Cheondoong stepped out of the elevator and walked up to Seungho’s door.  Knocking gently, he shifted the weight of the bag of fruit in his hands as he waited. 

He was going to tell Seungho about his plans today.  After a week of back and forth with Hyunsik and KTA, he was finally going to be signed on as a talent in training.  Hyunsik had pulled some strings and helped him work around his school hours so that he could still graduate with his high school diploma.  He wouldn’t receive any income until he debuted and even then, his salary would depend on his popularity.  Hyunsik had warned him of the time commitments but he didn’t care; he wanted to do this for his sister, Seungho, and Joon. 

The door swung open as Seungho peeked out.  “Oh, Cheondoong-ah,” he said, letting him in, “You’re here?”

“Mmn hyung,” Cheondoong said as he kicked off his shoes.  He shuffled inside and set the fruit on the floor.  Spotting Joon in the living room, he walked over and bowed as Joon stood.  “Joonie-hyung,” Cheondoong said, “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Joon replied, smiling shyly, “Tea?”  When Cheondoong nodded in response, he ran off to the kitchen to prepare it.

“Don’t be so polite,” Seungho said, shaking his head at Joon, “We’re not really strangers.”  He motioned for Cheondoong to sit as he took a seat himself.  “You sounded nervous on the phone,” he said, “What did you want to talk about?”

Cheondoong cleared his throat and glanced at the kitchen, where Joon was still hiding out in shyness.  “Hyung,” he said in a quiet voice, “I… signed up with KTA.”  He searched Seungho’s face for signs of disapproval.  As he’d expected, Seungho’s eyes widened in surprise before his face settled into a deep frown.  “Hear me out,” Cheondoong said quickly as Seungho opened his mouth.  When the latter nodded, he continued.  “I… I want to help out with the finances,” he said quietly, “I know you’re wary of the entertainment industry but it’s the fastest way to earn some good money.  We’re hurting for it right now and it’s really the only way I can help.”

“The best way you can help,” Seungho said, “Is to focus on your studies and get into a good university.  Your sister gave up her university education because of your father’s condition and the financial state that you guys were in.  She’d be heartbroken to hear that you’re quitting school to join KTA.” 

“I-I know,” Cheondoong said, “I’m not giving up high school, hyung.”  He sighed and shifted in his seat.  “Hyunsik-hyung is going to help me work my schedule around school so I can still graduate,” he said, “It’s just that once I’m done…”

“You’re going to give up on going to university,” Seungho finished for him with a deep frown.  “Doong-ah,” he said, using Cheondoong’s nickname, “You have the grades to get into a good university easily.  Don’t give that up for money.” 

“But hyung,” Cheondoong protested as Seungho sighed, “It’s not just for money.  I want to help; I need to help.  Especially with Joonie-hyung’s…” He trailed off as he glanced at the kitchen.  “Especially now,” he said, “If anything, I can always pursue a university degree later.”

Cheondoong waited as Seungho fell silent.  Although it wasn’t required to sign the contract, he had wanted Seungho’s approval before moving forward.  He considered Seungho as the only family he still had outside of his sister.  He had long since given up on his mother, who remained holed up in her house even six months after her daughter’s accident.

“Tea…” Joon said as he brought out a pot.  Setting it down gently, he got up to grab cups. 

“I’ll grab the cups,” Seungho said, getting up, “You sit.”  With that, he walked off into the kitchen. 

Joon sat on the floor as they waited for Seungho to return.  He sat with his legs tucked underneath him as he laid his casted hand on the coffee table.

“Are… are you doing okay?” Cheondoong asked, looking at Joon briefly before averting his gaze.  He had only visited the hospital a few times after the first.  Although he’d felt guilty, he had avoided visiting simply because Joon’s injuries reminded him too much of his sister’s injuries right after the accident.  And although Joon looked much better now, looking at him still made Cheondoong feel a little queasy in the stomach.

“Yes,” Joon said, “I’m doing better.  I heard that you helped the police find me… thank you.”  He looked at his cast shyly.

Cheondoong nodded as silence fell between them.  Fortunately, Seungho returned with the mugs and poured them the tea. 

Sitting down, Seungho was silent as he stared at his cup.  He glanced at Cheondoong before looking at Joon.  Sighing, he set down the cup and turned to Cheondoong.  “If that’s what you want to do,” he said, “Then I won’t stop you.  I just… I wish you’d reconsider.”

