Taeyeon.5

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Almost  2 months had pass and she didn’t wake up yet, and I’m hurt emotional and mentally, all I need now, is to see her wake up and smile, I just need to be sure she was okay, I just need her to wake up now, then all my worried will be gone, I’ve not eating lately, tiffany knows that, she always came to my office just to check I was okay or I was eating, she didn’t ask why and I’m very thankful for that, she loves me so much and I’m guilty of using her, I don’t want too, but I need her too as my friend, and I should just told her that but I’m afraid now, afraid that I will hurt someone I cherish like ____, I love tiffany but not the love that I feel for ___ I know it’s unfair to have her when she loves me so much, and I don’t, I don’t love her like that and I will never will, I feel so stupid at myself, I just wanna run away from her and never come back, but then, I need ___ I just need to see her and now what?.. she haven’t wake up yet, and I’m getting frustrated right now

I’m staring at my office window and just looking at the sky above, my mind was wondering off to ____ and asking myself a lot of ‘what if’, what if I didn’t hurt her? She wouldn’t suffer like this, but what if I really do what will happen to her?

 ‘___ just wake up and I promise everything will be okay and I will make things right just please wake up,’

My phone rang as I turn my chair around and look for my phone, I immediately answer it as I waited the caller to speak,

“miss kim she’s awake now”

I widen my eyes as I let go of my phone and clamp my hands in to my mouth as I cry harder, I didn’t know what I was feeling right now, but all I thing is that ___ is safe now…..

I stand up as I get my phone and told him thanks and I would be coming, I get my things as I dash out from my office and ignore my secretary whose calling me nonstop and asking me,

@ the hospital

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I arrive at the hospital and immediately went secretly to ___ ‘s room, I saw a doctor walking and went inside in ___’s room, I walks and stop at the door as I lean my head and hear what the doctor say,

My tears fall nonstop as I hear what the doctor said, ___ she can’t move her legs, is that mean she can’t walk again? I shook my head as I remember the doctor said she will just need to undergo therapy and that make me feel less worried,

I step back as I heard the doctor saying goodbye to ___ as I hide myself and waited for him to get out, after some minutes I was about to went back as I saw jessica and went inside, my heart wrench in pain just to see her, makes me feel so discomfort and I know I’m jealous that I shouldn’t have, I don’t have any rights to ____ right? but still I love her and that didn’t change not even for a bit,

I slowly step and went to the door again as I heard sobbing, and I know for sure it was jessica, and I heard ____’s voice that I miss so much,

I heard jessica say…..

‘don’t ever scared me like that, we thought we lose you, I thought I wouldn’t see you again’……

I bit my lips as I heard her say that, did ____ really means a lot to her?... did she loves ____ so much, her voice sounds so scared like she doesn’t want to lost ____, I should be happy that ____ still have jessica, but then I’m scared too, what if ____ will love jessica like she loves me,

I shook my head and said to myself,

___ didn’t care for you taeyeon wake up, she was hurt because of you, did you think she will still want you after what you did to her? No she wont and you deserve this, you deserve to be hurt, you deserve to just see her from a far,

I walk away from the hospital as my heart was so much in pain, I should be happy that ___ is awake now but why does my heart feels so heavy?

I feel some wetness run down on my face as I wipe it and didn’t notice that I was crying nonstop, s