I sat uncomfortably in between two drunken girls who were passed out on both sides of me. I had been sitting here for a few hours trying to have a conversation with one of them but it was not working. T.O.P was nowhere to be seen; he asked me to stay here awhile ago when he disappeared in between two female models never to be seen again. I was alone awkwardly sitting in the same place he left me in. I was trying to be obedient when he told me to stay sitting on the couch because he made it seem like he was coming right back but this was going on an hour that he’s been away. All of a sudden a man in a black suit and loosened tie stopped in front of me. He looked at me as I stared at him. I smiled politely before a strange look appeared across his face. It was a combination of revulsion mixed with illness. In no time at all he launched himself far enough to make sure he could vomit on my shoes. I froze allowing the bodily concoction to fill my shoes sliding across my feet. I was traumatized; that had never happened to me before. Of course I had seen it happen, but I had never experienced it myself. I stood up and walked the perimeter of the dance floor looking for another exit, but the only way out was through the middle. I scratched my head as a pale young hand reached out for mine in the dance floor. I looked at the hand hesitantly as it opened and closed gesturing for me to take it. I took it knowing that it would get me inside the tight frame of dancing bodies so I could get across. The hand I was holding wove me in and out of people; I felt like a piece of thread following a needle. Before I realized I was in front of a side black door that had a bright red sign lit above it. I looked at the hand I was holding, it belonged to the friendly barman. He nudged the door so it would open and when it did he smiled to himself in triumph.

“I’d walk you home, but I’ve got to get back to work” he said apologetically.

“No” I said reassuringly. “You’ve done enough…Gamshabnida” I smiled and bowed.

                He smiled and turned away closing the door shut behind him. I had a blissful moment to myself before I realized that I still had to walk in vomit filled heels. I took in a deep breath and sighed, I took out my cell phone and texted Paije telling her that I was going back to the hotel. I hadn’t heard anything from her all day, so I hoped she was okay but knowing her she was probably somewhere really cozy texting non-stop with Lee Seung Gi. I started walking, I think I might’ve made it three blocks before I tripped on the sidewalk breaking one heel and scraping my hand. I looked at my completely ruined shoes and laughed. I was laughing really hard when he came and found me.

“What’s so funny?” T.O.P said harshly.

I snapped my mouth shut allowing myself to become cold and stand-offish. I glared at him before scrambling myself from the ground. I felt his arms snake under me trying to help me up, but I shook him off.

“Don’t touch me!” I screamed at him in fury, he dropped his support immediately and stuffed his hands in his pockets. I waited until I was fully standing before I started speaking.

“You are the last person I want to see right now!”

“What?”

“You leave me by myself for over an hour on a couch with people who are totally plastered! Some random stranger puked on my shoes! And on top of that! If you had let me drink, I wouldn’t have cared that all of this happened.”

“So you're upset?” he smiled.

“Yes” I laughed in defeat.

“And you think this is my fault?” He was chuckling. “How is it my fault you're so dumb?”

                My mouth became tight, I wanted to protest but I was really curious as to hear what he had to say. The look on my face said “please continue with this outrageous theory as to how my night didn’t get flipped upside down because of him.”

“A smarter person would have said no to the guy who ditched her a few hours earlier. Is it my fault you're so nice?”

                I held my breath counting to a few numbers and I emptied my broken vomit filled shoes. I tried to balance on one foot before beginning to place them back on my feet. He walked over to me and pushed me every time I got a moment of balance.

“Throw your shoes out” he commanded with another push.

                I gave him a funny look and ignored him trying again before he pushed me.  

“They’re ruined right?” He stared at my feet the whole time he spoke. “Get rid of them” he jerked his head to a nearby trashcan.

“What am I supposed to do about shoes?” I whined, I wasn’t stupid enough to walk on a city street barefoot.

He turned around and faced his back towards me. “Get on.”

“On?” I stood still making no movement towards him or the trash can.

                There was absolutely no way that I was going to ride piggy back on T.O.P as he carried me home. This wasn’t supposed to be like the dramas I watched. This was real life and in real life people don’t give piggy backs…at least in the U.S we don’t.

