“You’re what?” Cheondoong asked, stunned at the news. 

He’d avoided both Seungho and Joon for two weeks and had planned on continuing to avoid them until more time had passed but…

Seungho sighed and ran a hand through his hair; Joon shifted nervously beside him as the three of them sat on their beds facing each other.  “It’s for the best,” he said apologetically, “Things will be easier for everyone if we leave KTA.”

“Easier…” Cheondoong replied hollowly.  He turned his gaze to Joon, who was staring at the floor and biting his lips silently. 

Cheondoong had followed the news as closely as he could.  Despite being close with Seungho and Joon before, he felt like an outsider looking in from the outside.  Seungho and Joon seemed to be so immersed in their own world that they no longer shared anything with the outside.  And now, with their abrupt decision to leave together, he felt even more alone.

“What… what about your schedules?” he asked, desperate to grab a hold of anything that might tie the two down and prevent them from leaving, “Is it okay to just… up and leave?”  He looked between the two, hoping that they would see his point and change their minds.  Despite the awkwardness between them, the last thing he wanted was for them to cut him out completely and leave him by himself.

“Hyunsik-hyung has already taken care of that,” Seungho replied, “This decision wasn’t abrupt… we put a lot of thought into it.  We didn’t want to tell you until it was decided so…”  He looked at Joon with gentle eyes before turning back to Cheondoong.  “We’ll be moving out of the dorms this coming weekend,” he said softly.

Cheondoong fell silent as he let the news sink in.  Things had been hectic with the sudden attention on Joon’s identity.  On the one hand, he understood their reasons for leaving KTA and also knew that they were probably doing what was best for Hyunsik.  But on the other, he felt like he was once again being left behind by the people he cared about.  He felt a complicated mix of emotions that was very similar to the emotions he’d felt about seeing his two hyungs in a romantic relationship.  It left him confused and empty.

“I…” he said before trailing off again.  What could he say?  The words he so desperately wanted to say would only make them upset.  But should he say them anyway?  They were how he really felt…

As if sensing that he was holding back, Joon met his eyes and said softly, “Please don’t hold back your thoughts.”  Losing his confidence again, he dropped his gaze to his hands and bit his lip.

Sighing, Cheondoong leaned forward and placed his head in his hands.  “Honestly,” he said, taking Joon’s advice, “I want to ask you to stay.  If not both of you then… at least one of you.”  He looked at Seungho with a frown.  “I still can’t accept your… relationship, although I guess it doesn’t really matter at this point,” he said, “But… Seungho-hyung.  Aren’t you getting too involved?”  He paused, glancing at Joon tentatively.  “Even if… you had a special relationship with each other,” he said carefully, “Don’t you think Seungho-hyung should stay put until all of this is sorted out?  He’s getting dragged into this mess when it really has nothing to do with him.”

Joon remained silent with his head bowed.  He picked at his fingers and seemed to emanate guilt.

Seungho sighed and shook his head.  “You don’t understand, Cheondoong,” he said softly, “I’m not getting dragged into anything.  When something happens to someone you deeply care about, you become involved.  It’s that simple.” 

Cheondoong felt a flare of frustration in his chest.  “Getting involved can have consequences,” he replied, thinking of his sister, “Sometimes those consequences could be life-changing.”

“But Cheondoong,” Seungho said quietly, “Do you think your sister would’ve have acted differently if she were given a second chance?”  He looked Cheondoong in the eyes and said softly, “I think she still would have jumped in with both feet; that was the kind of woman she was.”

Cheondoong suppressed his urge to argue and stood.  “What’s done is done, there’s no point in dwelling over what might have been,” he said, “I just wanted to remind you that the consequences of getting involved aren’t always pretty.”

Seungho was silent for a brief moment before he stood.  Beside him, Joon stood as well, though his eyes remained downcast.  “It’s difficult for you to understand,” Seungho sighed, “And until you have someone in your life again that you so desperately care about, I doubt that you will.”  With a shake of his head, he took Joon’s hand and led him to the door.

Cheondoong clenched his teeth to prevent himself from retorting something he would later regret.  Following the two to the door, he nodded to them curtly before closing the door behind them with a soft click.  Letting out a big sigh of frustration, he shuffled back to his bed and flopped down on it like a limp rag.

Things just weren’t getting any better; he had assumed could only get better after his mother’s funeral.  Instead, it was one thing after another… and now he was being left behind again at the agency.  First his sister, then his mother… and now this.  All of his hopes for Seungho and his sister’s reunion had been dashed too…

Cheondoong couldn’t help the tears that stung at his eyes as he let his thoughts dance across his mind.  Everything seemed so bleak.  What was the point anymore?  He had no one by him to take his side, no one to tell him everything was going to be okay.  So what was the point in trying anymore?  For whom was he doing all of this for?

