Married Life With Mr. Lee Hoya

Author: etudehouse

Chapters: 12 (ongoing)

Reviewer: SimplyCuddly

Title: 6/10 

The readers will know what to expect by just reading the title. It's a bit on the plain side and it's to the point.

Description/Foreword: 4/10 

I think the description revealed too much unnecessary information, mainly the characters' personalities. It makes the readers' curious if you let the characters' personalities unfold within the story, rather than just putting it right on the description/forward. 

Appearance: 6/10 

First of all, I don't really like the different neon colors. Sure they may be cool and funky, but I don't recommend them being on a description/forward. Maybe if you use a different text font and pastel colors, it'll better match your poster/background and your story's theme. For the chapters, your text font was just fine.

Also, your pretty posters suite the romantic theme quite well! However, I recommend going to a graphic shop for a poster and background considering you are still a beginner in graphics. I'm not saying your posters are ugly, nope, not at all! But I think it'll better enhance your readers' interest if you follow my simple little tip. I respect you and your decisions.

Characterization: 5/20 

I apologize if sound harsh, really! But I found your characters to be really dry and typical. For example, on chapter 4 you stated Hoya's personality by saying, "Hoya is a charismatics and lovely guy. He is the son of President Lee. He is someone who is respected. Everyone know he will be the next president of Lee company." I found no captivating depth in this. Your characters' personalities should be gradually revealed by the way they act and react to people, things, and circumstances. 

Speaking about reactions, I found the 'You' character and Hoya's reaction to the sudden arrange marriage exaggerated with the crying and rash actions. And when they finally got married, they bonded and warmed up to each other very quickly. I don't think anyone would act like that when they're abruptly married to some random rich guy they don't even know, no matter how friendly or sweet they may be. It's unrealistic. 

Grammar and Punctuation: 6/20 

Your writing style is very plain and rushed. There are not many describing words, and that's what stirs the readers' imaginations wild. Also, there were numerous grammatical mistakes. If you want, you can proofread your story or get an editor.

Concerning punctuation...

Error: You started to travel around the room . 

Correct: You started to travel around the room.

Notice where the period is located. There should not be a space between 'room' and the period. No space goes for all punctuation and not just periods, like commas. 

Also, I noticed you used some Korean words. I'm a big fan of Korean culture, and I found myself not knowing some of the words. It can be a turn-off to some readers. 

Plot: 4/15 

There are a lot of arranged marriage fics on this site, and I found yours rather unoriginal and cliché. There wasn't any intriguing twist that could make the story's unique. I feel really bad for saying this, but I have to be a truthful reviewer. 

Flow: 5/10 

Everything's happening at a very rushed, fast-pace. 

Total Enjoyment: 2/5

Your writing needs a quite a bit of work, but of course, all writers need improvement! Please don't be discouraged! Hard-work and a great passion can go a long way in writing. Keep writing and good luck with your stories! 

Total: 38/100