Every step away from that golden opportunity at the YG Building became heavier, especially after I told Paije about what T.O.P said to me before we left.  

“BACKSTAGE AT A BB CONCERT” she squealed in euphoria. “CAN THIS PLEASE BE MY ACTUAL LIFE??? PLEASE AND THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!”

“Paije” I groaned entering the lobby to the hotel.

                She followed me in skipping to the elevator with the biggest smile on her face. I walked behind her dragging my feet following her. When we entered the elevator we saw another girl with a guy in the elevator wearing a DAESUNG DON’T CRY t-shirts.

“I love your shirt” Paije said admiring the shirt.

“Oh…thank you. I made it myself” the girl said warmly.

                The girl had a thick Latin accent that was just as beautiful as Penelope Cruz. Her long cascading dark brown curls framed her round face brought emphasis to her bright hazel eyes. She had a copper skin tone that shone even in the dimly lit elevator and the boy next to her had almost the same physical features except for his nice broad shoulders and dark brown eyes. They were both equally good looking and looked as if they were in their late twenties. The guy captured my attention the most, because he reminded me of a young better looking Antonio Banderas. 

“Are you excited about tomorrow?” I asked them.

“Yes, we can hardly wait” the boy answered sounding exactly like him.

I felt myself swoon. “Where are you from?”

“Brazil” he spoke rolling the r like a purring cat.

“We’re from the States” Paije answered still admiring their shirts.

“Oh! Okay! Well do you know about Daesung Don’t Cry?” the girl asked us.

                We nodded yes. Of course we knew about Daesung Don’t Cry. Ever since Dae’s unfortunate accident, the posers and haters of the KPOP world have been ditching or insulting our boys to no end. Even though I was just as passionate, Paije was better at explaining this because for her this hit home base. She got into so many online fights whether on tumblr, twitter or YouTube just on this topic alone. There is absolutely no way I can compare how she supported Daesung to no end; there was no equal. Daesung Don’t Cry was a twitter account that wanted to show Daesung how many people were supporting him and BIGBANG; it was a nice gesture considering how sad he was. Before I met Daesung, I always pictured him like a little happy kid. One of the happiest you’d ever see; one who smiled through anything and was always trying to find the brighter side. When this accident happened, it felt like someone had pushed that little kid down and crushed his favorite toy allowing his infamous smile to disappear. Immediately we wanted to rush and find anything to bring it back, but we were without that smile for months until we saw him start to get better.  Paije nearly broke down at any and every sign of that full smile; we were still waiting.

“Well, a few of us are trying to organize a fan chant for tomorrow for him” the girl spoke. 

“If Daesung ends up singing Baby Don’t Cry we want to replace it with-”

“Daesung” we all said together.

“Exactly” the boy smiled. “We’re trying to tell as many V.I.P’s as possible.”

“Yea so, will you do it?”

“Of course!” Paije and I said together.

“Good. Okay…if you see any more V.I.P’s tell them too.”

“Please? Can you imagine how epic this will be if we can do it?!” The girl squealed.

“He’ll be so touched” Paije said clutching her heart. “He deserves it-”

“I know! Especially with all of the people out there putting him down! Some people are just horrible! It will show him that there are people who will support him and BB until the very end!”

“That’s so beautiful” Paije said almost tearing up.

The doors opened to a hallway. “This is us” the boy led out with the girl following.

“FIGHTING!”

“FIGHTING!” We replied as the elevator doors closed bringing us to our floor.

                We stepped out of the elevator to our floor before I swiped the key in front of the lock. We stepped in heading straight for our bedroom, closing the door behind us. I took off my jacket and sprawled out across my bed letting out a tired breath.

“So can I see them?” Paije said resting on her bed next to mine.

“See what?”

“The backstage passes” she looked at me obviously.

“Oh” I said grabbing a pillow and putting it front of my face. “I didn’t take them” I grumbled into the pillow.

“Huh?” she said tugging on it. “I can’t hear you Dev…take the pillow down.”

“I said I didn’t take them” I cringed preparing for her fury.

“No seriously…where are they?” I could hear her voice lower in pitch slightly; she was getting worried.

“I didn’t take them!” I screamed before hiding behind a pillow.

