No Mercy for Me

Author: leejaesun

Chapters: 8 (on-going)

Reviewer: SimplyCuddly

Title: 9/10 

Personally, I really liked the title! It suites the angsty genre and it’s wasn’t too revealing. It made me curious in reading. 

Now focusing on the chapter titles, chapters two and four do not have a title. I recommend coming up with an appropriate title for both of them.

Description/Foreword: 10/10

To me, the description/foreword is perfectly fine. You didn't reveal too much which is good, and your foreword caught my interests with the little prologue. Good job!

Appearance: 6/10

The poster and background suites the angsty feel, which is good! The legs in the background kinda creeped me out though. Like, eep! haha.

Also, I don't mean to sound so straight-forward, but I found the bold text and the blending on the poster kinda off. I'm not a graphic reviewer, so it's up to you on what you want to do concerning that. 

Now considering this is an angst fic, I recommend using a different font for your text so it can deepen the angst feeling you want to portray through your story. I personally suggest using Times New Roman, but it's totally up to you! 

Example:

"That's a good girl," he said with a twisted smile. "Now, get in the car and don't move or talk until I tell you to."

He still didn't let go of me, but his hold was much looser than before. 

"That's a good girl," he said with a twisted smile. "Now, get in the car and don't move or talk until I tell you to."

He still didn't let go of me, but his hold was much looser than before.

Characterization: 18/20

Your characterization was very well done! I can tell you put effort in making Hanuel's character have certain depth, and I'm seeing some good, steady development in Yongguk as well. All I recommend in this section is a just tad more describing. Keep up the elaborating and try going for some more!

Grammar and Punctuation: 15/20 

Your grammar was very well-done! The only thing that I really have to mention is punctuation, specifically talking about when to put in or take out commas. In the couple beginning chapters, you were using a bit too many commas in your sentences.

Example...

Walking down the street, my lollipop Oppa had bought me, it was just an ordinary Saturday.

Correction: It was just an ordinary Saturday. I was walking down the street, my lollipop Oppa had bought me.

When I got further into the story, I noticed that both your grammar and punctuation improved tremendously. All I suggest is re-reading some parts to correct the small things like tenses, wording, and commas. Anyway, keep it up! I like your writing style as a whole. 

Plot: 11/15 

I've seen several plots with the main girl getting kidnapped, the pleasure, etc., so I found the plot a tad bit cliché. But that doesn't mean that I didn't find the story wholly intriguing. I honestly liked it!

I don't know if this related to the plot or something else, so I'm sorry if I put the following in the wrong category. I noticed that the locations were repetitive and somewhat patterned: house, market, B.A.P's dorm, house, market, etc. And each of these places the same thing will be happening; at the house Hanuel will face the ruthless man (which I understand since Hanuel is literally prisoned there), at the market Hanuel will bump into Yongguk, and at B.A.P's dorm you'll just find the boys...well, being boys! And of course, they're obviously boys, so there's nothing wrong with that. Oh gosh, I'm being awkward, anyway...

Depending on where your story is heading, I recommend going for a bit more variety on your settings. It'll help refresh the readers and it'll also offer them more enjoyment in imagining some different, descriptive scenes. 

Flow: 8/10

Personally for me, maintaining a nice, smooth flow is very important within a story. Your flow was a tiny bit fast in a couple spots such as in the beginning. 

It slightly bugged me how Hanuel would be doing the same thing. I specifically mean, because when she goes out to buy the necessary groceries, it's almost like the readers will know for sure that she would run into Yongguk each time. I found it a little unrealisitic, like, even though Yongguk's trying hard to meet up with Hanuel again, shouldn't there be a time where he missed seeing her even once? It seemed a bit rushed.

Overall, I found that you did a nice job concerning the flow. 

Total Enjoyment: 3.5/5

Aside from the mistakes and certain things I pointed out, in all honesty, I found myself attracted to your story. I'm not much of an angst reader, but ever since I reviewed two angst stories in my review shop, my interests suddenly popped up! Haha, thanks a bunch for requesting! Also, remember it's totally up to you if you choose to follow my suggestions or not. It's your story after all. 

I enjoyed reading your fic, and I wish you the best of luck on it! ^_^

Total: 80.5/100