The shrill sound of his ringtone brought him out of his self-pity.  He listened to the sound echoing dulling off the walls of his empty dorm.  Deciding to let it bump to voicemail, he closed his eyes and let himself be consumed by his loneliness.  But once again, his cellphone interrupted his self-pity session and brought him back to the dorm.  

Sniffling and wiping his eyes in annoyance, he pulled the phone from his pocket and glared at the screen.  It was Bang Chulyong.  Blinking, he stared at the screen as his phone continued to ring.  Why would he be calling?  They rarely contacted each other though they had seen each other only just two weeks ago on the night that Cheondoong had discovered his hyungs showering.  They weren’t very close but they were friends… right?  Lost in his irrelevant thoughts, Cheondoong watched as the call got bumped to voicemail again.  But before he could pocket the phone and return to his wallowing, the phone rang yet again.  And again, it was Chulyong.

Curious, Cheondoong cleared his throat and picked up the call.  “What?” he asked, feeling too exhausted to greet his caller.

“Hyung,” came Chulyong’s panicked and shaken voice, “Hyung, thank goodness you picked up!  Hyung… oh God, hyung…”

“What?” Cheondoong asked, sitting upright this time, “What’s wrong?”

“Hyung,” Chulyong said, his voice quivering, “I don’t know what to do!  They said it’s too early; it’s premature!  And she was bleeding on the way-”  His voice cracked as he spoke incoherently into the mouthpiece.

Cheondoong’s eyes widened as he suddenly sprung to his feet.  “Which hospital?” he asked, grabbing his jacket and keys, “You’re at the hospital right?”  His heart raced in his chest as his thoughts suddenly flew to his conversation he’d had with Chulyong just two weeks ago.  Son Jinju, the pregnant girl that had been disowned and staying with Chulyong... she must’ve had problems with her pregnancy.

“I’m at the university hospital,” Chulyong said shakily, “She’s been in the emergency room for ten minutes already-”

“I’m on my way,” Cheondoong said before hanging up the call.  Clambering down the stairs, he pushed through the front doors and out onto the streets.  Instantly, several reporters flocked him before they realized he wasn’t who they were waiting for.  Pushing past them, he jogged a few steps out to the street and flagged down a taxi.

The ride to the university hospital seemed to take much longer than it should have.  Fortunately, the roads were clear of evening traffic and the ride was smooth.  Dashing out to the front reception, Cheondoong asked the nurse for directions to the emergency ward.  Blushing briefly, the nurse pointed to her left and flashed him a shy smile.

His mind blank, Cheondoong jogged down the hallway and rounded the corner to the emergency ward.  Spotting a sign up ahead, he zigzagged his way across other patients and staff and finally arrived at one of the emergency rooms.

He spotted Chulyong sitting bent forward with his hands clasped together in front of him as if he was praying.  His hands were covered in what looked like dried blood and his hair was dampened with sweat.  His face was ghostly pale and his eyes were closed tightly as he muttered under his breath.

“Chulyong-ah,” Cheondoong called as he walked up to him and crouched down to meet his eyes, “You okay?”

Chulyong’s eyes fluttered open and instantly filled with tears as his gaze landed on Cheondoong.  “Hyung!” he called before bursting into a fountain of snot and tears, “What if the baby doesn’t survive?  What if Jinju-shi dies?  What am I going to do?”  

“Yah,” Cheondoong said softly, pulling him into a hug and rocking him back and forth soothingly, “Don’t say scary stuff like that.  She’s got doctors in there doing everything they can…”  He couldn’t bring himself to tell the poor kid that everything would be okay.  What if everything didn’t turn out okay?  What if, God forbid, something really did happen to Jinju and her baby?  

“But what if that isn’t enough,” Chulyong said, his voice muffled by Cheondoong’s shoulder, “People die all the time in hospitals-”

“It…” Cheondoong said hesitantly, “It’ll be okay.”  He clamped his mouth shut as he listened to his own words.  Was it okay to tell him this, even if it might not be true?  But as he wondered, he felt Chulyong nod against him.  Again, he said tentatively, “Everything… will be okay.”  And like magic, Chulyong nodded again and seemed to calm down a bit.  

“Right,” Chulyong said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, “It’ll be okay.”  He nodded softly as he let out a breath.  As he spoke, his eyes filled again with hot tears that spilled over onto his pale cheeks like a waterfall.

“You idiot,” Cheondoong murmured softly, “Why’d you have to get involved?”  He shook his head and ruffled Chulyong’s hair. 

“I like her, hyung,” Chulyong said softly, staring at his bloodied hands, “And even if I didn’t… I still would have wanted to help.  She got disowned by her parents… the very people who should have been supportive of her no matter what.”

“It wasn’t your business to help her,” Cheondoong sighed, thinking back to his conversation with Seungho and Joon, “It was her own family problem.  What are you going to do now that you’re involved?”

