So Min

“Doctor, why couldn’t he remember anything?” I posed the burning question impatiently.

“Calm down, Miss Jung….” The doctor stood up to reciprocate my action and persuaded me to sit down again.

“Calm down? How could I when he woke up a totally different person?” I bit back.

“Miss Jung, please sit down first and listen to me. “

I relented and retreated back onto the chair directly opposite him and tried my best to control my agitation. It had never occurred to me I could get this anguished as I had prided myself as a level headed person all this while.

I was, of course, thankful that Hyun Joong had been resurrected from death. I had sworn that I would daringly proclaim my love for him when he woke up because I was confident he felt the same. To my disappointment, he did not have a single clue of what had happened between us in the forest.

Evening the rhythm of my breath after a while, I repeated my question“Will…will he remember anything at all about his past?”

“He may, he may not.” He studied me intently He started to explain slowly, cautious of the tone in his voice, “We had done several tests on Mr Kim. Our test results showed that there are no severe damages to his brain. Normally, we would suspect memory losses to be associated with blood clots in the brain, but in this case, we found none.” He examined me for a while to ensure that I was receiving his elaboration well, and then he proceeded, “We could only assume that the loss was due to lack of oxygen reaching his brain during the four hours when he was clinically dead.”

I took in a deep breath, regurgitating his words over and over again before throwing him another difficult question, “When will he regain his memory?”

This time, he too breathed deeply, as if sensing that his response would not provide me much solace. “It is hard to tell. It could be a short term memory loss, it could also be long term.”

“Long term, as in….forever?”  I clarified, disheartened.

He remained silent, as if uncertain of his reply. “Maybe you could try to help him stimulate his memory. That may accelerate his recovery.”

My shoulders dropped at the thought of giving Hyun Joong a glimpse of his or our past. What beautiful memories could there be when we were bickering all the time? And would I want him to remember the tragic kidnap?

Selfishly, I wished he would recall what happened to us back there. But, if he would to remember, he would live with a scarred memory with all those horror embedded in his life forever, like me. I wished I could selectively choose to lose that part of the memory too. For every time I was reminded of the whole episode, I could not help but shook with disgust and fear. 

I did not want him to be like me...phobic of being strange men now.

I left the doctor’s room with disappointment. I told myself not to break down at this point as I heaved a long sigh in an attempt to release my pent frustration.

It was already pretty late and I knew that I should be heading back into the room now to see the ‘brand new’ Hyun Joong. I had only caught a glimpse of Hyun Joong after Hyori rushed out to inform that he was awake and the doctors had wheeled him from room to room for further checking after that.

I strolled back to the room where Hyun Joong and Hyori were waiting for me to set off. The walk down the corridor was especially long today. The events in the past weeks felt weirdly like a roller coaster. It had been emotionally draining to think that I had lost him and then found him and lost him again.

However, I comforted myself that all might not be loss now, for he was still here as a different Hyun Joong.  Probably this time round, our relationship could be better now that we could start our relationship on a fresh piece of paper. A smile traced its way to my face thinking of this new beginning. I looked up at the blue sky outside the window to cheer myself on.

Hyori

Oh dear! I was nervous when the first thing that Hyun Joong said to me when he opened his eyes was not my name but ‘who are you?’. Did that mean that he was no longer infatuated with me? It would be harder for me to speed up my plan if I had to start from zero.

 I glanced over at Hyun Joong timidly and realised that he was smiling sweetly at me. The smile melted my cold heart momentarily and sent a shiver down my spine. It was the first time that I was so near him and it was then that I appreciated his fine features that contributed to his handsomeness. I continued to lock gazes with him as if hypnotised by an unknown source.

Why did I feel that I could be really in love with him? But why did he look so familiar? Why did he remind me of someone that instilled fear in me at the same time?

I detached myself from his gazes and shook myself back into reality. I could not fall in love with him, that I was very sure. He would only be a tool in my vengeful plan and once Mr Lee and I achieved our objectives, I would leave Seoul and never see him again. I would not look back at whatever that would happen to Hyun Joong for I could finally answer to my unborn child.

“Hyori, It’s you, isn’t it?” he broke the silence.

I stared at him dumbfounded, not comprehending what he said, “I..I…I mean, yes, I’m Hyori but….” 

“I know it’s you! I knew that you have been here waiting for me to wake up.” He flung forward to give me a tight bear hug, so tight that I suffocated.

“It was your voice that gave me the strength to come back! You are the reason I’m still here.” He finally released me as I was on the verge of fainting from shortness of breath, and cupped my shoulders with his hands. “If you allow, let me love you for this life you have saved. Let me take care and protect you.”

I was lost for words at his sudden outburst. He had clearly mistaken me as his savior. And he wanted to repay me with his love?

But I had not done anything. It was So Min by his side all this while.

It should have been her that Hyun Joong professed his love (or gratitude?) to, not me.

Would I be unfair to So Min for claiming her credit?

I found myself questioning the reason for So Min to have been self-sacrificing. Was it because she had feelings for him? Yes, that would be the most logical reason.

Would I be selfish if I take Hyun Joong away from her over my vendetta with Kim Dong Jae?

But this was too good to be true. I thought my revenge would be ‘postponed’ indefinitely due to his memory lost. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise that I was here at the right time and the first person he saw when he opened his eyes. This was a clear sign that judgement day for the sinner had arrived.

So Min, I’m sorry. If you were in my shoes, you would do the same. Please forgive me.

“Hyun Joong,” I clasped his face in my palms. “My heart is yours.”

So Min

I opened the door slightly to peep into the room.  What I saw was the last thing that I expected to see.  

This should not be happening…Why were Hyun Joong and Hyori in each other’s embrace?

I stepped back, reluctant to face the reality. Denial was gradually seeping in, invoking my heart to stop a beat or two as my breath deepened as though something colossal was weighing it down. 

Right before my very eyes, Hyun Joong held Hyori’s palms in between his and started showering baby kisses on her hands.

I shook my head, covering my mouth with my palm to deter a tormenting cry from escaping.

I could not stay here any longer, not even to want to know what was happening. Clarifying would make a fool of me because what had unfolded right before my eyes was so obvious!

I could not stand the sight of them anymore. I had to leave.

NOW! To ANYWHERE!

My wobbly legs took flight and I discovered myself rushing out of the hospital façade. Outside, dark clouds hovered above the horizon and the sun had hidden its usual mightiness elsewhere. Rain started to beat down on my shivering frame as I ran aimlessly through the raging traffic.

My feet finally came a halt when exhaustion took over and I knew my legs would break if I pushed on. It was then that I allowed tears to freely breached through the dam. My knees gave way as I involuntarily knelt on the cold, hard bitumen beneath me. Unconsciously, I was wailing incoherently at the top of my voice in competition with the honking of vehicles that stopped suddenly in order to avoid colliding into me.

Heaven must have heard of my plight. Even the sky was crying for me.

Why did fate had to play such a cruel joke on me? What had I done wrong to deserve this?