                She didn’t say anything. I glanced up from my pillow unsure of what was to come. Her face was blank and that was strange, because by now she should be yelling at me-

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU DIDIN’T TAKE THEM?!?!?!?!?!”

                I saw the color red blaze behind her. She was pissed, and had I had any sense I would’ve been pissed at myself as well.

“Aww c’mon Paije!-”

“Come on…COME ON?!?!?!” she screeched. “YOU MEAN TO TELL ME, THAT T.O.P…YOU'RE T.O.P…OFFERED YOU BACKSTAGE PASSES TO A BIGBANG CONCERT AND YOU WERE DUMB ENOUGH TO GIVE THEM BACK?”

“Paije…I was too scared to take those passes.”

“What?” She said a little calmer.

I took in a deep breath. “I can’t afford to spend any more time in the hospital. I’ve already been chosen to be in the music video…anything else and I’m pretty sure I would die.”

                I smiled but I could still see her trying to work something out so that we could hang backstage.

I shook my head no. “He has got to ignore me; they all should…but he has too.”

“That makes no sense” Paije protested. “You don’t say that to Hyun Joong or Seungri…or even Taeyang and now I guess Teddy Park.”

“Karma doesn’t seem to have a problem with Teddy or Taeyang. Seungri is my partner so I guess its okay but-”

“Don’t tell me you want Hyun Joong to ignore you too?!”

I nodded determined. I knew after that kiss that he was going to have to too.

“From now on…no more hangouts or meetings. No more car rides or private concerts or-”

“Intense make-out sessions at their houses” she smirked.

“Exactly…I’m not going to give karma another excuse to get me. She’s been amazing already; I’m not going to push it.”

“Couldn’t you start this after the backstage passes?” She whined unashamed.