Chulyong looked up at him with determination in his eyes.  “It stopped being her family problem the moment I decided to let her stay at my place,” he said softly, “I didn’t help because I wanted something from her…” He paused and laughed briefly.  “No, that’s kind of a lie,” he murmured, “I wanted a girlfriend so I guess that counts as something.”  Shaking his head, he sighed and leaned back in the chair.  “Even if something happens to her now, I’ll take care of her baby,” he said softly.

Cheondoong’s eyes widened as he sat up straight and stared at him.  “You’ll what?” he said, appalled by his friend’s decision.

“And if something happens to the baby,” Chulyong continued as if he didn’t hear, “I’ll take care of her and help her get better.”

“Chulyong-ah,” Cheondoong said, placing a hand on the latter’s shoulder and giving him a squeeze, “You-”

“And if,” Chulyong whispered, his lip quivering, “If something happens to them both, I’ll give her a proper burial and visit her parents in her place.”

“Yah!” Cheondoong said, standing.  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing; where did Chulyong get the confidence to say things like that?  When he was, in no way, shape, or form tied to Son Jinju?  “Are you out of your mind?” he asked, “I know you care about her but do I need to remind you that you are neither her husband nor the father of her baby?”

Chulyong looked at him, his eyes wide as if he was realizing this for the first time.  “But hyung,” he said softly, “I already told you… I like her.”

“What does that have to do with you raising her kid or visiting her parents?” Cheondoong asked, feeling frustrations well up inside of him.  Why couldn’t they understand?  Why did they all get involved in things they shouldn’t have been?  If Chulyong got himself involved with Son Jinju, what would happen to his life?  Would he move back to the countryside to raise a kid that wasn’t even his?  

“Because that’s what you do for people you like,” Chulyong said softly, looking at his hands, “I want to do things for her.  And… if that means raising her kid then…”

“Yah, you fool,” Cheondoong said angrily, “Have you even thought about your parents?  What would they think?  They’re barely able to keep you in school; where are you going to get the money to raise a kid?!”  Why… why couldn’t any of them understand that things sometimes don’t turn out okay?  That the consequences of getting involved could far outweigh the benefits?

“I know,” Chulyong replied, “I know that it won’t be easy.  I’ll quit school and find a job-”

“That’s irresponsible,” Cheondoong said angrily, “You’re forsaking all the effort your parents put into sending you to school!  For what?  A girl you barely know and a kid that doesn’t belong to you?”

Chulyong suddenly stood and looked at him with both shock and disappointment.  He was silent as he looked back at Cheondoong with furrowed brows.  “If that kid doesn’t belong to me,” he asked, “Then who will it belong to?”  He shook his head and said softly, “You don’t understand.  If I don’t take care of that kid, who will?”

“Whoever wants to,” Cheondoong said, trying to get his message across, “It’s not your burden to take.  If you quit school, you could ruin the rest of your life!”

“Maybe, but I would have done what I wanted to do,” Chulyong said, “I like Son Jinju… so I’m going to do everything I can for her.  Isn’t… isn’t that simple?”  He looked at Cheondoong with a questioning look.

Cheondoong fell silent as he looked back at the foolish boy.  He said the same thing Seungho had said.  Why… why did they say the same thing?  Was he missing something himself?  Why did both Chulyong and Seungho run headfirst into a mess that just didn’t belong to them?  Why would they risk everything for someone that wasn’t even family?

“I don’t understand,” Cheondoong said softly, sitting back down and shaking his head, “I just… don’t understand.”  But as he sat there, beside Chulyong, he felt a sliver of jealousy in the pit of his stomach.  

He couldn’t understand why Seungho and Chulyong were doing the things they were doing.  Both claimed it was simply a matter of caring and affection.  Was he so out of touch that he couldn’t remember what it felt like to do something for someone he liked simply because he’d wanted to?  Why had his sister been thinking when she’d decided to help Joon escape?  What was Seungho thinking when he’d decided to kick down the door of Jang Hyunwoo’s drug house and drag a lackey back to the police station with him?  And what was Chulyong thinking now as they waited for the doctors to save Son Jinju’s life?  What did they feel that made them act in such a way?  And why couldn’t Cheondoong feel what they were feeling?

Leaning back and closing his eyes, Cheondoong sighed as he felt the sliver of jealousy grow.  And once again, he felt like an outsider looking in.  Once again… he was alone in his thoughts.

Author's notes:

Sorry for the looooooong pause!  Dealing with a lot of real-life deliverables at the moment.  I can't promise to update again in a few days but I'll try to keep it to a week max!  Thank you to my readers for being patient!  This chapter wasn't the most exciting but I felt like I was neglecting Doongie so I thought I needed to express his frustrations!