I leaned against the door frame watching her sleep. To me it seemed like a fluid motion until my body weight pushed the door causing it to slam into the wall making me stumble. The slam echoed sounding louder than logically possible. My eyes jerked to the hospital bed knowing that I would see her puzzled face staring at me. I was surprised to find that I was wrong; she was still sleeping sound as ever even with enough noise to alert the entire ward. With her lying quiet, I was able to admire her more openly. The slow rhythmic breaths that escaped her half-opened lips were soothing in the awkwardly quiet hospital. The room was peaceful with the combination of her breathing and the steady beeps of the machines. And just in the of my admiration, Devon let out a grizzly snore allowing it to mangle her features, completely destroying the angelic image. I rolled my eyes and laughed in disbelief; even when she was sleeping she was hilarious. I fully stepped into the room over to the chair placed at the foot of her bed. This was the first time I had made it this far; usually I can’t make myself go any farther than the elevator doors but today…I had enough courage to sit next to her.  I glanced around the room taking in the space. Tiny was an exaggeration, it was a microscopic space that had the audacity to place another bed in the same area. This room wasn’t big enough for one person let alone two. Devon’s bed was placed near the window; it was really early in the morning so I knew the sun would be streaming into the room in a few minutes or so. I was amazed at myself for being able to charm the nursing staff so I could weasel around visiting hours…I had shown up a few hours ahead but I wanted to make sure that I would be alone. I glanced at the empty bed next to her and became happy at the thought that no one occupied it. Devon started grumbling something before turning over on her side. During her movements I kept still as possible; I was too scared to move. When her breathing returned to normal I sighed with great relief. I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to know that I had been here. That I had been riding past this hospital everyday for a week just to stare at the building to think about her or that it took me a few days to build up enough confidence to get off the elevator and sit at the foot of her bed. Part of me wanted her to know that I had been here; I didn’t want her to think that I didn’t care or that she was just another fan to me. She was more; which was why she was here. It was because of me that she was lying here and I was so curious to see how she felt about it.About me. I wanted to see how she felt; BIGBANG had already made their feelings clear. That happened last week.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“T.O.P-hyun, come with me please?”

                Daesung had found me in the recording studio mid-afternoon, it had to be about  4:30 and I was at work writing my part for a song GD had just mixed together.

“Can it wait? I just wanna finish-”

“They want to see all of us.”

                I could tell from his tone that something had happened. I got up immediately and followed as we walked to one of the main conference rooms in the YG Building. When we entered Kim Mi-Hi was already sitting with her minions all around her. Man! I hated that woman. She was such a nice cool person when she had to get our coffee and stuff but ever since she got promoted to overseeing this Global Event, she’s been a nuisance. She still has the same sweet smile but now she’s got an army of Men In Black look-a-likes to enforce her calendar and keep her coffee warm. Ji Yong was sitting with his hands folded looking down; I’m not sure he even noticed Dae and I walk in. Seungri definitely noticed; when we sat down he shifted in his seat and scoffed before returning his gaze to the door.

“What’s going on?”I began.

“I would prefer to have everyone here before we begin” Kim Mi-Hi answered curt.

                I made a face at her that she didn’t see but one of her followers did and instead of giving me the usual glare she giggled. I smiled at her before she could regain her composure. Taeyang covered in a fresh sheen of sweat, was the last of us to walk in. His chest was still rising and falling in exhaustion which meant he had probably been rehearsing in the practice rooms; when he sat down he gave all of us a grin before pouring himself a glass of water. Poor Yongbae, he was always the last one to notice a serious situation. After we were settled Mi-Hi began.

“I’ve decided to hold a conference because of an incident we’ve encountered a few days ago.”

“Incident?” Daesung asked. “What incident?”

“There’s been an emergency-”

“Emergency? Is everyone okay?” Yongbae was glancing frantically around the table like he was expecting to see one of us missing a vital limb or gushing out blood or something.

“Yes…everyone here is fine except that each of us need to be more careful.”

“Careful?” Seungri laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh that indicated something funny.

“Yes, careful.” Her words were short but threatening. “I cannot stress the importance of dividing your attention equally, especially amongst the fans.”

“Okay…”Taeyang started slowly. “but I thought the whole point was to focus our attention to our international fans. It only seems right, since we’ve been neglecting them the most.”

“Exactly Dong-ssi. Fans…not fan”She smiled eerily.

“Can we please get to the point?!” I groaned. “What incident were you referring to earlier?”

“One of the fans got hurt” Ji Yong said lifting his head with effort to reveal a tortured expression.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Seungri asked baffled. “That’s all you're going to say? Oh?”

I looked at him blankly. “What would you like me to say? What a tragedy? This is truly unfortunate.” I was mocking him.

“How about showing a little feeling?” He snapped at me. “One of our fans got hurt at our event! That’s never happened to us before.”

