He was exhausted.

Cheondoong collapsed onto his bed and snuggled up to his pillow.  He couldn’t be bothered to remove his makeup; it would probably smudge all over his pillow case but, at the moment, he didn’t give a damn.  All he wanted to do was just sleep everything off…

“,” Yongjae muttered, following him inside and mimicking his behaviour by collapsing onto his own bed, “I take it back.  I take everything back.  I don’t want to be famous anymore…”  He whined and rolled onto his back as he stared at the ceiling.  “Too many photo shoots, interviews,” he complained, “I want sleep… sleep!”

Cheondoong rolled his eyes and tried to block out the obnoxious noise.  His head was already pounding from a two day old headache and he certainly didn’t need irritating squawking to make things worse.  He wanted everything to just go away so he could finally sleep.

His mind wouldn’t have it though.  In the month since finding out the truth about Joon, his mind couldn’t settle itself.  He felt conflicting emotions after reading about Joon’s return to his old life as Lee Changsun.  Questions bombarded his mind as he wondered how things are now with those two.  He hadn’t spoken with Seungho or Joon for several weeks.  He couldn’t bring himself to contact them and they were likely much too preoccupied to think of him.

The thought made his chest tight.  He was now alone again.  He hadn’t felt this way since his father died and even then, he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he still had his sister.  Now… he had no one.  His sister was still lying in the hospital unresponsive; both of his parents were deceased too.  The only two other people in his life were Seungho and Joon; now they were both gone too.

Sighing, he felt his phone ring in his pants and lazily pulled it out.  “What?” he answered without checking who it was.

“Chohee said she wants to see you,” Chulyong voice chimed in his ear as sounds of baby wails could be heard in the background. 

Sighing, Cheondoong muttered, “Stop lying; Chohee can’t even speak yet.”

“What I meant,” Chulyong enunciated, “Is that her cries translate to her wanting to see you.”  He turned and muttered something to someone in the background before returning to the phone.  “You picked up so you’re not busy right now, right?” he asked.

“I’m exhausted Chulyong-ah,” he complained.  He rarely complained but when he did, it was often to Chulyong.  Somehow, the younger had managed to get under his skin and break down his walls enough that he would act like a child.

“So am I,” Chulyong sighed, “And to be honest…”  He dropped his voice to a whisper as he gave the baby to the mother and walked into a quieter room.  “Honestly, I want to take Jinju out on a date,” he said, his voice giddy, “She’s been so busy with her health and baby stress that she’s starting to resemble the old skeleton in the silence lab.  I want to feed her something good and… you know, give her something to smile about for a change.”

Cheondoong remained silent as he let Chulyong’s words digest.  He was exhausted, that was true, but he couldn’t say no.  He wanted to see the baby girl too so… it would be two birds with one stone.  “Fine,” he said, “But-”  He was about to ask for a free meal when Chulyong interrupted him with glee.

“Oh I knew I could count on you!” Chulyong said in excitement, “See you in a bit!”  Before Cheondoong could change his mind, the phone clicked and the call disconnected.

Sighing, Cheondoong got up and walked past a passed out Yongjae.  Taking some wet wipes, he quickly scraped off the makeup and changed into something more comfortable.  Checking the time, he slipped on a pair of sneakers and quickly made his way down towards the nearest bus stop. 

He stopped in his tracks, however, as a thin and tired looking Seungho climbed down from a stopped bus and made his way towards the KTA headquarters.

“Hy… Hyung!” Cheondoong called, quickly running over as Seungho turned around.

“Cheondoong,” Seungho said, his tired eyes wide with surprise, “I forgot you still work here!” 

“Thanks,” Cheondoong sighed, shaking his head as Seungho gave him a sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry,” Seungho said apologetically, “Everything’s been… hectic.”  He scratched his head and let out a heavy sigh.