Joon looked at him in puzzlement.  He then glanced at Cheondoong before he suddenly realized something.  “Ah,” he said bashfully, “I’ll just…”  He stood from his seat and was about to make his way to the bedroom before Seungho grabbed his hand and stopped him.

“Stay,” he said softly, looking at Joon, “Actually, I need to tell you something too.”

Cheondoong watched as the two shared a meaningful look.  Again, he felt an undercurrent of tension between the two that had been present during their last visit to Dara.  At that time too, when Seungho had talked about moving Dara in with him, there had been a strange tension between the two that could not be explained.  Mir had also noticed too, except his explanation had been absolutely ludicrous.  Still… Cheondoong couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something Seungho and Joon were hiding from him.

Joon nodded and sat back down on the floor.  He looked at Seungho in puzzlement as he waited.

Seungho sighed and turned to him.  His expression softened greatly as he looked at Joon and said, “I didn’t want to tell you until I heard back from Hyunsik-hyung but… KTA has decided to cancel your contract.”  He paused, as Joon’s eyes widened.  “Hyunsik-hyung said he would try and work things out but considering I haven’t heard from him in over two weeks, I’m guessing nothing could be done.”

“I’m…” Joon said, glancing at Cheondoong quickly before turning back to Seungho, “I’m cut?”  When Seungho nodded in response, he took in a shaky breath and looked at his tea.  “When… when did you find out?” he murmured, looking back up at Seungho with big eyes.

Seungho his lips before he replied, “Since Hyunsik-hyung visited us that day.  I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…”

Joon shook his head and fell silent briefly before he turned to Cheondoong.  “You… you knew too?” he asked.

Cheondoong felt a sliver of guilt run through him as Joon looked at him will soulful eyes.  He did know but on Seungho’s request, he had kept silent.  He nodded guiltily as Joon looked at his tea again.

“I asked him not to tell,” Seungho said, “Joon-ah…”

“I’m not mad,” Joon said quickly, “I... had already guessed something like this could happen.  After all, I’m…”  He trailed off, looking crestfallen.  He sighed and asked, “How much longer can we last on savings?  I can see if the café will take me back-”

“That’s actually why I’m here,” Cheondoong interjected as Seungho shook his head fierce at Joon, “I was just telling Seungho-hyung that I signed with KTA.”  He bit his lip in guilt as Joon looked at him with wide eyes.  “It’s not to replace you,” Cheondoong said quickly, “I just… I wanted to help financially.  You’ve taken on all of the burden so far; I wanted to return the favour.” 

Joon looked at Seungho, who had settled into a frown.  “But… what about school?” he asked.

“I’ll still graduate high school,” Cheondoong reassured him, “I just won’t go to university.”

Joon bit his lip and let the news sink in.  He looked at his cast again, his fingers scratching the rough surface absentmindedly.  “I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I’m…”

“Don’t be,” Cheondoong said quickly, “It’s my own choice.”

“When do you start?” Seungho asked.  He looked a bit defeated as he sipped his tea.

“In a few days once the paperwork goes through,” he said, “I won’t be around as much so if you can take of noona for me…”  He trailed off as he looked at Seungho with a bit of hope.  Once he began his life as a trainee, he’ll have almost no time to visit his sister.  Although he didn’t like the idea, he hoped that it could be a chance for Seungho to rediscover his feelings.  And maybe then, he’ll come back to them and really become a part of their family…

Cheondoong blinked however, as Seungho glanced at Joon quickly before giving him a smile.  “I will,” Seungho said, “Don’t I always?”  He sipped his tea as Joon did the same.

Cheondoong looked between the two, his senses tingling.  He suddenly felt uncomfortable with the atmosphere.  He remembered what Mir had told him.  There was no way that was possible… right?  Not Seungho… Cheondoong still firmly believed that Seungho was still in love with his sister.  And all else aside, there was just absolutely no way that he would ever be attracted to a man right?  It didn’t make sense.  And yet…

As the three sat there in an awkward silence, Cheondoong couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread as he looked back and forth between his two hyungs.  It wasn’t possible… right?

“Are you upset?” Seungho asked as he sat across from Joon on the couch.  Cheondoong suddenly up and left them a few minutes ago, leaving Joon and Seungho in their own awkward silence.

“No,” Joon said, picking at his cast.  He avoided Seungho’s gaze as a small frown creased his brows.

