Joon sat in silence as Seungho fiddled around in the kitchen.  He watched as Seungho rummaged through the fridge and pulled out whatever they had.  Rolling up his sleeves, he began preparing a makeshift dinner.

After Cheondoong left, Seungho had insisted they finish their shower and get some dinner.  Joon knew Seungho had been deeply affected by what Cheondoong had said but still, the latter put on a smile and reassured him that things would be alright.  The tenderness Seungho had shown at the time made Joon feel protected and loved.  But now, as he sat there watching Seungho cut up some cabbage, he felt the guilt return.

Joon knew, and understood, that Cheondoong’s words were fueled by exhaustion and his mother’s death.  But still, Joon couldn’t help but wonder how much of it was how Cheondoong truly felt.  Cheondoong wouldn’t have said those things if there wasn’t even a little bit of truth to it… right? 

Joon dropped his gaze to his hands and bit his lip.  It was true… if Dara hadn’t gotten involved in his problem; she never would’ve been in that accident.  She’d be awake and well, not unconscious in a hospital ward.  And Cheondoong’s mother… was he the reason she’d committed suicide?  He knew that leaving the house would cause problems but he did it anyway.  And Seungho…

“I haven’t cooked in a while,” Seungho said, interrupting his dark thoughts, “So you’ll just have to settle.”  He walked over with a plate of vegetables and set it on the table.  Taking the two steaming bowls of rice, he brought them over and set one in front of Joon.  “Stop thinking what you’re thinking,” he said softly, his eyes gentle and almost pleading, “I told you… he only said those things because he’s been through too much in such a short time.”  He slid a pair of chopsticks between Joon’s fingers and said with a small smile, “He’ll come around.  Until then, we need to eat.” 

Joon looked at him, his chest overfilled with emotion.  He wanted to believe those words so badly.  He wanted to believe that he wasn’t the reason the people around him were hurt.  He wanted to believe that he wasn’t the one causing them pain.  But in reality…

Joon nodded, and put a smile on his face.  Regardless of what he believed, he needed to stop moping.  Even if he couldn’t entirely dismiss his dark thoughts, he would put on a bright smile for Seungho because that was the only way Seungho would feel better. 

“I know you’re feeling bad,” Seungho murmured, scooping some vegetables into Joon’s bowl, “But what Cheondoong said about you making me into a deviant… it’s certainly not true.”  He smiled and propped his chin up with a hand.  “I was the one who kissed you first, remember?” he asked, nudging the bowl towards Joon, “When you told me you liked me… I was the one that kissed you first.  And even now, I’m the one that usually initiates our y times.” 

Joon blinked, taken aback by his words.  “Tha-That’s not true,” he said, “I’ve… I’ve initiated…”  Surely Seungho didn’t think he was doing all the work? 

“I don’t think you like me as much as I like you,” Seungho teased, scooping some rice into his mouth, “I definitely don’t get enough y time.”

Joon’s jaw dropped as he blinked at Seungho.  “Wha-That’s…” he said, “That’s not true!  We… we’re always having… y time!  I… that’s…”

Seungho chuckled and bit a piece of carrot.  “I was only kidding,” he said, “But I definitely wouldn’t mind more y time…”

Joon picked up his bowl, and gave Seungho a deadpan look.  “If we had more y time, that’s all we’d be doing,” he scoffed, scooping some rice into his mouth, “Besides, I’m starting to think that’s all you want from me…”

Seungho choked on his rice and looked at him with wide eyes.  “Wha-?” he said, swallowing a mouthful of food, “That’s… You don’t actually…”

“I was kidding,” Joon teased, picking up some more vegetables, “But…” He paused and looked at Seungho, whose cheeks were stuffed with food.  “Are you okay?” Joon asked softly.

Seungho paused mid-chew and looked at him.  Swallowing the food, he gave Joon a small smile and said, “Yeah.  I’m… Of course I’m concerned about what he thinks of us now but…”  He sighed and smiled.  “Cheondoong’s a good kid,” he said, “He’ll come around.”

Joon nodded and resumed eating.  He was sure there were a lot of unspoken hopes in Seungho’s words; Seungho believed with all his heart that Cheondoong would come around.  As silence fell again between then, Joon hoped, for Seungho’s sake, that Cheondoong would too.

“So…” Chulyong said, sitting down next to Cheondoong on the park bench, “What’s up?”  He handed Cheondoong a can of soda and cracked open his own.  “Not that I’m worried or anything but the only time you’ve ever called me was…” he paused and scratched his head, “Actually, you never call me.  What’s up with that?”

“You were right,” Cheondoong said, sighing and pulling on his tie.  He was still dressed in his funeral clothes, and the tie had become restricting around his neck. 

“Of course I was,” Chulyong said, sipping his soda, “About what?”  He glanced at Cheondoong and raised an eyebrow.

