Geun Suk

My breathing was heavy. The feeling of insecurity weighed me down as I gazed at the sleeping So Min.

Why had things turned out this way?

This was not how I wanted my first love to be. Was this retribution for my philandering ways in the past?

If only I was the one with her in Shenzhen.

If only I had made my move earlier…

If only I had reacted faster last night...

If only I was the one who saved her…

How would it had turned out then…

So Min, would you leave me when you wake up?

 “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you are here,” a feeble voice derailed my train of thoughts.

At the door was a beautiful middle-aged woman with brownish gray hair in a simple blue dress. She looked rather petrified, perhaps amplified by the sight of her frail physique.

She scurried hurriedly to So Min’s bedside and touched her face. Tears began streaming down her cheeks as her body trembled like a leaf.

“So Min, how could I live on if anything is to happen to you?” she started sobbing as her other hand gave So Min’s hand a squeeze.

This must be So Min’s mother.

She must have been petrified to receive a call with news of So Min admitted into the hospital due to an accident.

I pulled a chair towards her quickly and invited her to sit down. She whispered ‘Thank you’ and took my offer, while reaching into her handbag for a handkerchief to wipe her flooded eyes.

“I apologized for putting on such an unsightly face in front of someone whom I’m meeting for the first time,” she sniffed as she looked up at me through her thinly soaked hanky. “Thank you for saving my daughter.”  

Biting my lips, I stared at the floor. It felt hard to say those words.

I had wanted to, even if I could have given up my life for it.

 But saving So Min was not a credit that was mine to claim.

“It wasn’t me.”

Having said that, I bowed and took my leave. Staying in that room was the last thing I wanted to do.

It was difficult for me to accept that even fate had allowed Hyun Joong to prove just how much he loved her by risking his life for her.

I could not come to terms with the fact that it was Hyun Joong that So Min loved.

No matter what I had done for her…No matter how much love I showered her with, no matter how deep my love for her…

It was never meant for her to fall in love with me.

Lifting my eyes to meet the bright sunshine that completely burnt my heart to ashes, I pleaded

So Min, please don't leave me...

So Min

I felt a hand, warm, caressing my forehead. I had been sleeping for a long time. I wasn’t tired, I just did not want to wake up.

I had wanted to sleep permanently back there at the highway. But it didn’t happen.

I was saved.

If only I could stay in a coma forever…. Wouldn’t that be a relief from all those painful facets of my life? 

I forced my eyes tightly shut as there was nothing I dared to open my eyes to.

But I could not ignore that trembling hand on my forehead. Streams of emotion traced its way and threatened to escape from the corner of my eyes. The bridge between my nose started to clog up as I attempted to hold the tears from flowing.

Reality set back in.

I broke Geun Suk’s heart.

I destroyed Hyori’s happiness

I killed Hyun Joong.

I wanted to end my life because I was a coward.

And all I thought was about myself.

Never about Mom.

How could I be so unfilial..

I even failed in my role as a daughter.

Oh…the cruel reality I could not run away from.

“It’s alright, So Min. Open your eyes. Mom will always be here for you no matter what happens.”

The love in her voice was overflowing that I had to stop myself from being selfish anymore.

I sprung up and flung my arms around her. The tears now flooded past the dam that had failed in holding them in anymore. I could not stop crying as the honesty of her unconditional love diffused into my soul.

“I’m…I’m sorry…I’m sorry..I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”

That was all I could tell her.

“Hush, my baby…,” she whispered into my hair as she cuddled me tightly. In between sobs, she convinced, “Mom understands…Promise me that you would never ever leave me.

Because I do not know how to live on if you are gone”

Hyun Joong

“STOP! STOP!”

This was so familiar. It was déjà vu.

This person who was running away from me...and me pursuing him/ her…

It was all too familiar.

It had been a long while since I had this recurring dream. 

Why exactly did it stop, and why did it suddenly return, was a mystery to me. Whatever the reason, I could not undo my fate in this nightmare.

Beyond my own control, I had the inexplicable urge to unveil the identity of the person who kept running away from me. Mustering all the energy my body could summon, I too giant steps and finally, it seemed like the gap between us have closed up by a few inches. I stretched my hands far out to reach to the figure.

‘It’ was so near now. Just a little bit more….

Go faster, Hyun Joong…Just a little bit more…. I persuaded myself to push my body beyond its limits.

I could do it! I could do it!

The edge of my fingers finally touched ‘its’ shoulder. With whatever energy I had left, I jolted ‘it’ to a halt and spun ‘it’ around.

What met my vision was one that I had not expected. My heartbeat nearly stopped for the split second I came to face to face with ‘it’.

“Come back..,” ‘it’ whispered before being devoured by darkness.

“Wait! Wait! Don’t go!” I pounced at the fading figure, hoping to catch a wisp of ‘it’. At that same instant, I felt myself being pulled at by an overpowering force. I tried to fight that but knew that I was helplessly fighting a losing battle.

My lids flicked open all at once. The sudden exposure to light stung my eyes so much that I quickly covered them with my hands as I whimpered in agony. Somewhere, my body was cringing in pain as I abruptly sat up to reach out to the arms extended towards me instinctively.

“Hyun Joong….! Thank goodness! You’ve pulled through!”

My eyes had by now adjusted better to my surroundings and the blurry figure holding me tight gradually became clearer.

“Dad?”