So Min

That familiar name…

That name that I had been struggling to erase from my memory…

The existence of the man behind that name that I had been trying to rid off my mind for the past three months…

The man that might not even remember that I exist…

To: Mr Kim Hyun Joong

The name stared back at me with a menacing grin across it.

I had so wanted to forget him so because I wanted to accept Geun Suk wholeheartedly. To have remnants of Hyun Joong in me was torturing as I knew I could not betray Geun Suk’s love. I had wanted to forget Hyun Joong and tried every means to do that. I tried starving and I even cut myself to shift my mind from him to the pain on my hand. I cried myself to sleep almost every other night as I fought the internal battle. I was living in a hell of guilt while my mind fought to lock Hyun Joong away in my memory and welcoming Geun Suk into my life at the same time.

Life after the incident would have been hell for me if not for Geun Suk’s support. I was losing focus at work thinking of Hyun Joong, but Geun Suk’s persistence and drive geared me back into doing my due diligence as an employee of Kim’s. He was supportive and even went all out in ensuring that my projects are all successes.

“I had been so busy lately that I forgot about this stack. They are mostly bills that Hyun Joong requested the companies to send to the office address. Darn, I hope they are not due yet,” I heard him mumbling apologetically as I was still trying to cool my racing heart back to its normal pace. He paused to look at me and appeared startled at the paleness on my face, “So Min, are you alright? If you are not well, then it’s ok, I could….”

“No, I could do this.” I cut in fiercely.

I could not do this. Yet, a stubborn voice from within insisted that I had to do it. It was time that I finally face Hyun Joong.

Geun Suk was taken aback by my sudden ferocity. A short stare and a few blinks, he decided to allow me to proceed with the task. He tried to smile to ease the tense atmosphere.

“I could drop you off somewhere nearby after lunchtime,” he offered.

“No, thanks!  I could get there myself. I’ll make a move now.” I quickly rejected.

Before he could persuade me to reconsider his offer, I scurried away hurriedly.

I guessed nothing in any psychology textbook could explain what my heart and my mind were telling me. They were obviously at different polarity with each other. The Mind was advising me to do the most rational thing, but the Heart was pushing me to do what could break my heart further. The more the mind forbade me to ever see him again, the more the heart urged me on. 

Though I knew it was irrational, I was following the calling of my heart.

Clutching the bag that contained files meant for Hyun Joong, I stepped into the lift and pressed the button that would bring me to his floor. I was nervous, like a dancer waiting anxiously for her maiden performance on a grand stage.

How is he? Is he thinner? Has he been eating well? Has he been sleeping well? Has his wound fully recovered?

These were among the millions of questions that ran through my head everyday whether I was at home or at work. It had been more than three months since I last saw him and I confessed without shame that I still miss him dearly. I thought I could gradually forget about Hyun Joong, despite being repeatedly disheartened by news brought about by Geun Suk of the blissful couple. Perhaps if I had learnt that there was nothing left for me in him, then I would finally set him free from my heart and my life.

I stood outside Hyun Joong’s doorstep, my fingers fidgeting, as they mirrored the internal debate on which finger should be used to press the bell. The issue was definitely not as simple as that; it was my nervousness. What should I say to him when he opened the door?

As I was deeply engrossed going through the list of possibilities to say to Hyun Joong, I did not notice that someone had slipped up next to me.

“So Min…what are you doing here?”

I looked to my left and to my dismay, it was Hyori.

“I...I just came to deliver some letters meant for Sunbae.” I stammered, showing her the bag with the contents.

Though she wanted to hide that she was disturbed by my presence here, her facial expression did not fail to reveal her true feelings. She stretched out her hand, “Here, let me take those to him for you.”

I grasped tightly to the bag, reluctant to let the only excuse I had to see Hyun Joong go. “Some of these are confidential. I better pass them to him personally.”

Hyori was about to retort when the door opened and there he stood, the man I had been longing to see.

Will he remember me?

Hyun Joong

I heard voices outside. One of them was unmistakably Hyori. Curious, I ran to the door to check on who else was at my doorstep.

“Hi Hyori. Do you have my lunch?” I beamed at her and averted my gaze to the other person. I was about to extend my hand to do a proper introduction when I took in her facial features.

She looked….oddly…

……familiar.

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Bowwow

Hi all. Thanks for staying with me. This is just another filler. Sorry that I couldnt continue. My head's throbbing already as I havent been getting enough sleep lately. I do seriously need to snooze now. Promise that I'll continue as soon as I have the time to write ok?

Good night everyone and logging off!