Tittle: Saying I Love you                                    

Yunho x Eunhyuk. Requested by dagorwen

In the morning, after the rain fell, I thought my heart was going to crush the moment I saw his eyes, deep brown, almost dark and I knew in that instant, it was love. Maybe at that moment it wasn’t real love, maybe it was a crush, even so, I really wanted to convey my feelings.

I couldn’t.

Why?

I’m a man, and a man can’t love another man.

My heart cries, can you hear it? I can. It’s soft like a breeze, and yet I can hear it aloud, if I continued like this, my heart will burst, I’ll break.

“S-sunbae…” stuttering the words, feeling my hands sweating, and my heart thumbing loudly, I gathered courage.

“Yes?” His eyes mesmerizing me. His dance catches any eye, I idolatry him, but… simply liking him isn’t enough, not now, I must….

“I-I…”

My throat closes and my cheeks burn. I sighed “I admire you…”

“Well, work hard and you’ll reach me.”

I couldn’t, maybe he’ll think I’m gross, maybe he’ll hate me, I just lost my courage at the last moment, I’m so pathetic.

“No, what I wanted to say was…” I thought I yelled, sadly it was a shivering whisper that left my lips and he didn’t turned, because he never heard me.

I’m lonely, I just feel the raindrops in my face after exiting the building of the trainees, how can I be so coward, why can’t I express my feelings, why?

“Are you okay?” You asked me, the one I love, Yunho-sunbae… and I, just forced a smile, I didn’t know what to do and in the end, I felt like crying, so I ran.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you so much that it hurts, I… really love you now.

Admiring you isn’t enough now, I want more, I even have delusions of the two of us going on a date. Before knowing you and I were training for the same dream to become great dancers was enough, not now, I’m selfish and I want more, I want you… can’t you see….?

Days after, the world shattered, I knew you weren’t for me, and yet…

“Yeah, Yunho has a girlfriend, or at least, I heard that.”

I smiled, my gaze traveling towards you who were smiling to that cute girl, maybe it was her? Your smile was so warm that time, that my fluttering heart felt like crumbling, because the smile wasn’t for me.

I’m intoxicated, by your voice, your smile, but none is for me and it breaks my heart, because I know, you want a cute girl and not a flat chested man.

Someday, you’ll want even a family and I can bear to give you that, so my feelings must be just mine, and even so, how I wish for you to know my love for you. Please… notice me, more than just a hoobae, more than a dancer, recognize me as a lover, or is it much to ask.

“S-sunbae…” I’ll tell you today, because this day will be the last of us together in this trainee room, after this day, you’ll be famous and I’m going to be still a trainee.

“Yeah?”

“I-I fell in love with you.”

Your eyes widened, and I closed mine, pressed until it hurt, the only sound I could heard was my own heart galloping and I cried, it was bitter, I even tasted the loneliness and the hate, I surely repulse you, because when I opened my eyes you weren’t watching me, you just coughed already giving me your back.

“Thank you?”

Was your answer and even when I was sour, I really did smile, it wasn’t an acceptance from you and yet my heart skipped a beat and I was so happy. And then, when you walked away, I lost my strength and I fell on my knees and cried again for the unknown time.  

That day didn’t rain, and I still felt the humid breeze on my cheeks, I’m lonely, I want to be with you, but I can’t.

Your voice is engraved in my mind, you smile is printed in my eyes, your laugh in my ears and you in my heart. I want to see you, even f you don’t love me, I want you to know I’m serious, even if I repulse you, I don’t mind anymore, because I love you and isn’t enough for me just hold those feelings and give up.

“Yunho-ssi!!” I remember how you stopped on the aisle and turned, I just clear my eyes from the tears and held my gaze on you.

“I love you, I love you, I don’t mind if you think I’m joking, I just want you to know that I-I…” my voice broke “love you… for real and, and…”

I saw blur and then felt soft lips against mine, feeling your hot breath on my earlobe, making me shiver.

“I won’t hold back anymore then.”

It was soft, like cotton candy, your voice and I crushed your shirt with my hold, my fingers white and I just nodded, all words vanished from my mouth.

I never knew a man could kiss like that, that my body could react like that just because a embrace, and that my heart hurt even when happy, I just felt your lips kissing my eyelids and how your arms held me firm.

“I love you…” I said again, even when you didn’t say to me those words, your kiss was enough, and how you smiled to me.

Yunho-sunbae, I’ll love you, always, because liking or admiring isn’t enough and I’ll give you all, so please, love me more and be mine, always, yeah?

“I thought I was the only one, I’m happy, Eunhyuk.”

Yeah, I love him….

I couldn't resist to write and so, update already this one, kya~ the moment I heard Aa Boku wa Kimi ni Ai ni Iku from Sekaiichi hatsukoi, it was a must to write this!!!

I hope you enjoyed it!!! I love that anime, hehe -blush.