“It probably has, it’s just never been publicized” I answered unfeeling.

                Seungri looked at me like he wanted to hit me. I saw him flex his arm in my direction but  it didn’t bother me.

“Which is exactly what we don’t want happening! I am forbidding that BIGBANG go and visit this fan.”

                All five of us looked at her in disbelief.

“What do you mean not going to visit?” Yongbae said firmly. “It’s the least we can do.”

“I don’t want this reaching the newspapers, they’d have a parade if they knew that one of the international fans got hurt at an event that is supposed to represent peace and unity between the countries. Absolutely out of the question.”

“Who was the fan?” Daesung spoke finally. “We should at least know what name to put on-”

“No.” Kim Mi-Hi interjected. “The fan is irrelevant. ”

After a long silence I said the most stupid thing in the history of my life.

“Everyone knows that sometimes these things happen, it’s unfortunate yeah, but with so many of them here someone was bound to go crazy.”

                I was smiling at the table looking like a complete insensitive jackass. Daesung slapped his forehead at my bluntness and GD and Taeyang were silent at my words. Seungri was the most outspoken as usual…I was used to his tantrums by now. He was a really cool and talented guy it’s just that every now and then he would become so emotional and dramatic about everything.

“When did this happen?” Ji Yong asked.

“About 3-4 days ago” Mi-Hi answered cold.

“3-4 days?!” Seungri shouted.

                See…totally emotional; it didn’t matter that I was just as curious as to why she waited so late to tell us.

“BIGBANG has a schedule to maintain. We cannot, nor will we stop for one incident.”

                She was really good at winning arguments. There was no way we could stop production for a multi-million dollar event. This poor fan would just have to take one for the team.

“We should at least go and see them” Taeyang started.

“I will not say it again!” Mi-Hi screeched in frustration. “No visits, no phone-calls, no letters, no nothing!”

“Why not!” Yongbae protested. “Our event, our responsibility!”

                Taeyang seemed a little heated. Why wasn’t Ji Yong saying anything? Everyone knew he was always the most empathetic towards the fans and one was hurt at our event. I was shocked to see he wasn’t sending out the BIGBANG distress signal; even I thought one of us should go.

“We have reason to believe that this fan’s accident was caused because of the special treatment from members of BIGBANG-“

“Bull! We’ve done no such thing!” I protested.

“What?!” Seungri whipped his head at me. He stared long into my face before grabbing his sides in laughter.

                Just then the conference phone started ringing. Mi-Hi picked it up and started conversing effortlessly in French. She bowed and arose before taking her army away stating that she would return shortly. Even after she left Seungri was still smiling to himself.

“Seung Hyun” G-Dragon said. “Stop laughing, this isn’t funny.”

“I don’t understand what your problem is” I confessed harshly. His attitude towards me today was beginning to bug me.

“Ji Yong-hyun, I’m waiting for T.O.P-hyun’s reaction”

“Reaction?” Yongbae asked Seungri.

“Just wait” he sneered at me.

“I’d still like to know who the fan was” Daesung pouted.

“BINGO” Seungri laughed.

“Seungri, if you know something just say it.”

“T.O.P-hyun, I thought you liked suspense.”

Kim Mi-Hi walked in and sat in her chair.  “Now I see only one way to fix this problem.”

“Before we fix it, can we at least know who the fan is so we can send a card? We could send someone to deliver it to them.”               

“The name is irrelevant, but you may leave the card with one of us and we’ll make sure she gets it.”

“She?” my ears picked out. “The victim was a girl?”

“Very good” Seungri said with sarcasm.

“Stop laughing around the subject” I growled because Seung Hyun wasn’t usually like this.

“T.O.P-hyun I didn’t know you cared. Well it’s no wonder with so many here, someone was bound to go crazy” he imitated.

“It’s true, but I’m not sure as to why this would happen because none of us have given special treatment to anyone-”

“How can you say that? We all have, especially you hyun!” he yelled.

“What?!”

“Stop” Mi-Hi said to both of us. “It doesn’t matter-”

“No!” Seungri shouted. “It’s our fault! Singing duets and dancing together and hanging out with other idols! It’s no wonder Devon got attacked! And right now she’s lying in a hospital bed-”

                Devon? No…he couldn’t have said Devon. Besides, how many more Devon’s were there at this event? There had to be at least a dozen more. It seemed like a popular name, I mean there were so many girls here. He couldn’t have been talking about the same bright girl who knew how to make me smile from my core by just showing me how much she liked me. It couldn’t be the same girl who amazed me every time she danced or melted my heart when she sang. No…not Devon.

“Devon Ashford?” Yongbae choked.

                Seungri nodded. I sat frozen in place glancing at the rest of the group watching their gloomy faces settle. Guilt emanated from everyone sitting at the table except from me and Mi-Hi. My face I’m almost positive was showing nothing less than anguish whereas Mi Hi’s face was completely free from emotion.