“Goodnight Paije.”

~~~~

                In the morning, both Paije and I awoke with adrenaline. A wide Cheshire cat grin spread across my face as my eyes popped open at the realization of today. Paije and I sat up on our beds and looked at each other mirroring the same exhilaration at what was to come; we both fell onto our beds and began squirming in joy. Then we hopped out and began jumping around the room before entering the living room to see Rachel and Madison skipping about. Rachel turned to the stereo and found a radio station that began playing Stupid Liar and we danced and sang to it at the top of our lungs.

“CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!?” Rachel screamed over the bass.

                We continued jumping around like maniacs until we heard a knock at the door. Madison turned down the volume as I went to go answer the door. When I opened it I saw Egan’s animated face as he jumped up and down into the room. Kendrick walked in coolly behind him but I could tell he was just as excited. Egan wasn’t holding back for anyone; he and Rachel began spinning in circles fanning already especially when the song on the radio changed to I Need A Girl by Taeyang. They were adorable to watch because Egan sang directly to Rachel, making the prettiest rose blush tint her cheeks. Kendrick came over to stand by me and I smiled at him excitedly.

“How are you not screaming anything?” I asked him happily.

“I’m saving my voice” he whispered with a smile; and at the realization I covered my mouth with both hands trying to save some of the voice I had wasted.

“Oh no…I completely forgot” I said horror stricken. “I’m going to shut up…starting right now.”

He smirked. “You're going to forget in two minutes.”

                I shook my head fiercely determined to prove him wrong. He surprised me by coming so close snuggling into my side, but then he bent his head down to my ear.

“Devon…” he whispered as I took the biggest gulp of my life. “Would it be okay if I sat with you…at tonight’s uh-concert?”

                My head made a tiny movement showing I was confused.

“Like as-”

“Forget it…I was just-”

“No-” I answered not letting him back off the subject so easily.

“Yea…see forget it” he said backing away.

“No…like I mean its okay” I smiled to him for a millisecond before looking away.

“So, you don’t mind?” He asked confirming what I had just agreed too.

“We were probably going to get together anyway”

                He raised his eyebrows.

“I mean- with Egan and Rachel we were probably going to sit together” I said trying to cover up the wording of the previous sentence.

“Yea! Exactly” he smiled relieving some of the tension. “So I can meet you and Paije in the lobby and we’ll ride over together?”

“Sounds like a plan” I smiled warmly.

“Good” he said walking away to talk to Egan, before following him out. “By the way…you definitely forgot” he beamed before letting the door shut quietly.

“See! I knew it!” Madison screamed at the door. “You guys totally have something going on!”

I looked at her surprised noticing the change in her tone; it didn’t contain the same bitterness and jealousy I had become accustomed too. “There’s nothing going on!”

“Devon,” she said my name like a teacher preparing to explain a lesson. “It’s perfectly fine if you and Kendrick want to be open about your relationship.”

“What relationship?” I protested.

“Wait a second…when did you become so cool about Devon and Kendrick?” Rachel asked really curious.

“Ever since I had breakfast with Malik” she smiled to us.

“You mean that beautiful chocolate boy from the elevator?” I hedged. “Congrats!”

“Thanks…and don’t even think about stealing him. He’s mine!” She skipped to her room before closing the door with a grin.

                I shook my head and laughed before heading back to the bedroom. I went straight to the closet and began pulling out shirts and pants laying them across the bed.

“I really wish we had thought of that idea of making our own t-shirts…I have no idea what to wear” I said to Paije as she walked into the room, plopping herself on the bed.

                She heaved a great sigh….then she heaved another. She heaved another making this one the longest of them all. I smiled to myself as I continued to pull out clothes for tonight’s concert. I didn’t need to ask her what was wrong. I already knew that she was sighing wistfully after those backstage passes.

“What do you think about this one?” I said holding up a shirt and a pair of pants.

“I think anything would look great with a pair of backstage passes” she said regretfully.

“Paije…can’t you be happy we’re even here?”

                The look she gave me mirrored my own answer of “NO”.

“Hyun Joong said something to me that makes perfect sense for this situation-”

“It’s amazing he could say anything with his tongue down your throat” she joked smiling crookedly.

I glared at her before busting into a grin. “He said that there are plenty of people who would die twice for a chance like this, and now that I think about it…he’s absolutely right. We’re going to a BIGBANG CONCERT! TONIGHT! IN SEOUL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! We should be ecstatic about that! We’ve already met them-”

“I know...but this is BACKSTAGE Devon” she whined.

“We’d probably miss a lot if we were backstage. We came to see a show…not behind the scenes.”

“Fine!” She said hopping up from her bed. “You should wear this though.”