“I… I saw the news,” Cheondoong said, suddenly feeling awkward, “About, you know, Joonie-hyung…”

Seungho’s smile fell from his face, replaced with a sad look of agreement.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you in person,” he said softly, “I…”

“I understand,” Cheondoong said quickly, “I just wish there was something I could do for you.”  He looked away at the ground as he thought about Seungho’s relationship with Joon.  Even though he still had difficulties with it, he couldn’t help but feel terrible for the two.  Things must have been hard since the two were apart.  “Have… have you talked with him?” he asked hesitantly, unsure if his questions would be welcome.  Surely Seungho would feel uncomfortable with the topic since he knew Cheondoong was too.

Seungho shook his head and smiled sadly.  “I’m sure he’s… trying his best,” he said softly before looking at the KTA building, “I have some business so…”

“Yeah me too,” Cheondoong said quickly, pointing to an approaching bus, “I’ll… see you later.”

“Mmn,” Seungho said before quickly crossing the street and heading inside the KTA building.

Cheondoong frowned as he climbed his bus and took a window seat.  What was Seungho doing back at the KTA office? 

“For the last time,” Hyunsik said, sighing in exasperation, “I can’t just waltz up to her highness and ask her to-”  He was promptly cut off.

“But she likes my music,” Seungho said, feeling desperate, “She loves it when I play her the piano.  Isn’t there anything that you could do to get me inside-”

“We’re not talking about a clube here,” Hyunsik said, irrirated, “There’s no VIP guest list that can get you inside the Lee-Song Estate and I’m certainly not her doorman.”

Seungho paused and backtracked.  “That’s not what I meant hyung,” he said, feeling apologetic, “I just…”  He sighed and fell silent.

He couldn’t count the number of times he’s been in Hyunsik’s office since Joon’s departure.  He had promised he would find a way inside the Lee-Song estate but every road he tried hit a brick wall.  Song Bangna hadn’t called him back since their last meeting and it was driving him crazy to know that he had no way in.  He felt like a soldier trying to cross a mote just so he could get a glimpse of the princess… except he wasn’t even anywhere near the castle.

“I know,” Hyunsik mirrored his sigh and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses, “I’m trying to think of something but honestly, I can’t.  From what I know, she’s much too busy to take you on as her personal music teacher and Joon already has a designated music teacher…”  He trailed off as he suddenly looked up at Seungho and blinked.

“Which leaves…” Seungho said, following his train of thought.

Hyunsik paused for a second before waving his hand and dismissing the idea.  “If she was going to have the brat learn the piano, she’d have gotten him a teacher ages ago,” he said, shaking his head.

“It’s worth a shot,” Seungho said, thinking of the possibility of becoming Changwook’s piano teacher, “Her late husband loved music and she’s having someone teach Joon already.  Maybe, if she doesn’t have anyone…”

“It’s a long shot, you know that right?” Hyunsik asked, giving him a deadpan look, “And I’m not even sure I can step in since you no longer work for KTA.”

Seungho bit his lip as he considered Hyunsik’s words.  It was true; he was no longer under KTA’s care so how could Hyunsik still help him?  He sighed and scratched his head.  It seemed like this was another dead end.

“I’m sorry, Seungho-yah,” Hyunsik said quietly, “It seems like this is all I can do.”

“No,” Seungho said, shaking his head, “I shouldn’t have continued to pester you like this after everything you’ve done… I’m sorry.”

Hyunsik sighed and shook his head.

Giving the other a polite bow, Seungho left the office feeling heavy hearted and desperate.  Again, he was leaving empty-handed.  He just needed a way in; he was sure that once he saw Song Bangna, he could work his way inside somehow.  He just needed a way in…

As he waited for the bus, he remembered Joon’s shaking hands as they’d parted.  He remembered the way Joon had looked at him… had begged him with sad eyes.  Even though he’d promised with his whole heart and soul, he was coming up empty.  With Joon under strict watch, the only way Seungho could see him was finding a way inside… but things were proving to be much more difficult than he’d thought.  He had thought that maybe Changwook would work but without KTA’s help…

He blinked as he looked around the bus stop.  It was as if someone suddenly turned the light on inside of his head.  Hyunsik wasn’t the only one with contacts inside the Lee-Song estate.  There was someone much closer to him that could help him inside… someone who had direct contact with the young boy.  

