Battle Royale

Author: slat101

Chapters: 47 (on-going)

Reviewer: BeautifulMess

Title: 8/10 
The title was based off of the original ‘Battle Royale’, so I can’t say much about this. I docked off points because I thought it would have been great if you changed the title, just to signify that you used the original concept and gave your own twist to it. Plus, it would quip the interest of people who like this kind of genre if you find the appropriate replacement title for it.

Description/Foreword: 6/10 
I personally liked your description; it gave the background of the story and the reason behind why this is happening. This also applies to the foreword. The only thing I have a problem with is your format; the description section is solely for the description only. The credits, author’s note, disclaimer, etc. go to the foreword, before or after the prologue snippet. Everything looked disorganized and unappealing, and believe it or not, that can actually make people stop themselves from reading your story.

Appearance: 7/10
There were no bright colors anywhere, complicated fonts, or distracting backgrounds. But like what I mention earlier, the way you formatted your description/foreword section is disorganized. Also, I noticed that you make separate chapters for author’s notes or announcements, but please, please refrain from doing that. Not only is it misleading, it is also unnecessary. Put your announcements after the chapter ends.

Characterization: 16/20
You used so much characters here, that it is going to be quite difficult for you to make them have a sense of individuality. But to my surprise, it was not difficult to differentiate their personalities from one another, which is good, and I commend you for that. Killing people off to narrow down the real main characters of the story was a smart thing to do, and although I am not a fan of almost half of these groups, it was still very interesting to read due to the characterizations.
The only thing that bothered me was that some of their reactions to some concepts were off and strange. Like for example in chapter 17, some of the B1A4 members got together and found out that Jinyoung was killing off people. They were shocked, even to the point of Sandeul passing out. I understand that they are still not used to their fellow idols killing people, especially since Jinyoung is from their own group, but wouldn’t anyone just it up and push the thought away? It’s not an easy thing to do, but the point of all this is to kill each other. Killing for survival is the only sensible thing to do in the situation they were in, so I wouldn’t be surprised at all if I found out Jinyoung was killing people left and right. I just thought it was quite off how they reacted when they have witnessed others doing the same, and we all know they are killing for one reason, and that is to survive.

Grammar and Punctuation: 17/20
Your grammar and your punctuation use are good. There were no big errors that are extremely crucial for me to point out, but you did have a couple of spelling mistakes, like ‘instructer’ should be ‘instructor’, and ‘emmersed’ should be ‘immersed’. You also had a lot of typos, so I do hope you go back to your previous chapters and go over it to fix your errors. Other than that, everything was fine.

Plot: 8/15
I can’t really give you the points for the originality of the storyline since the plot isn’t yours in the first place, so I do hope you did not expect your score to be high in this category. I do give you points for tweaking the original storyline, like the background of your version of Battle Royale and how you made the idols as competitors. Adding EXO to the side at the last minute was a nice touch, too.

Flow: 9/10
Unfortunately, since you have so many characters in the story, it is hard to manage them all and give the spotlight equally. But I do think the way you created your pace and flow suited the story. Each chapter was of different scenes, and I am honestly okay with that.
 

Total Enjoyment: 4/5
I enjoyed it, even though I was put off by some of your errors. I like how you portrayed some of the characters, and coming from someone who is a fan of these kinds of stories, you did not bore me at all.
P.S. I’m rooting for Jinyoung to win.

Total: 75/100