                She pulled out a bright marigold yellow top that left the arms partially exposed with a frayed jean skirt that stopped at the knee. Then she pulled out a yellow spaghetti strap t-shirt and tossed it to me. I looked at the outfit approvingly and then I helped her pick out one for herself. It was a pair of hip-hugger jeans that were ripped at the knees and a black off the shoulder semi-long sleeved shirt.

“There we go!” She said effortlessly.

“What shoes do you think?”

                She pulled out the ugly shoes and waved them at me. I laughed remembering the night that those shoes had saved me from that awful piggy back ride. Those shoes seemed to get brighter and more noticeable. The pink had turned even more neon and the different colored poke-a-dots seemed to multiply in the weeks I hadn’t worn them. Even though I was positive that I would never wear these shoes in public…I also knew I would never throw them away either.

“I think I’m just going to go with a pair of sneakers.”

“Suit yourself…but I kind of like the clown flats.”

“What would I do without you?”

“Oh I don’t know…suffer in agonizing silence because you’d have no one to fan with” she exaggerated before smiling. “But it’d be the same without you.”

                Just then my phone started ringing interrupting our heartwarming moment. I picked up the phone to look at the caller id and saw that it was Hyun Joong. I tossed   the phone back onto the bed like it was a hot potato. It kept spazzing out on the bed as I ignored it going back to my closet. I fiddled around with the clothes just so I wouldn’t have to look at the phone or Paije’s scrutinizing face. I walked to the shower and the hot water. Even through the gushing of the water I could hear my phone still ringing. When was this guy going to give up? I was determined for these idols to ignore me even if I had to initiate it; there was no way I was going to miss this concert. If he though I was a crazed V.I.P for an audition, he’d be either be impressed or completely terrified at the lengths I would go to for a concert. Before stepping out of the bathroom I put on a pair of shorts and a large t-shirt.

“Can you please change your ringtone? I’m gonna be singing Marshmallow by IU ” Paije whined as I sat on the bed. “

“Fine…the next ring I’ll pick up and-”

                The phone began spazzing again and Paije groaned and I picked it up before she could even start her over bubbly expression of IU.

“Hello?”

“Hey” he breathed into the phone. “I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”

“Why would you think that?” I lied awfully.

“You haven’t answered anything else” he laughed weakly.

“I’ve been really busy lately-”

“Busy lately…or busy avoiding me?”

“I have not been avoiding you” I argued but the way Paije was looking at me it didn’t sound as convincing as it should’ve been.

“Prove it…come see me tonight”

I began laughing; he was absolutely out of his mind if he’d thought I’d see him tonight.  “Tonight is not even possible; and it’s not because I’m avoiding you-”

“So you are?” He challenged. “I wish you’d stop because-”

“I-I’ve got to go…sorry.”

                I clicked the end button and shut the phone close. In no time at all it was ringing again and I picked it up automatically knowing who would be on the other line.

“Stop calling me! I don’t want to talk to you!”

“I was just calling to see if you had changed your mind about meeting me backstage” a deep voice said quietly. “Sorry to bother you-”

“NOOOOOO!” I roared into the phone. “I MEAN IT IS ABSOLUTELY NO BOTHER FOR YOU TO CALL ME!!!”

“Oh” he chuckled. “So did you change your mind?”

“No” I whined longingly.

“I wish you would. I’d love to see your face for this concert. Try not to faint tonight alright?”

“I’ll try my best, but no promises!”

                I could hear the smile in his voice and I began smiling too. He began speaking in Korean to a nearby person before telling me that he had to go.

“Since I can’t change your mind,” he said dragging it out. “I’ve got to go.”

“Okay! I’m so excited to see this! You all are going to be fantastically flawless!” I squealed into the phone.

He laughed again. “I hope so, but no promises. Bye Devon.”

                Click.

                After T.O.P’s call the day seemed to move a little quicker. In order to help pass it along Paije and I spent the day watching different variety shows on the television, appreciating the fact that we could see our favorite idols do crazy and stupid things on the screen. Jung Ju Ri in all of her fabulousness was shamelessly flirting with Onew from SHINee as he fell into a fit of uncomfortable laughter.

“They are so cute together” Rachel said entering the living space from the other bedroom.

“I know but I still prefer Ju Ri and Lee Joon” I chimed in.

“You both are delusional…she clearly belongs with G.O.” Paije defended.

                Rachel began texting rapidly on her phone before she looked up in shock.

“You won’t believe what just happened?!” She screamed in delight. “Egan says that T.O.P is giving away 2 backstage passes to tonight’s concert!!!!”

“Imagine that” Paije said in her most unenthusiastic voice; bitterness taking over the two words like acid.

I hit her playfully and she slapped me back a little harder than necessary; I knew she would be peeved at me until we were rocking out at the concert. That was one benefit to being in a fandom; no matter how bad something is, the fandom always over-ruled the current emotion. It was like mind-erase, a euphoric mental delete.