Pulling out his phone, his heart raced as he scrolled through the contact list.  It was his last hope; his last connection to Lee-Song.  Even though it was a stretch, he had to give it a try.  He took a deep breath and dialed Cheondoong’s number.

Dinner seemed to crawl by as Joon poked at the fish fillet on his plate.  Across the table, Changwook chattered incessantly about his classmates, his test, and his ranking.  Joon tried to pay attention but his mind kept wandering back to the journal now safely tucked under his mattress.  He hadn’t had time to read more before dinner was ready and he’d been too surprised by his discovery to think up a good excuse to skip dinner altogether. 

“Hyung,” Changwook called, one cheek stuffed with rice and fish, “Are you listening?”

Joon blinked and looked up across the table.  He let out a sheepish laugh as he picked up a piece of fish and placed it into his bowl.  “Sorry,” he said, “What did you say?”

“I was telling you about Yoona, Baek Yoona,” Changwook said, “The girl in my class?”  He sighed dramatically and took a sip of his juice.  “I’m pretty sure she’s interested in me,” he said matter-of-factly, “But I’m not sure I want anything long term right now, you know?” 

Joon swallowed a chuckle as Changwook frowned seriously.  Changwook often spoke like an adult, even though he was barely eleven years old.  It was amusing to watch the innocent boy talk about the world as if he were fifty.  “I’d say that’s reasonable,” Joon replied, taking a bite of his food, “Has she confessed?”

Changwook shook his head and sighed.  “Nope,” he said, “She’s the shy type.” 

“Then how do you know she really likes you?” Joon teased, sipping his water.

“Men’s intuition,” Changwook said with a heavy sigh, “A man knows a woman’s love.”

Unable to suppress it, Joon chuckled as Changwook also giggled at his own cheesiness.  “Do you like her?” he asked.

Changwook scoffed and wagged a finger.  “She’s pretty but not my type,” Changwook said, propping his head up with a hand, “I’m into older women.  There’s more security.”

As the rest of dinner passed, Joon’s thoughts didn’t return to the diary until they were finishing up with dessert.  To his surprise, Changwook was much more observant than he’d given the boy credit for.

“So,” Changwook said, taking a bite of Joon’s dessert, “How come you looked all freaked out before dinner?”  He glanced at Joon cautiously before taking another spoonful of the crème.

Joon looked up from his coffee and paused.  Freaked out, Changwook had said… was that how he’d looked?  He knew he was shaken up but he had done his best to put on his poker face.  It was scary sometimes how even such small things could be picked up.

“I was a bit distracted,” Joon admitted, “Sorry.”  He ran a finger over the rim of his cup, his mind back on the journal. 

He wanted to read more; he wanted to know what his father had felt during his last years of life… he wanted to know of how Song Bangna had killed his father.  At the same time however… he was terrified.  Things were in a limbo now and he had barely seen her in the near month he’d been at the estate.  If he found out the truth… how would it make him feel? 

He glanced up at Changwook, who was looking at the dessert with a small frown.  Would he feel differently about Changwook?  Knowing that the boy across from him was part of the reason he’d lost his father?  What did he feel for Song Bangna anyway?  Was it hate?  He wasn’t sure.  There was so much going on that he really hadn’t had time to sort out his feelings towards her.  She gave him a sense of anxiety but did he hate her?  Even though Jin’s story about his past seemed to fall into place the past couple of months, nothing had yet been proven.  Everything was still pure suspicion and he still had not a single shred of proof that his father had been murdered… until that afternoon when he’d stumbled upon the journal.  What were the secrets inside the worn pages?  Would it actually solve anything?  Or only simply make things even more unclear?

