Somin

The room still looked the same after all these years. My eyes searched the room for the little square table in the middle of the small living room that Mom and I used to share our conversations while having our meals. My index finger brushed across the surface of the table. No dust..I smiled, thanking Aunt Joong Min silently in my heart for her great effort in keeping our humble shack clean. As I walked further into the kitchen, consciously inhaling the familiar air where I had spent my 21 years here, I stopped to look at the pen markings on the wall near the stove. This was where mom had religiously traced my height as I grew. The little kitchen was litted by rays of morning sunshine filtering in through the small window above the kitchen sink. Images of mom cooking, washing the dishes at the basin and singing an old tune started to conjure in my mind. “I’m home, mom,” my voice echoed through the four walls of the empty room.

Holding back tears that had started to well up in my eyes, I stepped into the tiny bedroom where I used to share with mom. Mom’s clothes were still packed in a huge bag in the cupboard. I could not bear to throw or donate them away after her funeral. It was too painful for me to give away the things that reminded me of her slightest scent. Yet, I had no choice but to leave them here all these years when I made my sudden departure. I took them out one by one, remembering some of the clothes that she had saved to wear on certain occasions. I held out at a blue dress that I had bought for her with my first month’s salary. She had adored the dress so much that she said that she would only wear it on my wedding. But she never got to wear it. My poor mom, who had worked day and night tirelessly and never a complaint, with only one aim in her life, and that was to raise me up in a happy family. And I had never fulfilled her wish to witness my wedding in this dress.

As I rummaged through the bag, a small brown box fell onto the floor. I did not remember seeing this when I was packing her clothes. It would not be suprising as I was engulfed with sorrow as I painstakingly stuff away her belongings back then. Puzzled, I picked up the box and opened it slowly.

My palms went to my mouth as I let out a gasp of surprise. The tears I had been holding back started to fall uncontrollably as my shoulders jerked in between my sobs.

How could it be here? I had thrown this away that night five years ago. I had wanted seal away my relationship with his. Why is it here with Mom's clothes?

I clasped the box closed and sat down on the mattress with a thump, still holding on to the box tightly in my trembling hands. As I sat there, the room started to whirl around me and visions of the painful past was once again relived…

Things could have been a lot different. Mom would not have gone...and I would not have left Seoul to forget the sufferings he brought unto me.