“Seungho-hyung… and Joonie-hyung,” Cheondoong said, leaning back against the park bench and staring at the can of soda in his hands, “They’re…”  It was difficult for him to say the word, but Chulyong waited, almost as if on purpose, for him to spit it out.  “They’re together,” he said irritably, “As in romantically, okay?” 

“Hmm,” Chulyong said, an I-told-you-so smirk playing at his lips, “I’m never wrong about those things.  I’m good at reading people.”  He nodded as he tooted his own horn.  “And you got so mad too,” he shook his head dramatically, “You should’ve listen-”

“Yeah, I got it,” Cheondoong snapped, frowning.  When Chulyong shrugged his shoulders, Cheondoong sighed heavily again and rubbed his eyes.  “Now what?” he muttered, “What am I supposed to do now?”

“What do you mean?” Chulyong asked, “And I’ve been meaning to ask, why are you dressed all… you know, formal and stuff?”  He raised an eyebrow and gave Cheondoong’s clothes an eye.

Cheondoong glanced at him and paused before saying, “I… was at a funeral today.”  He hadn’t told Chulyong about his mother, though he wasn’t sure why.  It hadn’t occurred to him to call and tell him…

“Oh wow,” Chulyong said, all playfulness disappearing, “I’m sorry…”  He fell into an awkward silence as he scratched his head again.  “Er… were you close?” he asked, unsure of what else to say.

“It was my mother’s funeral,” Cheondoong said quietly, feeling a familiar sense of panic and emptiness return.  In the hour since fleeing from Seungho’s apartment, he had almost forgotten about everything that’s happened in the past week.

“Oh wow,” Chulyong said, his eyes widening to saucers, “I did not know that.  I’m really sorry for the loss…”  He trailed off and leaned back on the bench.  He stared in front of him, his face a mix of emotions.

“Thank you,” Cheondoong said, swallowing the lump in his throat, “I… I should have told you.  It didn’t occur to me…”

“Yeah, you should have,” Chulyong said, surprising Cheondoong, “But it’s not about me, hyung.  Although I really wish you would’ve told me, I’m more concerned about how you’re holding up.  I didn’t really want to say it but… you look terrible.”  Chulyong sighed and frowned at Cheondoong.  “And… I guess you just found out about your hyungs huh?” he asked, shaking his head.

“Yeah,” Cheondoong said, thankful for the understanding.  He only just realized that it must’ve been hurtful for Chulyong to find out such important news after the funeral.  “I’m… a mess right now,” he admitted, “I don’t know what I should do.”

“There’s really nothing for you to do, is there?” Chulyong said, leaning back again and looking at Cheondoong with confusion, “What’s going between your hyungs has nothing to do with you, am I right?  All you need to do is keep being their dongsaeng.”

Cheondoong gaped at him, his jaw open at a loss for words.  “Keep…” he said, “How can I do that when I know that they’re… that…”  He shook his head in disbelief.  “How do you expect me to pretend as if nothing wrong is happening-” he said but was abruptly cut off.

“Wrong?” Chulyong interrupted, raising an eyebrow, “What do you mean by wrong?  So they’re in love with each other… how is that a problem?”  He took a swig of his soda and cocked his head to the side.  “I’m… not sure I understand your problem right now,” he said, scratching his head.

“What do you mean?” Cheondoong asked, completely thrown off by Chulyong’s attitude, “They are in love!  With each other!”

“And…?” Chulyong raised an eyebrow.

“And…” Cheondoong continued but trailed off.  And what?  Sure he had hoped that Seungho would get back together with his sister one day, but if he put that aside…

“I hope you’re not saying that the problem is because they’re both men,” Chulyong said, his face serious, “Because if you are, that’s actually quite a homophobic thing to say… and that’s not something I expect from you.”

Cheondoong fell silent as he gazed back at Chulyong.  He felt… irritated that Chulyong would call him homophobic.  But on the other hand… why was it a problem?  Putting aside his hopes for his sister, was there really a problem?  Other than how other people might see his hyungs?

“They’re not hurting anyone,” Chulyong said, “And they’re happy.  Where’s the problem?”  He sighed and looked up at the sky.  “I come from the countryside and, trust me, traditional values are emphasized way more than the city,” he said quietly, “City people think the countryside is peaceful and boring…”  He scoffed and shook his head.  “I’ve seen my fair share of bad things,” he sighed, “Especially when it stems from intolerance.”

“Intolerance…” Cheondoong repeated, his own mind muddled with confusion.  Was he acting out of intolerance?  He knew he was upset about this but he couldn’t logically explain a reason for it.

“I can understand your initial reaction,” Chulyong said, “It can be surprising if that wasn’t what you were expecting but… if you’re still upset because you refuse to open up your mind then…”  He stood and downed the last of his soda.  “Then you’re not the hyung I thought you were,” Chulyong said simply, “But I told you right… I’m usually not wrong about these things.”