“You know,” Changwook said, scooping out the last spoon of crème and looking up at Joon, “If you miss your special person, why don’t you just call him or something?”  He placed the spoon into his mouth and mumbled, “I wish I could call my mom but I’d have to get through the company switchboard, the receptionist, and my mom’s secretary before I could actually reach her.”  He rolled his eyes and placed the spoon inside the glass.

“You don’t have your mother’s direct number?” Joon asked with surprise.  It seemed strange that Changwook didn’t considering how precious he was to his mother.

“Nope,” he said, shrugging, “I asked her for it before and she said-”  He wiped his face of all emotion and gave Joon a deadpan look as he mimicked his mother’s voice.  “If there’s ever an emergency,” he said, his voice nasal, “Then you call the police.  And then you call Soyun, understand?  Even if I gave you my personal line, I wouldn’t be able to do anything for you if I’m stuck in a meeting and you know I always am.”  He sighed and held his hands up with exasperation.  “I doubt you have as many people to go through for your person right?” he asked with raised brows.

Joon nodded and sighed.  He would love to call Seungho; just hearing the other’s voice would be enough.  Even so, he couldn’t.  He was forbidden to contact people outside of his current circle for fear of media exposure.  The company wanted minimum gossip material about their newly returned heir and wanted to make sure that things died down first before he was given any sort of freedom.  Since that was the case, he had his phone taken from him and his actions monitored to ensure he didn’t put in jeopardy the company’s image.

“I wish I could too,” Joon said softly, “Call him I mean.  Things are… complicated though.”  He gave Changwook an apologetic smile before standing.  “I’ll excuse myself,” he said, “I have a few things to do.”

“Okay,” Changwook said, getting up too and patting his belly, “I’m going to go watch TV…”  He trailed off as the maid to the side cleared .  “... And then do a lot of homework,” he added, giving her a toothy grin, “Right?” 

The maid smiled softly and quickly wiped it from her face before returning to her blank expression.  Joon smiled and nodded his thanks to the maid before heading up the stairs to his room.  Closing the door behind him, he paused as he leaned against the door and gazed at his bed.  There, beneath the mattress, was his father’s journal.  He remembered the days when he himself wrote in a journal all the things he kept to himself; his abuse with Jang Daeho, his worries of Dara finding out his secret, and his dreams of living a normal life.  What would he find in his father’s journal? 

Steeling himself, he walked over and pulled it out from under the mattress.  Though the book was thin, it felt heavy in his hands as he sat down on the bed.  Hesitantly, he flipped to the first page.  He sighed in relief to find lines and lines of music for a Beethoven piece.  He wasn’t sure why he felt so relieved but it seemed to take the edge off his anxiety.

Flipping to the second, he scanned the date of the first entry; it was dated March 15^th, 2004.

Today is Wookie’s first birthday.  The house is filled with music and noise.  We’re preparing for a grand party that the little tyke won’t even remember when he’s older.  It makes me so terribly happy to hear laughter in this house again.  I haven’t felt this way since my dear Eunae left me.  Changsun has begun to smile again; he’s stopped crying for his mother.  Bangna is more beautiful than ever since giving birth.  Today is a special day and I hope I can remember it for the rest of my life.

Joon brushed a finger over the neat handwriting.  His heart thudded heavily in his chest as he tried to imagine his father’s happiness whilst writing this entry.  The words seem to jump out of the page with joy and Joon could almost hear the laughter and clinking glass in the air. 

Taking a deep breath, he flipped the page and read the next entry.  Again, it marked a special day in the early spring.  The family had been out for a picnic at the park and… Joon’s breath hitched as he read the last few lines of the entry.

Age must be catching up on me.  Despite having the same deliciously prepared food, I came home with a stomach ache.  It has since passed, for which I am very thankful.

Joon could feel his hands shaking as he gripped the corner of the page.  Had that been the first time Song Bangna poisoned his father?  Was that the cause of the stomach ache?  Even though they all ate the same thing?

