Joon hadn’t said a word since they’d left for the hospital.

Seungho glanced at him as the bus rumbled on to the next station.

Joon looked out the window blankly, his face devoid of expression.  As the bus slowed, Joon looked up from his blank stare and watched the approaching hospital.

Seungho got up and led the way down the steps.  As he took in the brisk fall air, he felt the pit of his stomach swirl with anxiety.  He stared at the hospital, his heart a bit heavy.  He’d come to confirm his feelings for Joon… but what if it wasn’t what he’d thought?  What if his feelings for Joon really did turn out to be just affections?  How would that help explain his lust?  And what if… he really did love Joon?  Then what?  Was that the ticket to having with him?  And then what after ?  A relationship?  For how long? 

Seungho sighed.  He thought he’d have things figured out at the end of the trip but the bus ride over had given him time to really think.  Even if he found out how he’d really felt about Joon, it didn’t mean anything was solved.  After all, how could two men have a relationship?  In a society where terms like love and marriage belonged to husbands and wives, how could two men expect to make a life together?  And what about children?  Seungho loved kids; he’d never considered living his life without having any of his own.  Assuming that he and Joon could get past everything else, what would they do about kids?  Would Seungho be okay with adoption?

“Hyung?” Joon said softly from behind him. 

Seungho turned and looked at Joon’s confused expression.  Smiling briefly, Seungho snapped out of his thoughts and led the way inside. 

He was getting way ahead of himself.  He wasn’t even sure how he’d felt… and he was thinking about children?  First things first…

They paused as Joon’s cellphone suddenly rang.  A passing nurse frowned at them and held a finger to her lips.

“It’s Hyunsik-hyung,” Joon said, bowing apologetically to the nurse, “I should probably take this…”  When Seungho nodded in agreement, Joon said, “You go in first.  I’ll be right there.”  With that, he turned and walked out the lobby doors, putting the phone to his ear.

Seungho stood for a few seconds and watched him.  Joon bowed slightly as he picked up the call.  Soon, a small smile spread across his face as he nodded and listened to the phone.  Occasionally, he’d respond and nod some more. 

Seungho frowned unconsciously as he watched Joon laugh.  Hyunsik was making Joon laugh… after Joon had been broodingly silent the entire bus ride.  What was he saying that was so interesting anyways?  Catching himself, Seungho sighed in exasperation and irritation at his own response.  When did he become a jealous schoolgirl?

Giving his head a shake, he walked inside Dara’s hospital room.  Cheondoong wasn’t there, which was rare.  Seungho glanced at the clock; it was a little after four.  He was probably still in school, though he would be leaving soon.

Seungho pulled a stool to her bedside and sat down.  He watched her sleeping face, and tried to telepathically send her his thoughts.  His questions and confusion about his feelings swirled in his mind as he stared at her peaceful face.  Her soft breaths were barely audible, and her expression was one of blissful ignorance. 

Taking her hand in his, Seungho ran his thumb over the back of her hands and sighed.  As he watched her sleep, he felt familiar emotions drift to the surface.  He felt the tingle of nostalgia, the pang of sadness and the stab of anger.  Gently, he slipped his fingers between hers and smiled softly.  He remembered the time he’d bought her a toy ring as a joke and asked her to marry him… she’d laughed so merrily and replied that she’d have to think about it.  The ring was too small for her fingers so she wore it around her neck.  The last time Seungho saw the ring was a few days before Dara’s father died.

Seungho smiled sadly as he played with her fingers.  What happened between them?  How did things turn out this way?  After her father died, Dara fell apart.  Seungho had tried to stay in her life and support her but… she was too broken to be repaired.  Her sadness consumed her heart and there was no room for anyone but her father’s memories.  Seungho could do nothing but watch as Dara closed herself off and hid away her pain.  She’d refused his calls, his messages, and his support.

Seeing her like that had concerned him at first.  When she’d first refused his support, Seungho had felt hurt himself.  He tried to be understanding about her actions and believed that one day she would eventually open up to him again… but that day never came.  Dara got further and further away.  Seungho had felt more and more distant, and concern eventually turned into selfish blame.  Why couldn’t Dara trust him?  Why didn’t she accept him?  Why wouldn’t she let him see her suffering?  What was he doing wrong?  Slowly, Seungho’s thoughts had darkened and it was no longer about Dara.  He became consumed by his frustrations and soon, he stopped calling her.  He stopped leaving messages and, eventually, he stopped supporting her. 