“Liar,” Seungho said, placing a hand on Joon’s fingers, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”  He tipped Joon’s chin upwards so he could look him in the eye.  “I didn’t want you to get hurt,” he said softly, “You were already feeling upset about your body…”

“I know,” Joon said, sighing, “I’m really not mad.  I’m just… I just hate this.”  He bit his lip in frustration as he resumed picking at his cast.  “I can’t do anything myself because of this thing,” he picked at his cast angrily, “I can’t help around the house, my body has become so disgusting, and now… I can’t even help earn money.”  He sighed in frustration as tears stung his eyes.  “I just… hate this so much,” he said softly.

Seungho felt his heartstrings tug as he watched Joon stew in his own frustrations.  A week had passed since they’ve returned home from the hospital.  Although Joon was still experiencing nightmares, they were beginning to lessen in severity and frequency.  The first night had been rough, but Joon had pushed through it with a brave smile on his face.  He still flinched occasionally when Seungho touched him but he was getting better much faster than Seungho had originally predicted. 

He knew Joon was trying hard but he was worried that Joon was trying too hard.  Emotional healing, like the physical, took time.  Emotional wounds usually took longer than physical wounds to heal.  But at the rate that Joon was going… Seungho was worried about repercussions.

“Joon-ah,” he said gently, taking Joon’s left hand into his, “I know you’re frustrated but everything takes time.”  He scooted closer until their knees were touching.  “Please stop putting all the responsibility on yourself,” he said, “Right now, the only one you have is to stay home and heal.”  When Joon didn’t respond, he sighed and said, “Quite frankly, I’m glad KTA let you go.”  When Joon looked up with a frown, he said, “Now you can spend more time at home with me and we can actually have dinner again… together.”

Joon’s expression softened as he nodded.  “But now I can’t cook,” he said stubbornly, glaring at his cast.

“That’s probably a good thing,” Seungho chuckled as Joon gave him a flat look.  Slowly, he leaned inwards and puckered his lips teasingly.  To his surprise, Joon closed the distance and placed a soft kiss on his lips. 

Seungho was caught off guard as Joon wrapped an arm around his neck and leaned forward, pushing him onto his back.  He felt Joon’s tongue flicker across his lips, asking for entry.  Closing his eyes, Seungho let himself be kissed as Joon crawled over him and sat on his lap.  Soon, the two of them were panting heavily from their heated kisses.

“Joon-ah,” Seungho said, breaking apart.  He felt his stomach burn with lust but was unsure as to where to put his hands.  He wanted to touch Joon so badly but his mind stopped him in fear of scaring Joon.  Taking a hold of Joon’s hand, he said, “We shouldn’t-”

“I want to,” Joon murmured, leaning his forehead against Seungho’s, “I… I want to.”

“Isn’t it too soon?” Seungho replied as Joon kissed his jawline.  He felt his control snapping as Joon trailed butterfly kisses down his neck.  “Joon-ah,” he said hoarsely as he felt Joon’s hand trail down his chest, “It’s only been a month… it’s too soon-”

“No, it’s not,” Joon interrupted, nuzzling into Seungho’s collarbone, “I’m ready.  I want to do this, hyung.”  He looked up at Seungho with pleading eyes.  “Please,” he whispered, “Please…”

Seungho searched Joon’s face for any sign of hesitance.  He wanted to… he was dying to hold Joon again but he wouldn’t do it if Joon was even the least bit hesitant.  He still thought everything was moving much too fast but a part of him jumped for joy at how quickly Joon was healing.  If… if Joon really wanted it…

“Are you absolutely sure?” Seungho asked, sitting back up again, “The last thing I want is to hurt you.”  He cupped Joon’s face with his hand and brushed a thumb over Joon’s cheek.  

“I know,” Joon said, leaning into his touch, “I’m sure.  I want this…”  He turned and placed a gentle kiss into the palm of Seungho’s hands.  “You…” he said quietly, “You don’t want to?”

“I told you,” Seungho replied, his heart filled with emotion, “I want you so badly but I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Joon replied, placing a hand over Seungho’s, “You won’t…”  Again, he leaned forward and placed another kiss on Seungho’s swollen lips.  

Throwing his uncertainty out the window, Seungho responded to the kiss with his own inner fire.  He felt Joon’s tongue probe his mouth and returned it with some probing of his own.  He cupped Joon’s face with both hands and retuned the kiss passionately, eliciting a small sigh from Joon.

Breaking apart, Seungho searched Joon’s face again for any regret.  Finding none, he leaned in again and placed soft kisses along Joon’s jaw.  As he lowered his lips, he felt Joon’s breath hitch.  He felt the fast beat of Joon’s heart as he pressed his lips against Joon’s neck.  Gently, he ed the first two buttons of Joon’s shirt and trailed his kisses to Joon’s collarbone.  

