Seungho sighed as wiped off the last of the dishes.  He glanced at the clock; it was nearly 10:00 PM.  Joon should be coming home in another half an hour or so…

It’d been almost three weeks since the two had properly spoken.  With Joon’s busy schedule of often leaving before he woke up and coming home after he’d gone to bed, the two barely had any chances to see each other much less carry a conversation.  Their dialogue mostly consisted of phrases like, “Have you eaten?” and “Oh, you’re back?”.  Their conversations often ended with a “Yes” or a “No”.

Joon had insisted on moving back to the couch and Seungho didn’t try very hard to stop him.  Although he desperately missed the body heat, Seungho knew that sleeping separately was probably for the best.  And although it hadn’t helped in their reconciliation, it had eased the awkwardness slightly when they did see each other.

Seungho wanted things to go back to how they were before they had .  That, he’d convinced himself, was a big mistake.  But the bigger mistake was not fixing things right away and allowing their relationship to become what it’s become.  They no longer laughed around each other.  What was there to laugh about when they barely talked?  Joon was becoming distant and Seungho didn’t blame him.  The distance that they had put between them was growing wider by the day.  If things didn’t fixed soon…

Throwing down the dish rag, Seungho tapped his fingers on the kitchen counter as he contemplated.  He didn’t want things to continue like this.  And while he could barely convince himself that he could live just fine without Joon’s kisses, he knew he couldn’t continue without Joon in his life.  The past few weeks seemed as if life had reverted back to before they’d even met… it had been difficult to go back to life without him.

Making up his mind, Seungho grabbed his jacket and slipped on his shoes.  With quick steps, he jogged to the nearest bus station in time to catch the next bus heading towards KTA.  As the bus rumbled towards headquarters, Seungho mentally ran over the words he would say to Joon when he picked him up. 

He’d apologize; that was long overdue.  And afterwards, he’d suggest going back to life pre-.  And if Joon was up for it, they could move on and pretend as if nothing had ever happened… It wasn’t a great plan but it was the only one he could come up with for now.  And maybe, when things got a little bit better, they could discuss their feelings and try to move on.

As the bus screeched to a stop, Seungho took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself.  It was now or never…

Walking into the reception, he bowed to the clerk at the table.  “Good evening,” he said politely as the clerk nodded back, “I’m a friend of Lee Joon; I’m here to pick him up after he’s finished?”

The clerk nodded and scrolled through her computer.  Picking up the phone, she dialed a number and waited.  “Mun-bujangnim, Lee Joon-shi’s friend…” she covered the mouthpiece and asked Seungho, “What’s your name?”

“Yang Seungho,” Seungho replied quickly as the clerk returned to the phone.

“Lee Joon-shi’s friend, Yang Seungho-shi is here,” she said into the phone.  She waited as the other side replied before nodding with a, “Yes, I understand,” and hanging up the phone.  Turning to Seungho, she gestured to the seats at the waiting area and said, “Mun-bujangnim will be right with you.”

Seungho looked at her in puzzlement.  Nodding, he walked over to a seat and sat down.  Why would Mun Hyunsik come see him?  Maybe he’d wanted to discuss the loan he’d given them?  Either way, Seungho hoped that Joon hadn’t headed home on his own.

Soon, Hyunsik pushed through the glass doors and walked over to him.

“Oh, Yang Seungho-shi,” Hyunsik said, holding out a hand.

Shaking it, Seungho bowed politely and said, “Good evening.”

Hyunsik nodded as he looked Seungho up and down again as he had done the first time they’d met.  “What can I do for you?  Don’t tell me you’ve reconsidered modelling?” he asked hopefully.

“No,” Seungho replied, a bit embarrassed, “I’m here to pick up Lee Joon if he’s done with his schedule…”

Hyunsik looked at him in surprise.  “Eh?  But he was done around eight tonight…” he said slowly, “He… didn’t tell you that?”

Seungho looked at him in surprise.  Joon finished up at 8:00 PM?  That didn’t make sense; he hadn’t gone home yet.  “He finished at eight?” he asked, puzzled, “Did he get off early today?”

Hyunsik contemplated his words before he replied, “Hmm… did something happen between you two?”

Startled, Seungho tried to keep his face blank.  Annoyance started creeping in as Hyunsik stared at him as if he knew something.  “No,” he replied shortly, “Why do you ask?”

Hyunsik shrugged and said, “He obviously didn’t tell you about his schedule change.”

Seungho frowned.  “Schedule change?” he asked, irritated that Hyunsik knew something he didn’t.