“Where is she now?” Daesung asked after a while.

“Why?” Mi Hi snapped at him. “I keep telling you that its irrelevant. She will be on a plane home as soon as it is safe for her to travel.”

                Safe…to…travel? How badly injured was she that she would have to wait in order to take a trip?

“She wants to leave” Daesung stated sadly. “That’s understandable.”

“She doesn’t know yet; we however feel that this is the best option” she answered coolly.

“Best option? You're going to send her home because of something she had no control over?!” Taeyang looked at her in confusion.

“What else should we do?” Seungri asked quietly.

“Don’t tell me you agree to this?” I growled to him.

“This is the only way that makes sense.”

“Find the ones responsible and punish them…not her” Taeyang retorted at Seungri.

“She won’t tell us who-”

“What do you mean she won’t tell you?!” I roared cutting Mi Hi off. “Don’t you have security cameras? Do something useful and find out who did this.”

“We all guessed that you would respond this way after finding out the victim” Mi Hi smiled.

“What are you implying” Daesung hedged.

“He singled her out!” Seungri pointed at me while making his statement. “If he hadn’t shown any feeling for her there would have been no reason for this.”

“But Seungri! We all singled her out! Not just Seung Hyun! No one forced you to dance with her, or me to sing with her. Or Ji Yong to go looking for her or for Dae to be polite. We’re all responsible-”

“Yes…but we didn’t give her a private place to stand. Or talk to her every chance we got…nor were we stupid enough to kiss her in front of a crowd!”

                I wanted to hit something but not Seungri. As much as I hated it he was absolutely right…it was mostly my fault Devon was somewhere injured. I hated knowing that it was because of me she could be sent home from a trip that meant so much to her. The worst part was, even if she was sent home she would still be happy. She would have no regrets or anger in her beautiful dark brown eyes that shone purity. She would still be the kind hearted and fun loving person with a great personality.

“I still say it’s not right for her to be sent home. It’s not fair to her!” Yongbae protested. “Let’s vote!”

“Yongbae…don’t be selfish.”

“You think she should be sent home Daesung?”

“She’d be safer. I feel awful for this; but no one is thinking about her. Everyone is voting for the wrong reasons. Mi Hi wants her gone to prevent a scandal, T.O.P and Taeyang want her here because they like having her around. I just want her to be safe…she’d be safer home.”

“If we send her home…it’ll crush her” I pleaded before rising from the chair.

“You know our votes…the only one who hasn’t spoken is Ji Yong” Taeyang said determined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                Ji Yong’s face was the last thing that I remembered before we voted. I still didn’t know the result. I left before I could hear anyone else’s vote; I didn’t need to stay, we would find out when Ji Yong  made a decision. I heard footsteps coming closer towards the door and I sat a little straighter in the chair. I was expecting to see her brown haired friend who was always with her, but I was surprised to find Kim Hyun Joong walking in instead. He was holding a white cup that emitted light puffs of steam and a bagel; he nodded to me before placing the bagel on the food tray next to her bed. He went back to lean up against the wall to sip his drink and watch Devon sleep.

“So you finally showed up?” He said to me after a few awkward moments went by.

                I didn’t say anything, I didn’t come here to answer to anyone but her and all of me hoped that she would remain sleeping so that I could avoid her questions. What else could I say? There was no way in hell I was going to admit to him that even though I had known about her accident a week ago that it took me days to build up enough courage to be in the same room with her.

“What happened?” I asked changing the subject.

                He sipped his coffee leisurely knowing only too well how badly I wanted information.

“According to Paije,” he sipped again. “Devon was beat up in one of the stadium hallways at your last concert rehearsal.”

                The way he said “your” made it perfectly clear that he blamed me for what happened to her. I should’ve told him to go see President Seungri for his badge and cool jacket so he could join the T.O.P- Blamers Club. But what could I do? I already felt horrible because I knew they were right.

“How did she get attacked? Wasn’t she with her protector or whatever?”

“She apparently left the group to go looking for the bathroom-”

“She went alone?!”

 Kim Hyun Joong looked at her thinking for sure that my tone would wake her up. I wish she would so that I could yell at her! What was she thinking? Walking by herself knowing that she would be public enemy number one?! How foolish could one girl be? Unfortunately for me she only stirred a little but kept sleeping. 

“Why didn’t her friend go with her?” I said a little calmer.

“Devon convinced her not too; if Paije comes in while you're still here, please be polite. She already feels horrible.”

“Common sense should’ve told her to go with her” I grumbled.

“Are you as dumb as you are tall?” He sipped his drink. “Devon probably thought something like this was going to happen. If she knew about it in advance, do you think she would be heartless enough to drag her friend into the fight with her?”