“Get on my back”

“No!” I swished my head back and forth in protest.

                His head rolled in frustration. As he turned around and saw that I had stayed in the same position he complained in Korean before  snatching the shoes away from me and throwing them into the trashcan. I was frozen in place with my slimy feet standing on the cool pavement.

“How will I get back?” My shoes we’re already sinking into the garbage from that day making it impossible for me to retrieve them.

“Get on” he said again facing his back towards me.

“I-I can’t.”

“Fine.”

                He scooped me up in his arms and held me there. I knew T.O.P didn’t look like the strongest one and it was clear to me he wasn’t. He wasn’t weak, it’s just that he wasn’t used to this amount of weight all at once. The strain was all over his face showing how difficult it was for him to for this. I guess it didn’t help that I was kicking and beating on his chest for him to put me down which he ignored, he held me even tighter as he turned me from the delicate princess style to the rustic way a farmer might carry a sack of potatoes on his shoulder. After a block or two he stopped in front of a park and he set me down. I started wiping my feet on the grass trying to get them clean again before I noticed T.O.P’s stance. He was clearly out of breath and sore from my weight. Right across the street I saw an older man getting ready to lock-up his small quaint shoe store. I glanced at the road in front of me, the grass led all the way up to the side walk with the shop. I ran quickly and carefully across the emerald lawn underneath my feet and in no time at all I was bowing and smiling at the older man in front of me.

“Ahjussi!”

                He turned with a jump that clearly startled him. I had been more than right about scaring him half to death which he confirmed when he started yelling at me. Even in Korean I knew that I was in trouble. I automatically started apologizing and bowing, but when I pulled out my wallet and pointed to my bare feet he groaned with effort and open the doors to his shop. I hurried in quickly as he waited impatiently by the door. I found the ugliest shoes; bright noticeable pink flats with different colored poke-a-dots covering it from head to toe. On the front of it had the most obnoxious bow that was clearly too big for the shoe. The arc of the bow touched the sides of the street with little effort. I paid more than enough for them, but I was paying for courtesy alone. When the old man saw the amount, the warmest smile spread across his face and his dark little eyes began twinkling. I knew I was forgiven and I bowed giving him a bright smile before walking away to join T.O.P. He was on the swings, a few feet away from the spot he set me down,  of the park when I found him.

“Thank you” I bowed.

“Is that all they had?”

“This was the only pair-” I began, but then I looked down. For a quick second I wished that I could’ve just hid my feet but then I became defiant and I suddenly felt proud of the ugliest shoes I’d ever seen.

“I like them, I picked these out myself.”

                Man! I was becoming a really good liar. I said that with confidence as if I were wearing a pair of designer shoes than the hideous flats that covered my feet.  I had to tell myself not to look at my feet in fear of giving myself away.  

“How can anyone like a shoe that belongs to a clown” he chuckled. “Are you trying to be funny?”

                He saw my face fixed in the frown he was becoming familiar too.

“If you wanted to make me laugh, there are plenty of other things-”

“I’m not trying to amuse anyone, I’m trying to get home” I answered tired.        

He didn’t say anything but got off the swing and started walking in the direction of the hotel.

“You don’t have to go with me!”

“Hurry up!”

                I sighed and followed. I walked behind him noticing the way he strode, it was graceful; he took nice long graceful strides. He stopped a few feet in front of me and waited as I caught up slowly.

“Why are you walking slow?”

“I’m not.”

“We’re alone now…isn’t that enough?”

“Huh?”

“We can go somewhere else another time, you don’t have to-”

“You think I want to be alone with you” I asked shocked before I burst into laughter.

“Hey! Stop that!”

                He kept whining as I laughed harder. He grabbed my arm and made me stand still. I tried to keep a straight face but looking into his angry eyes put the icing on the cake and I started laughing uncontrollably.

“I think we have a misunderstanding oppa!” I finally choked out.

                He looked on curious.

“Every time I’m with you, you do or say something that make me regret coming in the first place.”

                I watched his face change from curious to surprise.

“Don’t get me wrong oppa, but except for the physical reactions and your talent, I’m starting to-”

He covered my mouth. “You-You don’t. But you-I mean-.”  