By the time he had realized what he’d done, it was too late.  Dara had moved on, and had built herself a new life without him.  Too ashamed to face her, Seungho had forgotten about her.  He’d enrolled in university at the other end of the country and tried to build himself a new life as well.  And he had been doing fine… until he saw her having lunch at a small diner near the school.  The moment he had heard her familiar voice and looked at the back of her head, he’d felt his stomach drop to his feet.  What were the chances that they would meet again in a random diner, as he was picking up his takeout?  He had been too shocked to realize he should have just turned around and left.  Instead, his feet brought him to her table, and his voice called out to her.  She’d looked at him with mirrored shock.

At the time, she was with a very innocent looking boy, who’d seemed extremely anxious.  He’d stood stiffly with his eyes downcast and his fingers pulling at the hem of his shirt nervously.  Seungho had assumed that Dara had met a new guy… little did he know he would soon get tangled up in Joon’s rescue.

Seungho shook his head and tried to clear his mind of the nostalgia.  It was all in the past.  His life had changed drastically when he’d agreed to take Joon into his home.  He had done it because Dara had asked him for help… he had no idea Joon’s stay would become permanent.  He also had no idea that he would soon begin feeling something for the boy and begin questioning his own uality.

Seungho brushed a lock of hair from Dara’s face as he leaned against the railing on her bed.  He ran a finger down her nose and sighed.  It was obvious that he still felt very strongly about Dara.  He wanted to be the first person she saw when she woke up.  He wanted to hug her and tell her how sorry he was for the mistake he’d made those years ago… how regretful he had been that he’d let her slip away.  As Seungho stared at her beautifully peaceful face, he found himself desperately wishing that he could go back to a time when the two of them had shared laughs, hugs, and kisses… when they had shared their hearts.

But what about his feelings for Joon?  Where did they fit?  If he still felt this way with Dara, then what was it, exactly, that he’d felt for Joon?  Was it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?  How did that even work?  Seungho bit his lip as he brushed his fingers through her hair.  He thought he would find an answer through the visit but now, he was more confused than ever.

Softly, Seungho whispered, “Wake up, noona.  I need you…”

“You are one hell of a kid, you know that?” Hyunsik laughed through Joon’s phone, “I don’t know what you did, but the photographer wants you back for another shoot.  Anyway, I’ve directed him to go through the agency… but I was surprised, that’s for sure.  I thought he hated you!”

Joon laughed and replied, “Me too.  He’d gotten so angry today… I was sure he’d never work with me again.”

“Anyway, I’ll leave you alone.  Enjoy your day off, kid.  I’m working you to the bone tomorrow!” Hyunsik said before hanging up the call.

Smiling, Joon looked at his phone.  He had just landed another modeling gig with the photographer from that morning.  Joon was always very happy to find out he’d been signed for another contract.  More work meant more money… and that was always a good thing.  It would help with Dara’s hospital bills and would help Seungho’s financial burden.

Joon’s smile disappeared as he thought of Seungho.  The kiss from before still weighed on his mind.  Seungho had kissed him first.  Then he’d kissed Joon again and again, and eventually got both of them aroused.  But, as usual, he’d stopped abruptly and pulled away.  He’d avoided Joon’s question and, instead, told him to get ready.

What were his intentions?  Joon couldn’t figure it out.  If Seungho wasn’t interested, they wouldn’t be kissing, right?  But if he was, why did he always pull away?  Seungho wasn’t the type to play around… but what was the message he was trying to send?  Was he interested or not? 

Joon gripped his phone and sighed.  He wasn’t sure how long he could play along with Seungho’s game anymore.  If he didn’t find out soon, he could find himself pushing the boundaries too far and make Seungho angry. 

Taking a deep breath, Joon walked inside the hospital again.  As he neared the room, he gave himself a quick pep-talk before walking in quietly.  He froze, however, when he saw Seungho’s leaning in and brushing Dara’s hair from her face. 

There was something incredibly tender in the way he’d touched her face.  Seungho’s expression softened considerably, and his eyes were filled with emotion as he ran his finger down her nose.  He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through her hair. 

Joon felt his breath hitch as he heard Seungho’s soft whisper.  The way he had said it… Joon felt a dull burn in his chest.  He felt his lungs exhale until all the air had left him.  As he watched Seungho’s tender gestures, Joon felt his eyes sting and his lungs burn.

