Dumbfounded, exactly. The feeling I experienced after the person in front me spat directly into my face.

It was 2 hours before dawn in the Seoul district but I couldn't keep my eyes closed, lying weakly on my comfy bed. The multiple sheets didn't help soothe the worry out of me, the worry I felt for a long lost childhood friend whom I trapped in his own walk-in closet. It was ridiculous, tying someone up and shoving a plushie into his mouth, funny even. Still, as a good friend, I felt sorry for the guy, Bang Yongguk.

The urge to check on him doubled as his imaginary muffled cries echoed through my head. Giving in to my anxiety, I sat up, slipped on a proper T-shirt and walked across the hall towards the room Yongguk and Himchan shared. Soft snores emitted from the room so I guessed it was Himchan's. Being the general wasn't a breeze for him especially with Ilhoon messing into the case. Then again, the city diva loved the attention.

The door opened with a slight creak, low enough compared to the dominating snores. As a devious and also tempting thought surged through my mind, I shrugged the evil idea of recording Himchan's humiliating snores (and possibly use it to blackmail the poor guy some other time) off. To make sure Yongguk's future yells didn't wake the snoring guy up, I safely stuffed earplugs into his ears. I stepped into their huge and also eye popping walk-in closet and looked for Yongguk.

As expected, there he was, securely tied and the oh-so-cute Tigger plushie never left his poor mouth, though wet with saliva. I chuckled, he glared. Dipping a hand into my pockets, I reached for a sandwich (wrapped with aluminium foil) I made minutes ago. The poor guy retorted helplessly,"Mmmphhhhfftt, MMnepht!!!!" 

"Alright, alright. Tigger out of your mouth, I get it." I whispered, not that I hadn't guessed he'd scream the very moment I ripped the plushie out. But he didn't. Instead, spit.

Wiping off the splash of saliva, I gritted my teeth, cautious not to yell and wake the others up. "The hell? What's wrong with you? I was just freakin worried about you and you.... you spat at me?"

"You dare argue with me? The  did you do to me, huh?! If it's a fight----"

A slap, hard. The whole hand plastered to his wretched face. The powerful impact finally silenced him.

Clenching my fists in anger, I barked at him,"You were the one who wanted a fight, not me!"

He tugged the ropes trapping him vioelently,"It's all for Jiyoung, you know that!!" Another viscious slap again made its way to his bare cheek, resulting in a red mark of five thin fingers. Jiyoung, the girl I cherished, he loved. The girl who sacrificed her own existence for the sake of her two best friends.

"Sohyun, please. Don't tell him just yet. Wait for the right moment, when you guys are old enough."

"T-t-tell h-him what?"

"I love him"

A tear trickled down as the faint but painful memories seized my conscience. It chose the worst moment possible.

"Sohyun. Why.... why are you crying? I-I.. didn't mean to yell at you.." His voiced lowered, as if he still cared. 

Confusion blinded me. Is he the yongguk i know? Did he really die that day? Will he ever come back? Jiyoung's gone, I don't want him to go either. I want things to go back the way they were. 

"Bang Yong Guk."

His gaze met mine as I went on,"Will you tell me the truth?"

"Hmmm.. ?"

"Answer me first!" I mandated.

"Okay, okay. Don't get mad at me. ." He groaned in annoyance.

"Who are you? Where's the Bang Yongguk I knew?" 

Silence. That was the answer I expected from him and that answer broke me completely into pieces. His understanding of my previous question didn't matter to me as long as he responded, anything but alas, he didn't. To say that it was all his fault wasn't the whole truth because his love for Jiyoung was brutally abused by monsters like Seo In Guk and also that day's elder. I'd had never fallen in love with someone that deep as him and I never will.

Shaking my head, I said,"It's okay. You don't have to answer that." With that, the ropes trapping him went loose and finally fell onto the floor. It was too obvious that Daehyun would throw me a fit once he knew about this but I didn't know what else to do, I was clueless. It was pure instinct, maybe mixed with memories of the past.

 I don't know. What do I know?​ 

"Kill me.." I murmured.

"What--?" His eyes widened.

"Kill me now if you want to!" Softly pronouncing the words, I closed my eyes in defeat. Ingguk, Yongguk, Daehyun, Ilhoon, Zelo, Hyuna and BAP. Everything was too much now, even for a professional ninja like me. Hmph, professional was something I didn't want. It only led me to trouble, only trouble and those troubles never ended after one another. I had to admit, I hated my life.

One second, two seconds but after three seconds passed nothing happened. 

Am I dead already? 

Slowly, I let my eyes open and there he was, staring me down like I was some kind of freak. That posture of his stayed after I opened my eyes and the sight of him sickened me down to my throat. I walked away, got rid of him and finally out of the dorm. I wandered TS' building for quite some time until I got to the rooftop where the breeze swept in hope and no living thing seemed to be around. Perfect.

sorry for the lame chap.. the plot's going too slow..