He flipped the page and continued to read, his heart steadily increasing in pace.  The next entry was dated April 29^th, 2004.

I’ve been tired lately.  Perhaps Bangna’s temper is starting to wear me down.  She’s been colder to me lately and I can’t help but feel a sense of helplessness.  I find myself wondering if I’d done something.  Perhaps she is unhappy that I am always working late.  I wonder if that is the reason for my fatigue.  In the four years of our marriage, we’ve been nothing but happy.  She’s worked hard since Wookie’s birth, I understand that.  Eunae was the same before her health got the better of her… she was always so exhausted taking care of Changsun.  I hope Bangna’s mood is temporary.  I want to see her smile again.

Without pausing, Joon flipped to the next page, a lump lodged into his throat.  His father had already begun feeling the effects of the poisoning at this point but still, there were no suspicions against Song Bangna.

The next entry was dated nearly a month after the previous.

Bangna has been acting strange.  She seems agitated often and has difficulty sleeping.  I find her awake in the middle of the night pacing in the hallways and it scares me.  She insists she is fine.  I worry for her health.  Her lack of sleep must be the cause of her irritation.  Times like this are when I need to exercise my patience and understanding.  It was what I lacked with Eunae.  I cannot make the same mistake again.

Joon bit his lip.  Despite the four years of marriage his father had with Song Bangna, every entry consisted of his mother’s name.  Did his father still reminisce about his mother?  It seemed to be the case.  His father’s marriage to Bangna had done little to diminish Eunae’s presence inside the heart.

The next entry seemed to confirm his thoughts.  It was dated June 2^nd, 2004.  Unlike the usual neat handwriting, however, this entry seemed erratic and written with shaky hands.

It’s gone.  Someone visited Eunae’s grave and dug it out from behind her tombstone.  How did it get discovered?  The only person I’ve ever told of its location is Sangki and he would never betray me.  I cannot contain my anger.  More so than the will is the defiling act someone has committed against my beloved.  To dig up her grave is a shameful act I cannot forgive.  I will find out the perpetrator that stole my will from its resting place.  I will find the fool that disturbed the sacred ground in which my Eunae rests.  I will find them, and I will make them suffer my wrath.

Joon let out the breath he’d been holding as he looked up from the journal.  This particular entry was clearly written with a lot of anger.  His father had mentioned… a will?  Was he possibly talking about the will that one would leave upon death?  If so… his father had buried it with his mother from the sounds of it. 

He looked down at the name Sangki: that was Jin’s old name before all of this happened.  He had been a close confidant to Lee Sukgyun… but also secretly dated Song Bangna before her marriage.  Was it possible that Sangki told Bangna the location of the will?  She would of course be involved; it made sense after all.  Destroy the will, kill the husband, and take over Lee-Song.

Shaking his head of questions, he flipped the page to the next entry.  This one was dated two months later in mid-August.

I feel lost and so terribly alone.  I’ve been bedridden for nearly a week now and have been losing weight rapidly.  My health seems to be deteriorating and I cannot understand why.  My heart has given me troubles lately and Bangna is worried.  I can see it on her face.  She loves me.  She must love me; that is the reason she married me… right?  She gave me a son, gave me her warmth, and gave me her everything because she loves me.  I refuse to believe anything else. 

Still, I cannot forgive her for shaming my beloved Eunae.  She did it for Changwook, I understand.  She wants to secure his future, that too… I understand.  But to do what she did… I cannot forgive her.  It scares me to think of what might happen if I am gone.  My Changsun, my son; will she hurt him?  I have since replaced the will but have told no one of its location.  I cannot risk it getting discovered again.

Joon gasped as he read the last line.  There was a will!  His father had replaced it… which means if he can find it, he could official reclaim his company without worrying about Bangna’s evil schemes.  He flipped the page anxiously only to be rewarded with disappointment as he came across the same entry he’d read when he’d first found the journal. 