                I made a scowl towards her sleeping bodice. Of course she wouldn’t, she was too kind for that. In the short time I knew her I knew that Devon wouldn’t be mean enough to make her enemies get beat up for the likes of her, let alone a good friend. You see! That was this girl’s problem, she tried to save everyone! She couldn’t be smart and just look out for herself…no that would be to simple. She had to make everything complicated and be the hero, even if it meant that she got the living daylights beaten out of her.

“How bad is she?” I focused in on her trying to see if I could see any damage.

“You won’t find her hurt there; it’s still beautiful” he noticed me looking a little too long at her face. “Most of her injuries are in her chest and stomach area” he sipped. “She’s got many bruises, a sprained ankle and a cracked rib.”

“Is that all?” I said with heavy sarcasm.

“She had a dislocated shoulder but they fixed that on the way to the hospital. The other stuff is going to take a little longer.”

                I looked at her again…how could one person sleep for so long especially with me here? I thought about how if she was awake I’d whine and say how she wasn’t a true fan because she didn’t wake up to the sound of my voice; that even in sleep she ignored me. And then she’d say something telling me exactly how much she liked me before getting angry and yelling at me; telling that she was going to find a new bias. Those arguments made my days. I wanted to wake her up just to see her smile at me with embarrassment  after telling me how infatuated she was with me. Now that I think on it, she was absolutely right. I was conceited. I wasn’t usually this bad, the rest of BIGBANG could witness to that; I kind of felt guilty because she was still caught up in the stage T.O.P. Which was more my fault than hers for giving her the persona I thought she wanted  instead of fun goofy side of Choi Seung Hyun. But it was her fault in allowing me to see how much she liked me. Thousands of girls said they were my biggest fan or that they thought I was talented but none of them ever proved it. When you find something or someone like that? You can’t just let it alone, why couldn’t anyone understand that? Because she got hurt you idiot. Yeah I hate that she did, God knows I wish she hadn’t; but if they thought I was going to leave her alone they were mistaken. I’d make it so she’d have someone with her at all times if I had too.

“What are you thinking about so hard?”

I felt the determination leave my face as Hyun Joong interrupted my train of thought. “Just thinking of ways to tighten her security” I smiled.

“She’s staying?”

I didn’t like the way he said that. “Hopefully, YG is still voting. Why?”

“I was just hoping that they would have the decency to send her home” he sipped baffled.

“You're kidding right?”

“No I’m not.” His face showed no signs of humor. “She’d be safer home.”

“She’d be safe here too. I thought you of all people would want her to stay, you wouldn’t see her if she went back-”

“I could visit the States anytime. Besides, I want her to leave Seoul for the same reason I think it isn’t wise for you to be here.”

“Is it wise for you to be here?” I hedged allowing my annoyance to soak the tone.

“She didn’t get hurt at an SS501 event” he smirked. “She’s in no danger with me for the time being.”

“Whyare you here exactly?”

“Same motive as you bro. I too, enjoy her company.” He raised his eyebrows at me.

“She likes me more though” I almost boasted.

“Not for long…especially after you tell her that she’s going to be kicked out of the most important thing to her.”

“She’s not leaving until this event is over. I’ll find a way to get her to stay” and I would even if it meant that I had hired a new personal assistant until the conclusion of the global event. In fact, she would probably like that better but I could only use that as a last resort.

                Devon stirred again on the bed rubbing her eyes before turning over.

“She turns over a few times before getting up” He watched her appraisingly.

I got up and stretched before heading for the door. “Don’t tell her I was here.”

“Wasn’t gonna” he grinned.

                I glanced back looking at her one final time before walking down the corridor to the elevator. It took me the entire ride down to the first level to become bothered with Hyun Joong’s words. Why wasn’t he more upset at the possibility of her leaving? But then I heard his words in my head before I could finish thinking the question.

“I could visit the States anytime…”

                He had no reason to be upset because he had every intention of keeping in contact with her. Unfortunate for me he had been right…again. She was safer with him for the time being. SS501 hadn’t made their comeback yet and most of their members kept a low profile working on their individual projects. Unlike us. We were beginning to reach our peak, and to make matters worse we were beginning to become recognized worldwide. Just because I had the factors stacked against me, didn’t mean that I was going to give up and let her become blinded by Kim Hyun Joong. I would just have to work harder. I pulled out my cell phone and punched in a few keys allowing the phone to light up. The contact on the other end picked up on the third ring.

“Hello?” A grizzly voice covered in sleep said.

“Sorry to wake you. It’s Seung Hyun…T.O.P?”

“T.O.P…do you have any idea how early it is? It has to be at least 8 in the morning-” Teddy Park groaned.

“Yea I know…I’m sorry but-I… I need a favor man” I pleaded.

“A favor!” he whined. “You call me this early for a favor?”

                When Teddy groaned again, I knew he was going to do it and he could hear my smile through the phone.