                I watched him stutter helplessly for a good few minutes. It’s like I shook up his confidence. His hand was still over my mouth so I sighed until he slowly brought it down.

“Why” he spoke in Korean.

“You're mean to me!” I smiled.

“So was the other guy, but you still like him!” He noticed letting me go and then storming off into the direction of the hotel.

                I groaned and followed. We didn’t talk for the rest of the walk and thank God it wasn’t that far away from the park. I stared at my ugly new shoes until we reached the outside entrance of the hotel and was surprised when he was about to walk me into the lobby.

“No!” I said tugging on his arm dragging him back  inside. “We can’t go in together!!!”

“Why not?” He scoffed.

“I told you, I can’t get special treatment from you or the other idols. I’m going to get killed.”

“Stop exaggerating” he said taking my hand to pull me into the lobby.

I looked around my shoulder feeling extremely guilty. I felt that I was breaking some unspoken law and that I was about to be caught at any moment. T.O.P was totally aware of my nervousness as he led me to the middle of the lobby. Various people were walking about and V.I.P’s were stashed in every corner. I swarm of girls started gasping and squealing when they realized who I was standing next too. They whipped out their cell phones and started taking pictures of him while I covered my face from the attention. A small circle was starting to form as T.O.P began bowing to the different groups of fan girls having fits in the lobby.

“They’re going to kill you huh?”

                I felt him pulling my hands down from my face. I felt my eyes wanting to water but not having enough liquid to pour out. I looked at his angelic face with a smile playing around his dark eyes. They were ecstatic with humor. Brilliancy was making his face light with hilarity. He was laughing at me and I knew it was because of the way I looked to him. Me, tense with fear and anxiety while he calmly looked at me knowing that I would be in danger. He did the most stupid thing I have ever witnessed. He caressed my face holding it securely in his hands as he bent my forehead allowing his lips to graze across it. I couldn’t even allow myself to get caught up in the fact that I had just been kissed by T.O.P, I was too focused with digital camera and cell phone flashes that ruptured throughout the lobby.

“Now you're gonna get it” he smirked before turning on his heels to walk away, out of the hotel…out of my night.

                So this is what it feels like to be a cow. Branded. He left his mark burning upon my skin, on top of my forehead for everyone to see. When the flashing stopped the situation became awkward with me surrounded by the small mob of V.I.P’s. I felt like I was Quasimodo with his hideous face revealed and there was no way I was going to be crowned the Queen of Fools and we could all just laugh it off. This wasn’t going to turn into a laugh-it-off go-lucky ending; I was going to get beat up for sure. I stared at the crowd as they inched towards me, I winced cautiously. Another closing steps and I broke into a sprint for the elevators. When I stepped in, I was relieved to find no one running after me.  I reached the suite door quickly and rushed in. I found Paije sitting on her bed watching a few music videos on her computer.

“You okay?” She asked a flustered me before seeing the shoes. “Wow” she laughed. “I leave you for a few hours and you can’t even dress yourself.”

“I’m gonna die” I whined.

“There ugly shoes, but I don’t think you're going to die”

“No Paije! T.O.P kissed me!”

Her eyes stretched. “WHAT?!” she was squealing. “WHEN? WHERE?”

“Just now…in the lobby” I confessed.    

“YES BUT WHERE?”

“Forehead. Do you think I’m stupid enough to let him really kiss me in front of everyone?”

“I don’t know…you're dumb enough to let him kiss your forehead” she laughed. “Ahhhhh” she cheered.

“Paije! I’m gonna die!”

“I know” she laughed brightly. “But what a way to go!!!”

                I groaned as I took off my outfit stepping into the shower. The hot water splashed against my skin not relaxing me in the slightest. I was having fits in the shower, I couldn’t believe I was that stupid! I turned off the water and wrapped a towel around myself. I twisted my hair into a tight bun drying myself off before putting on an old t-shirt and shorts; I crawled into my bed which seemed to welcome me with open sheets. I knew I was safe behind my locked doors and secure windows. Nothing but an assassin or a determined V.I.P could scale the windows or break down the door. Unless Madison was evil enough to let them in, but she was with Kendrick which meant she lost her reasons for hating me. I wide grin wiped itself across my face and I became light headed at the thought. Paije cut off the light before I could start screaming with joy.