“So I was right,” Hyunsik sighed, scratching his head, “Joon’s schedule changed a few weeks ago.  He doesn’t stay as late anymore; he usually starts around eight and leaves at eight.”  He looked at Seungho and muttered, “He probably hasn’t told you about that either…”

Seungho gaped at him momentarily before he composed himself.  Joon’s schedule changed?  Since when?  He didn’t start until eight?  Then why did he leave every day before seven?  Finish at eight?  Joon never once came home before ten… what the hell was going on?  Why didn’t he say anything?  And where the hell did he go when he wasn’t at work or home?  And what the heck was this that that he was talking about?  Seungho didn’t want to ask; whatever that was, he’d hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.

Nodding curtly, Seungho said, “I see, thank you.”  Bowing slightly, he turned and walked out of the building. 

The cold air stung his face as he stood in front of KTA’s doors, lost in thought.  Why didn’t Joon tell him?  Was he purposely avoiding him?  It certainly made sense… their relationship was at a point now where they tried to avoid each other when possible.  Was that why Joon still left for work before Seungho woke up?  And was that also why he stayed out until after he was sure Seungho would have gone to bed?

Seungho sighed in frustration as he ran a hand through his hair.  He felt irritated that Joon had chosen such a passive tactic to avoid him.  He was worried too.  Where was Joon, then, when he wasn’t at work or home? 

Grabbing his phone from his pocket, Seungho dialed Joon’s number.  It had been quite a long time since he’d last called but given his irritation, he didn’t care much about the awkwardness that would come.  He felt so angry that it bordered on irrational.  He hated the idea that Joon hid something from him; he hated the idea of Joon wandering around aimlessly at night just so he could avoid coming home to an awake Seungho.  And most of all, he hated the state of their tattered relationship. 

“Hello?” he said as he heard the call connect.  When all he heard was silence, his irritation spiked as he repeated again in a harsher voice, “Hello?  Lee Joon?”

“Oh, hyung…” Joon’s soft voice from the other end replied.

Seungho frowned deeply as all awkwardness was forgotten.  “Where are you?” he demanded, walking towards the bus station.  “And don’t tell me you’re at work,” he said angrily, “I’m standing outside of KTA right now.”

There was a brief moment of silence before Joon’s soft voice floated through the earpiece.  “I’m sorry…” he said softly, “I’m… I’m at a coffee shop.”

“Go home,” Seungho said bluntly, “We need to talk.”  And with that, he hung up the call.  Fuming, he climbed the bus and sat down. 

He couldn’t really explain why he felt so angry.  He chalked it up to all the pent up frustration he’d been feeling for the past few weeks.  Whatever the reason, he was going to have a talk with Joon.  This broken relationship needed mending fast and he was going to do whatever it took to fix things before it got any worse.

Joon sighed as he hung up the call.  Seungho sounded mad… and Joon didn’t blame him. 

Seungho had always been quite protective of him.  If he was standing outside of KTA, that meant that he’d just found out that Joon’s schedule had changed.  He didn’t like it when Joon hid things from him… he must’ve been piping hot mad.

“Hyung, you alright?” Hyunwoo asked, his face in a frown of worry.

Joon smiled and nodded.  In the weeks that had passed, Joon suddenly found himself with more free time.  And since he didn’t want to go home early and risk a confrontation with Seungho, he had called up his new friend for some company. 

Hyunwoo had been more than happy to oblige.  He’d used up the hours they’d spent together to gather information on Joon’s life as a model.  And when they weren’t talking about that, they chatted about everything else from the weather to their hobbies.  They found that they had several things in common, including a profound love for kimchi fried rice.  Like Joon, Hyunwoo was interested in getting his GRE and the two had discussed this topic extensively. 

They’d become fast friends, and Joon found himself calling Hyunwoo whenever his schedule ended.  They’d hang out at a nearby café and chat about their day.  It took the troubles off of Joon’s mind and gave him a chance to unwind before heading home.  But now… Seungho found out about his schedule change.  He could no longer avoid the confrontation…

Joon sighed as he considered the other topic he needed to discuss with Seungho.  A few days ago, Hyunsik had pulled him aside and suggested he be moved into KTA dorms with the other talents.  Taken by complete surprise, Joon didn’t have a chance to react.  And while he did sometimes think about moving out of Seungho’s apartment, he had never considered it realistically.  With Hyunsik’s dorm offer, this was suddenly a very real prospective that he would need to consider.

His first reaction was to strongly oppose it.  He didn’t want to move out.  And although he was avoiding Seungho at the moment, the last thing he wanted to do was to give himself a reason to cut Seungho out of his life.  Moving out would mean that there was no longer a possibility of suddenly bumping into Seungho.  It meant that the likelihood of repairing their relationship would shrink to nil… Joon absolutely did not want that.

