The Owner of That Room

Author: dance_412_DL

Chapters: 2 (one-shot)

Reviewer: YellowGoyangie

Title: 10/10

There is nothing to complain about in the title and I think it fits the plot well.

Description/Foreword: 5/10

The description is very good, it’s capable of grabbing the reader’s attention and it doesn’t reveal too much. But there were many errors within the grammar. The description/foreword is one of the first impressions you’re going to give to the reader, and if that first impression isn’t good, the reader might not give your story a chance. :c

Appearance: 10/10

It is quite alright to not have a poster or background, but really that depends on the reader whether it attracts them or not. The appearance is just fine overall.

Characterization: 20/20

The characters…yes, they are very interesting. (Especially Baekhyun’s) I can say that the characters did follow their roles so good job.

Grammar and Punctuation: 2/20

I’m sad to say that there were many, many grammar mistakes. But hey, I’m here to help! ^^

You Wrote: After staring at that spot for a minute, I drags my feet to my closet and changed my uniform school to my usual home’s clothes and takes my hand phone from the table beside the window, to reply some message that come into my inbox.
Correction: After staring at that spot for a minute, I dragged my feet to my closet and changed from my school uniform to my usual home clothes. I took my hand phone from the table beside the window to reply to some messages in my inbox.
There were many of these errors where a verb, for example: “drags” should have been “dragged” instead. Why? …because this action past tense. Example~
Present Tense: Walks/Walk
Past Tense: Walked
Sometimes the past tense version of a word isn’t just adding an “ed” but spelling it differently. Example~ 
Present Tense: Take; Think/Thinks
Past Tense: Took; Thought

You Wrote: Even thought we’re neighbor, I never saw that person outside or just walks across of my house. Some of you must be thought it’s really weird right? Because, yeah, I born in this house and live in this house for years, and I’m sociable person, even my friend called me ‘happy virus’ everywhere. 
Correction: Even though we’re neighbors, I’ve never seen that person outside; I’ve never even spotted he/she walk in front of my house. Some of you must be thinking that this is really weird, right? Because, yeah, I was born in this house and have lived in the same house for years. I’m such a sociable person that even my friends call me the ‘happy virus.’
You’ve been mixing up the words “thought” and “though.” The word “thought” is the past tense of the word “think.” Remember that.
It’s important to add in words like: was, have, etc

These errors are everywhere…to be honest and specific…in every sentence. I would correction every error, but that’s not my job. My job is to make you aware of the fact that you are making these errors. So, I would recommend having you hire a story editor for your extra support on your grammar. I can see it’s a weak spot in your writing.

Plot: 14.5/15

Yes, a very interesting plot! Not very cliché, not very cliché at all.

Flow: 2/10 

The pace was a little fast, a little bit of detail could have been added to slow down the pace. Another error in this category was the points of view. I see that most of the time, you were writing in Chanyeol’s point of view, but sometimes I would see you writing in the narrator’s point of view. Make sure that when you are switching the points of view, you notify the readers, otherwise reading story may end up being quite confusing.

Total Enjoyment: 3/5

I enjoyed the storyline, yes. It was interesting and it fascinates me that the story is somewhat of what you’ve experienced. If it wasn’t for the grammar errors, I would have enjoyed the story a lot more.

Total: 66.5/100

R/N; Thank you for requesting, I hoped it helped! Feel free to use my corrections and imitate them throughout your story for help. Remember my recommendation for a hiring a story editor. Have a nice day!ヽ(^◇^*)/