My Living Hell

Author: ByuntaePotato

Chapters: 2 (two-shot)

Reviewer: cute-love

Title: 7/10
I thought the title was good for your two-shot, though it was a little too literal since in the story you sort of kept reminding the readers that his life is a living hell, and maybe you could've thought of something more innovative, to get the reader thinking more about what's going to happen. It didn't intrigue me a lot, but it was good enough for me to want to know about this living hell of Tao's.


Description/Foreword: 8/10
It was good. You kept it short and you didn't reveal any unnecessary information, which I personally think is very important when you write a foreword/description. It's a blurb, basically, and no writer ever tells a reader exactly what's going to happen in their blurb, do they? You did use quite a lot of fancy writing in there, and sure, you can make it look pretty, but it's best if you keep it more neutral. 


Appearance: 7/10
Your poster and background definitely suit the angst theme, and it gives me chills everytime I look at Tao in your poster. He looks fierce, which I'm sure was what you were aiming for. Like I said, you made the font a little bit too fancy in my opinion, so if you reduced the sizes a little, it'd look better. There are lots of people out there on AFF who use a lot more fancy writing and colors in their forewards than you, so don't feel pressured.


Characterization: 18/20
I loved the way you introduced Tao's character. Because you wrote it in 1st person, it's much easier to describe what you wanted him to feel, and the way you did that was amazing. I also think that even though Aera wasn't introduced exactly to the readers, she still had an important role, and I, for one, understood completely what was going on and who she was. The way Tao seemed to be so depressed that he cut his wrists is completely normal to happen in real life, and I adore the fact that you didn't make the character seem flawless, but very realistic.


Grammar and Punctiuation: 18/20
I didn't find any grammar mistakes, your spellings were all right, no typos, and you used very good punctuation. You also put a lot of description in and told the reader how Tao's surroundings were, which I thought was really good, and using more developed words such as 'disintegrate' instead of 'break apart' or 'disappear' always help to increase the reader's grammar too, even if they don't understand it. If they see that word appearing in a story more than once, they will soon catch up on what it means (at least it worked that way for me when I was younger).


Plot: 14/15
I have seen something like your two-shot on AFF before, but the way you added a little bit of a twist at the end made it a little more original. I really enjoyed the plot though, and I completely understand what it's like to lose one of the closest people to you, which made me feel Tao's emotions. Things like this happen in real life all the time, which makes the plot even better. I liked it. I did. 

 

Flow: 9/10
It's kind of hard to describe the flow of your story since it's a two-shot, however, you did take it patiently and waited for it all to happen. You explained clearly to the readers why Tao was feeling that way, and because you added more decription to each little scene, it made it seem longer, which is a very good thing since quite a lot of authors here on AsianFanfics make the character be in one place, and then all of a sudden they are in another place. So many things happen in those kind of chapters, but I like the way you kept it short, yet long, and described everything the reader needs to know.


Total Enjoyment: 5/5
I really liked this two-shot! I haven't read much angst, though I think yours made me want to try and read some more. You have a lot of creativity, and I enjoyed spending my 15 minutes of spare time reading your story. You're a very good writer, so keep up the good work! I'd love to read more of your work.
 

Total: 86/100