“That’s really nice of him to do that” I added in.

“You don’t seem that excited…I mean you could go backstage and-”

“Trust me Rachel…I’ve had enough luck to last me a lifetime” I smiled to her.

“I can’t it anymore!!!!” Rachel screamed heading over to the stereo to put on How Gee by BIGBANG. “I’m going to get ready…who cares if it’s two or three hours before the designated time.”

“We totally forgot about seating!!! I wonder how close they’re going to let us get?” Paije added.

“I don’t care, just as long as I’m there!” I melted at the thought. “But if we could sit in the first or second section of the stadium-”

“Well let’s get ready so we can go!!!” Paije jumped up excitedly. “I can’t wait any longer!”

                I picked up my phone and began dialing.

“Who are you calling?” Paije asked popping her head from the bedroom.

“Kendrick…I have to tell him that the plans have changed.”

“Wait a minute…you're not going to end up falling for this guy right?”

“Hello?” Kendrick’s voice interrupted just in time.

“Hi Kendrick, this is Devon”

“Oh hey…what’s going on?”

“Nothing, just waiting for the longest day of my life to pass-”

“I know exactly what you mean!!!” He said enthusiastically. “This day needs to hurry up…I can’t take waiting any longer!”

“I KNOW!!!” I squealed into the phone. “Which is why I called; we’re going to get ready now and go early so we can get good seats.”

“Okay…so  what time should I meet you in the lobby?”

“Whatever time Egan is meeting Rachel?”

“Okay…I’ll see you then”

“Bye” I smiled into the phone.

                I sat on the couch smiling to myself for a minute before Paije interrupted it snapping me back to reality.

“I can’t believe you're trying to fall for this dude!”

“I am not!” I protested. “We’re just sitting together at this concert…it’s not a date”

“Hm-hmm.”

“It’s not” I smiled plugging in my curling iron.

“Maybe not to you” Paije grumbled before beginning her shower.

                I began concentrating on my hair and make-up. I was determined to resemble a super-model just like on the day of the photo shoot. I kept my make-up bronzed and golden bringing out the shimmer against my almond coloring. My eyes I kept smokey and my perfect bow lips glossy. I began working on my hair, giving myself large barrel curls before raking my hands through them to give me the beachy wave effect. Paije came out and began drying her hair as I started putting my clothes on. Instead of rocking her usual waves, she transformed her chocolate brown hair into a pin straight waterfall. Her hip hugger jeans accenting her curves and the black shirt she wore was loose but fitted in some areas. Her make-up was shimmery making her eyes pop out against the contrast of her sun-kissed skin.

“We look good” I said slowly turning my reflection in the mirror.

“ Daesung…eat your heart out” Paije giggled at her appearance.

                We stepped into the living room and found Rachel and Madison looked just as glamorous with the biggest smiles on their faces.  We rushed to them and began jumping up and down in happiness before we left the  room seeing a small crowd wait in front of the elevators. They were wearing different colored shirts with BIGBANG members plastered all over them and when we joined them we began pointing at them and it started a small epic fandom in the small area. We all scrunched into the elevator and descended before spilling out into the lobby; a small wave of fans disappearing into the downstairs of the hotel. I looked up and saw Kendrick waving motioning for me to come over; I grabbed Paije’s arm and tugged her to follow me and soon we had a small chain of Madison and Rachel linking behind us. Kendrick smiled at me before nodding towards Paije, he was wearing a black tight fitted long sleeve shirt  and a pair of jeans; Egan was standing just as bright eyed next to him in jeans and a blue plaid button down shirt. They looked casual but nice and while we walked as a group I noticed Kendrick’s eyes revert back to me.

“You look really nice” Kendrick said to me. “You all do.”

“Thanks…you guys look great too” I smiled to both of them.

Egan walked over to hold Rachel’s hand. “The vans are starting to leave early.”

“Okay!!!” Rachel squealed in happiness. “Let’s go!”

                Rachel disappeared with Madison and Egan heading out of the main entrance going to the line of vans waiting outside.

“Oh snap!” I said feeling my empty pockets.

“What is it?” Paije asked worried.

“I forgot my phone again. It’ll take two minutes for me to get it. I promise”

“Alright…we’ll wait here” Kendrick said patiently stuffing his hands into his pockets.

                I rushed back to the elevators and for some reason they took a really short time to open up and let me in. I was riding up the levels and swiping my key in front of the lock in no time. I heard my phone ringing and followed the noise to the nightstand in Paije and mine’s room.

“Hello?”

“Devon…since you won’t see me, I’m coming to see you right now.”

                Even over the phone I could hear a giant grin spreading across Hyun Joong’s face. I was speechless. I couldn’t think of anything to say, so instead I double checked the room to make sure I had everything before walking out into the hallway back to the elevators. The doors opened up to reveal him smiling triumphantly in the elevator as I stepped on. I pressed the button and the elevator began its decent.