Feeling desperate, Joon flipped the page again and came across the very last journal entry dated January 3^rd, 2005.  The entry was barely legible and the writing was messy.  Still, Joon could make out most of the words.  He felt stinging in his eyes as he read his father’s last journal entry.

I can feel it.  I may not last through the night.  It’s funny that a man can feel death approaching at the end of his life when he could not even see the truth in front of his very eyes.  I couldn’t see past her warm smiles, or her gentle whispers.  I want to believe that, at some point during our barely five years of marriage, that she loved me.  I certainly loved her.  Not with my whole heart; never with my whole heart for some of me had died with Eunae.  But I had loved her deeply and was prepared to spend the rest of my life with her, our sons, and our future grandchildren.  It’s sad to think I will never see my boys find girlfriends, or get married.  I will never cradle my first grandchild; I can barely hold this pen as I write this last entry.

Joon’s vision blurred as he felt a sense of heartbreak for the man within the words.  Though he could not remember his father, he couldn’t help but feel a similar desperation for this man that so desperately wanted to live but knew he wouldn’t.  He brushed aside the tears and continued to read the very last paragraph.

I can only hope this journal will one day be discovered by someone who truly loved me. 

To my son Changsun, the heir to everything that I call my own, please understand that I cannot reveal where I’ve placed my last will for I fear it will be discovered again by the wrong hands.  I can only hope that, when the time is right, it will appear before you and give you what is rightfully yours.  Perhaps I worry without reason, but I fear the stepmother I’ve left you with will try to take it from you.  Defend it, protect it, and pass it on to someone that truly loves you. 

Please, do not hate your stepmother or stepbrother.  My death is my own; they had nothing to do with it.  The only thing your stepmother is guilty of is wanting too much for her child.  For that, I ask for your forgiveness on her behalf.  I’m sorry that this is all I can do for you. 

Joon let out a shaky breath as he brushed his fingers over the words.  His father had hoped that he would find the journal.  After nearly a decade of hiding behind stacks of treasured musical scores, he had finally found it.  And yet… it had been nothing like he’d expected.  There were no words that pointed to Bangna’s crime.  There were no accusations of having been made ill by his wife.  There was only sadness, loss, and forgiveness.

Closing the book, Joon laid back in his bed and stared up at the ceiling.  He let the tears flow from his eyes as he felt the anguish seep through the book and into his bones.  How sad his father must have been to realize Bangna had been the culprit.  How alone his father must have felt as he breathed his last breath.

Closing his eyes, Joon watched the words dance across his eyelids.  The second will was lost in time too.  In the end, the location was never revealed and so, he had no choice but to believe it was lost.  As he laid there, he couldn’t help the sense of desperation that seemed to fill his lungs and suffocate him.  He had found the one thing he thought would end everything… and yet he felt as if he hadn’t moved an inch forward at all.  None of his suspicions had been cleared and he had nothing to put Song Bangna behind bars for good.  He had… nothing.  Nothing but his father’s last thoughts… nothing but his father’s last regrets.

As he lied there with sadness weighing down on his chest, he wondered where he should go next.  Where could he go?  What else could he do?  He had hit a dead end and the journal had told him nothing new…  He held up the journal over his head and frowned.  What had his father meant by the will appearing before him?  How could a will appear before him on its own?  Unless…

He sat up with wide eyes as he stared at the journal.  Of course the will couldn’t appear before him on its own… but if it was left with someone…  He tried to think back to his lessons on the Lee-Song history.  His tutor had given him a brief lesson on the familial life of the founder too… what was it about after his death?  Something about the entire staff at the estate being changed soon after the late CEO’s death?  

He gripped the journal with a racing heart.  Could it be that his father had left the will with a staff member?  It had to have been someone his father would have thought to still be around after a decade so the will could be passed on.  But who…?  He wasn’t sure, but at least now, he knew what he had to do next.  

He had to find his father’s last will.

Author's notes:

Yay a new goal!  Moving things along nicely :D  Stay tuned!