My Gorgeous Assassin 

Author: Inspirit-Baby

Chapters: 17 (on-going)

Reviewer: SimplyCuddly

Title: 6.5/10
The title suites the story/genre, which is good! But unfortunately, I found the title rather unoriginal and just a tinsy bit cliché sounding. 


Description/Foreword: 7/10
All you wrote in the description was a little greeting, and that's not what the description should contain. The little paragraph starting with, "What will you say if you found out that, etc. etc." should be moved up into the description instead. Also for the little description paragraph snippet, the way you spaced everything in the center seemed rather cluttered to me because a couple of the sentences are cut off and left in the next space. Watch out for that! Personally, I recommend aligning everything to the left so it would appear more neat, but that's up to you!

The remaining contents of the foreward are okay where they are, and like I said in my last review for you, you didn't reveal too much information on their characterization or personalities. Personally, I wouldn't add any character profiles whatsoever and let the characters backgrounds/personalities unfold within the story, but once again, you didn't show too much which is fine overall.

Be sure to watch out with your tense usage and punctuation (there were some sentences left with no punctuation).

Error: What will you say if you found out that you are being traced down by an assassin after saving another person's life ?

Correct: What would you say if you found out that you were being traced down by an assassin after saving another person's life?

Error: She had just accomplished her first mission   And now, she accepted another one to make her father proud. 

Correct: She had just accomplished her first mission. And now, she accepted another one to make her father proud.

OR

Correct: She had just accomplished her first mission, and now, she accepted another one to make her father proud. 

Appearance: 9/10 
I absolutely had no problems with the poster and background. 

For the description/forward's font, I recommend going with a more serious font rather than bold Arial. Perhaps, Times New Roman or Georgia would be nice, but that's just mine opinion!

Also, with the "I was raised to kill! Never to love!", it should not be in that color or font. It may ruin the action mood for the story. Adding the title at the end is not really necessary since the title's already at the top of the page, but remember that the way you do your story is totally up to you. 

Characterization: 12/20 
I understood the characters, but I feel like their development was bit rushed and unstable (I'll get into this later). Otherwise, you did and are doing a pretty good job.

Grammar and Punctuation: 11/20
Overall, everything was good! But there are just a one thing I want to point out.

When it came to the dialogue in the beginning, I think there was a bit too much shouting. These people are serious agents and such, so I would think there would be less exclamation sentences and more stern declarative sentences (sentences that end with periods). Exclamations may be more intimidating, but sometimes it better to just use the period and formulate the sentence into a threatening tone instead. When writing dialogue, I advise you to try reading the lines and see what honestly sounds the best.

Other than that, there were some misspellings and punctuation problems here and there. Keep on at it and you'll improve! 

Plot: 9/15 
I found the plot rather common and slightly unrealistic with the idol being a secret assassin and all, but in it's enterity, the plot was rather interesting. 


Flow: 6.5/10 
Your pace is not too bad in this story, but you still rushed it in some places. I feel like you could work on adding more descriptions and gradual development, so the readers can really use their senses to imagine what's happening clearly. How are the characters feeling or thinking? Stuff like that. 

Just a little tip; while writing, try to make your descriptions larger - even just a little - than your dialogue. 


Total Enjoyment: 2.5/5 
It's a good story! In conclusion, try working on your elaborate details, whether it be in action scenes or thought/feeling processes. There's always room to improve, and that goes for everyone. ^^

Total: 63.5/100

R/N; Here is your review! To those who have ordered, we apologize for our delays. We'll be getting to your requests at the best possible speed we can. Thank you for your time!