“Why are you so…” Cheondoong said, struggling to find the word, “So okay with everything?”

Chulyong shrugged and slipped his hands into his jean pockets.  “I told you; I’ve seen some bad go down in the countryside because of intolerance and hate.  It just didn’t make sense to me to persecute someone for doing something that isn’t harmful and makes them happy,” he said nonchalantly, “That and… I read fanfiction, remember?”  He grinned and wiggled his brows.  “There’s a giant fandom of people out there who write about gay fiction,” he said, “Occasionally, I come across one of those in my reads.”  

Cheondoong blinked as he gazed at Chulyong with awe.  He hadn’t expected much help from the latter when he’d called him to the park but… this conversation had been rather eye-opening.  And although he still had difficulties accepting Seungho and Joon’s relationship, he was beginning to see where he could start in this road to acceptance.

Chulyong stretched and yawned.  “I’m going to head home,” he said, “Jinju’s been staying at my place... remember her?”

Cheondoong blinked at the sudden change of topic.  Jinju… “The pregnant girl?” Cheondoong asked, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline.  Last he remembered, she dropped out of school after being pressured by the school and her parents.  He had heard something about an abortion but…

“Yeah,” Chulyong said, nodding, “After she dropped out, her parents tried to force her into getting an abortion.  She didn’t want to…”  He sighed and scratched his head.  “We sort of became friends after I exposed that of a guy who’d gotten her pregnant,” he said, referring to the PA incident, “And since her family disowned her, she’s been staying with me.”  

Cheondoong’s eyes widened as he looked back at Chulyong.  “You didn’t tell me that,” he said, frowning.  

“Yeah…” Chulyong said sheepishly, “Slipped my mind too.”  He sighed heavily and shuffled a foot against the gravel.  “Her parents think she’s a disgrace for getting pregnant in high school,” he said, shaking his head, “She wanted to keep the baby though so…”

“So what?” Cheondoong asked, standing up as well and stretching, “You’re going to help her raise it?”  He raised an eyebrow at Chulyong.  “Last I checked,” he said, “You were a scrawny teenager with no money living on your parents’ allowance.”

“Thanks,” Chulyong replied sarcastically, “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.  But Jinju… she’s nice you know?”

“And… what?  Eight months?  Eight months pregnant,” Cheondoong said in a flat voice, “The best way to help her would be to get her to reconcile with her family.  You can’t take care of a girl and a baby; you can barely take care of yourself.”

“I know, I know,” Chulyong said irritably, “I just… haven’t figured things out yet.”

Cheondoong shook his head and let out a laugh.  “It’s like you to take on a problem that’s not your own,” he said, “The baby’s not even yours.”

“Well the baby’s daddy isn’t going to jump in and help any time soon,” Chulyong scoffed, “Anyway, I’ll figure something out.”  His face became serious as he looked at Cheondoong again.  “I’m really sorry for what’s happened with your mother…” he said, “And I hope you work something out with yourself about your hyungs’ relationship.”

“Yeah,” Cheondoong said, sighing, “Me too.  Let me know if… you know, you need any help with Jinju-shi.”

“Will do,” Chulyong said, waving as he walked away.

As Cheondoong watched Chulyong jog towards the nearest bus stop, he sighed and his heels too towards the dorms.  As he walked, he contemplated his conversation and the near scolding he’d received from Chulyong about his homophobic actions.

His initial reaction had been shock but what followed very quickly was a sense of denial and betrayal.  The biggest reason for these was because he had so desperately wanted Seungho to get back together with his sister.  When he’d first heard that Seungho was in town, it had been as if he’d found a long lost family member.  At the time, Dara had been knee-deep in Joon’s troubles and Cheondoong had just gotten out of his drug habit.  It had brought him so much hope but now…

He shivered, despite the warm spring weather as he rounded the corner and spotted the KTA building and the dorm.  He had said some terrible things to Joon and he definitely felt regretful of them.  But… he couldn’t deny that he’d felt that some of it was true.  If Dara hadn’t gotten involved, she wouldn’t be in a coma in the hospital right now.  And if his mother had never picked Joon up, she would never have become what she ended up as.  And if Seungho had never met Joon…

Cheondoong shook his head as he felt guilt seep in to him.  None of it was Joon’s fault; things just happened that way.  He knew this and understood it, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of needing to blame someone for all the terrible things that’s happened.  He felt overwhelmed by the emotions and just wished that, for once, it would all go away.

The ten minute walk to the dorm seemed to take forever.  But as Cheondoong stepped inside and began climbing the stairs, he knew one thing was certain; he had to find out who Lee Joon really was.  And maybe then, he could finally untie the knot of accusation in his heart.

Author's notes:

Another one!  This one was more of a sense-making chapter for Cheondoong!  More action and surprise in the next chapter!  Stay tuned for possibly another side story!!