But on the flip side, he considered the pros of moving out.  If he did, it would give them space.  But space for what?  To wait things out maybe… Time would give them a chance to get over the and move on to a relationship that they could both handle.  Space was definitely something that could help mend their relationship.  Moving out would also mean making room for Dara.  Joon knew that it was only a matter of time before Dara had to be moved from the hospital.  And when that time came, it would mean Joon’s departure anyway so… why wait?  It could give Seungho time to clear his head before he had to start taking care of Dara.  It would also give Joon time to get rid of his feelings before that happened.

“Hyung…” Hyunwoo said, snapping Joon out of his daze, “You’re not listening to me…”

“Ah,” Joon replied sheepishly, scratching his head, “Sorry.  What were you saying?”

Hyunwoo sighed and shook his head.  “Never mind.  Do you need to leave?” he asked, pointing to the phone, “You’ve been in a daze ever since you picked up that call.”

Joon looked at the phone in his hands.  Seungho had sounded pretty firm about wanting to talk… maybe this was a good time to really talk.  Sighing, he nodded and stood.  “I should go home,” he said, “Thanks for hanging out again.”

Hyunwoo stretched and stood as well.  “No problem,” he said with a smile, “I really enjoy it.  Do you need a ride home?”

Joon glanced at his watch.  It would take at least forty minutes to reach home by bus… “If you don’t mind,” Joon said.

Grabbing his jacket, Hyunwoo flashed him a kind smile and said, “Let’s go.  My car’s out back.”

As Joon followed Hyunwoo to the car, he felt dread creep into him.  He knew this confrontation with Seungho wasn’t going to be pretty; Seungho had a temper when got angry.  But Joon hoped that they could end on a good note.  He hoped with all his heart that Seungho wanted to salvage the relationship as much as he did.

Seungho paced the living room as he waited for Joon to come home.  It’d been ten minutes since he got back himself and he was so restless he could hardly sit down.  He felt irritated and irrational.  He wanted to grab Joon by the shoulders and give him a shake.  He wanted to ask him where the hell he’d been and what he thought he was doing.  And then, he wanted to pull him into the bedroom and continue where they’d left off three weeks ago…

Giving his head a shake, Seungho pinched the bridge of his nose and tried calm himself down.  So Joon didn’t tell him about the schedule change… he didn’t need to overreact.  And he certainly didn’t need to make the grave mistake of having with Joon again because he couldn’t control his urges.  Things were bad enough; he didn’t need to make it worse.

He looked up as he heard the sound of keys in the door.  Bracing himself, he watched as Joon peeked inside timidly.  Spotting Seungho in the living room, he sighed and walked into the foyer.  Closing the door behind him, he kicked off his shoes and walked into the living room with his head hung.

Seungho felt his anger melt away as Joon stood in front of him timidly.  Joon made him so… helplessly toothless.  He wanted to express his anger and frustrations; he wanted to demand an explanation.  But now that Joon stood in front of him with a crestfallen face, he couldn’t remember why he was so angry anymore.  Rather than expressing his anger, Seungho wanted to express his confusion and feelings of attachment.  And rather than demanding an explanation, he wanted a hug and soft kisses.

Sighing, he sat himself down on the couch and gestured for Joon to sit down too.  Feeling much calmer now, he asked, “Where have you been?”

Hesitantly, Joon replied, “I was at a café with a friend.”  He sighed as well and looked up at Seungho.  “I’m sorry,” he murmured softly.

“Sorry for what?” Seungho asked, “For not telling me your schedule changed or for avoiding me on purpose?”

Joon looked at him and frowned.  “I… was avoiding you.  But you haven’t exactly been itching to talk to me either,” he said in a moment of frustration. 

Seungho blinked in surprise.  And here he thought Joon was feeling sorry… “You’re right, I haven’t been actively trying to talk to you,” Seungho replied, annoyed, “I do owe you an apology so… I’m sorry.”

Joon gazed at his lap as his expression changed.  “That’s… that’s not what I want to hear,” Joon murmured softly.  He unconsciously twisted his fingers in his hands.

“Then what did you want to hear?” Seungho asked, sighing, “That the was amazing?  That’d I’d do it again in a heartbeat?”  His words sounded harsh, even to his own ears but he couldn’t help the frustration that bubbled up in his chest again.

“That’s… That’s not-” Joon started but Seungho interrupted.

“Then what?  How do we move past this?” he asked, “I just want us to go back to how we were.”

Joon frowned and shook his head.  “We can’t,” he said softly, “We can’t go back to how we were.”

“Then what?” Seungho said in frustration, “Tell me what next?”  He could feel his anger return.  It wasn’t anger towards Joon, it was anger towards himself.  He was so angry with himself for making the mistake of starting something he couldn’t finish; for being unable to restrain himself; for hurting Joon like this.

Joon was silent for a moment before he said quietly, “Seungho-hyung, I was… thinking of moving out.”

Seungho sat in stunned silence as he stared at Joon.  Move out?  He had never thought of that as an option; he had never pictured his life living apart from Joon.  How did things spiral so far out of control that Joon was forced to consider moving out? 

