one time, i open my SNS and there's one comment that filling one of my picture, the really long one. from my sad fans.
She told me about how dissapointed she is, how sad and surprised she is.
and at the last sentence of her comment.

" Sometimes there's people who does so much but means nothing.
and sometimes there's people who does a little but suddenly means everything.
That something for you to choose, i hope you made the right decision. "

That sentences really strike me, so i open her profile and i'm amazed. there's ton of my pictures. She even bought every album from EXO, she watched my concert, she brought me a cake on my birthday.
that times i realized my fans is already doing so much, they love me unconditionally.
But her, Suzy, she already did so much for me too, not just a little, but so much things.
she's not someone that i know from my friend and i'm not dating her after only meeting her several times.
She is my friend, she is my bestfriend, she's the reason that make me keep doing this.
She's the one who open my mind and make me realized my dreams. She's the one who keep me chasing it when i was already drown in tired and hopeless life.

" I don't think, i deserve this spot on this group." i told her one time, when my group suddenly gather a huge popularity last year.
" my members told me that everyone is precious, every talent is precious, every existence is precious. i want to believe that, no.. i do believe them, but sometimes i just feel weird and stressfull about this."
i told her about my hard life, the truth that no one else know.
" that's not wrong if you feeling that, well, Kai is dance better than you.." she talk to me with low voice while smiling.
" ya! you're not helping, you make me feel more depressed."
" listen to me first, Chanyeol oppa rap better than you, you're not good at singing, and in my preference, i think Luhan oppa is the most handsome on your team."
she talk to me while looking at me in the eye. I keep my eyes to her face.
" what's the point of this talk." i start to getting annoyed by her.
" the point is, your members is told  you the truth, everyone is precious. even without you becoming the best  in every aspect, you still precious."
she talk to me while smile.
" i know, but what i mean is.."
" i know what you mean, i do know, sometimes i feel like that too, but everytimes that thought come to me, i'll just think that for you,my fans and my family, i am the best. am i wrong?"
she hold my hand and talk to me while smiling.
" what are you talking about? you're not the best for me." i talk to her while laughing.
" really?" 
" you're the worst, someone who always acting weird and annoying in front of me, a crybaby" i gussy up her bang and talk to her while smiling.
" really?" i can see her fixing her hair and pout my lips to me.
" but what can i do, i just love you too much even when you're the worst." i hug her and kiss her hair after talking like that.

So, how could i choose, when my fans and Suzy did a lot for me, both of them is precious to me...
People might not know, but me, my self, my heart know that this is not something that you can choose, this is something that you have to fight..