“There she is” she approved. “You we’re so upset about it I wasn’t sure that it really happened” she laughed before we both fell asleep.

                The next day flew by, at least for me. Paije visited the YG Building while I hid in my room in fear of the mob that waited outside the door. I didn’t even leave the room for breakfast, I had Paije bring me back a few bagels to last me the day. I basically spent the entire day watching the television and sleeping.  It startled me when Paije pulled the covers off of me  the day after in a hurried fashion.

“Get your outta bed, it’s after 3pm!”

                I shuffled and grumbled turning over.

“Get up Dev! You're getting outta this room!”

“No!”

“I let you stay in yesterday….you need to get out of this room.”

“No” I groaned turning over with a pillow.

“Devon get up…please” she whined.

“Why?” I shouted. “I’m not leaving this room except for a BB event!!!”

“NO!!! You need to come with me to see Seung Gi!”

My ears perked up until I remembered T.O.P’s words from a few nights ago.  

“A smarter person would have said no…”

He was right…I was too nice.

“No! I’m not going”

“It’s Seung Gi Dev, you're not going to let me go by myself”

“Why not? You let me face T.O.P alone!”

“This is different!” she defended playfully. “No one is after you, you're making a mountain out of an ant hill.”

                I shook my head ignoring her pulling the covers up around me. I drowned her out with a pillow lying over my head. Maybe another 45 minutes had passed before I felt the covers pull off of me again. 

“Paije!” I shrieked with my eyes shut in frustration. “I’m not going! That’s final!”

“Get up!” A different voice chuckled.

               I opened my eyes and there was Kim Hyun Joong smiling brightly in front of me holding my comforter. I felt my hair; it was everywhere, like a crow’s nest in a haystack with straw. It was displaced all over my head and I could feel it flopping in front of my face. I wiped my mouth in horror to find a fresh trail of drool making its way across my hand. I was horrified beyond belief! I screamed and ran to the bathroom. Kim Hyun Joong had just seen me in the worst possible situation. I looked a mess, I felt a mess, I was  grotesque to witness and to add on I had yelled at him thinking he were my best friend traitor. How hard would it have been to tell me “get up or else Kim Hyun Joong will see you looking like a hot mess!” I barricaded myself in the bathroom turning on the water and jumping into the shower to remove all traces of my embarrassment. When I finished I poked my head out to see if he was still in the room and thankfully he wasn’t. I rushed over to my part of the closet to pick out something t wear. I ended up in a cute v-neck t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. I attacked my hair determined to tame the wild mane that rested on top of my head. I gave myself a sleek ponytail and a swoop bang before glancing out to see where he had gone too. I took in a deep breath before seeing him comfortably sitting on the couch with his legs spread out flipping through the channels on the living room television. He heard me step out of the room and he kept his eyes glued to the screen.

“Is it safe to look” he teased.

I smiled at my overreaction. “Yea, I’m decent. Why are you here?” I said plopping down next to him.

“I can go” he said clicking the T.V off in a swift action.

I lunged for the remote. “NO!” It ended up startling the both of us. “I just meant-”

“Oh” he said understanding. “I heard that you weren’t leaving your room-”

“And Paije wanted to see if you would convince me otherwise.”

“Busted?”

“Yea” I nodded laughing.

“We can stay in though.”

“Stay in?”

“Yea, I’ve got nothing to do” he grinned.

 We watched a series of movies and laughed at the different variety shows. We didn’t have to even go out for food because so much was brought up to us as a courtesy of the hotel. Hanging out with him was like hanging out with one of my friends back home. Relaxing and easy going; I mean he wasn’t trying to impress me with his amazingness; he was normal and relatable which made me like him even more. He didn’t leave until the early evening and I had totally gotten enough courage to go down the elevator with him and walk him out into the waiting car with Seung Gi.