“I… I think it’s for the best,” Joon said, looking at him with sad eyes, “It would give us some time to…” He searched for the right words but couldn’t find any.  “It would give us some space,” he said, “I think we both need that.”

“Space,” Seungho repeated, feeling empty all of a sudden.  He didn’t need space; he didn’t want space.  He didn’t want Joon to leave; in fact, it was the last thing he’d wanted.  But what did he actually want?  “Where,” he said, his voice suddenly hoarse, “Where would you go?” 

“Hyunsik-hyung offered me a place at the KTA dorms,” Joon replied, “I… I could move in right away.”

“Mun Hyunsik?” Seungho said, suddenly finding his voice.  He frowned deeply as he suddenly stood.  “Mun Hyunsik offered you a place to stay?” he said, feeling his temper flare, “I thought I told you to be careful around him.  He’s up to something, I know-”

“Why do you always say that?” Joon snapped suddenly, standing up himself, “You’re always on his case.  I know you’re worried but it’s really too much.  Hyunsik-hyung has always treated me like a brother-”

“That’s because he’s got ulterior motives!” Seungho replied angrily.

“Like what?” Joon asked, incredulously, “What does he-”

“I don’t know,” Seungho replied in exasperation.  He felt so frustrated that Joon couldn’t understand his good intent.  Why?  Why wasn’t his point getting across?  “He could be after a ton of things; the entertainment industry is not as clean as you think,” he said.

“I told you, he’s not like that-” Joon started but was interrupted.

“You don’t know that for sure,” Seungho insisted, throwing his arms up in the air in sheer frustration at Joon’s naivety, “He could be offering you a place to stay because he wants something-”

“It’s in the dorms!” Joon interrupted with exasperation, “It’s not like I’m staying at his place!”

“That’s not the point,” Seungho rebutted, “The point is he’s after something-”

“What?  What is this thing that you’re so sure he’s after?” Joon asked angrily, “You’re so-”

“I don’t know,” Seungho repeated, his temper reaching its peak, “Maybe he’s offering you a place to stay so he can finally you, I don’t-”  He abruptly cut himself off as he realized what he’d just said.  

Joon stared at him in shock, his mouth agape with surprise.  He had turned a strange shade of white as a flurry of emotions flitted across his face.  

“I…” Seungho squeezed his eyes shut as a flood of regret overtook him, “I’m sorry, that’s… I shouldn’t have-”

“Like you did?”

Seungho opened his eyes in surprise and looked at Joon.  Joon’s face was no longer shocked; it was replaced with a heartbreaking sadness mixed with a terrible anger.  He bit his lip as hot tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.  

“What?” Seungho asked quietly, unsure of what he’d just heard.  He felt stifled as he struggled to take in oxygen.  

“Like you did,” Joon repeated, “Isn’t that what you did?  Isn’t that why you slept with me?  No, excuse me; isn’t that why you ed me?”  He swiped at his tears angrily.  

Seungho couldn’t help the incredulous laugh that erupted from his throat.  “Is… Is that what you think?” he asked, his stomach twisting into a million knots, “You think I took you in because… because I wanted to you?”

“It wasn’t at first,” Joon said, trying to hold back his uncontrollable heaves, “But that was why we had wasn’t it?  It wasn’t because you loved me like I loved you; it was because you just wanted to me.”  He closed his eyes in anguish as he murmured, “It wasn’t because of anything else.”

Seungho didn’t know what to say.  His mind had gone blank from the turn of events.  It was unfair; Joon’s conclusion of him was so unfair.  He had lusted after him; he would admit that in a heartbeat.  But to claim that all he had done, all he had felt thus far was to get Joon into his bed was so utterly wrong that it was unfair.  With this one thought, Joon invalidated all the rollercoasters of feelings that Seungho had felt the past few months.  It was unfair, and it was wrong.

“That’s…” Seungho said quietly, “That’s not it, but I doubt you’d believe me anyways.”  He took a deep breath and tried to regain his senses.  “If that’s what you really think,” he said softly, “Then it’s probably best if you moved into the dorms.”  With that, he turned his back to Joon and squeezed his eyes shut as his own tears of frustration threatened to overspill.  

He heard a muffled sob, followed by shuffling feet.  He whirled around as he heard the sound of the front door opening and closing but it was too late.

Joon was already gone.

Author's notes:

And things heat up with a OMFGWUT!?!  Haha thanks for waiting, my awesome readers!  This chapter is a bit longer than usual but I wanted to end it with this drama!!  This story is finally moving at a good pace; stay tuned for more!!  And apologies to my SeungJoon/JoonHo lovers; I promise things do get better eventually!  

To make things up, I'll likely update Joonthology within the next day or two so stay tuned for that!!  =)