He knew about their past.  Joon knew about the relationship that Dara had with Seungho prior to their breakup.  Dara had been quite regretful herself when she’d told Joon.  It was clear she had lingering feelings for Seungho.  And now, Joon understood clearly that Seungho felt the same towards Dara.  It made sense, after all.  How could love just disappear like that?  Joon knew that, even if Seungho loved someone else, Joon would still feel the same about him.  It only made sense that Seungho would feel the same for Dara.

Joon stood rooted to the spot, a few feet away from Dara’s bed.  He was hidden by the half-drawn curtains around her bed.  Unsure of what to do next, Joon stood there and clenched his fingers over his phone. 

Should he walk over and interrupt?  He wanted to so desperately.  He wanted to walk over and pull Seungho away, to shake him and tell him how much he loved him, and to kiss him until he was breathless.  But… Joon had no place there.  He had no right to do any of that because the person in Seungho’s eyes wasn’t him.

“Joonie-hyung?”

Joon jumped and whirled around to face Cheondoong, his heart racing in his chest.  He heard the scraping of a stool from near Dara’s bedside and soon, Seungho peeked around the curtains.

“O-Oh,” Joon stuttered, trying to calm himself.  He glanced behind him at Seungho, who’s face showed surprise.  Turning back to Cheondoong, Joon noticed that he was holding on to a large flower basket, a few magazines, and the usual bag of food.

Joon followed as Cheondoong staggered to Dara’s bed.  As the magazines slipped out of his hand, Joon reached out and caught them.  Placing his phone on Dara’s night stand, Joon reached out and grabbed the flower basket from Cheondoong’s arms while Seungho helped carry the food.

“Why do you have so much stuff?” Seungho asked, looking at the flower basket in amusement.

“Someone left a flower basket at reception for noona,” Cheondoong replied, shrugging.  He slipped his backback off his shoulders and accepted the magazines from Joon.  “The nurse was going to carry it in but I said I’d take it.”

“Someone left a flower basket?” Seungho asked, raising an eyebrow, “A friend?”

Cheondoong shrugged and nodded towards the basket.  “Dunno, there’s no card or anything,” he said.

Seungho looked at the basket strangely and hummed.  “Hmm… that’s weird,” he muttered, examining the flower basket. 

Joon watched as Seungho thoroughly examined the flowers.  It was as if Seungho was looking for something suspicious.  Again, Joon felt the burn in his chest.  Was this jealousy?  Was this how jealousy felt?  It was very different from the books’ descriptions…

A soft knock came from the door and the three of them looked up.  A nurse stood in the doorway and bowed.

“Is Yang Seungho-shi present?  We noticed that he’d signed in as a visitor,” she said quietly, mindful of the other patients, “We’d like to discuss some payment arrangements with him?”

“Ah, yes,” Seungho said, walking over, “I am he.  What did you need?”

“We wanted to confirm a few things regarding Park Sandara-shi’s automatic payments,” she said, giving him a smile, “If you can please follow me?”  She gestured to the door.

“Yes,” Seungho nodded as she led the way out.  Turning to the other two, he said, “I’ll be right back.”  Quietly, he followed her out to the hall.

“Do you think there’s a payment problem again?” Cheondoong said, looking worriedly at the door. 

“There shouldn’t be,” Joon said, also worried.  He had been making a steady sum of income for a while.  Although most of it was going back to Hyunsik to pay off their debt, some of it was still saved up in Joon’s personal account.  Every once in a while, he’d transfer the sum to Dara’s bank account to make sure she had enough to cover her hospital stay.  Things should have been fine…

“By the way,” Cheondoong said, offering Joon a piece of pastry, “I still haven’t had a chance to thank you.  You know, for helping pay noona’s hospital bills.”  He smiled sheepishly and bowed slightly.

Accepting the pastry, Joon smiled and shook his head.  “Don’t be silly,” he said softly, glancing at Dara’s sleeping face, “It’s the least I could do.  Dara-noona… I owe her too much to ever be repaid.”

Cheondoong stayed silent as he took a bite of his bread.  He glanced at his sister then back at Joon.  “Hyung,” Cheondoong said slowly, “You… you don’t still blame yourself do you?”

Joon looked at him, unsure of what to say.  Was it a lie to say he didn’t?  Especially when he knew that he was the reason Dara was here in the hospital?  Joon knew that the real culprit was Jang Daeho but that didn’t stop him from feeling guilty.

“I…” Joon started, “I know that I’m not entirely to blame.  But it doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty.”  He stared at the bread in his hand. 