                Early the next day Paije and I woke up to the realization that today was one of the optional rehearsals for BIGBANG’s Global Event Concert. When we decided that we were going to the first one, I put on jeans and a t-shirt with a home-made T.O.P hoodie. The vans we’re waiting for the V.I.P’s in front of the hotel. Paije and I got downstairs to find people smiling at her but glaring at me. The cold looks and stares I got were more frigid than the tundra. I didn’t know what else to do except ignore the onlookers and continue to be excited. I sat in the backseat of the van and I heard some girls conversing wildly until they saw me and then they stopped abruptly.

“Where are we going?”

“To some kind of stadium” one of the V.I.P’s answered harshly.

“Oh…thank-you” I smiled trying to be polite.

                The trip to the stadium was long and uncomfortable, at least for me. People we’re turning the around in their seats just to glower and make faces at me. I rode with my eyes close and soon after I fell asleep. When the vans finally stopped Paije woke me up. The V.I.P’s hopped down from the vans allowing Paije to get out, but when I tried to one of the girls slammed a door in my face.

“Do you think it was smart to not come without Sim Sunbae?” Paije asked opening the door.

                I didn’t have the courage to say that we were dumb fools to come without an enforcer so I just laughed it off and we followed the rest of the group inside the large stadium. We were walking down long pristine hallways that I could tell from the length that we were heading some place huge. I suddenly felt like a fish with a group of sharks. I noticed that there were some girls behind us slowing their pace down to match ours; and somehow I automatically knew that they were after me. I glanced behind and watched as they smiled at me egging me on. I knew I had to get Paije out of there; she didn’t do anything to deserve getting a beat down with me.

“Hey, go on ahead. I have to use the bathroom” I smiled to her.

“Okay, I’ll come too-”

“No!” I was pretty sure that I had given myself away. “I can go by myself, it’s no big deal. Go on ahead.”

“I can’t let you go alone!”

“She won’t be alone…I actually have to go too” one of the girls behind me said snaking her arm to interlock with mine.

“Yea” another one sneered. “She’ll be fine with us.”

                I felt my skin crawl, but somehow I nodded for Paije to do as I said. She looked like she had caught on, but she could tell from my silent pleas that I did not want her to get involved with this. I smiled as the girls led me away from Paije. Instead of ending up at the bathroom I found myself being led to another hallway. So I did the smartest thing possible, I played dumb.

“I thought the bathroom was over here-”

                The nearest girl to me slapped me across my face. It stung my nerves causing me to hold my face in pain. She was beautiful even in fury with long light brown hair swinging in front of her face. Her accented English clearly told me she was from Japan.

“What the hell is your problem?!”

“You are!” The other one stepped forward to hit me. She a little taller than the first one with a short black bob haircut.

                Again with the pain, she gave me a clear backhand and it hurt like nobody’s business.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about!” I yelled.

“Ever since you showed up you’ve been mesmerizing these idols” one of them screamed to me.

 “I think she’s a witch” a new voice sneered.

“I’m not sure what they see in you” another new voice sneered. “A little piece of trash someone forgot to pick-up.”

                The last girl who spoke was huge. She shoved me into the closest wall and I felt my arm leap out of socket.

“She’s not even pretty!” another one stepped forward to kick me.

“What could they possibly want with you? And you have the nerve to brush it off as nothing!”

“Precious T.O.P is being wonderful and you take advantage of his kindness” the first one spat.

“This is for T.O.P” the biggest one shouted.

I was down on the ground writhing in pain when the seriousness began. I was surrounded by fists and feet that were stomping me repeatedly in the stomach and chest area. I pressed my face into the floor trying to cover it as they attacked my ears with shouts of different languages.  I winced and groaned in pain and I suddenly realized that these girls weren’t sharks, they were killer whales. They were gonna take turns slapping me around until I begged for mercy. I felt exactly like The Bride in Kill Bill; I could feel myself spitting up blood. They spit on me indicating that  they we’re through and left me there alone in a corridor while they went to go cheer on our beloved men. It was weird but I didn’t blame them for this. I was insane, but I was still happy at the fact that they were back, that I was here and T.O.P had kissed me. With those happy thoughts, I out.