Hyun Joong

‘Dang! I lost to the stupid pigs again!’ I waved my fist in the air when the pigs’ laughter from Angry Bird jeered at me for losing to them. My mind wandered off to Jinx Girl who had not spoken a word since we boarded the plane. I started to wonder what devious pranks could I devise to exact my revenge. For the past week, I had tried to think of a marvelous plan but nothing marvelicious struck me. This trip to Shenzhen might just be the right time for Jinx Girl to get a taste of my ‘power’. I grinned malevolently, just thinking of all the time and the windows of opportunity in a foreign land.

I spied across the aisle to where Jinx Girl was sitting.  She had her earphones on and was intently watching something, I assumed. As I watched her from the corner of my eye, I noticed a tear rolling down her cheeks.

‘Tsk..such a crybaby! Fancy crying over a show when you know that the story is fictional..’ I thought with disgust. This was however, a good chance to show a chivalrous side of me. I moved to the empty seat beside her and pulled out a tissue pack from my jeans pocket.

“Here, you need it.” I said coolly.

She turned to me, obviously embarrassed that I had caught her sniffing away, and accepted my offer with thanks.

“What was it that you are watching?” I asked.

“I’m not watching a show.” She corrected.

I waited a while for her to continue but she didn’t. “Go on.” I tried to encourage.

She eyed me suspiciously, probably amused that this man was such a busybody. “I was listening to a song.” She stopped again.

“Tell me more.” I probed further.

She pursed her lips and drew in a deep breath, as if revealing more details would consume a lot of energy from her. “It’s this song by Marilyn Monroe. It’s called ‘River of No Return.”

“Why are you crying over the song?” My curiosity was starting to nag at me.

She closed her eyes tightly, as if deciding whether to tell or not to tell, “I’m not sure. The way she sings, it’s very sorrowful. Perhaps, it was the tune too. She sang about love is like a flowing river, sometimes full of trials and tribulations but sometimes sweet. And that like the flowing river that runs the a stormy sea, unstoppable, once you lost a love, you could never claim it back.”

“Uh huh…” I still could not understand why the crying.  At the same time, I was also wowed that this was the first time she spoke to me in more than one liners.

She stared at me, bewildered. “You don’t get it?  Have you ever felt love?”

I raised an eyebrow and my lips, feeling truly ignorant.

She folded her arms and heaved a big sigh, “I guessed people like you just do not know what love is.”

I could almost feel her insinuating that I was ‘IMMATURE’ in those few simple words. I was about to argue that I knew what love was and my love was Hyori, but I stopped myself in time from revealing this secret. Instead, I threw the challenge back to her, “Do you know what love is then? Have you ever been in love? Huh? Huh?”

She bit her lower lips guiltily, as if defeated by my counter attack. I smirked exultantly, thinking that I had won this round. Then, she sat up and calmly explained, “I don’t know what love between a man and woman is. But I know what my love for my Mom is. We are friends, soulmates, confidants. She is my mother and the father whom I have never known.  She is there whenever I need her. This is the first time we will be apart for so long and…and…I’m starting to miss and worry about her. I would never forgive myself if something happens to her and I’m not there for her.”

And then, she started to sob silently.

I stared blankly at her bent body, trembling with sadness. Was she feeling homesick so soon?

Though I could not entirely understand the reason for her sadness, I felt envious somehow that I was not entitled to possess the kind of feelings that she had. There was no subject at all – neither a person or a place - that my heart could yearn for. A heavy feeling; a forgotten memory that I had shelved away a long time ago was creeping reluctantly back into my mind. I could feel my body similarly reacting to this feeling as I slouched back onto the reclined chair. I closed my eyes, trying to urge the tears that were starting to well up to return to where they should belong.

Damn her! She shouldn’t had brought up this topic about her mother…