Seungho felt his lust flare as Joon let out a soft moan.  Raising his head, he looked into Joon’s big doe eyes.  “Was that okay?” Seungho asked, brushing the bangs out of Joon’s face.  How could he be so attracted to someone?  Was it possible to be this addicted?

Timidly, Joon nodded.

“Can I continue?” Seungho murmured, brushing a thumb across Joon’s cheek.  He wanted to push the boy down, to place kisses over every single remaining bruise and scar.  He wanted to make him pant with pleasure, and scream his name.  But all of that could only be possible if Joon wanted it too.

Again, Joon nodded, looking at him timidly.  To take the initiative, Joon reached out and placed a hand around Seungho’s neck.  He slipped his fingers inside Seunghos hair, twirling the soft strands between his fingers.

Taking that as cue, Seungho leaned forward and placed another kiss on Joon’s soft lips.  He pressed forward slowly until Joon’s head was laid on the armrest of the couch.  Crouching over him, Seungho deepened the kiss and slipped his tongue inside Joon’s mouth.  Joon sighed softly, pulling Seungho closer and shifted so that he was completely on his back. 

As they kissed, Seungho slowly caressed Joon’s shoulders and arms, moving his way down the body.  He felt the gentle rise and fall of Joon’s chest as the latter breathed heavily.  He ran his hands long Joon’s ribs and stopped just short of his belt.  Caught up in his own need and lust, Seungho dipped his fingers underneath the hem of Joon’s shirt without thinking.

It was as if the touch had shocked Joon into his senses.  He flinched violently underneath Seungho and let out a heartbreaking whimper.  Pulling back, Seungho watched in shock as Joon turned his head away from him and raised his left arm defensively over his head.  His breathing quickened and his eyes were clenched shut.  His entire body became stiff as Joon tried to cope with the sudden flood of terror.

Without a second thought, Seungho sat up from his position over him and scooped him up into his arms.  He hugged him tightly as the boy’s shoulders shook.  Shaky breaths escaped from Joon’s lips as Seungho rocked the both of them back and forth, whispering apologies into his ear.  To think that such a small touch could invoke such a strong physical rejection... It was painful to imagine what he had suffered to receive such scars.  He tried to sooth him, murmuring reassurances into Joon's ear while he his back gently.  

"It's okay," Seungho murmured, his neck.  "You're safe.  You're safe..."

Slowly, the shaking stopped and the breathing slowed.  "I'm sorry," Joon murmured.  "I'm sorry..."  

"Don't be," Seungho replied, rocking the both of them back and forth.  "I won't push you.  I'm ready when you are... don't force yourself."

"I want to," Joon said stubbornly, "I just... I want to get better.  I just don't know how."

Seungho fell silent, contemplating his options.  He wanted to touch Joon.  He wanted to love him and show him that wasn't about control and pain.  But how could he do it without further traumatizing him?  

"Joon-ah," he murmured, pulling him up, "I think that... the best way to get better is to push forward.  But... I need to know that you trust me enough to let me lead."  He paused, taking Joon's hand in his and interlacing their fingers together.  "Can you trust me?" he asked softly.

Joon nodded, squeezing his fingers together.  "I trust you.  I want to get better," he said, looking into the other's eyes with hope.

Seungho nodded and leaned against the armrest.  He motioned for Joon to climb on top.  Confused, Joon straddled him, holding onto his shoulders for support.

"If being beneath me scares you, then we can just switch places," Seungho smiled.  He pulled Joon into his arms and pressed their lips together.  "Think only of me," he whispered, trailing kisses down Joon's neck.  "I'm not him.  Say my name..."  

Joon took a shaky breath as he tried to focus.  Softly, he murmured, "Seungho-hyung..."

“Again,” Seungho murmured as he kissed Joon’s throat.

“Seungho-hyung,” Joon said softly, tilting his head up as he felt lips brush his chin.

“Again,” Seungho whispered as he kissed him again and again, “Repeat it…”

“Seungho-hyung,” Joon whispered, closing his eyes.  

Author's notes:

I've began inserting music into my chapters.  They're songs that I believe fit the emotions and scenes in certain chapters.  I've only got one so far (ch 23) but I'll be inserting more.  Chapters with music will have a * next to the chapter number to help you distinguish which ones!  At the end of the story (which is still quite a ways off), I'll compile a list of all the songs into an OST chapter.  For now, please check out the chapters with a * for the music!!