“So…how’ve you been?” He hedged.

 “I’ve been fine” I laughed baffled. “Nothing’s changed…what about you?”

“I’m pretty good. Just wondering if you're free-”

“Hyun Joong-”

“Let me finish please” he interrupted. “I know you're going to the concert tonight…but what about after?”

“I’m going to be so tired after this concert! I just want to come back here and sleep” I laughed weakly.

                We stepped off of the elevator and he guided me over to Paije and Kendrick.

“Paije!” Hyun Joong yelled claiming her attention even though we were walking towards them. “Please convince Devon to go out with us tonight.”

“Us?” I said catching the tiny word that almost slipped by.

 “Where are we going?” Paije asked interested.

“It’s just a small party, nothing to big”

“I don’t know Hyun Joong…maybe some other time?” Paije whined. “We’re going to be exhausted-”

“Paije, you have to come! Seung Gi hasn’t seen you in such a long time-”

“Well, you can’t forget my friend, Kendrick” I smiled to him; his face looked like I had pulled him away from some distant dream. “If he’d be up for it…although if he’s too tired that’s totally fine with me-”

“No” he answered as if accepting a challenge. “It sounds like a lot of fun. Count me in.”

“Alright…” Hyun Joong said with the slightest irritation. “But just you three ” He accented the number making it perfectly clear that this was not an open invitation.

“We’ll text you to let you know when we get out” Kendrick grinned at him.

                Something told me he wasn’t as oblivious as he pretended.

“Hyun Joong…it’s going to be really early. Concerts, esp. GLOBAL EVENT’s don’t let out until 3 or 4 in the morning. No one’s going to feel like partying” Paije spoke up, even though I could tell she was looking for another chance to spend time with Seung Gi.

“Think of it as breakfast then.” He smiled to Paije. “And we’ll bring you back to the hotel later.”

“Where have I heard that before” I grumbled.

“Besides, you guys can always sleep at the house, I’ve got plenty of room…right Devon?” He cocked a smile to me.  

“Come Devon” Kendrick pulled me to the entrance of the hotel, and Paije followed behind walking with Hyun Joong.

                I couldn’t catch what they were saying, but from the looks of it, it seemed like they were plotting something.  Kendrick and I walked over to the vans where there was a woman standing there passing out tickets. I looked at mine and flipped it over and over feeling just like Charlie holding the Golden Ticket. I turned to Kendrick who smiled so bright glancing from the ticket back to me. We were going to be sitting in the first section just like I had wanted, which was perfect because standing the whole time would have made me tired; although I’m sure I wouldn’t have cared once the music started. Paije  got into the van and started fan-girling over it as well while the van began pilling up with V.I.P’s. The ride to the stadium was like déjà vu.

“Is this the same stadium as before?” I said unintentionally flinching.

“Yea, but you’ll be fine” Kendrick assured me. “This is going to be amazing, you’ll see.”

                And somehow I rested on that and became excited through the twists and turns the van took through the city until we reached the large building. The van stopped and the doors unlocked allowing us to spill out and stand in front of the entrance wearing the biggest smiles our faces could show.

“Devon! Paije!” Madison called to us dragging the chocolate boy behind her. “Over here!”

“Hey!”

“We were just about go take our seats, where are you sitting?!”

 “First section” Kendrick answered.

“Oh” she answered stiffly towards him. “We’re on the floor!”

“Have fun standing” he scoffed before I could jab him in the ribs. “Be careful of V.I.P’s though.”

“What do you mean?” The chocolate boy asked.

“I mean if someone asks her who her bias is, hopefully she’s smart enough to not say the Gecko” he laughed.

                Paije busted out in laughter at the memory, but in fear of ruining the budding relationship between us  I bit my lip in order to not laugh. But instead of throwing a tantrum her face broke into the first real smile I had ever seen.

“Thanks to Malik” she smiled to the boy standing next to her. “I now know all of the members…correctly. See you around.”

                 Malik grabbed for her hand before smiling at her leading her away from the rest of us. Kendrick opened up his phone and began punching in numbers. We figured he was calling Egan to find out what section they were sitting, so Paije and I walked on ahead into the stadium while he followed. Walking into the overhead of the building brought on so many thoughts. First and foremost I could barely walk at a decent pace because every part of me wanted to run and jump down the long hallways of the stadium. I wanted to skip and yell at the top of my lungs! But then each hallway we walked down brought on the strong memory of the day I received the worst beating of my life. I found myself jerking my head in different directions, waiting for someone to say or do something that would give me a reason for my behavior; but Paije linked her arm through mine and smiled. When we entered the actual stadium doors it opened up to this grand arena.

I glanced around the open space of the room and leaned to Paije. “I think I just died!”