“It’s not that you’re not entirely to blame,” Cheondoong said, chewing on the bread, “It’s that it’s not your fault at all.”  He smiled warmly at Joon.  “How are things at KTA?” he asked curiously.

Surprised, Joon replied, “Y-You know about KTA?”

Cheondoong rolled his eyes and said, “Of course I know.  My school’s full of rich kids, they all have something from Critique.  So they’ve been bringing magazines to class.”

“Oh really?” Joon laughed, “It’s… interesting.  The work isn’t too difficult but it’s a lot of long hours.”

Cheondoong nodded, staring at Joon in contemplation.  “I was thinking…” he said slowly, “Do you think you could introduce me to somebody there?  Maybe I could, you know, do some modelling too?”

Joon looked at him in surprise.  “Modelling?  Really?” he said in surprise.

Cheondoong’ flushed a soft shade of pink as he bit into his bread and nodded.  “I-I’ve been told that I’m not bad looking,” he said defensively, his ears turning pink as well, “And if it will help with noona’s bills…”

“Oh, no,” Joon said quickly, realizing that he’d been misunderstood, “I don’t mean-No, I think you’re very good looking.  What I mean is that I didn’t expect you to want to model.  I’m sure KTA would love to have you.”  Joon grasped clumsily at his words as he tried to explain his reaction. 

Cheondoong nodded and said, “Y-You think?  They’d want me?”

Joon nodded enthusiastically.  “Of course,” he said, “But I’m not sure Seungho-hyung would like it very much.  He’s not a big fan…”

Cheondoong chuckled and nodded.  “Yeah, he’s… not big on the idea of entertainment,” he replied, “He’s quite protective.”

Joon nodded, smiling slightly.  Seungho was protective, but Joon enjoyed every bit of it.  He loved it when Seungho got irritated with Hyunsik for making Joon work late.  He loved that Seungho made him walk on the inside of the sidewalk.  He loved that, when it came to cooking and cleaning, Seungho would hover around him to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt.

“He was like that with noona,” Cheondoong said softly, looking lovingly at Dara.  “He used to get mad at her for being clumsy,” he said, smiling briefly, “I’m so glad he’s here.”

Joon looked at him, his hear thudding heavily in his chest.  He watched as Cheondoong took a hold of his sister’s hand and squeezed lightly.

“When she wakes up,” he said, “I hope they can patch things up.  That would mean so much to the both of us.”  He looked up at Joon and smiled brightly.  “It would be just like before,” he said, “But this time, we have Joonie-hyung too.”

Joon could do nothing but force a smile at these words.  The hope on Cheondoong’s face was too much.  Joon nodded, both in agreement and in acceptance.  Things will go back to normal once Dara wakes up, that much he now knew.  Until then, he would enjoy as much time as he could with Seungho in their ambiguous relationship.  He would take all that he could get.

“I’m…” Joon said, standing from his seat, “I’m going to go check on Seungho-hyung.”  With a nod, Joon walked out of the hospital room quickly.  He could feel his breathing quickening.  He felt stifled and tried to take deep breaths.

Looking at the ceiling, Joon breathed slowly as his brief moment of suffocation passed.  He had made up his mind.  He had told Seungho that his ambiguous feelings were good enough… and so they would be.  Joon would appreciate and enjoy all the feelings that Seungho was willing to give him.  And when the time came that Dara would return to Seungho’s side, Joon would step aside and welcome her back with a sincere heart.  He owed her at least that much.

Cheondoong flipped through the magazines as he waited for his hyungs to return.  He pointed to no one in particular when he saw a pair of shoes that he knew Dara would love. 

He looked up as a buzzing noise came from the nightstand.  Glancing over, he noticed a cellphone vibrating.  Picking it up, Cheondoong let out a small, ‘aha’ in recognition that it was Joon’s phone.  He must’ve forgotten to pick it up after he’d taken the flower basket.

Amused, Cheondoong looked at the phone.  It was an older model, but the casings were scratch-free.  It looked as if it was very well cared for and quite brand new.  Curious, Cheondoong glanced at the display.

He nearly dropped the phone as the name of the caller flashed on the screen.  He felt the bottom of his stomach drop to his feet as he read the name of the boy that had nearly destroyed his life five months ago with drugs.

Jang Hyunwoo

Author's note:

Been a while since an update!  Things are getting crazy in real life so bear with me as I try to live through the next few weeks!!!  I might not be update for the next week or two weeks but I'll tell you this, the next chapter is the chapter you've all been waiting for!!  Things are about to get HOT!