to. It’s still early, so not much student in the school yet. I sat on my chair and placed my notes on the desk, preparing for the next lesson teacher will tackle. I look out the window and watch the soothing color of the sky. Today has a good weather, but then winter is coming soon, so it gets cold every day passes.

I put down my earphones as the songs from my playlist ended, right after I check my backpack only to find out that I needed my history book just in case our history teacher will show up and give us surprise quizzes again. I went my way to locker room and just hope he won’t give us one – I am just tired from studying since I used my head last night for the concept of our P.E’s presentation next week.

Few more steps and I’m on my way to my destination. I narrowed my eyes seeing Jiyeon standing with her rigid posture, holding that precious rose she would always give to her crush.

I widened my eyes as a thought came to my mind and remember a thing.

I took my steps towards her dashingly, without any doubt. I know something like this will happen, and I’m never wrong. I saw Soyeon with her best friend and was too clingy for each other’s arms.

“Let’s stop this, someone might caught us.” the cuter requested, so the other girl stop as she said so.

I looked at Jiyeon’s reaction, and I have no doubt to drag her out away from them.

I dragged her out and got mad for some reason.

“Why did you not turn away?” I asked, “Why didn’t you just walk away and not witness that scene…”

But Jiyeon won’t respond. Instead she was looking down without saying anything. As if she was analyzing things like why and how. And I know she was confused about it, and I know she is hurting inside.

“Why are you standing there?” again I asked.

Her weak hands made the pink rose fell on the ground. I don’t want this to happen.

“Why are you standing there and watching them?!” I growled, I am more pissed to Jiyeon than to her crush. I know I shouldn’t be, I don’t have the right but this precious girl in front of me is hurting. She is just too pure and innocent.

I hugged her right away. I know she would cry in the end. And I’m doing this because I cared.

Even though I insisted myself not to.

~~~